If you're new to Reddit, please review [Reddit 101](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddit_101) before you participate here. In all cases, please remember to [keep yourself safe](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/7okn1h/reddit_privacy_psa/)!

##About moderation

This is a survivor support subreddit. We take the safety of the sub members very seriously and moderate accordingly. Due to many members’ personal history with a parent who is abusive, self-harms, rages, blames, and obsesses, *we work very hard to maintain a kind, supportive space*. 

Unfortunately, we are a magnet for trolling. We never take actions lightly, and we depend on the community to help us keep everyone safe.

All our rules are non-negotiable.

#Rule 1: Please read ALL the rules

**Don't ask other members for an explanation** of a rule or where you can find it in the rules. Ask the mods.

If you've read the rules, **don't explain the rules** to other members. This allows us to ensure everyone reads and understands the rules accurately.

**Always [send questions/grievances to the mod team](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fraisedbyborderlines)** by putting /r/raisedbyborderlines in the To field. Direct messages to individual moderators will be ignored. Repeated infractions may result in a ban.


#Rule 2: This is a safe space for survivors – people with BPD cannot participate

While we respect that there are pwBPD who get treatment and help, this space is for children who suffered the abusive effect of parents who were – or continue to be – harmful.

Therefore **we cannot allow anyone who has [Borderline Personality Disorder](https://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd) or similar disorders to participate here.**

**This includes** if you have BPD and have BPD parents, if you have no diagnosis but identify as BPD, and if you have a previous diagnosis regardless of whether you currently meet the DSM criteria. 

While you aren't able to participate here, please search Reddit for other subs that are suitable for your needs. Subs for you include /r/BPD, /r/BPDSOFFA, /r/bpdlovingsupport, /r/BPD4BPD, and /r/BPDsraisedbyBPDs.

**Dealing with a loved one with BPD, but not your parent?** You're looking for /r/BPDlovedones.

**This is a safe space for those with BPD parents.** Violations, argument or protests of this rule will be met with a ban.

#Rule 3: People with other PDs may not participate

We are unqualified and unable to provide a safe and appropriate space for people with any personality disorders. As with Rule 2, this is a safety rule, not a statement that people with PDs are undeserving of help or support.

**This includes** those with [Cluster A, B or C personality disorders](https://outofthefog.website/types-of-personality-disorders).

Your content is likely to be triggering for us, and ours for you.

#Rule 4: No bullying, invalidating or apologist behavior

**We know that not all people with BPD are like our parents.** Stating this on our sub serves only to invalidate our experiences and will get you banned.

**Asking "what about the feelings of people with BPD?" here will also get you banned.** There's a time and place for that discussion, but it's not on a subforum for those with abusive parents with BPD.

If you have BPD and are dedicated to treatment, we know it's a difficult journey and you have our support. However, please respect our space for the reasons above.

For more on this, see [**About "not all pwBPD"**](https://reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/d5vlam/about_not_all_pwbpd/).

#Rule 5: Keep things about the sub strictly within the sub

**Don't reference or link to other subs. Don't crosspost or duplicate posts to or from here.** Even if it's your own content.

***Especially*** **don't post from, link to, or refer to BPD-related forums.** Respect their spaces as we expect any of their members to respect ours.

**Don't solicit or offer PMs. Don't PM individual mods**; PM the mod team. See Rule 1.

Violating posts/comments will be removed with a warning; repeated violations will result in a ban.

#Rule 6: No diagnosis inquiries

**If you are not reasonably sure whether your primary caregiver fits [the criteria](https://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd), please don't participate.** We aren't mental health professionals, and as such we aren't qualified to diagnose anyone. That said, due to the nature of BPD, we understand that not every RBB has the privilege of a clear diagnosis for their parent/s. 

**Don't post or comment wondering if you have BPD.** If it’s reasonably likely that you have BPD, please seek professional evaluation, and avoid our sub, as it may trigger you. As explained in Rule 2, we can’t safely serve people with BPD, but other subs likely can.

**Discussion that mentions or is about “fleas” (maladaptive traits or behaviors picked up from your BPD parent) is currently forbidden** due to safety concerns and lack of resources.

#Rule 7: Suicidal posts and similar are not allowed

##Call emergency services (911, 999, 000, 112, etc.) if you are in danger of hurting yourself or others.

**You can post in /r/SuicideWatch.** Additional resources are available [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/5th0kw/suicide_watch_resources/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/wiki/crisis).

**If you are in crisis and you work with a therapist**, please contact them; most will talk to you over the phone or get you an urgent appointment.

/r/raisedbyborderlines is an online forum, not a replacement for treatment or services. For your safety and others, suicide watch posts are not allowed here and we reserve our right to remove similar posts at our discretion.

#Rule 8: Who gets to participate?

**This sub is for survivors of BPD abuse from a parent or primary caregiver.** If you weren't raised by a person with BPD, don't participate here. If you're uncertain on whether your primary caregiver has BPD, please don't participate until you become reasonably certain.

We do our best to be supportive, but we're not an anyone-with-an-opinion sub.

**Mental health “experts" are forbidden.** For everyone's safety, any claims of being one or of dispensing expert advice will be met with a warning or a ban.

**No research requests or self-promotion are allowed.** For our members' safety, we do not allow these.

#Rule 9: Participation guidelines

**A) Be kind.** 
Please see the [**RBB Encouraged Code of Conduct**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/9ar57s/rbb_encouraged_code_of_conduct/).

Bigotry, including racism, sexism, religious and cultural xenophobia, and queerphobia, will be met with a swift ban. Please don’t proselytize; lots of people here are survivors of religious and spiritual abuse.

**B) For new members**

Be advised that for everyone's protection new accounts will be subject to scrutiny. That said, we completely understand the need for throwaway accounts. In addition to fulfilling the requirement for new posters as stated below, please provide the mod team with your alternate username(s), or let us know if you don't have any.

**First post requirement**: Welcome! Thanks for reading the rules! To show us you've read it all, please include a haiku extolling the virtues of cats in your first post, **or** a link to cute kitty pics. **This is required and there are no exceptions to this rule.** (For your privacy: don't link to personal pics with your name on them!)

#👌🏼 Curated information 
> [BPD parent: The raisedbyborderlines primer](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/5q40cj/bpd_parent_the_raisedbyborderlines_primer/)

>[Communication strategies for raisedbyborderlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/5xayi0/communication_strategies_for_raisedbyborderlines/)

>[Abuse: Was it abuse? Is it abusive?](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/74af7v/abuse_was_it_abuse_is_it_abusive/)


>[On Boundaries, Plus a Little Love for NC](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/118i2mq/on_boundaries_with_a_little_love_for_no_contact/?)


>[Protecting kids: An RBB primer](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/7iajy8/protecting_kids_an_rbb_primer/)

>[pwBPD Bingo](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/bnoqhl/happy_unofficial_rbb_day_friends_i_made_us_a/)

>[Healing and getting to normal](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/70hlzk/healing_and_getting_to_normal_things_i_wish_id/)

>[Interviewing a potential therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/57obfg/interviewing_a_potential_therapist/)

>[Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/wiki/glossary)

>[Married to a pwBPD: advice from raisedbyborderlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/5roooh/saving_a_kid_advice_from_raisedbyborderlines/)

>[About Cluster Bs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/8kg27s/different_cluster_bs_maybe_just_a_difference_in/)


#👌🏼 BPD is no win
>Things to keep in mind when dealing with an abusive person with BPD (pwBPD):  
>1) [The no-win scenario](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjW8XkqIwzQ) is a real thing; [the only winning move is not to play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DGNZnfKYnU). 

>2) Taking money or favors *always* comes [with strings attached](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpE_xMRiCLE), though they may not be apparent at the time.  

>3) You can't "win" on the pwBPD's terms; the only way to "beat" the no-win scenario?  [Change the rules](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9dEI-Ru1CI)!

<div class="md">If you&#39;re new to Reddit, please review <a href="https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddit_101">Reddit 101</a> before you participate here. In all cases, please remember to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/7okn1h/reddit_privacy_psa/">keep yourself safe</a>!

<h2>About moderation</h2>

This is a survivor support subreddit. We take the safety of the sub members very seriously and moderate accordingly. Due to many members’ personal history with a parent who is abusive, self-harms, rages, blames, and obsesses, we work very hard to maintain a kind, supportive space. 

Unfortunately, we are a magnet for trolling. We never take actions lightly, and we depend on the community to help us keep everyone safe.

All our rules are non-negotiable.

<h1>Rule 1: Please read ALL the rules</h1>

Don&#39;t ask other members for an explanation of a rule or where you can find it in the rules. Ask the mods.

If you&#39;ve read the rules, don&#39;t explain the rules to other members. This allows us to ensure everyone reads and understands the rules accurately.

Always <a href="https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fraisedbyborderlines">send questions/grievances to the mod team</a> by putting <a href="/r/raisedbyborderlines">/r/raisedbyborderlines</a> in the To field. Direct messages to individual moderators will be ignored. Repeated infractions may result in a ban.

<h1>Rule 2: This is a safe space for survivors – people with BPD cannot participate</h1>

While we respect that there are pwBPD who get treatment and help, this space is for children who suffered the abusive effect of parents who were – or continue to be – harmful.

Therefore we cannot allow anyone who has <a href="https://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd">Borderline Personality Disorder</a> or similar disorders to participate here.

This includes if you have BPD and have BPD parents, if you have no diagnosis but identify as BPD, and if you have a previous diagnosis regardless of whether you currently meet the DSM criteria. 

While you aren&#39;t able to participate here, please search Reddit for other subs that are suitable for your needs. Subs for you include <a href="/r/BPD">/r/BPD</a>, <a href="/r/BPDSOFFA">/r/BPDSOFFA</a>, <a href="/r/bpdlovingsupport">/r/bpdlovingsupport</a>, <a href="/r/BPD4BPD">/r/BPD4BPD</a>, and <a href="/r/BPDsraisedbyBPDs">/r/BPDsraisedbyBPDs</a>.

Dealing with a loved one with BPD, but not your parent? You&#39;re looking for <a href="/r/BPDlovedones">/r/BPDlovedones</a>.

This is a safe space for those with BPD parents. Violations, argument or protests of this rule will be met with a ban.

<h1>Rule 3: People with other PDs may not participate</h1>

We are unqualified and unable to provide a safe and appropriate space for people with any personality disorders. As with Rule 2, this is a safety rule, not a statement that people with PDs are undeserving of help or support.

This includes those with <a href="https://outofthefog.website/types-of-personality-disorders">Cluster A, B or C personality disorders</a>.

Your content is likely to be triggering for us, and ours for you.

<h1>Rule 4: No bullying, invalidating or apologist behavior</h1>

We know that not all people with BPD are like our parents. Stating this on our sub serves only to invalidate our experiences and will get you banned.

Asking &quot;what about the feelings of people with BPD?&quot; here will also get you banned. There&#39;s a time and place for that discussion, but it&#39;s not on a subforum for those with abusive parents with BPD.

If you have BPD and are dedicated to treatment, we know it&#39;s a difficult journey and you have our support. However, please respect our space for the reasons above.

For more on this, see <a href="https://reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/d5vlam/about_not_all_pwbpd/">About &quot;not all pwBPD&quot;</a>.

<h1>Rule 5: Keep things about the sub strictly within the sub</h1>

Don&#39;t reference or link to other subs. Don&#39;t crosspost or duplicate posts to or from here. Even if it&#39;s your own content.

Especially don&#39;t post from, link to, or refer to BPD-related forums. Respect their spaces as we expect any of their members to respect ours.

Don&#39;t solicit or offer PMs. Don&#39;t PM individual mods; PM the mod team. See Rule 1.

Violating posts/comments will be removed with a warning; repeated violations will result in a ban.

<h1>Rule 6: No diagnosis inquiries</h1>

If you are not reasonably sure whether your primary caregiver fits <a href="https://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd">the criteria</a>, please don&#39;t participate. We aren&#39;t mental health professionals, and as such we aren&#39;t qualified to diagnose anyone. That said, due to the nature of BPD, we understand that not every RBB has the privilege of a clear diagnosis for their parent/s. 

Don&#39;t post or comment wondering if you have BPD. If it’s reasonably likely that you have BPD, please seek professional evaluation, and avoid our sub, as it may trigger you. As explained in Rule 2, we can’t safely serve people with BPD, but other subs likely can.

Discussion that mentions or is about “fleas” (maladaptive traits or behaviors picked up from your BPD parent) is currently forbidden due to safety concerns and lack of resources.

<h1>Rule 7: Suicidal posts and similar are not allowed</h1>

<h2>Call emergency services (911, 999, 000, 112, etc.) if you are in danger of hurting yourself or others.</h2>

You can post in <a href="/r/SuicideWatch">/r/SuicideWatch</a>. Additional resources are available <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/5th0kw/suicide_watch_resources/">here</a> and <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/wiki/crisis">here</a>.

If you are in crisis and you work with a therapist, please contact them; most will talk to you over the phone or get you an urgent appointment.

<a href="/r/raisedbyborderlines">/r/raisedbyborderlines</a> is an online forum, not a replacement for treatment or services. For your safety and others, suicide watch posts are not allowed here and we reserve our right to remove similar posts at our discretion.

<h1>Rule 8: Who gets to participate?</h1>

This sub is for survivors of BPD abuse from a parent or primary caregiver. If you weren&#39;t raised by a person with BPD, don&#39;t participate here. If you&#39;re uncertain on whether your primary caregiver has BPD, please don&#39;t participate until you become reasonably certain.

We do our best to be supportive, but we&#39;re not an anyone-with-an-opinion sub.

Mental health “experts&quot; are forbidden. For everyone&#39;s safety, any claims of being one or of dispensing expert advice will be met with a warning or a ban.

No research requests or self-promotion are allowed. For our members&#39; safety, we do not allow these.

<h1>Rule 9: Participation guidelines</h1>

A) Be kind. 
Please see the <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/9ar57s/rbb_encouraged_code_of_conduct/">RBB Encouraged Code of Conduct</a>.

Bigotry, including racism, sexism, religious and cultural xenophobia, and queerphobia, will be met with a swift ban. Please don’t proselytize; lots of people here are survivors of religious and spiritual abuse.

B) For new members

Be advised that for everyone&#39;s protection new accounts will be subject to scrutiny. That said, we completely understand the need for throwaway accounts. In addition to fulfilling the requirement for new posters as stated below, please provide the mod team with your alternate username(s), or let us know if you don&#39;t have any.

First post requirement: Welcome! Thanks for reading the rules! To show us you&#39;ve read it all, please include a haiku extolling the virtues of cats in your first post, or a link to cute kitty pics. This is required and there are no exceptions to this rule. (For your privacy: don&#39;t link to personal pics with your name on them!)

<h1>👌🏼 Curated information</h1>

<blockquote>
<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/5q40cj/bpd_parent_the_raisedbyborderlines_primer/">BPD parent: The raisedbyborderlines primer</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/5xayi0/communication_strategies_for_raisedbyborderlines/">Communication strategies for raisedbyborderlines</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/74af7v/abuse_was_it_abuse_is_it_abusive/">Abuse: Was it abuse? Is it abusive?</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/118i2mq/on_boundaries_with_a_little_love_for_no_contact/?">On Boundaries, Plus a Little Love for NC</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/7iajy8/protecting_kids_an_rbb_primer/">Protecting kids: An RBB primer</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/bnoqhl/happy_unofficial_rbb_day_friends_i_made_us_a/">pwBPD Bingo</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/70hlzk/healing_and_getting_to_normal_things_i_wish_id/">Healing and getting to normal</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/57obfg/interviewing_a_potential_therapist/">Interviewing a potential therapist</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/wiki/glossary">Glossary</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/5roooh/saving_a_kid_advice_from_raisedbyborderlines/">Married to a pwBPD: advice from raisedbyborderlines</a>

<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/8kg27s/different_cluster_bs_maybe_just_a_difference_in/">About Cluster Bs</a>
</blockquote>

<h1>👌🏼 BPD is no win</h1>

<blockquote>
Things to keep in mind when dealing with an abusive person with BPD (pwBPD): 
1) <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjW8XkqIwzQ">The no-win scenario</a> is a real thing; <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DGNZnfKYnU">the only winning move is not to play</a>. 

2) Taking money or favors always comes <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpE_xMRiCLE">with strings attached</a>, though they may not be apparent at the time. 

3) You can&#39;t &quot;win&quot; on the pwBPD&#39;s terms; the only way to &quot;beat&quot; the no-win scenario? <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9dEI-Ru1CI">Change the rules</a>!
</blockquote>
</div>

t5_33d8b

A survivor sub exclusively for children raised by a toxic parent or guardian with borderline personality disorder/emotionally unstable personality disorder. This is a constructive, supportive space to find healing from your abusive parent and dysfunctional home.

PLEASE READ THE RULES before you participate. We take sub members' safety very seriously.

<div class="md">A survivor sub exclusively for children raised by a toxic parent or guardian with borderline personality disorder/emotionally unstable personality disorder. This is a constructive, supportive space to find healing from your abusive parent and dysfunctional home.

PLEASE READ THE RULES before you participate. We take sub members&#39; safety very seriously.
</div>

I just remembered a conversation where my mom indirectly admitted that she enjoys inducing fear in her children