June 30th, 2002 at approximately 3:45am was the tragedy that rocked my world and changed the trajectory of my life. I lost the man I adored and loved more than anything. I was almost 8 years old at the time. I’ve never posted publicly about this before. But I’m an open book and this is my reality.
There is no answers, no closure all of these years later. To air out my frustrations and get straight into it. My Daddy’s death was ruled suicide right off the bat. Cause of a death was a single gunshot wound to the chest. There was no investigation. No autopsy. They buried him with a bullet in him. They destroyed his clothes.
He was not alone when the gun went off. He and his girlfriend at the time were both drunk outside, arguing loudly all night long. Multiple neighbors heard it and stated this. Some heard the gunshot that’s how I have the time of 3:45am stated in report. The girlfriend waited 21 mins after the shot to call 911 at 4:06am. In the call she referred to him as her “neighbor” (she did in fact live right across the road from him) but the truth is they had been in a relationship for one year. Then at the funeral home he was all of a sudden her “fiancé” and she attempted to put a wedding band on his finger in the casket…
She was questioned the morning of the 30th by authorities with a beer bottle in her hand saw by my Dad’s mother and others. She was never detained nor taken in for formal questioning. She also was doing laundry in his house that morning… She told three, yes THREE different stories of what transpired in the reports. And yes, he did have some traces of gun powder on his left hand. But he was right handed… GSR being on his left hand could indicate he was possibly blocking the shot? Or had his hand near his chest? Also did I mention he had one of his .22 pistols go missing two weeks before this happened? In which we believe the girlfriend possibly stole. He supposedly shot himself with a .357 S&W magnum in the heart and the bullet did not exit. We wanted to exhume him in 2008 to make absolutely sure it matched that gun to no avail. No one would help with his case.
And when I say you’ve never known true pain and agony until you’ve seen photos of your deceased, lifeless parent. Those images are forever ingrained in my mind. Which it was my choice to look at them but I felt they could tell a lot. Which they did. Then there’s my sweet, insanely strong mom. She fought tooth and nail for years to get answers. She could never get anywhere. I can’t tell you how many tears I saw her shed getting shut down and rejected time and time again. No one was willing to help her.
From this experience I have no qualms with law enforcement. But I have resentment, disgust for every single person from the Sheriff’s Office that was involved on his case at that time. They failed him. They failed us. They didn’t make an attempt to prove anything or give any viable answers. Open and shut immediately. They were insanely rude and condescending to my mother. Countless rude emails and phone calls. They had not an ounce of sympathy or compassion for her or a young girl that just lost her father. Except for one man. The Deputy Coroner at that time was the only one who was compassionate to us and stated “—— did not shoot himself. I don’t believe a word the girlfriend says. And there’s way more to the story than she’s telling.” I’m appreciative he told my mom that over the phone. And reaffirmed he told her that once in a coroners meeting. Showing he had the courage to speak out with a differing opinion than his superiors and colleagues. So I do have to give him credit and my deepest respect.
Also notable is my Daddy didn’t even get a police escort at his funeral. Which to me speaks volumes and is unheard of. Guilt, perhaps? Cover up, perhaps? You tell me… If you’ve read this far you may be wondering, “Well, why haven’t you tried to do something?” I actually was making an attempt at the end of 2019 but got really sick and took it as a sign it wasn’t the time. Unfortunately with my autoimmune conditions stress is the biggest trigger. I don’t know when and if I’ll ever get to the point to try and persue anything. It’s definitely never off the table.
And no, I don’t dwell on it constantly. I’ve had people to tell me to move on, in which I have to a fault. But I haven’t forgotten and never will. It’s just when this date hits every year I go back in time and relive it all over again. It’s a nightmare I’ll never fully escape. I just want justice for him. Because in my heart I truly don’t believe he did it. Trust me I can see many reasons why he may have been driven to that point. Learning some of his family history after he died connected a lot of dots. It explained why he struggled with alcoholism and made it apparent why he had the demons he did.
But the circumstances, contradictions and lies surrounding it sway me towards the girlfriend. The one that was there when it happened. The woman who ended his sobriety with alcohol, the pill addict who sucked his bank account dry. The woman who wasn’t very nice to me and was jealous of a literal child. The woman who took advantage and used him to no end. The woman who waited so long to make a 911 call with no regard or attempt to save his life. Like I said I could keep going on and on. I didn’t even really scratch the surface.
I will also add hypothetically if he did do it I would be at peace with that. But ultimately it was not proven whatsoever and I’ll stand by the facts I know. Along with what my gut is telling me. All in all I feel like I’ve got what I’ve needed off my chest here though.
I desperately needed to vent being yesterday was the 22nd anniversary. But if there’s anything you can take from this. Please if you are fortunate and lucky enough to have a father in your life. Give them a huge hug for me. Tell them how much you love them. Because you never know what can happen, life is far too short. Please also keep in mind that there are people out there who suffer from injustices or corruption. Not always but sometimes the system does fail or cut corners. And if you took the time to read my mini novel here, I really appreciate it. Much love to you all.