Are more Ghanaian men more polygamous than they realize?

Question

I am a Ghanaian and I think that some men might be polygamory than they realize.

Some rich men might be married but have sidekicks on the side or even typical Ghanaian men and also by online via observation other cases of men having a family at home and a family abroad or a shared belief that other men say which I find off putting 'that eating one meal for the rest of your life '.

I know the practice itself was demonized by the white Christians and I also do believe that most of me are cheating because their wives never consented but everything else shows otherwise.

in ghanaby Christian_teen12Akan

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AnxietyVast9515

20

14d

You are right. We are in denial. Having said that polygamy doesn’t stop cheating. A man can have two or three wives and still sleep around oo

Christian_teen12

OP

1

Akan

14d

Sadly.

9

14d

Women are more polygamous than men.

5

14d

Table wey we dey manage na hin you wan break the remaining leg like this so

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

14d

Pretty sure both genders are.

3

14d

Nah women easier for them get sex.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Oh

15

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Before the “white Christians” I don’t think polygamy was as popular as they make it out to be. Men in a patriarchy will select parts of history and ‘culture’ that benefit them. And most men can’t even imagine their wives entertaining another man. Is she too not tired of “eating the same meal”?

AppropriateLeading22

8

Ghanaian

14d

Although polygamy was as popular in our part of the world before the "white Christians," one thing to be noted is that history has gotten a lot of things wrong. History has not been kind to women. Witch trials targeted women who went against societal norms.

The patriarchy was indeed sick and would do anything to keep women down and allow men to have a free pass when they are unfaithful, while women are shamed. Since men had so much power, women had no alternative but to fall in line.

With the advent of science, a lot more communities are realizing that men and women are not so different. Men have desires, and women do too; if you expect her to be faithful, you have to be faithful yourself. Everyone can come up with excuses. One thing I've noticed is that a great deal of african men who cheat are very much against it when women cheat - it hurts - but they don't think twice about doing so. A lot of polygamous men would hate it when women practiced polyandry. I'm pretty sure a lot of mindsets would change as societies evolve and advance.

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It’s because they are selfish, and they are using patriarchy to try and maintain an environment where their selfishness can go unchallenged.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

14d

Exactly the irony.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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I know right it feels more sexist instead and I heard the quote from instragram

Minute_Gap_9088

10

Ghanaian

14d

Africa is a huge patriachy

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Hmm Seems like a very big generalization but holds a lot of truth

SoftConfusion42

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14d

I’m Ghanaian, but I’m polyamorous, not polygamous

3

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I'm not Ghanaian, I'm a female and also polyamorous @softConfusion, don't be confused!!!!!

Confident-Lemon-9913

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That’s sweet 🥹🥹🥹

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😅🙌🏽

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Oh okay. How's it like being poly in ghana

SoftConfusion42

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My apologies, I’m Ghanaian, but not in Ghana. I come and go though

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

14d

oh okay.

If ypu dont mind ,where you from .

SoftConfusion42

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The states. Any other questions? (I don’t mind)

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

14d

Thank you.

So hows it like ?

SoftConfusion42

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11d

I mean, it has its ups and downs as dating does in general

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

11d

ty

Content_Guidance_668

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It’s just a lack of self control labeled as polygamy. They have no control over their wiener

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Honestly agree

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Monogamy isn't natural and people can love more than one person at a time. If that's not for you, then set your boundaries as you wish. Look for like-minded people. If one didn't have self-control, we would have done many unlawful things, but we don't. At least, I don't. Whatever works for you it's valid.

AppropriateLeading22

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Ghanaian

13d

Ohkay.. I get that you're polyamorous and I respect that.. truth is.. humans ain't 'monolithic'.. we're diverse.. reason I approach everything with an open mind.. so, assuming a person is polyamorous and open about it.. that's lovely.. although it ain't for me.. but cheating or taking advantage of social circumstances to perpetuate one-sided polyamory - I can't condone it.

To say monogamy isn't natural, I'd have to disagree with you.. Monogamy is as natural as polyamory.. when I love someone, I literally don't get attracted to anyone else.. it doesn't work that way for me.. I know there are people who get sexually attracted to other people still when in a relationship but hold on to their values.. but then there's me who monoamory actually comes easy to.. so it is natural..

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Hey, I get it we differ in opinions. When I was younger I had the same mindset. Your opinion is valid. Most men thought don’t agree with me especially because they have this double standard where they pretend to want a wife and partner for life while sleeping around. Now, although this is wrong primarily because is usually done “on the side” and they are not upfront with this, their human nature put them in that position in a way. In addition, this is ALSO a learned behavior. However, what is wrong though is the LIE. Openly admitting that we DO feel attracted to other people and capable of loving more than one man is complete honesty.

I’m not sure what you mean when you say “take advantage of social situations.”

I have values and standards and I am not less moral than the so called “monogamous” people.

I’m disciplined, thoughtful, respectful, and ethical.

That being said, being polyamorous or even polygamy isn’t equal to “sleep around” the way you think, this is more about when and if we find love I speak to my partner, negóciate, and perhaps I never get to concrete the date, dates, not completely connect with others or we might.

Now this is totally individual. Many people will be deceiving no matter what, but that’s not the case for others.

Men that “hold on their (values)” for the most part, don’t in my opinion which is purely based on my experience and the experience of others I know. Now I’ve not dated all the men of the world nor people I know have, however, if there are men like this, I’ve never met them.

AppropriateLeading22

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Ghanaian

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Ohkay.. so.. I doubt we differ much in opinions.. We differ in relationship orientations..

My point is.. it wouldn't be fair to say 'monoamory' isn't natural just based on experience.. (feels like invalidating the monoamorous bunch ) Both polyamory and monoamory happen in nature, and people should be accepted for it and open about it. They are both natural and beautiful.. so seriously.. There's nothing wrong with a woman being polyamorous.. I greatly respect that and value her honesty.. I also know of people who actually aren't self-aware, lie to themselves, claim to be monogamous when they ain't, and the double standards are annoying af..

Being Polyamourous doesn't make you any less moral.. I'm sure you're disciplined, thoughtful, respectful, and ethical.. and I'm in no way against polyamory or think it's immoral..hell no..

Immoral is lying, cheating, and not being thoughtful of how your partner is gonna feel.. that's what I'm talking about.. Not polyamorous people.. y'all good.. But cheaters and liars and the phony bunch..

Taking advantage of social situations is more about men choosing to have side chicks and claiming men can't help it.. expecting their wives to put up with that while shaming women for same.. I'm against that one sidedness..

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We differ in both because you contradicted what I previously wrote. It’s my opinion and you obviously don’t agree. You just said it.

Relationship orientations hmm these two are related in this context.

When said I believe monogamy is not natural, my response was not based on my experience and the experience of others—- it’s because is taught behavior etc.. mainly imposed on women.

When I talked about my experiences, I mentioned men supposedly“wanting a wife” when don’t because they’ll be messing around behind their wives back etc.

When I stated monogamy isn’t natural, MY OPINION is based on the fact that for the most part, this hasn’t worked historically speaking. Additionally, I also believe is social construction and imposition over time from other cultures as well is religion (but this is another topic). Just clarifying.

I have never said monogamy shouldn’t be “respected” I do believe barely exists. Again, my opinion. I would never disrespect others relationship preferences nor the person. This is highly personal. How believing monogamy isn’t natural (because is a social construct in my opinion) is invalidating?

And thank you for the clarification on “ people the social situations”

I strongly believe that these are people with high narcissistic traits. Not always narcissistic though.

AppropriateLeading22

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Alright.. then we surely got different opinions.. I guess we'd agree to disagree on that one.. I do get your point now.. Whether monogamy is nature or nurture or both, I'm pretty sure it's much a personal opinion..

Although.. for the invalidating part..

Assuming someone makes a general statement..

"All women are the same." Or something like "Women are bad drivers." Or something distasteful as.. " Women only care about money."

That's an opinion, right? Personally, I disagree with all three.. But people have these opinions.. Imagine the person stating it outright without even suggesting it's a personal opinion. That hits different upon first glance.. It feels like invalidating

You used words like..'Most part and barely' now, which I appreciate..

For the hypothetical 1%.. Don't you feel you should use.. "I BELIEVE monogamy isn't natural" or " monogamy for the MOST PART isn't natural".. rather than stating outright that, " monogamy isn't natural "?..

I respect your opinion, though I may not agree.. My issue was more with the wording.

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I don’t think is applicable to everyone (that’s a different thing) hence, I use words such as: “may” “most” “mostly” indicating possibilities and outliers etc. Therefore, I’m not saying every man, period. I understand that communication through texts are more complicated to understand but note these words are utilized for a reason and my intention has never been invalidate anyone but to support my opinion. Again, OPINION, and opinion isn’t an absolute affirmation.

AppropriateLeading22

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Ghanaian

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Thanks for the clarification

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I’m know the difference between a fact and an opinion. An opinion is just that and I’m biased as a woman who has seen it over and over in others and herself.

AppropriateLeading22

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Ghanaian

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Alright

Content_Guidance_668

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“If one didn’t have self control, We would have done so many unlawful things” Tell me how many times you you’ve heard a married man being prosecuted for cheating on his wife in Ghana? And mostly men who do that aren’t even truthful in the first place, they’ll tell any lie just to lay with you.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Right, they never tell.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Wdym is not natural, they are both natural.

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It’s just an opinion and my reasoning is that monogamy is a social construction.

Cheap-Pangolin591

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As a Ghanaian-American woman living in Ghana, the most frustrating thing is the dishonesty. We should all be willful participants in a poly relationship. If you know what you want going in you should have enough respect for your partner to kindly communicate that rather than lying and misleading and making a fool of someone you claim to love. I’ve been propositioned by more married men than single men. Few have been honest about it. Only one was completely honest with both me and his wife as they had an understanding. I think he difference is that he was primarily socialized in Europe. Men raised here don’t seem to see women as equally deserving of such considerations.

AppropriateLeading22

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Ghanaian

13d

Exactly.. a lot of Ghanaian men are raised with toxic masculinity values.. We hardly raise our children to understand men, and women are actually more psychologically similar .. women can be as polyamorous and as sexually driven as men.. men can be as nurturing, emotional, and communicative.. a lot of mothers complain about how unfair the 'patriachy' is, but they've got internalized misogyny.. it's actually a problem when a lot of women are being raised to be dependent upon men.. to submit.. to put up with a lot of bs.. I do think the more advanced a country becomes in science and tech.. the more the country 'loves' research, the more open-minded a country is.. the more it drops such biases.. Apparently, Ghana, even a lot of Africa ain't there yet..

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13d

Exactly! I agree. Nothing hurt me more than watching my mother get insulted by the elders for deciding to live abroad for sometime with her children to get a break from my father. He even sacked her from the house once she returned. Yet my father is a serial adulterer and had always been sleeping around with other woman and never showed any affection to my mother. The elders said my mother, as the wife, must always stand beside her husband, but they NEVER shamed my father for his behaviours and infidelity to her, which they all knew about.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Yeah plus over here is more like cheating because they wives don't know and if they know they still stay. Agreed with the latter.

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When I was living in Ghana, I was told by both Christian and Muslim men that every man must keep a farm. But often times, the farm is not enough so a man will keep a garden or two to support any needs that are not met by the farm.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Yeah that's I heard. I know Muslims practice but the Christian men did surprise me.

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I have a question, would these married men allow their wives to do the same? If so? Why not!? Lol 😆 I'm not Ghaian between!

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Funny thing ,they would not allow them to if they wanted. My mom told from a young age that men like to cheat.

Confident-Lemon-9913

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Polygamy is and has always being the way for men in general ngl

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Then why aren't they open but result to cheating instead of telling their wives

Confident-Lemon-9913

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13d

The reason why they result to cheating is because they can’t open up to their wives about their polygamous nature to them cos if they do, they will lose their wives and probably their children if they are any. We can’t lose our prized possession cos of our polygamous nature lol 😂.. And more reason, it’s because it’s demonized in most of our churches and communities..

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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Yeah but it is not good to go on the cheating route though. It hurts both parties. I am mostly defensive because I have experience by my dad and other friends have the same issue. It hurts

Confident-Lemon-9913

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The truth always hurts 🥲🥲

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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yeah ,still not an excuse.

Confident-Lemon-9913

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Well yeah but it’s still the truth regardless

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I believe both parties should talk about these things at the beginning of the relationship to have an agreement on the kind of relationship they want so they can set boundaries from there

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

11d

yeah ,but sadly people dont.

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I almost backed out of a deal to teach computer skills to 'one borns' in our village. I met with the sponsor on Sunday. The guy kept going on-and-on about how much he loves Ghana because he can have 4 wives and also because men aren't prosecuted for marital rape. I'm female. Why would I want to help such a disgusting person? I don't care what consenting adults do. My sponsor is about the largest man I've seen in all of Ghana. The idea of him forcing himself upon his many wives sickens me. Usually I'd walk away without hesitation. I can't help but wonder how many of these young girls were impregnated by him. I'm contemplating conducting DNA testing on all their children under the guise of going after the deadbeat dads.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

11d

Ouch ,now I really wonder whose this gross man.

Have four wives ?Now thats a culture shock to me.Yeah ,glad you backed out.Ouch ,poor ladies.

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10d

I haven't back out yet. My husband was also disturbed about the guy's comments. My husband thinks it's a great idea to educate the single moms about paternity testing as well.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

10d

Yes.

AwarenessAutomatic48

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11d

Monogamy is not a natural to humans whether man or woman. It’s his that monogamy is beneficial in some respects especially to prevent conflicts , and also when both parties are into monogamy. If you can’t be monogamous, be upfront about it. Many Ghanaians are coerced into monogamy because the culture dictates it

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

11d

hmm.

Yeah be upfont.

Dont hurt others without beibg flat out honest.

UsefulParamedic

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Ghanaian

13d

What you are talking about is polyamory, not polygamy.

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

13d

oh ok.

ty.

iamtigerthelion

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14d

Why do you think monogamy should be the norm for everyone?

Leather-Blueberry-42

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Ghanaian

14d

It shouldn’t but the country is very religious and mostly Christian which frowns upon polygamy. So, it is one of those usual contradictions where people pick and choose what parts to follow.

iamtigerthelion

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14d

Fair enough but it’s well known that people with means aren’t particularly monogamous - and why should they be? It isn’t a Ghanaian thing per se but rich people thing.

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14d

Promiscuity is not only a rich man thing. It’s common amongst regular men too. These men spend money that could be invested in their family and kids on side chicks who will probably only give them diseases.

Also people (whether male or female) who sleep around indicates they lack discipline. Lack of discipline permeates to all aspects of lives. You’ll reap what you sow.

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14d

Being polyamorous isn't promiscuity!!! What makes you think that?

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This can be ethically done. Therefore, whether there is discipline or not, is an individual thing

Christian_teen12

OP

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Akan

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I think is both.

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I found that to be true

Christian_teen12

OP

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I wasn't saying that I was saying my observation because most men who have side chick's their wives don't know

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Mostly to protect against STDs and HIV. There a lot of married men spreading diseases to their wives because they don’t even practice safe sex with the side chicks. Speak to doctors and you’ll hear about how wives will be supporting their husbands on their death beds, meanwhile they have HIV and don’t want to tell their wives.

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This is why health education and education in general is imperative.

4

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Whatever lifestyle you want to live is perfectly fine as long as all parties are aware and on the same page. The lying is not OK.

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Perfectly said. Ethics makes the different

2 missing replies