What are some things that only autistic people can understand about autism?
QuestionI hate that reply. With a passion. "Oh, so being 'a little autistic' has hindered you so that at 40 years old, you're still viewed as equivalent to an entry level professional because you can't figure out how to navigate around the social niceties that others just inherently understand?"
Still not the worst reply I’ve ever got from telling someone I had autism, that honour goes to someone with ADHD responding with ‘ADHD is way worse’
I wish people didn't feel the need to compete in a disability/trauma Olympics so much.
Huh, I have both. That's the the worst worst.
I had an interesting conversation about this with my therapist today. He was saying how he inky wears specific clothes to work, only eats a specific meal for lunch at work, this that and the other. And I said 'have you thought... maybe you're neurodiverse?' His response was 'I think we're all a little autistic.'
Honestly, I think it comes from a place of ego protection. Admitting you might be some variant of neurospicy is hard, especially for people in their 60s. I didn't mind it coming from him after he explained his process, but I always prickle a little when someone says it.
Autism has always been much more common than anyone wants to admit. Our current societies make it even more so.
Sometimes I say ‘having a jelly belly and being tired doesn’t make someone a little bit pregnant - the outward symptoms might be visible to an outsider but the inner experience is very different and absolutely all encompassing’
Yass. I love to compare it with pregnancy bc people can suffer from it, live okay with it or love it, people can be visibly pregnant or not and non-pregnant people can have sore feet or a backache as well. Yet you would not say "everyone is a little bit pregnant" or "Im a littly bit pregnant, I have headaches". You either are pregnant or not, no matter how others view you and what symptoms you have. And some symptoms do not make you pregnant or "a little bit pregnant".
I used to say this, until I realised that I actually am autistic. Now I just believe that it's something unassuming autists say to cover their own autism
Or undiagnosed people who identify with much of what is being shared about ASD (ADHD, too, in this case) without being able to see that they identify because they are autistic, not because those experiences are universal.
Happened to me. Never knew that I was skilled in teaching students with Level 1 or 2 ASD because I could relate. When I encountered this, I was like Bruce Willis at the end of The Sixth Sense. Masking is a beast.
LOL when someone pulls that card, try this comeback:
"I'm also a bit neurotypical, what's your point? Are you assuming I'm just randomly going for some kind of Tiktok autism trend, is that you're thinking here?"
i prefer "oh so you're autistic?" it either makes them question or they back down
That's a good one. I'll have to remember that.
yeah, explaining why you're autistic won't work to them, so you just make them wonder themselves
"Ok so you know what I'm talking about then Well, my autism has caused ___, what's yours like?"
I love this explanation on how not everyone is a “little bit autistic”. https://neuroclastic.com/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/
That even though I can't read your social cues, I can 100% spot that little twinge in your face when you think I'm a weirdo.
And I will probably think about it constantly for at least two weeks.
Or two years. Reliving it each night at bedtime. And then beat myself up. Then think they all hate me.
Sorry that you also experience this. 😕
Well, I feel called out. That throwaway comment was just a Tuesday to my colleague, but to me it'll stick in my mind for weeks.
I'm still thinking of the time I bumped into someone in the halls in middle school, and she yelled, "watch where the fuck your walking!" And my immediate reply was, "Watch you!"
That was 35 years ago.
Or when you say something and they look to someone else and make that expression and laugh
Oh I’m dying inside knowing exactly how this feels. Wasn’t expecting to read a comment that hit so close
People who do this are losers with low self esteem, they are just trying to bring someone down in that social situation so they feel less awkward themselves.
If you think I am weird, whatever. But to go on and do this inappropriate hurtful act, this is unacceptable.
Well, It’s usually a bit late to realize/recover in social situations but I can definitely tell when I “fucked up” from faces
When they use The Voice on you 🫠 i got talked to like a kindergartener and I damn near cried
Also known as: “I can read social cues, EXCEPT the ones that are meant for me”.
yes exactly this. i never knew how to put this into words to explain it but i know exactly the little twinge you’re talking about. I can also tell if someone is pretending to like me and they don’t really want to be around me.
THIS.
THIS. i’m extremely good at pattern recognition, which translates very well to knowing exactly what someone’s body language means.
Exactly this. And prior to diagnosis and counselling, I thought spotting that “twinge” meant that I could read social cues, despite my continued inability to function well in social environments.
While still having that conversation, you wonder what it was that you did to 'give you away'.
That used to affect me so much. Because we are really trying when doing social interactions. Now that I’m older I just call people out on the reaction when I notice it. Specially when it normally just comes from when sharing a special interest they particular don’t think is normal.
That “misbehavior” in autism is not always attention seeking and usually communication or regulation/reaction to stimuli. I’m a teacher and while in college I volunteered in a special needs preschool classroom, while there I saw the autistic children being labeled as or having their actions interpreted as attention seeking (actions like spinning around or screaming and crying). I (and some others) referred to myself as the Childrens voice or translator because I would use situational and knowledge of autism + empathy to relay to the other teachers what might be happening or what the action is likely to be.
This is why ABA is so scary. Everything that the BCBA doesn’t understand or want is labeled attention-seeking.
I consider ABA to be a form of child abuse
Yup. A meltdown is not a tantrum.
i still have people blaming me for "having a tantrum" when i was younger just because i was upset by something :(
^This x 100
Every so often you realise something you’ve been doing your entire life and thought was normal is caused by autism
Lol, this was me when I realised other people don’t have to force some of their expressions for ‘effect’ like I do. And a bunch of other things
All the ‘funny stories’ my mum tells me about growing up are literally just about me being autistic and her not realising it because my dad was the same. Having an obsession with certain textures, hyper fixations on certain topics, saying things that weren’t socially acceptable etc Literally every story she tells me I respond with “you realise I acted that way because I am autistic”
My mom says I'm funny sometimes when I just say something that's on my mind or just ask a (in my opinion) logical/reasonable question cause apparently no one else would ever say/think/ask that, but she often does say that it's a good point/ good question. I don't really get what's so funny about it. Also I believe my highschool teachers did this too, calling me funny while I wasn't trying to be? I still don't even know if I should be offended by it or see it as a compliment.
I’m not diagnosed, but the “oh shit I might be autistic” truck hit me three days ago, and it’s pretty much been three days of those moments right after the other, like:
That “quirk” where I can’t tolerate having my hair messed with, so as a kid I’d have sobbing tantrums whenever my mom brushed my hair no matter how gentle she was. My facial expressions are almost always deliberate and tuned to “work better” (turns out everybody doesn’t do that?!?). I spent a solid year in high school seriously wondering if I was a sociopath even though I once sobbed when I thought I MIGHT have hit a squirrel driving home. I have this whole “social tool kit” of gestures and phrases with matching body language that I memorized from scenes in movies and shows and people I know.
Like holy shit, this whole time I thought I was just incompetent at existing but maybe not?
Congrats on the autism! 🎉
I was hit by that truck just after my ADHD diagnosis. I am going to get tested sometime soon.
Me to my brain: "No, brain, the truck is a metaphor, OP is fine and probably not a squirrel"
Talking to my therapist "oh you know, when I'm practicing conversations in the shower..." "Practicing?" Writes something down
Ok so this is really random but I saw a TikTok with a girl saying eating coloured candies in a specific way- like you have 5 blue m & ms, 3 green ones and 2 orange ones and you have to eat two blue first, then green, then blue again to make sure they're all the same number before you can eat orange- is a sign of autism. Something just clicked in my brain. I've been doing this as long as I can remember and I thought it was normal 😭
OMG THIS IS ME I DO THIS ALL THE TIME I thought everyone did this?
“I thought everyone did this” is the battle cry of the autistic people.
I do this. My daughter (diagnosed) has to have one of each colour so she can bite them into little pieces and smush them together to make a rainbow with each one.
Since my diagnosis, every now and then I get that "oohhh that's why I do that"
I like to cut my own hair, and I have been doing it for years
At one point after my diagnosis I figured that I like it more because I hate it when people touch my head
I just found out a few months ago from my psychiatrist and therapist. Working on getting a formal diagnosis but damn.
Exactly how terrifying and infuriating it is when something unexpected happens
My skills regress and change all the time. Sometimes I’m capable of doing something and other times I can’t and freak the fuck out. I’m not doing it on purpose
That my ability to tolerate unpleasant situations with lots of noise, socializing with people etc is very dependent on my energy level and mood that day
This . If I’m in a really good mood , I can tolerate people eating (noises) for like a solid 5 mins. If not I instantly have head to toe anger.
Same with shopping or talking to people.
And autism is not a trend which magically appeared with the growth of social media.
It's certainly not. I actually have my money on the opposite angle:
The rise of social media along with the rise on adult autism diagnosis is clearly pushing forward the public understanding of what autism is, and how much more diverse and prevalent than once assumed it really is.
Autism is way, way more complicated than most people think. It’s new, it’s odd in its diversity of presentations, comorbidities and heredity, as well as trends like an unusually large number LGBT people being diagnosed autistic, ehlers-danlos, tummy problems, etc.
Your assessment is probably correct. We are becoming more and more aware of autism, what it can look like, how it hides and the internet is helping people understand it.
If it weren’t for the internet I might not have ever figured it out. A straight reading of the DSM criteria doesn’t fit me super great. But, after hearing several high masking women describe their experiences, I found myself (a 46 year old AMAB) listening to my life story. It’s crazy. Not a bandwagon I wanted to jump on, but a community I’m glad to be a part of!
I got diagnosed because my therapist listened to a podcast about autistic women.
Snaps for your therapist’s continuing education
Sadly doesn't seem to be particularly common in health care 😕
Yeah. I got Crohn's. And psoriatic arthritis.
Me too !!! I'm an autistic crohnie :)
Mine is flaring right now and I'm in the hospital. I hope yours is under control.
I see what you mean. I got this remark from some people ( I am disabled due to an aneurysm last year, people have to help me with the most basic things) they 'hear a lot about people being autistic lately'
They hear a lot about it because Autism affects a lot more people than previously thought. The genetic factor is incredibly prevalent & most Autistic people I know would tell you that once they started learning about their condition, they realised that at least half of their family is undiagnosed. I can certainly see it on both sides of my family.
There is a distinct possibility of Autism becoming a genetic norm for our species. We just don't have much long-term data on what the trend is yet, we can't say for certain if Autism is becoming more common in people, or if it's been there all along and the raised awareness has just allowed more undiagnosed individuals to be recognised.
But genetically speaking, it's entirely possible that Autism is just the next evolutionary hurdle for our species. Technology like CRISPR might allow us to eliminate the genes that cause Autism, but that's still a far way off and there are various ethical concerns that must be considered.
Whole-heartedly agree. People who complain about autism being a "new thing" or "trendy" remind me of people who complain about how there are "so many LGBTs these days"; we were always there, just didn't have the ability to identify with it and speak out about it.
I think it's important to remember that autism was only discovered/identified in the last 100 years or so. So of course uneducated people(in terms of autism information) will assume that there is a "trend" going around as social media has been on the rise, and therefore puts the autistic media creators in front of people who may otherwise not be exposed to more than one or two autistic people in their life (that they are aware of)
Right, Donald Tripplett, the very first person to be diagnosed with autism, died just this week. He was 89.
Yeah I don't think they get our sensory issues at all. I remember my brother saying something like "I know you don't like .... but nobody LIKES it you just have to suck it up".
they don't like it, we can't like it
Or when they say “You just have to get used to it”. I CAN’T get used to the constant overlapping noises, the smells of everyone using different perfumes, shampoos, of food and certain cleaning products and the bright lights that make me unable to think clearly and hear what people are saying to me and make me just wanna crawl out of my skin and jump off a building.
Had I known it was not normal to experience this I would’ve gotten myself earplugs, a cap and sunglasses sooner. But since people always told me I had to get used to it or that I was exaggerating it took me until my diagnosis at 21 to realize I could do something about it in a way that doesn’t harm me. Though the earplugs don’t resolve my sensitivity to noise completely it at least takes it a notch down. I’ve found that wearing a mask doesn’t really cover smells but it helps if the smell isn’t close. Wish I could just press a button to mute these senses or make the world soundless, scentless and permanently cloudy.
Before I was diagnosed, this was the biggest clue something was "wrong" with me. At work they (managers) would play awful music over the stereo for 10 hours a day and when I spoke to my coworkers about it they'd say something like 'yeah it's pretty awful'" but otherwise it didn't seem to really bother them or affect their ability to work. Meanwhile I was practically having a meltdown and thinking "No, you dont understand, if I have to listen to this music for one more minute I'm gonna jump off a goddamn bridge"
It was then I realized my brain/body was far more negatively affected by noise than the average person.
The difference between SYMPTOMS of autism and the EFFECTS those symptoms have on autistic people/how they manifest. I have never, EVER seen an allistic person/people innately understand this concept without having to have it be meticulously explained to them in great detail. (Which for some people is completely fine, not everyone is versed on their autism jargon and all the intricacies of our condition, but when even ‘professionals’ in autism diagnosis don’t get it, it is EXTREMELY frustrating.)
A lot of people, when talking about SYMPTOMS of autism, will instead label the EFFECTS of those symptoms as the symptom instead of the actual cause of a certain behavior.
For example, I’ve seen a lot of different articles list VERY SPECIFIC things as autism SYMPTOMS- this one, for example, says that (paraphrasing) “[an autistic child]may get upset when you ask them to do something”. That is… not a symptom of autism, that is a result of having a routine or current task interrupted, while having an attachment to routines IS a symptom. See what I mean?
Sorry if this is poorly worded I am sick rn 😭
Executive dysfunction
Holy fuck this.
"Why didn't you hand in the essay?"
Flashback to me just staring at the laptop, waiting for ??? requirement to be fulfilled so I can start
"My dog ate it"
I laughed at this, but for real, it's so much easier to say anything else than "I physically could not name a variable for half an hour and that's why it took so long."
The social anxiety it's hard to discribe but most of us know that cold feeling
Having obsessions more than interests and having the never ending curiosity to know "but if such and such is this, then why this?!"
This. I do not have a hobby. I have a goblin in my brain which demands to be fed with data and answers all the time (also I have a poor memory so it’s not fun).
Wow. You have described me perfectly.
Hello Holocaust history
Not a fun one but I got obsessed
The greatest Maritime disaster was the Wilhelm Gustloff, with deaths estimating up to 10,000 but official estimates are 9,000.
Reason for such numbers was because the repurposed luxury cruise became a refugee ship for thousands of terrified eastern europeans running away from advancing Russian forces. They counted up to 9,000 before more refugees desperately forced themselves onto the ship. Every space in the ship was filled with refugees.
The ship was struck down by a Russian submarine. Only 1,239 of the 9,000 plus on board survived the sinking of the ship.
I have topics that I am so interested in and will spend hours and days and weeks and months learning about them but also my memory just does not store what I learn long-term so if anyone asks me to info dump on a special interest I’m like “sharks are so cool there used to be a massive shark megalodon google the rest cause I don’t remember” 🤦♀️
I have that same goblin but I have a really good memory
Sometimes my brain feels full if I overindulge, just like with overeating
My "filing cabinet" is cross-indexed up the wazoo. And I'm still just gathering more info. That seems to be my "special interest" is just finding and vacuuming up info
Me: (opens mouth to talk) <insert meme of kid that babbles for an eternity trying to speak one singular sentence.>
(Group laughter me included) lemme try that again
Have you ever had a dream where you- where you-
Yeah! Das da one
I’m not doing it wrong on purpose
Also, I'm not nit-picking on purpose. I just take things literally. Words mean things.
Words mean things is exactly what I think all the time when trying to communicate with other people. They seem to have their own language that I do not understand and it frustrates me to no end because words mean things and you can't just randomly use your own personal definition for things and expect me to know what it is.
You mean aside from the whole thing?
For me, it's really a complete redefining of "common sense". Everyone knows this, everyone can do this, everyone always does this, everyone's been there and done that... Just the normalisation of things that are essentially arbitrary. For someone not logged into the human race servers, and doesn't get these social driver updates at the same time as the people around me, it's just bewildering having to navigate shit that doesn't make sense to me whilst pretending that it does.
Seriously! At this point, I think a lot of "common sense" is just commonly agreed upon social behaviors to reinforce existing hierarchies and their accompanying power structures.
having level 1 autism or “high functioning autism” (i hate that phrase) doesn’t mean we don’t need support. trust me we’re struggling a lot more than u can see, most of the time
Ohh that's what levels are? I feel dumb now 😭
yeah I would love to know which level I am, I was diagnosed with asperger's in 2009 so I have no clue. I feel like level 2, but since I held the same job for over twenty years (still have it but recovering from surgery) I would probably be considered a level 1 I guess. Some level 1 I am though if I’m too afraid of human interaction to leave my house anymore.
i feel like the levels are quite general and most autistic people are probably some sort of combination of all of them. i wouldn’t worry abt trying to figure out what level you’re on, if you need support, you need support. you don’t have to justify it. and it doesn’t make you less autistic or deserving of support if you can keep a job for 20+ years
literally forgetting how to talk
LOVE this one. Having to explain to people that there's times when it's physically IMPOSSIBLE for me to speak, like just, body refuses, shut down kinda thing, and they reply by saying, "well why didn't you ask for help?" BECAUSE I PHYSICALLY COULDN'T, I JUST TOLD YOUUUU 🙃🙃🙃 Gotta love that nonsense
wait this is part of autism? Sometimes I just look at my husband in frustration as the words just refuse to come. Its so frustrating.
It's sometimes called selective mutism but I like to think of it as involuntary mutism or just as being non-verbal because I feel that conveys the experience better
Selective mutism has nothing to do with autism, it’s a separate disorder with it’s own diagnosis criteria, and you can have it without being autistic. It’s not forgetting how to talk, either, it’s a consistent inability to talk in specific social situations because of anxiety and the freeze response.
"autism moms🧩" suck ass
They're creepy as fuck
Sucks because I have tried to google experiences from moms who are autistic themselves and these creepy women keep showing up.
Like literally not being able to brain sometimes...it's like you literally feel behind a curtain in there and you just can't reach it to get out.
NEEDING to stim. Like when I'm completely overwhelmed I absolutely HAVE to rock. I can't not. It's not an option. I can't explain that to anyone.
I was trying to explain stimming to my mum, and I just couldn’t. Like I HAVE to. When I get that exited or whatever it is , I just do it.
Yes, I wish I could control my emotional responses better too. Yes, I know I'm a grown woman and shouldn't melt down at ridiculous things, believe me I'm aware, but it's not exactly something I can control with 100% reliability
One of the biggest things that hinder my life right now is that I have no emotional regulation, especially in response to tiny changes along my day. There’s a meeting coming up at work and I only know the morning of? Meltdown. Bus doesn’t show? Meltdown. No milk leftover for my morning coffee? Meltdown. I just feel like the world is too much for me, just want to roll into a ball and be in bed forever.
The primal feeling of being alien the other the one that doesn't fit into normality. Especially when adult stress kicks in
Outsider feeling
I tend to click more with other NDs without meaning to. I mean people are annoying in general sometimes but the people I do get close to lol
And half your age. I’m 48 and often feel like a teenager around other adults.
I can relate. I sometimes feel like a kid around other adults and I'm almost 29. Also I age regress when stressed.
Oh god thats what it is always felt like that in a way noticed it more in high-school
That any stimuli we are sensitive to actually physically hurts.
To NT’s being overstimulated (usually) means it’s just a little too much for them and they need a break. Being overstimulated for me means I feel like actual pain in my body and it can cause me to go in a full blown panic attack where my brain truly believes it’s going to die.
Not fun to go through.
I relate more on the NT’s on this one, being overstimulated is overwhelming but personally it’s not crazy and physically/mentally destructive to me, just extremely exhausted and irritated as I need to find some place to hide and regain my energy. But there’s been instances of literally crying, it sucks badly no matter what.
Same it makes me mentally unable to do literally anything accept deal with whatever is causing it
And that usually ends up with me completely “over reacting” and then acting like a “child” for a minute
That sharp needle pain can happen in particular body parts that are over stimulated (like if something is continuously brushing my legs for example). But if it’s emotional overstimulation it makes my back and stomach and chest ache and hurt and burn like jolts of electricity, sometimes leads me to throw up.
I tend to explain that it's something like 'nails on a chalkboard', but other sensations (smell/touch/sound) can cause that feeling for me, and that tends to get it across pretty clearly- most NT's know how jarring and painful that kind of sound is, so they can at least start to get the jist of how it is for us
I’m being blinded by office lights as I type this. Being able to dim the lights is one of the most relieving feelings.
I keep my house what most would consider uncomfortably dark because I can't handle bright light
Luckily my autistic partner likes it the same way
When I start feeling sound and hearing color then it's too damn much
Sensory overload hurts, physically, mentally, and on some level psychically. It's draining as hell
I don’t feel physical pain for all my sensory issues just some of the touch and sound ones the rest just make me panic loads internally and fidget and my mind races and I feel really overwhelmed and irritated and impatient and I usually snap and then feel really bad. I’m still stuck on whether I have ADHD or autism tho, I’m being assessed next week tho. I already know I’m neurodivergent cause I have diagnosed OCD but idk if I have ADHD or autism (I kinda fit both lol) and I keep thinking I’m faking it. by my description before, does that sound like a more typical autistic reaction to sensory issues? if not, it could be ADHD, or even neither. I’m sorry this is all so random I swear each of my comments or replies turn into another topic altogether.
This. I’m so sensitive to light that sometimes I can feel visual input on my skull, as in, pressure on the bone. I can feel in the area of my skull the different areas in the landscape in front of me, and the offensive input sources that are too much for me show up in corresponding spots on my fucking forehead.
We know that we are being irrational about certain things due to anxiety. It doesn’t matter. And pointing it out doesn’t help, it can only make it worse.
Adult autism meltdowns can vary from kicking your feet on the ground to silently crying. My meltdowns will not stop unless I have my needs met or I have found a way to have my needs met. If your schedule changes even as an adult, it’s still just as upsetting as it was when you were a child
Oh! Thank you! I figured I didn't have meltdowns because they weren't toddler-tantrum-esque but within the last year I have straight up curled up on the floor under a desk in an empty room at work and cried silently without being able to stop when things have gotten too overwhelming more than once. So. Now I'm rethinking that.
I did learn as a young child to be silent when I was upset and not let anyone know so that's probably part of it.
I’m 46 and still bang my head against the wall during meltdowns 😢
That freshly-applied sunscreen (especially on neck and face) is torture
Went without sunscreen for years because holy shit, sensory nightmare. I now have Korean sunscreen for my face that feels and applies like a regular cream, and a stick for the rest of me. Much better! Spray-on sunscreen can go to hell.
omg i thought it was just me lol
That extreme crawling you feel under your skin when you have to talk to someone.
Or make a …. Phone call 😱
Me right now , sat in the break room before I start. And people trying to make small talk, I’d rather split my skin in half and self-lobotomy myself.
When I say that I don’t like a food I mean that I physically cannot put that anywhere near my mouth and if I try I will likely get extremely overwhelmed
this has always been the case for me and i thought it was like this for all kinds of people until i explained to my mom a couple years ago that the reason i’m so picky is because i physically can’t make myself eat certain foods or i have a similar reaction. most tastes and textures especially make my entire body wretch.
i thought for like 26 years that people had the same physical reaction to foods they “don’t like”
Black and white thinking isn't me being "stubborn". I'm very aware there are good points in every bad circumstance, however if it's mostly bad I see it as completely bad. This isn't my choice. I can't explain this to even allistic NDs and have them understand they never have. It's just my brain
Do you also dive right to the worst case scenario? Because you are sounding like me.
That when something offends me or makes me feel invalidated, my body is paralyzed with anger. When something is very plainly immoral/evil the way that things in our world increasingly are, a physical rage fills my body. My heart rate changes at the thought of really slight, subtle things, because of ways that they’re associated with things that, to me, are so nonnegotiable it’s like watching someone murder my cat in front of me.
They call this autistic rage, and a lot of people seem to relate to the way that opinions and values aren’t things we hold, they are things we are.
[edit] another one I’d like to mention is that to me, it’s so obvious that we should all just be saying the thing. Just tell the person the “awkward” thing. I promise it will solve your problem. This is something that NTs find so hard to understand and it’s like watching a dog try to drive a car, or how in movies set before cell phones the entire plot is something that would now be solved in 20 seconds.
Yup. This is why I don't understand the stereotype that autistic people aren't empathetic. Many of us are SUPER empathetic, as expressed through our righteous anger over the injustices done to others.
Outrage is an appropriate response to injustice.
Sounds, textures. Everyone has been overestimated at some point. But I feel like it's different for us.
As well as how we genuinely don't understand what went wrong. It's not on purpose.
To need to remind myself that even if I don't care about what someone is talking about, I should make an effort to care a little bit if I like the person as a friend. Its really hard sometimes. I'm trying.
What it feels like to completely understand how to be friendly, but somehow totally fail to make friends.
How interconnected autism is with literally every facet of our lives. It's not just a few "weird personality traits" or something, it's engrained into everything we do, think, and feel.
Something of particular note is how autism is connected to connective tissue disorders, which cause a whole host of physical problems. I have like 4 different diagnoses that can all link back to connective tissue problems. Feels like this when I bring it up.
the burnout. i’m not making excuses for not going to an event, i just don’t want to make a scene and tire myself even more.
That most of us will never be able to exist like a normal person without a metric ton of effort
Smells only I can smell and sounds only I can here.
This! Oh did I dance for joy the day the last CRT monitor was removed from the office at work. I could hear AND smell them.
Only other autistics actually understand what auditory overwhelm feels like. As in, auditory overwhelm at what most neurotypicals consider "normal" volume
Concert / loud music:
NT: fun time!
Me: (gesture neck cut using hand to get out)
Exactly. Bars, clubs, live shows, movie theaters, malls, restaurants, anywhere where there is yelling especially crying children, etc
"I can't talk right now, my finger nails are too long"
The helplessness I feel within my own mind. The sheer amount of executive dysfunction that simply stops me from doing anything at all about a task, while at the same time becoming more and more anxious as the inevitable due date rears its head.
I don’t know why you’re upset, but I know that you are. I sense every little shift in your mood, like a blood dog, but I don’t understand them.
When I can't speak, I don't need to be coddled. I'm nonverbal at those times, but my brain doesn't magically regress to being an infant. I can understand what you're saying, I just cannot verbally respond. You don't need to baby talk me, or dumb down your speech just because I use a speaking app or other forms of communication. It feels really dehumanizing. I'm able to live a fairly "normal" life, and it's very insulting to be treated like a child for the one aid I occasionally use, only when I'm using it.
Edit for clarity: My other autistic and ND friends never treat me like that, but the NT people in my life act like me being nonverbal is as if I've magically become incapable of doing anything at all
- Not everyone has a “touch of the ‘tism”.
- Every person with autism is different and if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve only met that one specific person.
Big lights are bad.
Grocery stores are my hell
We can love you while simultaneously wanting to be nowhere near you or anyone else
How we can be totally oblivious to social cues that neurotypicals find obvious, while also picking up on micro-expressions and changes in patterns of behavior that neurotypicals don't immediately notice.
Also, why I apologize to inanimate objects when I've not been gentle with them, or thanking them once I'm done using them.
That too bright light from a lightbulb or smell of a barbecue can actually cause a mental pain and panic?
Talking to people is hard because autistic people and allistic people talked very different and I don’t think nt realize this
Person: May I sit here?
Me: There isn’t much of a social choice here given social rules, No is not really an answer. Please make yourself comfortable!
Person: (possibly in their head: wtf?)
always feeling excluded from social situations no matter what. I just don't feel like I fit in ever, no matter how friendly the gathering might be. but I've been saying for a while now I think NTs can smell autism on us like pheromones or whatever. I don't know, maybe it's my comorbid anxiety but I never ever feel accepted.
That I’m not actually ‘easy going’. I deliberately don’t make plans because it enrages me so much when I do - then someone else comes along and changes them for me.
So I just stopped making plans. If I don’t have a plan, it can’t be changed. It works but it does have a down side, I never do what I want to do.
How being overstimulated feels, what/why meltdowns feel like and happen.
getting REALLY into games and acting very in character for said game, then wondering why regular players don't do the same :// they just talk about game mechanics but don't actually get into the game.
I live in this state where I can understand everything perfectly fine but I can’t put a single thought it words and I completely fall apart in social situations.
I live in a crisis where it’s like I’m trapped in my body without a voice and it’s actually awful.
And I know a lot of other autistic people feel this way and only they know what I mean
That I can't work a 9-5 anymore because of how badly I suffer. That autism has destroyed my hairdressing career and any chance of going back into it. That autism dictates how good or bad my day is going to be. How autism decides if I eat today or if it decides that food is disgusting to me and we'd rather starve for a day. Autism decides if we feel up for socialising with our very few friends that we have left or if we'd rather stay inside and isolate ourselves in our house, but we haven't left the house in over a month. Autism decides if I shower that day or not (can I bear the cold air on my skin? Do I want to feel water and wet hair on my face?) On the outside I look like I "function well" but on the inside if I do or get exposed to anything mildly too stimulating or overwhelming I meltdown and shut down immediately.
Masking
Dating NT: Following rules, trying to be nice, not trying to be weird, trying to have linear discussion, feeling exhausted after meeting. Touching or showing affection concluded as weird
Dating ND (and/or ADHD): (Mostly) No constraints on being real me, no problem showing affection, no regards on rules on discussions (or often jumping into sub-discussion), hours of fun, feel happy after meeting
There's a special flavor of loneliness and isolation, I believe, that only we know.
That some people with autism dont look like they have autism but still have it
Lining up things isn’t about lines. It’s about organizing things in a specific way that makes sense to us.
It’s not our fault, we didn’t choose this, and while we can’t recognize some things we can recognize when the mood turns sour because your judging us because we said something that triggers your uncanny valley.
Masking. I’m high functioning, and nobody believes me.
All of these. 100%.
That if I am working on something and someone else touches it, it's time to burn it and do something else. I'm not being difficult. It now feels corrupted, unclean.
That personal space is fucking huge esp, in public please get out of my bubble, also my friends think I’m too blunt 😵💫
I can’t stand concerts. Atleast Loud music isn’t my thing because it make my chest/body vibrate and I hate it. Probably more common than I think. Some people took me/forced myself to socialize/explore but this didn’t work
Yo the chest vibrations with music 🥹 I relate to that so much, it’s super unpleasant for me
The intense rage whenever you see or hear about another autistic person(child or adult) being mistreated, misrepresented, or worse. My mom doesn't understand why I am so strongly against certain hate groups that want a 'cure', I cant understand why she is not completely horrified after hearing about what they have done to children and the 'doctors' they fund. I am a human being worthy of respect and so is literally everyone else. Just because they haven't hurt me yet doesn't mean they wont if they have the chance. No one is free and safe until everyone is free and safe.
We’re not fucking jigsaw pieces; my children and I aren’t broken.
Rant incoming
1) How bleeping alone you feel.
2) The feeling of "not having the manual," I like to say.
Like I was given a super computer with no manual, and I'm figuring out how to input commands to this day. Like I got a TV and everyone else has the good channels unlocked from day 1 but my package won't upgrade. Everyone else has a developer's phone from day 1, but I gotta jail break the sht and hack it myself. Like you know you're smart but you feel so freaking stup*d sometimes.
3) Dating. I'm a woman and boy is it hard.
I'm incredibly straight forward, often literal, know what I know and I know it. I didn't understand a lot of patriarchal rules and don't call him right away and don't ask him this right away and don't show shoulder and leg or he'll get the wrong idea or this is code for s*x only and this is code for this..." like holy sht ppl, which leads me to my final point.
4) How often neurotypicals LIE. They lie all the time. They lie like it's their job and I don't even think they mean to. They certainly don't see it that way and will be offended if you point out they said one thing and did another. There's all these codes and hidden messages and passive aggressive stuff going on and this unspoken social hierarchy.
Like people will say "oh I'll be at the meeting at 10am" then you wait and they show up at "10:20am" like it's not big deal and they weren't even rushing, just as if this is normal.
Another example, "boy it sure is dusty in here," "me: yes it is," coming back later...them: "why didn't you vacuum? I told you to vacuum," me: "no you didn't," them: "yes I did, I said it's dusty in here." And sometimes people will say "I said it's dusty in here, you should vacuum." Which again isn't TELLING, it's suggesting and they literally did not say those words earlier. They just say "but you're supposed to know what that means." Then why hide it behind bows and wishful thinking? If both phrases mean the same thing and one literally has the words you can to convey in it... why not say that?
They lie with their words all the time and when we speak literally with dictionary definitions of those words, they act like that's not what those words mean. Because of implications. I now understand a bit better how to find these hiddens demands and commands, but it's taken decades.
Why kids love cinnamon toast crunch
Sensory issues. (Unless someone has SPD as part of another disorder or on its own, I guess)
Masking in every social situation big or small.
I don’t think this is everyone, but definitely for me- I naturally don’t express things on my face. Everything I express on my face is for your comfort and my sanity so it doesn’t impact my social situations or the way people treat me. If I’m unmasked, i don’t express other than stimming.
change can be physically painful. new or uncomfortable living situations are physically painful. same with sounds & lights lol.
how much other people hate us. how much other people would rather die than be seen as autistic. how many people use it as an insult. how many people bully people for autism symptoms. how little research into it there is. how afab people get constantly gaslit by medical professionals.
Not everyone is a 'little bit autistic '