I’ve been living with my wife for nearly 4 years, and this came after a period of living on my own for the first time for 2 years. And after starting gaining a better understanding of masking, I’ve come to realize that I also mask on some level around my wife.

My wife is autistic too and really the only person I’ve ever felt understands me fully. We’ve never had a serious fight in our entire relationship and we both accommodate each other’s needs as autistic and adhd people. So I was very surprised to have recently realized that I still mask around her.

I learned from “unmasking autism” how people can mask physically not just socially and emotionally, and I feel like I mask my body language, my emotions, the way I want to express myself, and my needs and ability to take up space when ANYONE is around.

I have very vivid, strong emotions and am prone to crying very easily (especially when overstimulated). And nearly two years back I had a really bad OCD episode mixed with autistic meltdown that lasted for a few days that caused me to be too scared to go to sleep. That was a very scary time for my wife and while they don’t hold it over my head or anything I still feel guilty on some level.

Like I’m irrationally scared that if it ever happens again my wife will leave me, so releasing my strong emotions in any way that’s distressing to my wife has become much harder to do. I also realize that I hold back a lot of stims I used to have when I lived alone.

Has anyone been through a similar experience? If so I’d like to hear your perspective and any advice you have for navigating it. Thank you!