I’m in a job that relies heavily on networking and word of mouth to get work, but it’s what I absolutely love to do and where all my skills lie. However, I’ve earned a pretty shitty reputation due to making a few mistakes on the job and really just not knowing how to handle adversity and navigate social situations. I know I have a vibe - an aura of insecurity and I don’t get referred to jobs by me peers because of it. A few people are in the camp of just completely writing me off and their interactions with me are short/terse… and you can just TELL from their posturing, body language, facial expressions that they don’t know how to relate to me nor do they want to. Is there anything witty or poignant that I can say that will either put them at ease or put them in their place?
What to say to people you have to work with who clearly don’t want anything to do with you and probably don’t realize you’re autistic? (Please read description.)
This is the only way to deal with it in the long run. Other ways will wear you down and eat you up. I tried and tried.
You can't win those people over. It's not like you can go everywhere and repeatedly say "Sorry! Autistic!' "Autistic coming through!" and even if there was a more subtle way of letting them know you don't mean anything by being awkward/etc, it's not likely they would change. You just have to find the kind people or other neurodivergent people to socialize with, and if you have people/friends, that kinda repels the negative energy from those that want to bully or judge you. They'll back off.
Please share if you find out lol, am having the same shit
One thing I am bad at is humility. It's not like I brag. But, I don't seem to come off as humble. So, I've learned to mask humility. I've learned to use a little self deprecating humor strategically. It seems to put others at ease. It has helped significantly with co-workers. Unfortunately, if a co-worker has already made their mind up regarding you, it's very difficult to change it.
You need to find those allies that you can have wins with, and build on that. As you get accepted by those who are more accepting of diversity, and from reputation with those, you can get a foot in the door for others.
What you gotta ask yourself is: If someone doesn't like me, why do I try to contact them, instead of finding another way?
I hate to say it you need a new job.
Neurotypical racism and bigotry is a real thing, society doesn't aknowledge it and the police sure as fuck don't give about it either. If NTs treated some other minority this way it would be a hate crime.
There is NOTHING you can say to put them at ease. I cannot stress this enough, they have already made their minds up about you and NOTHING you can do will ever change it. You need to get out. You need to protect yourself.
They will only do things to goad you into reactions so they can use your actions and words against you. These people are cancer of the earth. Get away. Now.
Fantastic insight about them trying to goad me.
I’ve spent 20 years building this career. Only when things got stressful during the pandemic and I had to pivot, thereby exiting my comfort zone and pursuing the most competitive sector of my industry did my symptoms become more noticeable and a real problem. And truth be told, I made it to the top. I’m still there. I succeeded until I failed, and now people use that and also continue to twist ANYTHING ELSE I do that could be questionable against me.
I’m at the point of making well over the six-figure mark by now… so I’ll suffer through the pain if I have to instead of starting at the bottom of another career.
It would just be nice to have an option of putting dissidents in their place.
I was past the six figure mark, and holding onto that caused significant burnout. It's been 4-5 years, still recovering. Experiencing a horrific divorce right now isnt helping.
I'm glad you see it, but please realize that if a place / group doesn't want you no amount of try hard will convince them to change their minds.
You. Have. To. Leave. NOW. I say that not to tell you what to do but from a sense of you do not seem to be aware the walls are closing in on you, and at some point you will lack better options than you do today to protect yourself from the abusive people.
You can never get them to be seen for what they are. This is why society is fucked beyond repair. They love it. Cruelty is fashionable.
Look for another job. This will only get worse.
I’ve spent 20 years building this career. Only when things got stressful during the pandemic and I had to pivot, thereby exiting my comfort zone and pursuing the most competitive sector of my industry did my symptoms become more noticeable and a real problem. And truth be told, I made it to the top. I’m still there. I succeeded until I failed, and now people use that and also continue to twist ANYTHING ELSE I do that could be questionable against me.
I’m at the point of making well over the six-figure mark by now… so I’ll suffer through the pain if I have to instead of starting at the bottom of another career.
It would just be nice to have an option of putting dissidents in their place.
Can't you try marketing yourself online? There's millions of people out there who may require your skillset and wouldn't care. Worst case scenario you would have to lowball yourself. "Word of mouth" is a thing but online works too
So. I'm almost 40 and pretty much my 20's and early 30's (and before that) were pretty eventful. Chaos from people and no way to fix it. Showing up places and just automatically having someone identify you as a problem when you haven't said a word.
But, honestly. Just stop. Nobody invites me out to eat or wants to hang out, but I don't try to appease anyone or make friends really. I stick to my work, have a yes attitude, and try to be very extroverted. The more in other people's faces I am the less they're in mine. Trying to be likeable makes you unlikeable.
Isn't it officially a disability? i.e. protected. Maybe you can pull that card out somehow. You could wear the infinity badge if you want to be subtle about it. Às your colleagues see you regularly they'll probably notice it.
I wonder if there's a novelty coffee mug with something like 'Badasspie' on it or something witty
People usually will perceive you worse after disclosure, and possibly feel the op he's faking it to get better treatment, so in this situation it could possibly that his coworkers will be more hostile but in a subtle way to avoid any blowback from management.
Instead saying Autism the OP should lean more into describing feeling of anxiety, and perhaps depression symptoms which most people can relate to and potentially find people who are kinder.
Then Slowly disclose the autism.
But I suggest the op should ignore these idiots, get better at job, or find a new one, or if possible be in a position in your job where people need to come to you, you need some kind of leverage. This is unfortunately how life works.
Bro over here suggesting walking with the autism medal 😫 aint no way my anxiety is allowing that
Well, telling people about their autism diagnosis (IF they are diagnosed) might be the only solution there
Clearly, people DO perceive instantly that OP is autistic, and are made uncomfortable and repulsed by it, and it's already blocking their career. So telling people about autism might make things better (or not, it's not automatic), because then some people might be more understanding and forgiving, and more focused on OP's professional skills (as opposed to their social/networking skills), and therefore more open to refer them to jobs
True true, when you are at that point it can often only get better. Im still putting my heart and soul into hiding because I hate the thought of people knowing im autistic for some reason 🙃
It 'ain't' you that's asking is it, 'bro'?
Yeah but just saying if that were me aint no way I could pull that stuff without dying of embarrassment
verbal bullying in jobs is legal in many states. I was on a call with a recruiter and they said is that your boss? while she was yelling at me while im on mute😂find autism friendly jobs where u can turn down your bosses volume. usually remote work, low pay data entry jobs, etc. or more lucrative fields like software engineer
How about you act right like we all had to learn to do
Mistakes still happen wtf
Other than telling them I don't think there is much you can say. I'm 50 and was diagnosed ASD last year and a life lesson I have learned is that people will form an opinion of you regardless of whether you want them to, and regardless whether you felt like you had any control over how they view you as a person. The amount of double takes I notice people do when I'm having a moment is horrible. However nowadays I know myself the reason why people are looking and it's OK. I have a "reason" now and it's not just because I'm a massive dickhead. Which to be clear, I still am. Think what I'm trying to say is don't waste your energy on trying to please others, look after yourself first. Your opinion of you is the only one that matters.