The distortion is way too heavy for a core style, but seems totally fine for a small section of the video. The thing is it's much more digital than analog so keep that in mind.
Opening has the same issue many new projects have, the need to explain and detail things. You can do this, it's a tactic that could work well but your style and language need to be believable. What your narrator is saying should sound business-y either formal or in that forced casualness many try. E.g Your text in the thumbnail "Docile fay are extremely fast and run away after being spotted" it lacks flow and authority "Docile fay are fast moving and will [attempt to flee / will attempt to escape] when detected"
Always consider who is making the tape, why they are doing so and who was the intended audience. Keep that filter in your head and if you're unsure of whether your script works, hunt down the closest real world comparison you can find and watch how a professional company has handled orientation videos. This will be very boring, but it's useful.