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1mo
The hospital didn’t call cps?
hospital worker here (worked on a pregnancy complications floor). we have licensed RN social workers on staff that absolutely would contact cps/dps over a drug dependent child. in my state they are legally obligated to, as well as with domestic violence.
another red flag - op “asked staff” what happened and they immediately told her that they gave her daughter a drug test and she tested positive. hello HIPAA???? that’s not how it works AT ALL. you cannot tell anyone ANY patient information without the patient’s explicit consent, and ESPECIALLY not regarding things like drug and STD testing.
Yeah that part of the story never happened, which probably means the rest of the story never happened.
The telltale signs of fake stories are never people acting absolutely batshit crazy and comically stupid decisions. The signs are usually impossible timelines and actions taken by institutions that are the exact opposite of what they do.
People tend to call out stories where someone is arrested on Friday, convicted on Saturday and in prison on Sunday. Mandated reporters and HIPAA are things and especially for the mandated reporting, there is no way a hospital full of people would ever fail to report a baby on drugs.
This here alone makes me smell a rat. Something is missing from this story if any of it is true.
This is a fake post.
I get the feeling that OP has DECIDED it’s true based on no evidence and is trying to justify stealing her grandchildren by making up “hospital workers” to justify her theft
Possibly.
plus throughout pregnancy were drug tested etc. this is a fake post
Exactly. OP is more than likely lying.
💯💯💯💯
They won't win.
The hospital won't have their backs because they'll have a lawsuit on their hands as well. I think it would be best if they helped their daughter rather than deciding on taking her newborn children away.
She's young they will always side with the mother unless it's a violent situation and that's not the case here. They're just going to push their daughter away.
Thank you! I thought the whole story was super weird, and I appreciate you pointing out the specific holes in it.
Not true if her daughter had a signed HCP naming her mother as agent - that’s good enough in some states. In other states a HCP + HIPAA naming the mom as agent covers the same.
uh, no, that is not how that works either. HCPs are overwhelmingly filed in the case of chronically/severely ill or elderly people approaching the end of their life. it ONLY allows the HCP to make healthcare decisions for the patient, it does not override HIPAA, and they only become active when the person loses the ability to make decisions for themselves. otherwise there would have to be a specific clause added to allow the release of private health information. there is also no way an otherwise physically healthy 30 year old (with a spouse!!!) filed an HCP with her mom as the person to make healthcare decisions for her.
That’s thoroughly incorrect on its face because you make no claim about different state laws. Look up GA Health Care Surrogates. Also, she can give verbal authorization which she likely did if they felt free to talk with her mom. But what do I, an estate planning attorney, know.
Her drug addict spouse seems like the #1 choice as agent… mhm…
sure, I looked up “GA Health Care Surrogates” (i’m assuming GA means Georgia since that’s what came up).
yes, healthcare surrogates are entitled to PHI. however;
“If the patient is determined to be incapacitated and there is no governing Health Care Proxy, then a decision-making health care Surrogate is designated pursuant to the terms of the FHCDA.
okay, the daughter is clearly not incapacitated, so therefore she would not have a health care surrogate - under Georgia law or otherwise. again, advance directives like this are used in cases of the mentally incapacitated, severe chronic illness and/or the elderly nearing the end of their life. so I reiterate, again, an otherwise physically healthy 30 year old who can clearly communicate would not have any kind of health care proxy.
the article also specifies:
Third, providers may not disclose information if a more restrictive law prohibits disclosure, such as state or federal laws relating to substance abuse programs.
okay let’s look into, specifically, laws surrounding substance use and HIPAA disclosures.
https://dbhdd.georgia.gov/document/publication/woodard-hipaa-training-bh-symposium-10-2017pdf/download — from the Georgia Department of Behavioral Health and Developmental Disabilities
first of all they literally give an example of a family member of a patient requesting PHI and NOT to give them any information lol. even though in the example the question was “is my relative getting treated?” you don’t disclose anything unless there is absolutely explicit, current consent from the patient. you have to get consent from the patient every time, and the patient can also revoke previously established consent at any time. I assure you healthcare professionals would never, ever be so readily willing to disclose the drug test results of a 30 year old.
Records and information identifying an individual as having a substance use disorder are confidential, and cannot be disclosed without: Written consent of the Individual
they reference the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) 42 CFR part 2. let’s read that.
https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/faqs-applying-confidentiality-regulations-to-hie.pdf
42 CFR part 2 regulations “impose restrictions upon the disclosure and use of alcohol and drug patient records.” the restrictions “apply to any information disclosed by a Part 2 program that ‘would identify a patient as an alcohol or drug user…’” Part 2 “requires patient consent for such disclosures” with very limited exceptions. Part 2 requires written consent from the patient.
(Part 2 programs are any healthcare entity that engage in the diagnosis and treatment of substance abuse disorders, or who are capable of making a referral to such. this includes providers and other medical staff in general medical facilities, such as hospitals, as long as they meet those requirements.)
No, it’s really not good enough. Not to mention OP is the father. OP claims to be the one who asked staff and was given her medical information.
You can sign over medical record access and communication to third parties y’all. It’s a 3 paragraph one page form.
It's her parents? Idk about you but I automatically list my mother as a person who can mange my healthcare.
sure, if you’re a single childless adult, that’s normal. however that is extremely abnormal for a 30 year old with a husband and two children.
additionally it’s not necessarily that her parent spoke with the providers (that in itself is normal, never said it wasn’t), it’s that the providers would not EVER give out information about a patient’s drug test without explicit, current consent from the patient. that is a huge legal no-no.
if this actually happened, it would go like this:
OP: hey what happened with my grandchild? why did they have a seizure?
Provider: I am not allowed to disclose information without consent from the patient. I will talk with the patient to confirm, or you can call her yourself to talk to her directly.
at my hospital, our patients have a “code” to give out to people they are okay with us sharing their information with. if someone called to ask for information about the patient, we would ask for the code. if they didn’t have it, “bye, call the patient yourself, sorry” and hang up.
I’ve had distant relatives who haven’t had contact with the patient in years call and ask for information. sometimes they even pretend to be another family member. I’ve had plenty of patients with very bad relationships with their parents or other nosey family members.
The moment you said your daughter was doing drugs with babies around, you solidified my opinion: you are NOT wrong for seeking custody. If she can’t get clean, those babies need a good and safe place.
He’s a liar.
As someone who had addict parents and was raised by my grandparents you're absolutely doing the right thing. I love my mom and dad, but Mama and Papa gave me the best life they could and my mom couldn't provide for me.
My only advice: Allow your daughter around the grandbabies as often as she is able (and not going to traumatize them). Having contact with my mom made me feel extra loved instead of forgotten, I knew she wanted me to have a life she couldn't give me
My “other mother” my mom’s best friend, has custody of 2 of her grandkids for the same reason. Unfortunately their mother was unable to get clean and it did cost her her life, however the kids have known nothing but a stable and loving home with their grandparents and while they were sad when their mother passed away it didn’t shake up their lives the way it would have had she still had custody
Please try to get custody if your grandbabies so they can have stability and a sense of normalcy. If your daughter gets clean and can take care of them then I’m proud of her, but those babies should be the primary concern
NTA
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1mo
Go for it. I have lost (3) 1st cousins due to OD on drugs. I have an aunt who has adopted (my cousin willingly signed her rights away. And the dad of the child isn't fit to keep a flea alive, but he tried fighting with the courts & lost, thank God) her granddaughter (my 2nd cousin). The cousin who signed her rights away is very surprisingly still living, but it has to be a miracle. All the family expects to get "that call" about any day now. Do those babies right & give them the best life they can possibly have.
You are lying. No “staff” at a hospital would give you any information about your daughter or your grandchildren. It’s a HIPPA violation, and they can get fired, and sued.
YNW. This happened in my family with my cousin. Her daughter was born having withdrawals from opiates. My grandmother was awarded custody, and my cousin entered into a court mandated rehab that wasn't as expensive and took Medicaid, I believe. Good luck you're doing the right thing!
Updateme!
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1mo
Depending on where you live, there might be a lot of social services to help with costs and other things. Definitely check out what's available in your area.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Huge NTA. You're a hero for helping protect your grandbabies.
Don’t dismiss that idea. You get what you pay for when it comes to recovery centers. I’m 6 years sober in spite of the state rehab I was forced into by the courts, they wouldn’t let me pay for a decent place. They treat people HORRIBLY in places like that, I called it “jail with a pillow”.
However, no program is going to work unless she is 200% committed.
There is no question the right thing is to protect the innocent and defenseless at all times. Go now and get a lawyer and get these kids safe.
Then go get daughter in rehab and the help she needs.
You are going to have a lot on your plate. You are good people for doing this best of luck
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1mo
The right path isn’t always the easiest to travel but you and your wife are good people doing this for your daughter and grandkids
100% this is a troll. No medical professional would give a 30 year old patients medical information to her parents. They would be violating HIPAA and destroying their career at best.
Thank you
Is that why this person has deleted their post and all their comments? I really wish I knew what it had said now...
This is a whole other subject but are you NOK on your daughter's paperwork? The staff could get in huge trouble for telling you this information without permission from your daughter in advance. NOT that this is really your problem. As a nurse it just makes me feel wrong unless there was permission for you to be told.
yeah no, I also work in healthcare and this is definitely a fake story. staff do not just hand out information like that. especially not with drug or STD tests. maybe if the patient is a minor, but even then in my hospital we would still put patient consent first.
Wouldn’t the hospital report this to CPS?
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1mo
Next of kin. Also what drugs is she on? Do you even know?
Next of kin
Yeah, I’m not buying it. First, those nurses would be fired and potentially lose their nursing licenses for telling you anything without your daughter’s permission. As others have mentioned if it was true that your daughter (who may be fake as well) had tested positive medical staff are mandated reporters. Which means they legally have to report cases of child abuse which this would clearly be.
Then there’s the fact that you have over 3k in posting karma yet this is your only post. Which means you deleted the other posts which would prove you made this up.
Exactly he’s a troll
Fake post. The hospital would immediately call CPS for positive drug panels on kids, and CPS would take the kids and likely contact the grandmother to ask her to take them in. At this point all contact should be through CPS, not the courts for guardianship.
You would be wrong not to petition for custody. Your daughter isn't a bad person but she's obviously very sick. She may not see it initially but you would be doing her and those children the greatest favor.
It is probably the only way that she will be open to actually get help. I am in recovery and I can tell you from experience, us addicts get very few chances in life to focus on our recovery without worrying about raising and supporting kids at the same time.
She won't take it well in the beginning and may use it as an excuse to go hard for a bit but that's just the disease talking. Focus on giving your grandbabies the best most stable life possible and then just pray for your daughter. Good luck I really enjoyed it that everything works out when she gets her life back.
You are wrong for making this lame troll post. No hospital "staff" are going to just give out patient info to people who aren't authorized by way of a power of attorney or Advanced Healthcare Directive. Also, hospitals are mandatory reporters, so they would have to report a drug addicted baby to CPS.
If you’re going to write a story do basic research. 1. CPS would have taken the kids 2. No one at the hospital would tell you about your daughter’s drug status as that’s illegal 3. The weird anecdote about the baby crying after being born should be deleted in your final draft. 4. You’re not an amazing, involved parent or grandparent if you don’t notice your daughter is on drugs before & during multiple pregnancies.
That might be the right course, but it might also be the option that pushes her further into addiction. Addiction is a multi faceted issue that needs a specialist who can handle it on the individual basis it needs.
If she tested positive at the hospital then social services is already involved, or is about to be. They have steps they follow with these things that include testing, rehab, health care, and keeping the family together if that's what's deemed best by the counselors. Start by talking to your daughter about where she is with social services, what they laid out for her, what help she feels she needs to reach their milestones, and whether she'd like one or both of her parents involved with the meetings.
Charging in with a lawyer demanding custody before doing any of the rest of this is like tossing a grenade into a bunker. I get you want to do what's best but slow down and find out everything first, and if she isn't in addiction counseling yet offer to help her get started.
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1mo
No great mom is on drugs first of all. Second of all your lying. You allow her to see them as much as possible? Thought you didn’t have custody of them? Didn’t you say you wanted to know if you should go to court to get custody of them you’re lying you’re telling too many lies and you can’t keep them straight. Troll.
Call CPS, that's what they're there for
I’m concerned you don’t blame your daughter for her addiction and instead blame her partner. But in no way are you wrong for seeking custody.
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1mo
Hope that she changes is understandable. But she should be as equally accountable for her actions as he is.
Stop lying. Everyone with a brain who has any knowledge of anything to do with healthcare knows you’re lying.
Did the hospital she had the children in not bring in social work and CYF?? When I worked in maternity, they were always called when the mom was positive for drugs. That’s crazy.
You are doing the right thing. We had so many birth mothers who were on child 5+ and the grandparents or aunts/uncles had custody of every single child because they couldn’t get clean. It helps the kids to have a safe place to land and not be living in chaos. You doing that for them is a blessing.
Foster parent here. Report this to CPS and it’s their call. Quite honestly, it should have been reported already. You taking the kids may not only save their lives, but could help your daughter as well.
There is something called kinship placement. Where a relative takes the kids. This is what you want. If CPS gets involved, you might qualify for assistance, respite care, etc.
Also, there would be a case file so they can get her services and help her get reunited.
The goal of foster care is to provide support and safety for children and help parents reach goals for reunification. Termination of Parental Rights is not a goal unless it has to be.
Foster care would also be good because if (God forbid) you and your wife became unable to provide care, they can take over.
My sister who is 78 is raising her 13 year old grandson. Mother is a drug addict and has endangered him. It is tough but so good to see him growing up healthy and cared for. You are not wrong.
I am always of the mind, I want what is best for my children, I love them. But adults can make choices for themselves, babies are helpless victims of the adults decisions. Babies come first. Period. If your daughter can decide to use, pregnant, what is going to stop her from doping a baby to make him or her sleep? What is going to stop her from leaving the baby home alone so she can go get her next fix? You need to first get those babies safe. Second step is offering your daughter rehab. But those children are the priority.
You're facing a heart-wrenching situation, but seeking custody can be a necessary step to ensure the safety and well-being of your grandchildren. Given the circumstances with your daughter's struggles, your priority understandably shifts to the health and stability of the little ones. This isn't about taking the children away from their mother permanently; it's about providing a stable environment while your daughter hopefully seeks the help she needs. Ensure that any legal actions you take are guided by compassion and focus on what's best for the children. It would be beneficial to consult with a family law attorney who can help navigate the complexities of custody and ensure that the process respects all parties' rights and needs.
No, he’s not he’s a liar.
Seeking custody of your grandchildren can be a responsible decision given your daughter's current struggles with addiction, and consulting with a family law attorney can help ensure that your actions align with the children's best interests and support your daughter's potential recovery.
I agree with another poster.
If she tested positive for drugs after the birth and baby was born with issues then CPS has probably been contacted already and is fixing to get involved.
Honestly, I'd call CPS. Let them know you're going after custody. Tell your daughter you're going after custody so they don't end up o foster care. You need to word it carefully so she doesn't think she's losing her kids forever and that you're an enemy. That could push her in the wrong direction and the goal is to get clean, stay clean and get her kids back.
Part of this is getting birth control that isn't dependent on her taking it every day. I've seen other grandparents starting with one and ending up with three and number 4 and 5 ended up in foster care and adopted out cause it was too much for the older grandparents
Please. I've seen it happen around here and it's sad.
Adding to say part of that was the girl kept having kids knowing her mom would take them. She didn't see anything wrong cuz she was high. When the last two ended up in foster care and then adopted, the shit hit the fan. She was furious and blamed her mom for her taking them in, ect. She learned nothing because her mom was still helping her out. She thought she could keep popping them out and seeing them whenever she wanted and some day she'd get them all back
Oops wrote a response and then I guess I deleted it cause I'm really good at this.
The hospital should report to CPS but telling a family member outside of that isn't the same.
Not wrong at all ! I am surprised that CPS wasn’t called when either child was born as that’s a huge red flag for hospitals. If in fact that both grandchildren were positive for drugs that would be a strong case for you and your wife getting custody.
Because he’s lying. CPS would’ve been called immediately. They can’t buy law. Tell the parents anything. It’s a HIPAA violation. Especially about a drug test or an STD test.
Not wrong at all it’s either that or they end up in foster care.
Do everything you can to get custody. Drug addiction is no environment to raise children. They need stability, which they’re not going to get at home.
There’s more to the story than this. The hospital will already have procedures started with regards to medical help for your daughter, your grandchildren and her partner if he wants it. Social care will already be involved and looking into it. They’re the professionals, let them take the lead.
What I’m saying is don’t jump so far ahead. Wait until the professionals have made all their proper assessments and interventions. In the meantime, be there for the grandkids as much as you can with love and cuddles. If it does come to it that your daughter can’t look after them, then social services may well approach you anyway and ask if you’d be prepared to be involved.
Get the courts involved, you burn every single last bridge.
definitely do it. my grandparents raised us but did not petition for custody and it has an impact on schooling, doctors appointments etc.
Of course it would be best for them, but has DCF removed the kids?
There are many of us grandparents raising our grands. Ive been doing it for 13 years now. One is 13, the other one is 9. They have never had to go hungry or homeless or end up in a place in the middle if the night for god knows what with god knows who. They are both honor roll students. Both if them born addicted and with that has come some additional issues.
No. You are not wrong. You are what is RIGHT in this crappy world. I am an addict. I am also in recovery and will fight to stay clean for the rest of my life. I have been clean since 2010 and I had my son in 2015. Being able to look back at all the bad decisions I have made and horrible people I was around, I couldn’t imagine exposing my son to that. To ANY part of that. I never would have been able to be a mother to my son. Your daughter (while in active addiction) will not be the mother her kids need. What she needs is a little tough love and do not enable her. Let her fall on her ass and want to pick herself back up. You cannot help her if she doesn’t want to help herself. I think you are a wonderful man for doing right by your grandkids and your daughter. I hope she finally chooses to live clean and sober. It may take a while to get there, but the clarity and quality of life is so worth it.
No. My parents did with my nieces when my ex sibling was on meth. You are saving your grandkids and daughter (from herself).
Sometimes, doing the right thing hurts like hell. I can't see anything you're doing wrong. You've said if your daughter cleans herself up, you be happy to return her children. You can't be fairer than that, as some people won't give your daughter a second chance, and some grand parents wouldn't even care to look after their grandchildren. So don't beat yourself up.
I just hope everything works out well for you, your daughter and your grand children.
You would absolutely be doing the right thing, and with your daughter having a positive drug test after birth and her second child having a seizure shortly after birth you'd have a fantastic case in court, she endangered her children before they were even born, and she likely won't stop now. Save those babies grandpa ❤️
No, you're not wrong. But are you prepared to potentially destroy any relationship you have with your daughter, and should you fail, possibly not have access to your grandkids?
You are not wrong here, at all. But what you're talking about is the nuclear option. All I'm saying is there should be a few more steps between here and there. Maybe first talk to your daughter, get her into rehab, try everything else first and THEN go for custody.
Just fyi, once she loses custody, you don't simple get it back. She will likely never get it back. And any arrangement made in the future likely won't be actual custody.
It's all or nothing, forever.
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1mo
No, you simply admit to yourself it's forever. That's it. You take them its for the full 18, facts.
The world has loads of well meaning grandparents who fumble it around 6 yrs. Giving her false hope it morning to get isn't going to help anyone
My niece has a long list she has to do before getting my great nephew back and she never will. The child is safe with his grandmother, widow, and her other kids who are a support system for them both.
I think it's really important that people do not lie to themselves in these situations... See a lot of grandparents constantly telling lies. Once you remove that child legally from that parent's care, there is no going back. Be real about it.
Are the requirements doable? Absolutely. Will she ever do them? No way.
Were her parental rights stripped or no? as in specifically, was there a hearing to remove their parental rights? Not just guardianship but removal of parental rights?
No. The requirements to stay clean for a period of time, parenting classes, get and keep a job, etc. about 9 things. The bio dad got out of jail and occasionally sees him, he is not reliable. Mother is not allowed at child’s home with grandma. She was arrested with dealers and child in room so very severe consequences. This was 10 years ago.
Occasionally the police call my sister or stop by looking for her and every time my sister assumes they are coming to tell her that her daughter is dead.
And so no disrespect here but this is not the situation I'm talking about.... I'm talking about terminating parental rights having that hearing where a judge terminates your parental rights...
They're not getting those kids back after that. And so when I say grandparents always seem to fall into that pitfall where they lie to everyone about it. What did you think was going to happen when you terminate? It's permanent.
I do not know where you are gong with this but the OP is not saying ending parental rights, they are saying getting custody.
Yeah and so what I'm saying is you have to be real with yourself.
Statistically most people do not get custody back. If you go to several parental rights, they're not getting custody back. If you do anything but a kinship basically You're not getting custody back. Important to be honest about that because saying well hey but in the future I'd be willing to give it back, It's not up to you...its up to the courts
OK, are you a troll too? That is 100% not true.
Yes, it is true... Unless they're going for like guardianship or something. Once you terminate parental rights, it is darn near impossible to ever get them back
This is very complicated stuff. The best outcome would be for your daughter to be able to raise her own children, if she can get the supports that she needs. You need to meet with a family therapist, also with a lawyer.
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1mo
You’re just digging yourself deeper and deeper and can’t keep your story straight. on another comment you said you allow her to see them whenever she wants. You don’t have them right if you just contacted a lawyer. Now you say you think she’s in too deep so you can’t good conscious white let her have them back? You don’t have them to begin with.
What drug?
You are doing the right thing. From my own family's experience, support your grandkids every way that you can but don't give a dime to the parents. Otherwise they will never change.
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1mo
Yeah, it wasn't until my parents died that my brother got clean. That's really the tragic thing about it all. The stress he brought them absolutely hastened their death and then just months after they both died he gets clean. That said, I have a relationship with him again and he's doing great.
Your concern for the well-being of your grandchildren is entirely understandable, and you have a legitimate reason to be worried given the circumstances. The health and safety of your grandchildren are paramount, and if you believe that your daughter is unable to provide a safe and stable environment for them due to her struggles with addiction, it may be necessary to take action to protect them. It is not wrong to consider taking custody of your grandkids if it is in their best interest and if you feel it will provide them with a safer and more stable home environment. However, it's important to approach the situation with empathy and care, particularly for your daughter. Addiction is a complex issue, and your daughter may need support and treatment to address it.
Nope you would save their lives. She will either lose them or worse.
You’re not wrong. Please get those kids before they are (unintentionally) harmed!
Not wrong, but rehab for your daughter won’t work unless she wants to stop and so does the baby daddy. Or else she’ll revert back to type as soon as she’s out of rehab. Losing her children will either be the shove she needs to get clean, or she’ll decide now that the kids are gone she’s free.
We got custody of our oldest grandchild 10 years ago when she was 3. We still have her because our daughter won't get her life together. The children should always be put before adults
You would be absolutely right. My parents in their mid to late 70s are adopting my sister under similar circumstances. My sister is a very happy baby and my parents are happier and have more energy than they have in years. You can do this! Get a lawyer. Adopt these kids so they aren’t yanked back and forth and have security. I hope your daughter overcomes her addiction. She is a danger to those kids right now. You should protect those innocent kids regardless if your daughter likes it or not.
Please do. Those little girls need you.
Somebody has to take custody of those poor kids. Better a grandparent than a stranger.
Go for it.
NTA.
I agree. Get custody. My husband and I took in our great niece and nephew when they were 1 and 3.
Be prepared for stress for all four of you. I bought dollar tree wastebaskets and keep them handy for tummy stress. (All four of you!)
Make sure you and your wife take time for the two of you, however you can make it work.
Our littles were very wary of adults, so we didn’t leave them for about three months. To prep them, I would go out the front door saying bye-bye. I’d wait a few seconds, pop back in and say peek-a-boo! I did that daily, increasing the time between going and coming. That helped.
Your older grandchild may have different issues, so you you’ll have adapt accordingly.
Every time we were in the car, I’d point out VWs and say the color. A way of passing the time “playing a game.” The older one would keep count! It surprised me, but she is now an engineer using math all the time.
Wishing you the best of luck and sending hugs to all! ( granny who is now 80)
You could try for temporary emergency custody. Im surprised they didn't take the baby away in the hospital.
You would absolutely be doing the right thing by petitioning for custody. Getting custody would give them the best chance, get them safe and then try to get your daughter into rehab. Maybe losing them will give her enough fight to try to get clean. Just be aware, it may not be enough. There is no way to know if this will be the thing that makes her try, so prepare yourself for either outcome.
You’re not wrong, if drugs are her priority even before and during pregnancy it’s not going to just stop and those children will continue suffer. Help them, and hopefully their mother gets help and puts effort into becoming clean and healthy for their sake and her own. My mother was and still is a drug abuser, when we were little she would allow men to molest us to get extra drugs or specific drugs she wanted. I’m 30 now and I HAVE CPTSD because of it. I panic if someone touches me when I’m asleep. If my husband tries to kiss me goodbye in the morning often times I jerk awake and cry out no with my heart hammering, before I’m able to realize I’m safe and everything is okay. Idk if your daughter would allow something like this to happen to her children, but the fact that she was doing drugs while pregnant shows her lack of care towards them already so I personally would not risk something like that happening. You’re doing the right thing by going for custody, so long as you can handle caring for them and you truly love them you can change their lives for the better by far.
You may have a tough time doing this. Petitioning the court will take time, you'll need to get child welfare involved beforehand to speed the process (they'll be involved either way unless the judge tosses the case), and you might consider pursuing being a foster parent so that you're ready when they transfer the kids to your custody. If mom tests clean and shows up to court though, you won't get the kids.
My mother's neighbor has custody of her granddaughter, and has since she was in her mid 60s (also drug related). As long as you are healthy and capable of providing for your grandchildrens' needs, you would be considered. Please rescue these children, they deserve stable, loving adults in their lives, YNW.
Consult a lawyer before doing anything! Let the lawyer advise you on what steps to take to naintain the safety of your grandchildren.
You can try, but it will be very difficult without her agreement. Sounds like the kids need it.
You need to contact CPS and make a report AND petition the court. Even if you petition the court, they will get involved. CPS and the courts usually put the parents on a plan to get sober in order for reunification. Judges don’t take kids from parents, even addicted ones, without CPS being involved, investigations, etc. etc. You and your wife should make separate reports to CPS based on what you’ve seen and petition the court. You will need an attorney. My MIL and her spouse went down this road with my addict SIL to get custody of her child and she was driving drunk with her kid in the car and worse.
It will end up costing you a minimum of $10,000, and it will STILL not be easy, may cost more. Judges want parents to be responsible for their own children and give them wayyy too many chances in my opinion. If you don’t have the money, and aren’t physical and emotionally well yourselves, it will be virtually impossible. If you do have the money and are both healthy and stable, do what you can for your grandchildren to keep them happy and healthy. Sadly, what they’re being exposed to emotionally will probably affect them for the rest of their lives whether you get custody or not.
I also suggest finding a therapist who can walk with you guys and provide emotional support and guidance. This absolutely will not be a few hearings and a judge will say okay. This fight can and will last years. There had to be an emergency injunction (something drastic that happens like she was caught driving drunk with the child in the car) to even get temporary custody. If there isn’t a “qualifying event,” it will go nowhere.
Find an attorney.
Y’all are ridiculous. She had those children in a hospital if they exist, nurses are mandatory reporters as are doctors. CPS would’ve already been called. OP by law would never have been told anything about any drug test results. It’s a HIPAA violation. The staff member, who probably doesn’t exist, that told him about this supposed drug test would have been fired, possibly lost their nursing license, and could have been sued as would have the hospital.
You need to contact CPS and let them do their job. If the kids need to be taken, they will ask if you want to keep them.
Absolutely not, those kids are blessed to have you want to fight for them. Best of luck
Not wrong...BUT no one GOT your daughter hooked on drugs. SHE made those choices SHE did drugs during her pregnancies. SHE gave birth to children who may have LIFELONG disabilities due to their mother's irresponsible, dangerous, selfish behavior.
You believing she isn't responsible is ENABLING her addiction. For the time being; you have lost your daughter. She's gone. In her place is an addict. An addict care only about one thing. Being addicted. Their brain changes. It becomes rewired. Buckle up, buttercup, because your life is never going to be the same. Having an addict in the family is a waking nightmare. They lie, cheat, steal...manipulate. Anything and anyone becomes something to use for their addiction.
Children born addicted can have learning disabilities, emotional disabilities...problems with connecting to people. Do your research to make sure you can actually provide the care necessary for these children. Make sure you access any and all support in your community to help you with these children.
You are a brave and loving grandparent. Sometimes the bravest and most loving thing is to let go. I am not saying this is true in your case, but raising another generation of children to adulthood is a fairly reasonable concern in addiction related custody battles. There are THOUSANDS of grandparents like you out there. It's tragic how we treat addiction.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Take care.
You wouldn't be wrong, but you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that your petition would not be successful. In those circumstances, your daughter would likely cut you off and you would be unlikely to have any sort of future relationship with your grandchildren. In my jurisdiction, the courts are extremely reluctant to remove children from their parents without giving the parents multiple chances to rehabilitate themselves. The child protection agency in my jurisdiction is also completely overwhelmed and under-resourced, so there are many children in need of protection falling through the cracks.
Hopefully you will take the time to consult with a lawyer to get a good idea of the chance of success in your jurisdiction. You aren't wrong for considering this, but it would be a mistake to try and represent yourself in a legal proceeding of this nature.
You're doing the best thing for your grandkids, how could anyone disagree? Familial ties are important but to put it bluntly, familial ties are only worth as much as what the family can provide in terms of companionship and resources!
Go for it, raise your grandkids so well that even your kids can't disagree with how they turned out
OP, I have a story for you, as a Grandparent who adopted grandchild. I was 46, husband was 50 when baby was born. It’s hard. Even now, it’s hard. I have no friends with children this age, I am twenty years older than other moms at school.
Didn’t know my child was using drugs until baby started withdrawing on day two. Hospital social worker called DCP and birth vessel was discharged without baby. Baby was in NICU for eight weeks.
I was caregiver during the day, Sperm donor was supervisor of BV at night. No one tested SD for drugs until baby came home. Second week, SD failed.
DCP came, wanted to take baby to foster care, just for the weekend - it was Friday. I refused. I was the only constant in baby’s life. I was emergency certified as foster parent that day.
It was so hard, OP! Different DCP employees at least twice a week: home inspections, social worker visits, caseworker, visiting nurse. And a baby crying all day and night, every day and every night. I walked miles in my house, holding baby, trying to comfort baby.
After two years, SD and BV had hit their deadline. State was taking baby because baby was “highly adoptable.” Meaning, all white and looked “normal.” We adopted baby.
Five years of constant therapies. OT, speech, behavioral. Constant. Baby is now completely where they need to be physically, socially and emotionally. Fortunately, they are very intelligent and never suffered academically.
DCP will only give bio parents so long before parental rights are terminated. Read this again and think long and hard. Long and hard.
BV had another baby 15 months after first. She wasn’t sure whose it was. She got a guy to be on birth certificate, so that baby went to other grandparents. I am actually glad. I wish child had siblings, but I could not take in another drug addicted baby.
Edit typos.
The babies are not drug addicts. I am so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately, your daughter can only get clean for herself and when she wants to. What substances was she using during pregnancy?
Doesn’t sound like you are wrong, but the court will not grant you custody of the children without first taking the children from your daughter’s custody.
If the hospital drug tested her and the kids they would have notified CPS. You should be working with the CPS caseworkers on this.
Anyone who can't stop for their pregnancy needs serious help and can't do it while raising children.
Please do it, you are not wrong. She is not ready for children and they need stability especially since there is addiction in the family
Go for it, you won't get them tho.
The ability to even do this depends on what state you are in.
Not wrong but you need to understand that sadly with addicts once you take over their responsibilities because you are someone they can trust they often stay in their addiction, safe in the knowledge that you will do the job that they can’t. They will tell you that they’re trying to get clean and assure you that others are placing obstacles in their way but never blame themselves. She may show up at your door begging to see her babies, don’t allow it, it’s very common for them to avoid getting clean when they are allowed to visit their kids. It’s rare that they get their lives under control quickly so if you do this be committed for the long haul because your grandchildren deserve a stable home with loving people who won’t let them down.
You would be wrong if you DIDNT Take ur grandkids away from her!!!
Not wrong, only right.
You're not wrong! Depending on the state the hospital is required to call CPS and the police. Talk to her and the father and see if she will give you custody (get a lawyer to draw up the agreement) before CPS gets involved. As I said in most states if the baby has drugs in their system she's going to jail.
No your not wrong. As an addict the most loving thing anyone ever did for me was allow me to experience the consequences of my own actions. But you must also accept that she is responsible for her addiction. Not anyone else. I can encourage you to find a Al-Anon group in your area or on Reddit. I would start by contacting CPS because I'm sure the doctors have. They will be taking that baby they will not let it go home with her if it has drugs in it system. Get a lawyer now. Get your home ready for a home study. Kinship placements are preferred.
Normally, I side with parents on these matters.
But if you have hard, empirical proof she used during her pregnancy and has continued to use, then you should absolutely go for custody.
ETA: After reading other comments, I’m agreeing there are holes in the story that might point to some missing missing reasons.
I honestly took custody of my grandsons, with boundaries, she couldn’t see them if she were under the influence, etc, she finally got her crap together and has been reunited with them…..we took it slow, didn’t want to set her up to fail but wanted to support her as much as we could. It’s a tough road but the best decision for the kids for sure and for mom as well
I’m not sure I understand. If your daughter was tested positive for drugs, the hospital would have automatically reported to CPS and the children removed from her care
You needed to get those kids like yesterday. What a disaster they weren’t taken. I was born with drugs and immediately taken from my birth mom.
Please adopt these kids! My grandma got us out of a very similar situation and even adopted my half-sister, who is not related. She was in her late 60s and stopped traveling to adopt us. It was the best thing that could have happened to me and my siblings. I was 7 at the time, and my siblings were 5 and 1.5.
you wouldn’t be wrong at all. i hope your grandbabies are doing okay and i think you and your wife taking custody of them would 100% be the right thing to do
This is fake. A drug defendant baby will get reported in a second.
No your not wrong. it's important to remember your daughter is now like a vampire. She can be amazing at times but when she needs her drugs she will turn into a monster to get them.
Go get your grandkids try and convince your daughter and if that fails try the legal road.
You’re not wrong. You should get custody and ask the court to order the parents to pay you child support.
No you would not be wrong. Not only is it in the best interest for your grand babies, but for your daughter as well. They weren’t enough to get her to seek help and stop when she found out she was expecting and there were no “consequences” after she gave birth the first time. Maybe this is what she needs to kick start her into wanting to change. Perhaps she convinced herself (as addicts will do) that it was ok and because she couldn’t actually see the precious life in front of her while pregnant… it made it less real. Obviously that didn’t stop her when her first came but again… no real consequences affecting her status as mother.
I myself am a recovering addict. Addictive personalities run in my family. I would never have expected to go down that path. I was the responsible one out of all my siblings and even with my mom. She was an alcoholic and I was always cleaning up after her. When she got sober, is when it started for me. Idk if it was a mental release like.. now I don’t have to worry about anyone but me. I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did. I had all 4 impacted wisdom teeth removal and they gave me Oxys for the pain… and refilled it when I got dry socket in two. I still had left overs so I’d take one here and there. First only on my days off bc it felt good to drive around with my music loud. Then it was at work bc it gave me energy. No one knew. I was “only” taking 3 5mg a day but it was still enough to turn me into one. Then I found out I was pregnant. Suddenly it’s not just my own body and mind I’m screwing with. So the very first appointment I went too, I said “hey.. I have a problem and I need help” It was hard bc as soon as I told the nurse that, I could see and feel her demeanor towards me change. I kept that secret my entire pregnancy and for 3 months after. My partner had no idea and it was so stressful. I was so scared and as awful as it was when he finally found out, it was also such a relief to not carry that burden anymore by myself.
Idk if you’ve talked to your daughter about this or where her head is at… but she obviously needs help and if at this point, she’s not willing or able to do what she needs to in order to help not just herself but her babies… you do what needs to be done. You can’t force her into her. There are some things about being a loved one of an addict that are completely and devastatingly out of your control. Most of it, you see from the sidelines…. But this… helping those babies is something you can do.. and with hope.. maybe it will her your daughter too. I probably wouldn’t warn her about what you’re going to do .. you don’t want her to do something drastic. I’m sorry this is so long and I went off on my own shit so I’ll leave you with this. She is going to need your support. It’s ok to be disappointed and hurt and to convey that to it … but I think it’s also important to remind her that you love her and only want what’s best for and the kids. That it’s not a punishment. Don’t keep telling her how upset or angry or ashamed you are with her beyond the initial conversation. Even if that’s how you feel. If she’s anything like I was… she will be ashamed of herself enough too and repeating it will only make her defensive, especially if she’s still in the thick of it.
Support her how and where you can, but not to the detriment of yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I can imagine it is such a tough decision to make but at the end of the day, she’s responsible for herself and there are resources for her to utilize. Those babies don’t have that. She’s supposed to be that obviously right now she can’t.. but you can. I hope it’s what she needs to jumpstart her into action, making this a temporary situation. You are a good dad.
No you would not be wrong. Not only is it in the best interest for your grand babies, but for your daughter as well. They weren’t enough to get her to seek help and stop when she found out she was expecting and there were no “consequences” after she gave birth the first time. Maybe this is what she needs to kick start her into wanting to change. Perhaps she convinced herself (as addicts will do) that it was ok and because she couldn’t actually see the precious life in front of her while pregnant… it made it less real. Obviously that didn’t stop her when her first came but again… no real consequences affecting her status as mother.
I myself am a recovering addict. Addictive personalities run in my family. I would never have expected to go down that path. I was the responsible one out of all my siblings and even with my mom. She was an alcoholic and I was always cleaning up after her. When she got sober, is when it started for me. Idk if it was a mental release like.. now I don’t have to worry about anyone but me. I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did. I had all 4 impacted wisdom teeth removal and they gave me Oxys for the pain… and refilled it when I got dry socket in two. I still had left overs so I’d take one here and there. First only on my days off bc it felt good to drive around with my music loud. Then it was at work bc it gave me energy. Next thing I know, I can’t stop. I wasn’t taking them to get high anymore.. but to just feel normal and not sick. NThen I found out I was pregnant. Suddenly it’s not just my own body and mind I’m screwing with. So the very first appointment I went too, I said “hey.. I have a problem and I need help” It was hard bc as soon as I told the nurse that, I could see and feel her demeanor towards me change. I kept that secret my entire pregnancy from everyone who loved me and for 3 months after. My partner had no idea and it was so stressful. I was so scared and as awful as it was when he finally found out, it was also such a relief to not carry that burden anymore by myself.
Idk if you’ve talked to your daughter about this or where her head is at… but she obviously needs help and if at this point, she’s not willing or able to do what she needs to in order to help not just herself but her babies… you do what needs to be done. You can’t force her into it. There are some things about being a loved one of an addict that are completely and devastatingly out of your control. Most of it, you see from the sidelines…. But this… helping those babies is something you can do.. and with hope.. maybe it will her your daughter too. I probably wouldn’t warn her about what you’re going to do .. you don’t want her to do something drastic. I’m sorry this is so long and I went off on my own shit so I’ll leave you with this. She is going to need your support. It’s ok to be disappointed and hurt and to convey that to it … but I think it’s also important to remind her that you love her and only want what’s best for and the kids. That it’s not a punishment. Don’t keep telling her how upset or angry or ashamed you are with her beyond the initial conversation. Even if that’s how you feel. If she’s anything like I was… she will be ashamed of herself enough too and repeating it will only make her defensive, especially if she’s still in the thick of it.
Support her how and where you can, but not to the detriment of yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I can imagine it is such a tough decision to make but at the end of the day, she’s responsible for herself and there are resources for her to utilize. Those babies don’t have that. She’s supposed to be that obviously right now she can’t.. but you can. I hope it’s what she needs to jumpstart her into action, making this a temporary situation. You are a good dad.
Get those babies and file a emergency with the courts
Children Services should be taking the child away. Go after emergency custody of the child due to drug abuse. Also your daughter got hooked. We all like to blame others but she made this choice.
SAVE YOUR GRANDBABIES, right now your daughter is being selfish.
You’d be wrong not to get the grandkids and help your daughter with her addiction. OMG you poor man. This is heartbreaking
Absolutely not wrong. Those kids need a safe home while their mother gets help.
You would be doing the right thing, however as someone who had to make this call once thinking my family member would get help and straighten to take her child back, keep in mind it may not be as temporary as you think. Just saying be prepared for the long haul
I notice that OP hasn’t addressed the facts that the hospital can’t tell them their daughters medical history as she is an adult, then the fact that the hospital didn’t report the daughters drug use to CPS. So we have both a hospital and a nurse who have not gone the legal way of dealing with a drug addict parent. When people write their stories, they should at least know the very basics of the story to make it sound more authentic.
Seems like a bs post. If this was true CPS DCF would be all over taken those kids. And you would probably have custody already. Court isn't just going to give you custody bc you claim she does drugs
No. do it not Wrong at all
You definitely be doing the right thing…. Protect those babies..
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1mo
I know you will ! 😊
Don't blame the boyfriend. Your daughter chose to use while pregnant.
What are your plans for these kids? You'll be nearing 80 by the time they're out of school... Given current trends in life expectancy, you may not survive that long. Are there other family members able and willing to step up and help should your daughter fail to regain custody? I get not putting them into the system when they have family who love them and have the means to care for them.
Also... How close do you live to your daughter? Will she create chaos? You know she's going to be angry and resentful and she will blame you instead of her own bad choices. At least at first but possibly forever. There will be drama, guaranteed. Be prepared. She may not be willing to get treatment. The state could return the kids to her with minimal evidence she's clean (this happened to foster couples I know. Mom on meth. One clean UA and babies were returned to her.) Your daughter might move out of state and never let you see them again.
If you haven't already, get a good lawyer ASAP. Those kids need to be protected and the state and courts are limited in what they can do. You need an expert who can help you in this battle
The hospital would report to cps, that would be mandatory. But telling her relative is different. It's next of kin NOK
Try again moron. The hospital would report it to CPS yes. The hospital by law cannot tell anyone other than CPS if the daughter tested positive for drugs and a child was born addicted to drugs. Has nothing to do with next of kin bullshit. It’s a HIPAA violation.
You rule granny. This is the best you can do. Give them hope and love.
My god this sounds like my family. I'm more surprised that the hospital didn't do anything about it
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1mo
It was rough but things are starting to work out. Definitely fight for them, my parents did that when my brother and his baby momma lost the kids and it kinda worked out in the end. I'm sorry that this is happening to you right now. My best advice on to make sure you start the process before child services gets involved. Not all of the agents are good people.
I was adopted at birth by a loving family. I would look at that option before taking on two babies at 60. Otherwise the new parents are 80 when they are young adults. Just my 2 cents.
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1mo
My sister has custody but they set up that my niece getting custody back so difficult that my niece will never do it.
If a miracle should happen at this point and niece got clean I doubt any court would give him back. He is safe, doing great, and is loved.
He can’t force his daughter and her partner to sign over rights to adoption.
My mom took on my 4 year old niece in her 60s when my brother died. She’s 18 now. It’s very doable, and she was alone. If anything it’s kept her young.
You would not be wrong at all, you would be doing the right thing!