Like everyone here, I (F) was abused as a child and I know I have a really warped idea of what is normal because of it. When I was 4, my half brother (14 at the time) violated me in every possible way on at least more than one occasion, but only in one limited period of time at that age, no recurrence. My memory is fuzzy from that time period, but I think after it happened and my mother became aware, he was sent to live separately from us for a few months and I went to a couple therapy sessions. Eventually he moved back and I spent the entirety of my childhood continuing to live with him and I think my brother and mom just assumed I wouldn’t remember it, and it’s never been brought up since. I also have no idea if anyone else at all knows about what happened or if it’s just my mom and brother. Just pretending like it never happened I guess. I’ve done therapy and a lot of self-work to manage the problems this has caused in my life, but now I’m at a crossroads and am about to reach a point where I’m going to end up exploding my whole family because of this terrible thing happening to me.

I had a daughter a few months ago, and she’s just the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced in life. Finding out I was having a girl was emotional, and has triggered me continuously since. Not because she’s a girl, but because I have genuinely no idea how my mom could let what happened to me happen and did nothing to protect me. I would die for my daughter, and that’s just not an exaggeration. But she always loved my brother more than me, even after what he did. Rant aside, my husband has always been aware of what happened to me as a kid, but I only told him who did it while I was pregnant. Since finding out, he has decided there’s absolutely no way my brother is going to meet her or be around her, and I truly know that’s totally reasonable. However, my brother is significantly more involved with my family than I am, and that means that I either have to spend the rest of my parents and other siblings lives avoiding all family gatherings with my daughter to avoid having to bring this up to the family (which will be horrifically triggering), or I bring it up, talk about it, and either get ostracized for it or get my brother ostracized. I don’t know how to handle this, and I’m curious if anyone else has ever been in this situation or could weigh in. Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.