Those who have periods - is it a trigger? TW - CSA

DAE (Does Anyone Else?)

TW for CSA,description of r*pe and flashbacks * * * * * * * * * * When my dad would sexually assault me as a child, I experienced excruciating pain in my lower abdomen. It felt like my insides were being ripped apart. Like he was going to burst through my stomach.

I (29f) have always had really painful periods. Sometimes OTC pain meds don’t even touch the pain. I find them really triggering. The pain feels similar to what I experienced during the assaults. Also, sometimes I would bleed after he would assault me, so seeing the blood during my period is also really difficult. Sometimes I wouldn’t even remember being assaulted, but I would feel pain and see blood and just get this sinking feeling of dread.

This weekend was especially bad. The pain was terrible. I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed and I was having the most horrible constant flashbacks. I could feel his weight on top of me, his breath on my neck. Smell his sweat. Feel him inside me. I was flooded with memories and it took my breath away. I was panicking. The flashbacks were so vivid and seemed so real.

I feel a little crazy. For those of you who have periods, do you experience anything similar?

I know I could go on birth control, but I’m terrified to go to the doctor.

in adultsurvivorsby Huge-Cartographer629

100%

pyro-pussy

if you have never been to a obgyn, I highly recommend it for you.

there might be other reasons that give you this much pain including endometriosis, poc, cysts, scar tissue and so much more.

you definitely can talk to the doctor and tell them what happened. during the first visit, they don't have to do anything like a pap smear or vaginal exam. you can just talk and get recommendations.

then next time you go, you can get the exam done and the doctor can tell you what exactly is wrong.

I know obgyn appointments can be very triggering.

I personally have found a very kind female doctor who is very careful. she always respects my boundaries, listens to my feedback and also wrote me a doctor's note when the pain was too much to work.

One-Being-9174

I get this. The lower abdomen pain is something I’ve had what I think are somatic memories of, I really struggle with tampons and also just the general pain/ache feeling down there is triggering.

For years I would feel physically sick and very depressed during my periods, I always thought it was hormonal but now I think I’ve connected it to being triggered.

I also get the feeling of a weight of a body on top of me sometimes, not sure if during period specifically as it all gets kinda hazy afterwards.

Sending support, you’re not alone

firetrainer11

Yes. I thankfully don’t have much period pain. However, the sight of blood and the feeling of using tampons can be very triggering. I can’t use pads because I used them as a kid after he made me bleed. He told my mom that I got my period to explain the blood. Whenever I have a period now, I keep wanting to prove to myself that it was actually blood from being raped and not just period blood. This leads me into flashbacks and on occasion, SH so I can compare the blood from my body to period blood. Using a tampon at the end of my cycle when things are dry is also upsetting.

Number-Null

im so sorry to hear about your flashbacks and for what was done to you, im sending you love and i hope that you are feeling a little better. i relate a lot to the flashbacks you shared, especially what you said with "weight on top of me". yes, periods are a trigger for me too. anything to do with "down there" is a trigger. my body and my pelvic floor is so incredibly detached from one another, i dont know how to explain this, but its as if my pelvic floor is instead of a part of my body it is its whole own trauma. any sensation/touch from my own body that even just reminds me i have a pelvic floor/private areas makes it feel like im falling off the earth and my body goes "ALERT!!", so periods is difficult because they are so physical (and often a lot of that physical will be felt in those areas).

NecessaryAntelope816

Yes, this is a struggle for me too.

TP30313

First, I'm sorry for what you went through! That is awful and horrendous and of course should have never happened. 😞

Second, I definitely relate. I've been in therapy doing EMDR related to CSA, also by my dad, and lately I've noticed that my periods are triggering for me as well. For me I think it's definitely the visual piece, but I also had some pretty serious medical stuff that led to chronic anemia so that plays a part also. I haven't brought it up to my therapist, because it's embarrassing and I thought I was being silly. Your post has helped me see though that it's definitely not silly and being triggered by something like this is understandable given our life experiences. Just wanted you to know that someone out there hears you and relates.

throwawayart4

Hey! I struggle with this, I’m on my period right now and it sucks! I get painful, heavy, relatively long periods. It used to be significantly more triggering for me to the point that I’d dissociate or freeze a lot during it, and even now my default is to sort of ignore the sensations/keep reminding myself that this is different, nobody is hurting me and it’s just my body doing a natural thing (even though it hurts and feels scarily familiar and uncomfortable). I also still use a similar coping strategy as I did when I was a kid during the abuse, which is a hot compress (it’s actually a warmable teddy bear my abuser got me to deal with my “tummy aches”) and lots of hot baths. It doesn’t take away the pain but it does make it easier and is comforting to my inner child. Doing things like that also help me to get out of flashbacks because they were things that signaled to me that the abuse was over for the moment, so that could be something to try because it sort of “closes the loop” for me by showing the part of myself that I can access the post-abuse thing and therefore don’t need to be stuck in the “anticipation staring at the door and waiting” and get out of the feeling like it’s happening again feeling. Like a bath, compress, a snack, a shower, a comforting show, a change of clothes, a walk outside to bring me back to the present.

I also found that using certain types of period products like tampons and menstrual cups was hard for me and can trigger more pain/cramping and discomfort due to my vaginismus and scarring, so I use pads and period underwear even though the sensation of fluids coming out of that part of my body is also triggering, it’s helped with those additional pains.

If you live in an area where it’s accessible to you, CBD tinctures and other cannabis products have also helped with the pain for me! certain strains can make you feel kind of dizzy or spacey so I’d stick with products that are CBD forward.

When you’re not on your period, it might also help to explore some somatic practices to help be in touch with your body and relief stress and pain, that’s made a big difference for me too and I can use them during my period. Like certain yoga poses and things I’ve learned from occupational therapy have really helped me when they’re accessible (usually on a later day in my period or leading up to it, when I’m not in the “curled up on the couch down for the count” part of my period.

I hope some of this is helpful, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!

SheHatesTheseCans

I haven't had this with periods specifically, but I have had bodily sensations that are triggering in the way you're describing. Our bodies learned to associate the sensation with a particular event and/or abusive person, so we may get visual flashbacks or emotional flashbacks when we have that sensation or pain, even if it has nothing to do with the traumatic event.

I found Pete Walker's book From Surviving to Thriving to be most helpful for these types of bodily flashbacks because they're subconscious emotional flashbacks. I don't think they can really be solved with talk therapy. Non-verbal therapies like art, music, or dance therapy , or a somatic therapist who's well trained to work with trauma, may be helpful as well.

Huge-Cartographer629

Thank you - I’ll have to check out that book. I think the bodily flashbacks are some of the worst things ever. They’re so intense

SheHatesTheseCans

Yes, literally a visceral reaction. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

The other thing that helps me are guded meditation videos, especially body scan and chakra work videos. I don't believe in chakras in a real mystical way, but the visualizations have helped me identify reactive areas of my body and process the energy and trauma held there.

AutoModerator

Welcome to r/adultsurvivors. Please be aware that all posts to this subreddit are publicly visible. If you see something that breaks the rules or doesn't look right, please let us know anonymously by using the report button. You can also reach out to us through modmail using the link at the bottom of this comment.

Please see our post on what to do if you get inappropriate messages.

It is not uncommon for members of this and similar subreddits to get inappropriate, unsolicited DMs or chat requests. We ban DM creeps regularly, and you can find our list of them here. Offering or requesting to message privately is not allowed here. There are no exceptions to this rule.

Links

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.