That's it. That's the post. They said it's my fault
Yo my partner just told me I'm the reason they are abusive to me
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My sister died 2 years ago and I’m still grieving her, but I try to limit my misery to the month of October as it’s when her death anniversary and birthday occur. I even take off from work during this time period to mourn. He took this opportunity to start fights and berate me over trivial nonsense and thinks I should “just get over it.” I’ve never experienced anything like this and I’ve been through a lot.
I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to endure that kind of cruel indifference from your partner.
Grief is different for everyone, the worst thing we can do for ourselves is ignore it or try to control it. I give you a lot of credit for taking the time you do to be with the memory of your sister. I think emotionally immature people can feel threatened by people dealing with heavy emotions in a healthy way. It takes a lot of strength to sit with those feelings.
Mine did a lot of things for himself then assumed I would just follow his lead, shamed me and called me lazy and fat in covert judgement ways (he wouldn't dare be caught saying it directly). He also unequivocally stated that he cannot be around depression. How do you think that worked for processing my grief? My god, the more I talk about it the more I am shocked with what I put up with.
Wow this! I’ve not read something so relatable in a while. The way we are not allowed to process feelings unless it suits them.. even when it’s due to the loss of a family member or someone close to us. I remember going through an extremely hard time and my ex was not supportive at all, his response was to not talk to me, check on me or take me out anywhere as I ‘didn’t smile’ enough for his liking and I didn’t take pictures of my food which he would buy me.. I was literally grieving and just wanted him to cuddle me and watch films with me. But as I didn’t match his vision of what grieving should look like I deserved to be discarded for that period of time.
I'm so sorry, you deserved to be nurtured and seen during that time (and always for that matter).
When I needed to veg and recharge he would seem fine... But then some time down the line he'd throw an insult at me for just wanting to watch TV and that our major accomplishment as a couple was finishing so many series (despite having a pretty active social life and active outdoors). So then I started getting anxious when I was sick and needed actual rest, feeling like I needed to justify and explain my symptoms, which is odd for me because I normally mask well. But I was also so exhausted all the time and felt so confused all the time that I really needed the rest.