My parents are extremely religious. Every time I make friends there’s something wrong with them and they hate them. They think friendships aren’t important only family is. I will try talking to them into allowing me to have friends and go out with them often (I’m currently allowed to go out around once a month after begging them)and they get mad at me for this still. Any tips on how to approach this ? I want to get on their good side I can’t handle any more of this. How do I convince them friends are okay and it’s okay if they don’t dress modestly it doesn’t mean they are sl*ts.
Tips on talking my conservative parents into allowing me friends
I don’t live with them actually! I managed to go to a different country to study but they want me to introduce my roommate an I’m very afraid it would not go well. It’s someone they knew earlier and all ready hated. Also I have a lot of friends back home that keep asking me to vist them and it’s draining to keep saying no and losing a lot of friends.
I'll be very honest here....
Do your parents have the ability to force you back to them? If not, tell them and then ignore their opinions. Go low or no contact if you can.
If they do have the ability, then telling them that this was just the dorm assignment or that you're looking for a new roommate to replace the one they don't approve of can be an excellent stalling tactic.
Get out and do things with your friends.
But, you still have to be safe. That means:
- Buddy system. Take a friend that you actually trust when going somewhere new.
- Always have money to get yourself back to your residence hidden somewhere on your body. (Not in wallet or purse.) They make belts and shoes with compartments for this, and they're not as expensive as you might think.
- Dark alleys, lockable rooms, and dead ends are not your friend. Stay out of them.
- If the situation feels dangerous or off, get your buddy (which you should have) and leave. IF someone tries to stop you, take whatever action you deem necessary. Especially if they lay hands on you. If needed, local law enforcement can sort it out later. You just need to survive and be safe.
- Make sure someone you trust (that isn't going) knows where you're going and when you expect to be back.
- If you're not driving, and the person that is starts to take you somewhere else, get out of there. (e.g. "Oh, the party is going to be at <new location>!")
- Do not accept opened food or drink.
- Do not leave food or drink unattended and come back to it.
- Watch carefully anyone that's in range to add things to your food or drink. Most add things to the drink, so keep it covered with one hand if possible.
- Stick to nonalcoholic beverages.
- Do not be under the influence of any drugs that impede your ability to move, think, etc. Legal or not. (Does not apply to drugs prescribed to you by your psychiatrist, such as antidepressants.)
- Make sure to keep your phone in reach - purse, pocket, etc.
You will not convince them. It is not because there is something wrong with your friends. Your parents are narcissistic and they dont want you to have outside relationships. Go out and have friends and dont tell your parents about it. Donr let your friends meet your parents. You are not gonna change their narcissistic personality nor convince them anyway. Even if you convince, they will retaliate with something else thats completely unrelated later. Just be secret about all your relationships and never tell them about your friends.
I'll be honest, I never quite managed to make my mother 100% okay with mine. I think it's just something in the mindset. I had only one friend from 2nd grade until I hit adulthood. I wasn't allowed to spend time with anyone else. Even then, there were no sleepovers or going out without an adult. (Namely her.)
That said, the best solution I found was to turn 18 and get out of there. Not having to introduce my mother to my friends worked wonders for my social life.