I told my stepson 20 times do not drive my car! My lease is up, I got a buyer & I will make some good $ off the deal, no accidents, under mileage, no stains on inside and not a scratch on the exterior. He crashed it twice on the same day a mile from the house and 200 yards apart from each crash.
User deleted comment
8mo
I tried.
User deleted comment
8mo
Tried that. No luck.
The trick is you can't just place anything on the side of the road for free and expect people to take it. They'll think it's busted.
You have to have a sign that says "$20" and someone will quickly load it into their truck and take it for free before you know it!
I actually did this with a car once, it wasn't worth anymore than scrap and there wasn't a scrap yard within driving distance open when I had time off. I put a sign on it free with the keys in it and the title on the seat. A month later I turned the sign over and put $500 two days later I had a shrewd negotiatior bargin it down to $150 because that was all he could pay and still make something hauling it to the scrap yard. The guy was an ass about the whole thing and about shit his pants when I flipped the sign over as I was taking it off the car.
He probably thinks he is worth more than 20 bucks
User deleted comment
8mo
He tried that too and still no luck
Time to go out and buy some milk
Time to go to the store for some milk
I wouldn't advise that. My dad went out for milk ten years ago and never came back. It's dangerous out there.
User deleted comment
8mo
Not sure why. And I have been riding with him to see if he got worse.
Maybe drive with him to the optician
Since you are planning to sell the car anyway, get an appraisal with the current damage from someplace like CarMax. When you talk to insurance, let them know you want to know what they would give you if you did not repair the car. Get a quote from a shop you trust to fix the damage as well. Sometimes, what a dealership will deduct for damage is less than what the insurance company will give you.
Also, make sure you keep whatever sales post you used to sell the vehicle and any communication you had with the buyer, especially in regards to price. You can use this to establish the pre-accident value of the vehicle when you discuss diminished value with insurance.
Sorry this happened to you. I hope everything works out.
Or, as an outrageous idea but stick with me…make sure your son can’t get a hold of the car keys? You clearly can’t control him so that’s the next best thing
Yeah, really. Desperate measures when you cohabitate with someone who doesn’t respect you.
Keeping your keys on you is not a desperate measure.
Nobody in my family can drive my vehicle without asking me, because the key is in my pocket. It's not a security issue, I just keep my keys in my pocket.
Sounds uncomfortable when sleeping.
Obviously you can't keep them in your pants pocket while you sleep.
That's what the prison pocket is for.
You woud have to drop the price of the car about 15k for anyone to take him
Agreed
How do you get into 2 accident less then a mile apart on the same day? He must be under the influence of something or on his phone
Honestly a second accident doesn't surprise me, the adrenaline rush and jitters from the first is more than enough to cause a distraction for the second accident to take place.
Yeah I've been in an accident before, your brain is in panic mode for the next hour basically. You start focusing on the wrong things, make stupid mistakes, etc. If you can drive away from an accident it's best to pull over and just breath for a while until you calm down.
Sounds like he gets to buy your car.
I’m driving his for now. And he walks. What sucks is my wife is mad at me.
She sounds lovely
She truly is. She mad because I make him walk.
Cool so take her car and she can walk
Better yet let her son drive her car and she can walk.
Yep. Im sure he wont do it again.
Yeah, he seems like a trustworthy fellow
Plus he’s got a record to beat
Sounds like his mother is great and doesn’t enable him at all
Oooh, this is delightfully evil.
If she thinks OP is too hard on him, then she can be inconvenienced by the situation.
I have, she took a Uber.
Now it's time to take the Uber's car and make the Uber driver walk.
Stick to this. She's an enabler. Don't allow her to treat you with this level of disrespect
This is absolutely the right answer. That said, it’s easier said than done when you’re A) married to the enabler and B) a step parent to the enablee. Hopefully it ends up as a family-relationship-building situation rather than an item on a list of irreconcilable differences.
Not a bonding moment. But this has opened up more lines of communication. We are doing fine.
OP sounds like they’re doing fine to me. I don’t detect any hesitation or regret lol
We are down a car so yes stepson or my wife takes Uber if needed.
May I ask, who is paying for the Ubers? I hate driving and if all I need to do is crash my dad's car to get free Uber, I might crash his cars daily. /s
But seriously. Are you paying for the Uber in return for teaching them a lesson? It might be back firing if so and just your wife may be mad. The step son might be seeing this as free rides whenever now.
Tell him to walk or buy a bicycle. You can pick em up used and rideable (and a helmet, always wear a helmet) for less than $200, easy. That's like 5 Uber rides, which he's now probably spending in a week or less.
This should be pinned in r/relationships as a how to guide for measuring an ounce of self-respect.
She's his enabler.
Yikes. Hate to break it to you but that kids going to be living with you for another 20 years while she continues to coddle him
She is over protective. My ex was like that with her son, teaching him lessons? what's that? Son should have everything he wants, we should bow to his every whims...
Take their keys and they can both walk.
Something about apples and trees can't remember
Oh heck nahhhhh she should be mad and disappointed in him you only got screwed over in this situation in no point not should you feel like you have to stress at all about this but the fact the kid probably won't even pay back and step up is the only reason to stress
Hope the best for you good luck with It all!
Thanks He is her only child and she has sacrificed so much for him. He has paid for the out of pocket costs.
And he'd never again drive a car of mine. He buys his own from now on and pays for insurance.
He had a car. But it is mine now.
If he had a car, why did he drive yours?
Probably because his was in the shop, since he seems to average about 2 crashes per day.
I don't understand how you can be tha bad at driving. Bro averaged more crashes in a day than I have in my life.
Probably because it’s nicer and he wants to show off.
How is she mad at you?!?
She thinks the humiliation and cost is enough. Making her only child walk is too much.
Unless it's 100 degrees outside and it's an hour walk, wherever he's going, I don't see the problem.
I'm glad that I'm able to walk to work. Only time I have to myself and can hear my own thoughts.
He crashed a car TWICE. Not driving is for his own safety! She should be insane to let him sit behind the wheel just like that. Damage to the car and costs is a problem, but his clear lack of responsibility as a person AND as a driver is THE problem.
Agree some people should not be driving. In these crashes know one was hurt. And not his fault on one.
Spoiled brat huh?
He has been low maintenance up until this point. He never asks for anything. Only thing he wants are nice gym shoes.
And to drive your car it seems.
Sounds like he needs a good pair of walking/running shoes to go with them.
He stole then crashed your car. That’s quite the ramp up from nothing.
Needed to balance the maintenance somehow
How old is he?
20
She’s an enabler. But You know that
Take her car. Let her walk or Uber it.
He walks because his work and the gym he goes to is less than a mile away. She won’t walk. But she has had to Uber a few times.
Well, she could provide him with her car.
She tries.
Idk why you’d leave the keys laying around his dumbass. If you have to tell him not to drive your shit, you obviously can’t trust him.
She’s more than likely the reason he felt entitled to drive your car
Was he drunk??? Twice in one outing? And can't walk to work or the gym that is under a mile? I would love it if my work and gym were under a mile from where I live, I would never drive!
Not drunk. But a sense of entitlement.
You mean "not drunk but a shit driver".
but a shit driver
And yet the DMV is incentivized to simply sell licenses to unable drivers rather than make sure they're able to actually control a 2-ton hunk of steel hurdling down the road.
I live in the UK mate where the driving test is considered somewhat difficult. Boggles the mind that they're so much more lax over in the US with it all.
Selling us licenses is basically free money for the government. You don't need to know the laws or any kind of defensive or protective driving, you just need to know where the ignition, pedals, shifter, and steering wheel are. We've basically been told that you can learn everything else as you fuck up. Hopefully that doesn't result in a death.
If you want to learn more, here's a manual. Most people don't read it, but if you want to learn how to do it right, here it is.
I have no clue how difficult the written test is anymore, but the way I've seen people ignore basic signs and then yell at someone else for their fuck-up, I have to imagine there's no written test anymore.
At least in my state, Maine, there is definitely a written test still. It's the most basic of knowledge though like "what are the RED octagonal signs?" Or "if 3 people show up at a 4 way stop, who goes first?" And it's multiple choice... that you only need to get 80% right.
Once you turn 18 you don't even need to take driver's education classes, just the written test and then you get given a permit where you need to drive 70 hours with an adult driver in the passenger seat, 10(?) of which are after dark. Then you go for your driving test to see if you get your license itself. But you're already out there driving on the road before actually being taught anything beyond the ideas of driving.
I personally have a bigger issue with the fact that we're only ever tested that ONE time. I feel like we should get retested EVERY time we go to renew our licenses.
Laws and policies change and people don't keep up with it all because they aren't enforced. We have a law for safety purposes that requires drivers to turn on their headlights whenever their windshield wipers are on but half don't do so. Small thing perhaps but it's a huge difference in visibility and there's often little changes like that over the time between when someone gets their first license at 16-20 and when they stop driving at like 80.
I'd happily do driving tests every 7 years when I renew my license if it was required and it would just make so much sense and make things safer.
Then making him walk is the least you need to do for him. Engendering entitlement is terrible IMO. Why on earth shouldn’t he have to help pay for the damage?
How does he have access to your keys
People tend to know where the people they live with keep their keys.
And family situations are a bit different than roommate situations when it comes to having locked/separate spaces.
My job is only four miles from my house, I could bike it on a nice day!
Except the entire route is industrial 55mph roads with no bike lane or shoulder. It feels cruel.
Driving your car without permission is theft. He is 20 and doing this and his mom is ok with it? Good luck with all of that
Edited to add: OP states in the comments that the stepson is 20 y/o
She is pissed but to soft on him.
He needs to make you whole financially.
Insurance is going to pay out here. Calculate the loss from the money you would have made on the sale above what you get from insurance and make him pay that.
Plus the deductible, and if your insurance premiums increase, he needs to pay the difference x6 (you have 6 6-month policies over the 3 years that they hold you responsible on insurance).
I learned the hard way it’s actually 5 years before accidents are technically “gone.” I recently hit the 3 year mark on an accident where some idiot texting totaled my car (no fault state, yay! My insurance over doubled) and I thought at the 3 year mark I’d get my old rates back, I have Geico and when I asked my agent about it he said, the weight of the accident does decrease at 3 year mark but still is considered. It’s not until 5 years that it is no longer visible on the record. He had said at the time it’s like that with most insurance carriers, but all I know for sure is that’s how Geico does it.
Get quotes from other insurance companies. You'll probably end up paying way less if you switch now.
How do you "make" him pay anything if the mom dgaf?
I imagine you could take him to court if you have to. Someone can’t just drive your car without permission, crash it, and get off without penalty.
Honestly to the law he’s a 20 year old adult who stole someone’s car, took it for a spin, and crashed it. Doesn’t matter whose kid he is.
Where does that leave your marriage, though? If you pull that ripcord, you better be willing to lose the wife.
If the car was driven with permission I can see why the wife might have a huff.
But if her son took it without permission and she still think OP is AH then maybe there are fundamental matrimonial problems which the car just highlights.
User deleted comment
8mo
But you didn't tell him 21 times!
I’m sorry that happened to you! I have the same exact car in the same exact color! Honda Civic Sport.
If my son did that, I’d make him work it off and pay for the repairs.
It was a good car, good gas mileage.
well, it's not totalled right? Mostly costmetic?
3,500. Then other crash 2 rims and 2 tires.
Then he owes you $3,500 plus however much the altered history reduces your sale price. Not sure how old he is but if he’s old enough to drive he’s old enough to pay you back
Exactly. Whatever amount of $ it takes to repair is money the son is paying. It sucks with how the buyer probably won’t buy the car anymore though.
How does that even happen? Is he braindead?
Possible
My question is how does a person this reckless and disrespectful to instruction even have access to the car's keys?
If she had to tell him 20 times to not do this, then obviously there is a precedent of him not listening and doing dumb shit. Sounds like this person needs to be treated like you'd treat a drug addict in the family, meaning lock up everything of value and give them zero trust.
Your stepson doesn’t respect you… He’s lucky you’re not reporting him for stealing your car since that’s what this is.
So truuuuue he could have reported it as stolen and vandalism
Theft, possibly, since OP says he’s told him not to drive it. “Vandalism”, aka criminal mischief, is a criminal act that requires intent. Accidents, by their very nature, are unintentional. So a traffic crash can only be considered criminal activity when someone causes it on purpose - like road rage.
User deleted comment
8mo
dude you should 100% make him pay for the damages, that's so fucked up of him. crashing twice makes me think he was under the influence of something
This was my first thought too and I was surprised not to see it higher in the comments. Especially with the whole hitting a high curb, and OP mentioned there were a total of 3 accidents (just two in the one day). My spidey senses immediately thought "drugs!".
*Ex-stepson
Hopefully he moves out soon. But my luck he never moves out.
So is he the man of the house?
Stepson wears the dad pants.
Just kicked out my 26 yr old stepson, can't tell you how happy I am. Hope you get to experience this bliss someday.
Me too. My 3 kids don’t live with us.
Man up or accept your role as a doormat. That man, he's not a kid, needs to make this financially right or leave your house.
Hmmm, sounds like you need a new stepson, or wife for that matter.
My wife gets a pass on this because she saved my life a few years ago. My heart stopped and she revived me.
Ahh, got ya! Now you’re even!!! Hope it all works out 👍
Thanks
Life debts are a serious thing. Make sure to save her life as soon as possible to make it even.
This was the second time I died while married to her. I died on a operating table. Gallbladder ruptured.
I feel there's a pattern here that I can't put my finger on.
How many times did you die while not married to her?
same, is OP sure she isnt casting hexes or some shit, just to swoop in and save his life to keep him indebted to her?
That’s why chewy never leaves Han
Given the sons track record with this car, you're saving her childs life by making him walk.
You could put him up for adoption.
I tried no takers.
Break him for spares? Liver can fetch £40k. Allegedly.
Time for that kid to go through the unwinding.
Yea I got that in mind.
Wow. My dad would have murdered me.
Why in the world did he have access to the keys in the first place?
How old is this guy? He may be legally responsible, too. GTA.
People leave keys by the front door. He shouldn't have to hide them from a 20 year old.
Not saying OP should have to hide them, or that this is OP’s fault at all, but I’d love to know more about why he told his stepson 20 times about this. Like was the kid known to take the car without permission? Was he always asking for the car keys?
Sounds like your step son can’t drive for shit
How old is your stepson?
20
Press charges for theft or sue him civilly for the damage. 20 is a great age to learn a few life lessons.
Keep your key to yourself
I hear you.
Does he pay rent? Cause if not, now sounds like a fantastic time to make him start, make him learn those life lessons, sounds like he missed a bunch of them growing up. Either that or whup his ass, thats one of the lessons he missed CLEARLY.
Next time perhaps don’t let him get the keys?
He has his own car!
He had YOUR keys!
At 20 years old I didn’t think it would be necessary to hide keys. But the fact I can’t trust him sucks.
Sounds to me like he stole your car. Sounds to me he needs to learn the consequences of stealing a vehicle.
Believe it or not, jail!
undercook, overcook, straight to jail
He called me and I was at the accident before police. I had some words with him about that, it rattled him.
it rattled him.
I'm sure it will rattle him next time too
and the next one
User deleted comment
8mo
I really thought he knew better when it comes to the cars. But I guess not.
Seems like youll be collecting monthly repair money from hin now
Just let hin pay repairs + a 20% fee for entitlement
Shoulda told him 21 times I guess.
When I was a teenager I would take my mom's car a lot without permission. One day she got so fed up with it, she called the police. I was charged with Unauthorized Use of a Motor Vehicle. I had to go to court, I got a year supervised probation, I had to pay money etc.... I never stole my mom's car again. I think you should look into pressing charges to make sure this doesn't happen again, and your insurance will probably be more likely to pay it off if it was a criminal act.
Insurance paid and his insurance went up.
User deleted comment
8mo
If you felt the need to tell it 20 times it means you already knew that saying it has no power.. you fucked up for not actually taking preventive actions.
Sell the stepson for parts... a kidney runs 50k on the "second hand market"
Had my own step son who would have done exactly this. My keys were never available. Either on my person or locked up.
I didn't think that is how a lease works? Don't you just return the car?
No. At the beginning of a lease you are given the options of how you want it to end and what the estimated value of the vehicle is when you return it. When the lease ends, you can buy it at the price they estimated or you can return it. You still own it during the lease so you can also attempt to sell it for more than the value it was estimated when you entered the lease.
Example: in 2015, I leased a brand new vehicle. At the end of the lease, it was valued at $32,340. When the lease neared its end in 2018, I was able to sell the vehicle for $38,500. I paid the dealership the $32,340, and I kept the $6,160.
How did he even get the keys
Not to take anything away from his stupidity and refusal to follow a simple rule, but why does your stepson have access to the keys of a car you've repeatedly told him he's not allowed to drive?
Sounds like he bought your car.
How does he drive the car without a key?
Or why does he still have access to the key?
How old is he? He needs to pay for this. Stealing a car is grand theft. He needs to understand this and the word “NO”
Give him a bill for the difference. Any money he comes into is yours until the balance is paid out.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I mean…. This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion. But if the kid is as entitled as you say he is. And you explicitly told him to not drive your car. Teach him a lesson and report the situation and make him deal with the actual consequences of car theft and an accident?
If he is going to fuck around… he will find out. Entitlement thrives when there are no consequences to actions. The kid clearly doesn’t respect you.
/r/Wellthatsucks is now over on lemmy!
https://lemmy.ml/c/wellthatsucks
![email protected]
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.