How does your partner support you?

He comes up with solutions to my problems/concerns. He holds me and reminds how strong I am when I'm having a hard moment and listens to everything I say. He also reads my body language very well and he'll initiate a conversation. He asks me how I'm doing and how I'm feeling everyday.

I’ve been sick with depression and burnout for coming up on 5 years. My husband shoulders the majority of chores, takes care of our children, and supports me with a smile, all while working. He makes me breakfast every morning. He brings me coffee on the couch.

I love him so much and I have no idea what I did to deserve this man.

After 23 years together, my second marriage is full of things my husband has done that have made me take a step back and go, "Wow, he actually gets it!"

When we were fresh-married, I had a partial hysterectomy due to cancer that was caught early. Afterwards, I was on three weeks of bed rest. We had four kids all under the age of 10, we both had full-time jobs, and a house we needed to look after...And he did it all. The only time I got out of bed was for doctor appointments and to go to the bathroom. He brought me meals/drinks, made sure I took meds, and fielded when my coworkers occasionally showed up with questions about some of my job functions. This was the first time we'd gone through a challenge where I was completely down, and I got to see him run an entire home on his own. I'm independent and am used to getting things done, so when I got up once to put away my fresh-laundered clothes, he rushed in and made me lie back down, while he saved things and fussed at me for daring to endanger my own recovery. The kicker? I didn't do any pre-surgery prep in the house, so he also did the grocery shopping, kept up with kids' school lunches, uniforms, homework, etc. The household ran flawlessly, as it always had, even though I had almost no way to participate. Dude even shaved my legs for me a few times, because I couldn't bend down to do it myself and I was hating that stubbly feeling. Now THAT takes some love to do. (and some trust)

Same thing happened a few years later, when I had an outpatient tonsillectomy that turned into pneumonia and landed me in a hospital for a week. And he did the same thing again when I broke my ankle. My spouse just shouldered everything, and left me to heal.

He gives me space to do my hobbies, and has learned to encourage my creativity. Most recent example was when he found a 1935 Singer 99 sewing machine at a thrift store and called me over to look at it, because he realized it was smaller than my other machines (he was right, it was a 3/4 machine, and one I'd been looking for). When I determined it was busted but could be fixed, he purchased it. And when I was stripping that machine down, reconditioning it, changing parts, and rebuilding it, he gave me space to do it. The result? I now have a tiny little workhorse machine that sews flawlessly and perfectly. He was taught to sew, as well, so he definitely understands my liking to have a good machine...And even though he doesn't understand why I have so many (4, all 1950s or older), he knows it makes me happy to have different machines for different projects. I haven't yet told him that this newest machine is the absolute best for me to sew covers for our leather sofa. (Gotta keep those cats from scratching on it.)

We hear a lot about mental load in this sub especially, and it makes me grateful my spouse can and does take on that hidden work without me asking. Again, he grocery shops far more than I do, because he knows I have a particular hatred for going into grocery stores like Walmart. He'll remember to throw something in the crockpot so we'll have a meal when we get home from work. He plans out meals, cleans the living spaces, pays bills, prices out things we need, takes care of the home exterior, takes care of the vehicles, etc. And yes, he notices when the garbage can is full.

Most recently, we started working on land I had inherited. He knows this land is separate property. He knows he will never have his name on the deed. He knows that my decisions regarding this land are the final decisions. And yet he has cleared the land, put up gates, and helped me tremendously in planning out our eventual retirement on that property. This morning, he's out there cutting the grass. He's a city guy, and has no clue what running a farm entails, but he's willing to learn. I fully believe he's going to be successful at it, just as he's successful at so many other things in life.

He does so many things right. "Weaponized incompetence" isn't something he would use, because as he said, "that's just somebody being lazy and not wanting to admit it". And he prioritizes my happiness, because he believes that we are both in this relationship and therefore we both need to be happy with it. So many people get so caught up in the power dynamic in a marriage that they forget it's not one person living their life, while the other person suffers - It's two people creating a shared trajectory. I'm blessed to be able to share my life with him, and equally blessed that he shares his life with me.

No, he's not perfect. He hates doing his own laundry, he regularly misses the hamper, he can and has left some grand kitchen messes after he's finished cooking, he'll scratch his balls in public places, and his tools have a habit of appearing somewhere in the house and just staying there for a while. But in the grand scheme of things, those are small annoyances, and I have some annoying habits of my own. But there's so much that he contributes to the relationship, and so much he gives of himself emotionally and intellectually, that the relationship feels balanced in terms of what we contribute to it. I'm grateful for what we have. Life would be much harder and much, much lonelier without him in it.

When I shattered my elbow and dislocated my wrist and ultimately needed 3 surgeries, my husband learned how to braid hair and do a blowout. He knew how important some semblance of normalcy was to me when I was struggling to do anything for myself.

Last month, my cat got extremely sick, which happened to flare up my anxiety at the same time my PMS started. I get severe PMS mood-swings (probably undiagnosed PMDD), and this paired with my anxiety and stress led me to have anxiety attacks over three days, followed by a short bout of depression. During that time, my partner made sure I rested, made sure the cat received her medical treatment every day, made sure I ate something regularly (even if I didn't feel up to it), and gave me cuddles whenever I needed them.

I was better within a week, and the cats back to normal, and I am so so grateful for my partner. He knew what I needed and took care of me.

Any time of day or night if I say "I wish I had a snack/treat" .. he is at the door, shoes are on and he's saying "what do you want?".

If I stub my toe and cry out, he comes running to kiss me better.

Everything I craft / draw / paint is a masterpiece in his eyes and he is always excited to see it.

Extreme unselfish in the bedroom haha.

He listens deeply when I talk and is very engaging.. even when it's just something like Taylor Swift non sense.

He has pretty bad depression, trauma, ADHD and autism that makes a lot of things in life hard for him to keep up with, but boy does he try and he is extremely grateful for all the help / mental support he gets from me.

Edit: another one-- despite struggling to maintain a job/build his own career... he is extremely intelligent and helps guide me in my job struggles... he shares so much about the world/math/science with me. I'm learning chess from him and am getting better, when I legitimately checkmate him, he smiles huge!

My partner, even though working at sea, is very involved with our only child. He does a good load of housework, does the daycare stuff, is always with me with our kid's appointments (kid has a speech and some behavioural delays which are actually pretty hard on the both of us but especially him). He always hypes my achievements up and worries if I can rest enough. Does the majority of housework while not at sea since I work a 9-5. When we are not stressed, we are still romantic with eachother even though it's been 11 years. We give each other evenings odf, manage to sometimes go on dates. While it IS tough for us atm due to the aforementioned speech thing because we build our life around how to make it best for our kid, I'm lucky to have him.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 25. It comes with a healthy dose of anxiety. It’s been tough for me to adjust to meds, therapy, controlling my emotions. My husband is so patient with me and he does things to help like makes lists or puts a list of things in the deep freezer on the fridge for me. He also tells me when I start to spiral and it’s helpful. We split chores because I literally cannot handle everything and he stepped up! For the first 2 years of our marriage he cooked a majority of the food. Then we made a routine where I cook one half of the week and he cooks the other half. We are team!

One thing I expressed to him when we first started dating is my fear being abandoned when I’m at my most vulnerable like my mom was. I recently found out that I’m pregnant and since we found out he’s been doting on me. Holding me, listening to me, planning for the baby. It makes me love him even more because my father wasn’t really around. One night he was holding me and whispering in my ear that he loves me and he’s not going anywhere.

I know this seems like the bare minimum but after you spend your life thinking something is wrong with you like I have, it’s nice to know that someone accepts you for who you are. It’s nice to know someone always has my back. I’m so glad our baby will have him as a father.

My guy would never think of putting me in a place to clean up after him, often cooks for me, and takes on many chores around the house. He’s taken care of me when sick/struggling many a time, and supported me through challenging doc appts. I often have low expectations due to previous partners, and the way he shows up for me is a pleasant surprise. Honestly, one of my favorite things are his comforting hugs and words when I’m freaking out about something.

Love seeing a positive post. There are so many not so positive posts here, which I totally get as we all need a place to vent or seek advice from time to time but I genuinely love seeing these types of posts because a community of women shouldn't just be about the downs.

It’s good to know there are great relationships with decent human beings still out there!

My husband is the best. He's so supportive, almost to a fault. He lets me be exactly who I am without reservation. He picks up the slack when my chronic pain is acting up, and does at least half the housework anyway. He's a great dad to our kids and keeps everything running smoothly day to day. He put the kids to bed last night while I took a bath, too. He's not really a fan of talking, but he's happy to listen to me ramble on about whatever and I know he actually wants to hear it. There's so much more I could say but I've got two kids to get out the door soon. I'm seriously so lucky to be his wife.

I work in the film industry and often have to wake up at 3am or whatever to be on set - my parter wakes up with me, makes me coffee, and drives me wherever I need to go even when it’s quite far. That feeling of not having to think about anything for that half hour or whatever early in the morning is such an amazing relief. Or whenever I’m feeling stressed he’ll make me a delicious comfort meal. I also tend to go through periods of anxiety where I find big crowded noisy spaces really draining - so he does most of our supermarket shopping and I appreciate always having healthy food in the fridge to cook with so much. He’s just such a stable comfortable presence in my life, I’m really grateful.

It still blows my mind that they at least use numbing cream for the implant but they just be yanking the iud out like it’s no big deal

My partner is the ultimate hypeman. He is always telling me I'm beautiful, talks me through my anxieties and supports me in everything I do. I'm so grateful for him and his love. 

My partner treats me "like gold" in my mother's words. He's extremely complimentary, patient, loving, would never do anything to hurt me. Has never called me a name, never yelled at me. He's my biggest fan and biggest supporter. When other women complain about their partners I have nothing to say because while no one is perfect I couldn't ask for a better partner.

My husband advocates for me anywhere... during labor he got the nurses to give me different monitors so I could get up and move around.

When we eat out (i am vegan and he is not) he always grills the nearest employee "excuse me do you have anything vegan?" Even though I can navigate a menu easily and figure something out he always makes sure there's something I can eat, and now we are visiting a foreign country where he speaks the language and I don't, and he is even more careful to ask the waiters if something has milk, eggs, cheese, etc and helps me find good stuff to eat.

He also modified a lot of his recipes from his home country so that he cooks for me at home so I can experience those dishes!

I never ever ever have to tell him what chore needs to be done. I know if I don't get to it he will and vice versa. I have never ever had to ask him to change a diaper, if he is with baby he changes baby. I never had to "train" him as was recommended to do with my ex husband. He came ready right out of the box.

He makes sure I get to orgasm in fact I think he keeps tally if he "owes" me one. Not super serious but he definitely tries.

He is so caring and loving to my son who is not his biological child. He is tough on him too, and anyone will tell you 9 years old is challenging, but he puts in the effort. Sometimes he takes both kids out for donuts so I can sleep in or shower properly.

Was that too much? I think I got the only good man in existence. I actually dumped my ex for him, which sounds bad but my god, it was such an upgrade.

He created a space for me to be my authentic self.

I was struggling with a career in banking i didn't want. I would have anxiety every day I would have to go to work. I thought when it went WFH it would get better, but it did not. My boyfriend (we've been together about 14 years) said to me "just quit, its not worth it if you're unhappy 5 out of 7 days" I proposed I go back to school for a trade, which he supported me doing, I knew he had doubts but he never really voiced them. I'm almost done school now and about to graduate top of my class. I am an emotionally private person but it makes me so happy when I see how proud he is of me. He'll say to his family "shes doing really well, shes TOP of her class!".

In December my contract at my job I had while going to school fell through and I was kind of left in the lurch with nothing (I still wanted to contribute while i was in school, so I worked full time too) and my boyfriend almost breathed a sigh of relief and said to me "Take some time off and enjoy yourself, we'll figure out financials as we go, if we have to use some credit it's not a big deal" which I am so grateful for. He's never once made me feel bad about my choice, and I know he wanted us to start saving for a house, but he was patient enough to let me find a job I was comfortable with first.

My migraines are pure torture. Light, the sound of my own breathing, or even moving too quickly causes pain I cannot describe.

My partner learned how to wash, dry, and style my hair one day when I was having a particularly hard time. I had a very important presentation early the next morning so trying to prepare was very important to me.

All I have to do in pop in earplugs and lay down while waiting for medication to kick in.

How wonderful!

r/love does have lots of stories of positive, supportive partners, if you need balance.

When I dislocated my elbow, my husband (then-boyfriend) made sure I didn't need to do anything with my arm and even went to the gym with me so I wouldn't feel so useless (all I was allowed to do was walk on a treadmill).

He did similar things when I was hit by a car. I swear I found a great one.

My partner supports me in just about every way I can think about and has for 40 years. Health wise, I recently noticed a lump on my neck. He wanted to come to my doctor appointment, but I didn’t want that because I suspected it was just a lymph node but figured she’d just order a CT scan. He came with me to the scan and he got teary with relief when it turned out to be nothing.

Many years ago I went through breast cancer treatment. Many men leave their partners after a cancer diagnosis. It took me a while to figure out why my doctors asked about our relationship. He was great taking care of me and trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. He made me feel loved and desired every step of the way.

He is really big on the idea that we promised to cherish each other in our wedding vows. I feel cherished and when I am feeling irrationally cranky about some little thing he did, I try to remember that I vowed to cherish him.

We just had our 33rd anniversary. From the start, my husband was a full partner and cared for me and made me take care of myself, even when I didn't want to (because depression plus raised Christian Scientist). Getting married young, we had some growing pains, but he was always fully present and invested and listened to me, so both of us made the adjustments we needed to in order to be stronger together, not just me doing it.

He's supported my hobbies and interests and tried to share his with me (we have several in common). He understands that I'm more extroverted and need to go out to places and do things with friends, so even though he hates going out and doesn't enjoy socializing he doesn't keep me from doing it.

He's been at least as involved with raising our kid as I have, does most of the chores now that he's retired, and saved my life very literally when the hospital wasn't going to treat me.

He and my son and my cat bring so much joy to my life every day.

(Now I just need to get him to allow me to keep my baking equipment in the kitchen.)

He makes me tea every morning and a hot water bottle every night during the cold season (and when I have period pain or just want one). He scratches my feet when I am tired from walking or in period pain. He asks if he can do anything for me all the time. He tries to improve himself all the time to be an even better partner and has improved in many ways (like communication and dealing with his anxiety)

My partner knows I get really overwhelmed with executive functioning stuff especially when it comes to planning meals and cooking. So he makes the grocery list and I go to the store to get it. He makes dinner and I clean up. I do cook occasionally but it’s best for both of us if he does it. Frankly I’m not very good at cooking. I handle most of the cleaning around the house because I like it and he doesn’t.

He also asks how my day was and how I’m feeling every day.

A few weeks ago I had to get a minor surgery and he was there every step of the way, I swear he would have gone into the OR if they’d let him. He didn’t want to go home to wait but the nurse convinced him to. When I got out he’d already picked up my meds so we didn’t have to wait at the pharmacy and when we got home he’d made me a nest in the bed with fresh sheets and water and books and snacks and kept checking on me to see if I needed anything.

I’m so thankful to finally be in a relationship where we take care of each other and there’s nothing transactional about it. We both do what we’re best at and when we both find something tough we do it together and support each other. It’s been almost three years and we’ve both been through a lot and we do not fight. We disagree on things, get annoyed sometimes, but we talk about it. He knows yelling is a dealbreaker for me and has never raised his voice to me in anger. Our home is a safe place and that means so much to me.

I have horrible back and neck pain for many reasons. He's so kind - never let's me carry bags, gives me massages (last one was for 90 minutes or so) and checks if I need pain killers. He's sweet and kind and loving.

I had my appendix out last week. Husband just left on a bank holiday to find a store that's open so grab me milk for cereal. Top man. Top man.

Idk if this counts but I wanted to push my limits and get black out drunk because I wanted to see what my drunk habit is!!! We were drinking at home, just the two of us. It was a safe place and he was someone I trusted to handle what I did. Well, He got overly worried and panicky because of my Asian flush. I was red all over, my heart was racing like crazy, my head was pounding hard, and I was overly warm.

I HAD told him beforehand about this and he is well aware of it because he has Asian friends with it as well, but he immediately stopped me from drinking more. But it was the whole point!! ):< He asked me if I was alright like 137x (which I said I was), basically carried to the shower, forced me to take a cold shower (AAAAAH), gave me some ibuprofen, and cuddled me, then said we're never doing that again lmao

Ive had a bunch of medical issues pop up recently and my husband's been very supportive about helping me find a doctor that will listen, and advocating foe me, sincethey don't seem to hear women speak. When he realizes that specific chores are taking their toll on me, he takes over, and I appreciate that he isn't leaving all the chores to me just because I can't work right now. I do try to do everything, because I feel it's fair, because I will do Everything and then hurt myself in the process, and he had gotten really good about stopping me before it gets to that point.

I’m postpartum and I don’t have a great back. He always picks up baby and either brings her to me or just takes care of the feed/change himself. I’m larger than I was pre pregnancy 😅 and he constantly reminds me that my body has changed due to doing one of the hardest things your body can do. He tells me my body is extremely feminine because it’s that of a Mother’s. He reminds me that growing the baby took close to a year so it makes sense that I wouldn’t be back to feeling like myself till at least a year post partum and that I need to take my time and give myself grace.

Outside of that he champions my career. Makes sure I get time for myself and with my friends. I could go on and on.

He pays 90% of the bills. He cooks every night, does 70% of childcare in the evenings, takes care of all regular (& irregular) yard & house maintenance. Super understanding when I’m overstimulated & easily frustrated over inconsequential things. Most importantly, leaves me alone and ensures I am unbothered when I take time to decompress.

My fiance is my biggest supporter. He's so very patient with me and helps me navigate my anxiety and depression. He doesn't push me on my bad days, but he'll gently encourage me to go out with him for a drive or to grab groceries to get me out of the house. He's the one who really showed me that I can be independent, but also not need to go through everything alone. He happily drives in areas I'm not comfortable doing so. He encouraged me to get meds to help with my anxiety and depression, and hyped me up to quit a job that was utterly destroying me mentally, even though the job I moved on to was a huge pay cut. He's picked up on the cues that I'm not doing okay and adjusts accordingly, even when I'm lost to the signs myself. I know he would move mountains for me because he shows me every single day just how much I mean to him.

Just after we moved in together, I got violently ill after supper one night. He held my hair, brought me water, and kept encouraging me to go to the hospital because I couldn't keep anything down. I was becoming incoherent after 2 hours of just insisting I'd be fine. He got me down to his truck and to the ER. He spoke for me because I couldn't, and got quite angry at the nurse who was snotty at him for doing so because "can't she speak for herself?!" This was during the pandemic, so he couldn't even stay with me. Instead, he sat outside in the parking lot for several hours until I was hooked up on meds and well enough to tell him they were keeping me overnight. And while he waited out there, he'd tracked down a friend of mine from work and my manager on Facebook so they'd be notified that I wouldn't be coming into work the next day. I didn't ask him to. Work was the last thing on my mind, and I hadn't even remembered to message my boss until I was well and truly late for work the next morning. But he had me covered, and all he'd had to go on was a couple names. That was when I knew our relationship was solid. I'd never had anyone go to bat for me like that, and I knew I'd do the same for him if he ever needed me to.

The emotional support has been huge, but he also is good with things around the house. If he doesn't know how to do something, he will learn. He likes to cook and he does the dishes because I hate to. He does his own laundry and has no issues stopping at the store after work for anything we might need. He'll often surprise me with little treats that I like, just because. If we're planning a trip, the details aren't all on me to deal with. He enjoys searching for hotels and restaurants with me. I'm not used to having someone to share the mental load with. I have no idea what I did to deserve him, but I don't even want to question it. I'll spend the rest of my life making him feel just as loved as he makes me feel.

My partner has replaced shirts of mine if he accidentally shrunk them in the dryer (we just hang all my shirts up now).

He even replaced a sticker a million times over that I bought for myself but left in the mountain car and he put it on the roof box thinking it was one of the other ones I got for the box.

He can cook and clean and has been ever so patient with me and my cat, who is currently in palliative care. He knew it was a package deal and has shown my baby nothing but love and kindness. He wants a dog one day and I hope we can get him the puppy he wants (A Swiss mountain dog - he said he's game to get a kitten at the same time so they grow up to be buddies and also maybe walk on a leash).

When I got sterilized 2 years ago, he came with me to the consult because I had asked for 24 years by that point with no success. Surprise! When you bring a man with you to a doctor appt, they listen! And he insisted on bringing stuff to me so I didn't have to walk around too much while I was messed up on anesthesia. He's held my hand through some shitty shit and I try to do the same for him whenever possible.

I wouldn't change anything about him. I wish more men were like him (and I thank him for not being a dick whenever I hear stories of other dudes being a raging asshole). He has an available younger brother who is a foot taller than himself and just as kind.

We need more stories like this to show that are good men out there and that we (women) don't need to settle!

Thank you for sharing.

thank you for reminding me my standards are valid lol sometimes i spend so long looking for the perfect man that i worry i'm hoping for someone non-existent. posts like this remind me those men do exist and i shouldn't settle for less just because i'm lonely

AahI love my husband so much, he is so so good. I'm a doctor and I would be lost without him. My hours were all messed up during clinical rotations in clinical rotations and he would like, wake up at 2:45AM to make coffee and breakfast for me when I had to be in the hospital at 4AM. He makes me follow my study schedule (hi ADHD) and when imposter syndrome and depression hit he is always by my side cheering me up and saying I shouldn't be so hard on myself because that's his wife I'm talking about. He did most of the housework and footed most of the bills while I was studying, and he always plans cute dates and gives me little treats to help me decompress.

There is a lot kore that he does and did but those are the most recent, because med school was just so all-consuming. 

My full partner of 25 years does: 90% of the grocery shopping 100% of the car maintenance 50% of the dinner cooking 40% of the laundry 60% of the dishes 50% of driving to Dr appointments 0% of taking pets to Vet appointments for my own personal pets, but he would pitch in if I asked 100% of keeping track of gift buying for his side of the family. 50% of vacation planning 100% of the breakfast making.

One day I turned to him and said, "you're a full partner." And he appreciated that.

My husband listens to me and supports me. He treats my kids as well as he treats his own. He is fiscally conservative (my previous husband was always in debt). He still dates me after 20+ years.

My spouse and I typically split chores pretty evenly. We switch off weeks on cooking/meal planning. We both do our own laundry. I mow the grass while he does the trimming etc. Last year I had a major work project going on and at the peak of it, I was working every day for 3-4 weeks in a row including weekends and 12 hour days on some of those days and man, my husband stepped up. He took on an extra week of cooking/meal planning, mowed the yard and did the trimming, helped me out with getting my laundry done, stayed on top of the dishwasher, and basically just tried to make it so the only stress in my life at that time was the work project and nothing at home. He’s the best.

Doing anything I ask is great.

That’s really nice to read , for a change your right ..I feel there’s very few good ones left and I’ve had a couple great relationships that ended mutually and we still remain friends including my child’s father but other then them 3 my dating and relationships in my 40 years of living has been a nightmare ..Happy for you both to have found each other , shows your appreciation for him and says so much about his character also 💯❤️

He helped me move when we were like 1 month together. When I forget something at night and don't want to get out of bed anymore, he fetches me stuff. He generally gets out of his way to help me get something or gets me something if I want it.

He listens to and engages in me talking about my newest obsession, even if it's something that would not normally interest him. He is generally my goto emotional support human and there is always a hug when I need one (same goes for him). 

My husband has been so supportive as I'm stepping back into my career. We have two little kids and I was doing all the daycare drop offs and pickups, and when I was starting back and I was going to start early enough we couldn't do drop offs, he took over the entire daycare dropoff process enthusiastically. He checks the dang forecast to make sure the kids are appropriately dressed, he corralls the socks and shoes, he puts kid music on the car on the way to daycare.

And all of this without me needing to instruct or cajole. Some mornings I'm out of the house before the kids are awake, so he does the entirety of breakfast and getting up and daycare solo.

I told him I had some mom guilt over it and he shrugged and was like "don't, you're going to work!"

It's been nice to have that instead of some of the horror stories I read.

My wife makes me breakfast almost every single morning (whether i’m home or not—she keeps it warm for me if i have a morning appointment). If i’m bogged down with work she takes on the chores that stress me out most (ie: vacuum and dishes). She brings me presents when I have a big day (bad or good) and reminds me every day she loves me and is proud of me. There’s been times where I’ll sit up with anxiety because I didn’t do XYZ only to learn that she took care of it. If she knows I cannot fall asleep, she’ll play with my hair until I do. When I have my period, she sets up her heating pad and makes sure I have all my comfort things and snacks, and checks on me regularly—unless I’m in a real bad way, then she won’t leave my side. When I have an anxiety moment or just feel shitty, she sits and talks it out with me and finds ways to pull me out of it. Yesterday I was having a sad girl moment and when I went on the porch, she’d set up karaoke, rolled a joint, and we cackled and sang to all our neighbors.

think she’s an actual angel.

When I started going through perimenopause I talked to him about mood changes and all the sweat. He's been wonderful about all of it. Patient and kind.

I talked to him about emotional labour and he's worked hard to be more independent in these matters. He now does many more things without being asked or "managed".

He has a lot of anxiety and can sometimes lash out quickly. He used to dig his heels in and it would be a whole thing. He worked to empathize with how much that hurt me and he's gotten much better control over it. It hardly ever happens anymore. Now he talks to me about why he's anxious and I feel more like we're a team.

Stuff like that. It may seem small, but it's been work for him. His mom never made him lift a finger and emotionally coddled him so it's actually an effort for him to learn new things and he's making the effort for me 🥰

He is always supportive in very small, quiet ways, but the biggest example I can think of is when I had surgery on my leg 3 years ago. While I was in a splint and non-weight bearing he cooked meal kits and brought me every meal in bed or in my office. I never had to navigate the stairs to eat. He made sure I could get in and out of the shower and drove me to all my followup physical therapy and post op appointments all while taking care of our cats and the entire house. He's amazing.

I compare that to my 80 year old father who has been taking care of my mom while she is recovering from a broken arm and it's so different. My dad helps out some, but basically my mom is on her own for a lot and she needed my help before the surgery to make sure 'the house was in order.'

The contrast makes me so grateful. My relationship is by no means perfect, but at least I know I can always rely on my partner and vice versa.

This got long. Whoops.

November will make 16 years that my partner and I have been together. We're childfree as well but had a dog for 13.5 years. In 2016 after the dipshit got elected, I opted to get my tubes tied. It happened right after Xmas, when my partner was on a week-long vacation from work. I had a really sore throat from intubation and he was immediately out the door getting me pho from our favorite Vietnamese place and grabbed a pack of suckers too. He made sure my needs were met before he dealt with himself for the day.

In November 2021, my dad died. My partner and I packed up the dog and made the trip to be with my mom before his death and then we were here when it happened. My partner offered as much support as he could to take care of us. After two months of staying with my mom, she floated the idea of us moving down to be closer to her (she has a rental house we could have) and we considered it. He told me he would support this move, worked to sell our house and pack up our lives, and we left the state, and he's never once complained even though I know he's not super happy here (neither am I but that's a different story).

Last summer, I had to have a total hysterectomy. I was juggling my job (wfh), my 74 year old mom, 94 year old grandma, and a 14.5 year old dementia dog. He took 3 weeks off work to take over care for me post-op and to look after everyone else. He was such a rockstar, if not a little naggy about me having to sit still per doctor's orders. He ended up quitting his job to be around for our dog's last week of life and to be a better fixture in my mom's/grandma's lives.

He is emotionally supportive when it comes to my work (I freelance and am constantly selling myself short in order to get clients and he lovingly gives me guff to believe in myself more), he lets my wobbly mom hold his hand whenever we're out in public together, he tells me every single day how much he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful (I struggle with self-image stuff), and we've gone this entire time without ever fighting. We talk everything through, we respect each other's things and space, and we value each other's opinions even if we don't agree. It's the healthiest relationship I've ever had and after all these years I can't believe how lucky I got after the abuse I endured in my past.

He makes my coffee every morning & will drop everything if I ask him to make me some breakfast. He asks me what I want to take for lunch at work and packs it for me. If we haven't previously planned dinner, when he gets home from work, he'll ask me "what can I cook for you?" He does the grocery shopping. He keeps an eye out for new releases of books from my favorite authors and brings them home. He brings snacks home that he thinks I'd like, just because. He encourages my many hobbies and passing fancies (thanks ADHD) that others would chide me for being flighty. He makes sure that I am satisfied first before him always. He has his faults and quirks just like anyone else, and so do I. We seem to fill in each other's cracks & faults and it makes us whole.

He does more than 50% of the childcare with our 2yo and wakes up each morning with him, because I am tired.

I have chronic pain and mental illness. On my bad days I don't even walk down stairs without his help. He does laundry n cat litter when I can't bend over.

He supports me financially when I can't work and supports my building a small business online and carries stuff for me everywhere on bad days.

On good days he let's me be independent and makes sure I eat.

I'm bipolar and he has become very in tune with my moods. If he sees I'm nervous or sad he'll drag me out of the house for some fun. When I tried going without a certain medication he was on my ass about it and I got back on. He offers to do my laundry for me so I don't have to pay to use the communal one in my building that I have to pay for.

I try to support him when he's having a tough time, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to match what he does for me.

I’m currently in law school, and in the last two years I’ve used the dishwasher maybe three times? My husband cooks dinner and washes up everyday. He also sends me to school with a packed lunch every day, and it’s a GOOD lunch. Like I have a mini crock pot that’s normally filled with homemade soups or hot dishes. He truly keeps me running with healthy, nutritious food. Also, he understands that there are some days when I can’t get to my chores. That I have to give all of my effort to school, so the floors won’t be swept or the laundry put away the most consistently. At this point, we’re really not doing 50/50 housework. He’s really shouldered most of it. 

Emotionally, he has been my rock, celebrating my wins and supporting me through some really bad days. Even when he doesn’t understand what I’m talking about, he sits and listens and engages with what I’m saying. I don’t think I would have made it through without him. 

My late husband, of 30 years, was my biggest fan. He took care of me if I got sick (which was very rare), took super good care of me after my 2 surgeries, fully supported any new hobbies, photography, jewelry making, etc., always had my back. He was the best man I've ever known.

He told the midwife he'd catch our baby if she wasn't willing to help. We're farmers and have delivered mal-presenting animals every year. Obviously this is NOT THE SAME as with people, but his gesture and willingness to support me and what he knew I desperately wanted was exactly what I needed.

For context our daughter was breech, and we were planning a homebirth. Where I live and with the care options I had, I basically could 1) go it alone at home, 2) try for a vaginal delivery at the hospital and risk damaging interventions by the doctors or 3) get a scheduled c section.

This was an extremely stressful pregnancy (3 prior losses and constant fear, though completely unfounded, of losing this one + sickness that never left), but despite that our daughter and I were very healthy and good candidates for homebirth other than breech presentation. He and I both knew this was likely going to be my only child, and I didn't want to spend a minute in the hospital if we were healthy.

I did end up having the c section because I felt it was the least risky to my/our daughter's health and safety (mostly because of lack of support for autonomous birth, but that's a story for another day), and he was everything I needed for those first few weeks back at home and beyond when I had to deal with complications from my surgery... that I am still dealing with today, almost 2 years later (another story for another day).

He's also the stay at home parent and is the best girl dad ever. She's gonna be a force of nature when she's older.

He makes me coffee every morning because he knows it takes me a minute to wake up. He’ll fill up my water and get me snackies and cook meals 70% of the time. If a cat is lying on me, he’ll get whatever I need because we would never dare disturb a cat. He supports my hobbies and passions and works with me to compromise on all major decisions. He has literally never once made me question his dedication to me or made me jealous about another person (and I used to be that jealous girl fighting with her bf in public - turns out my exes were just untrustworthy, and I’m not jealous at all if I feel secure!)

This is so wholesome! If it isn't a partner like this then we do not need any!

I went to get my implant yesterday (for the 1st time) and I was lucky enough to have a very gentle woman doctor. It was still painful, not unbearably so but enough to be unconfortable the whole day. Thankfully today it is much better but I'm thinking that I'll probably go with the IUD once the 3 years are up.

your guy sounds incredible!

i'm constantly in varying degrees of pain (still undiagnosed after many attempts). my wife went straight to youtube to learn how to give at home massage correctly after learning this. i also tend to forget to eat when i'm engrossed in something and they always remind me to eat and will offer to make or order something if i'm too tired to fix anything. they also often take stuff out of my hands when i'm trying to do a chore after working all day, like your partner does for you.

Regardless of how bad my day was he always finds a way to make me laugh.

When he thinks i overwork myself he is telling me that he is worried about that.

He supports my career 100% does not feel threatened by me making more money just super proud of me

Pays rent, gets me lil gifts, cooks, cleans, etc. He enjoys cooking and cleaning for some reason, it’s one of his hobbies. He emotionally supports me when I need it, but I try to keep my emotions to myself. He’s not my therapist.

A better question: What DOESN’T he do?

My partner and I have been together for three years and he has always been nothing but supportive but the last few months he has been especially helpful. I have a bulged disc that is causing severe sciatica, which has caused me intense chronic pain and partial immobility. He has done everything for me. He’s washed me in the shower and helped me dry off, he’s made my favorite meals from scratch (even though he isn’t much of a cook), he’s run errands, held me while I’ve sobbed, gotten up with me in the middle of the night when the pain has been too bad to sleep, and he’s stepped up in a major way financially while I’ve had to call out of shift after shift.

We had talked extensively about marriage but thought we were still a couple of years off. Unfortunately, I’m uninsured, and the only way for me to reasonably get the help I need medically is if we get married now. We’re eloping on Saturday and I couldn’t feel any luckier than I do to have a partner that loves me so endlessly even when I’m completely useless!

I am disabled and my husband is amazing. When I wasn't allowed to drive anymore he got me an e-trike so I didn't lose my independence. He has taught me about finances and made sure if anything happens to him I will be okay.

Mine supports me, to the point he almost became my caretaker when I got too fat. He supported me through my huge weight loss, and in my maintenance. He's supported me through mental issues, motherhood, work stuff, all of it.

I support him in all of his stuff too. We have each other's backs for all life can throw at us, good and bad. And over 29 years there has been a lot of both.

Sure there have been times where we talked out if we really wanted to still be together, and every time we decided it was worth it. Respect in both directions has a lot to do with it.

So, I've got it good and I know it. I grew up in a drunken, chaotic, and broken home. I swore I would do it differently, and I did. It helped that my husband grew up in a poor but stable home.

Good partnerships do exist. But it's easy to be pulled in by not-so-good men. I suffered two bad boyfriends before lucking into my husband. And I mean "lucking." We got engaged immediately, like within a couple weeks of meeting. We totally didn't know each-other, and we're both young and impulsive. We are still impulsive people!

He manages the home while I work. He does the cleaning, laundry, and finances. Because of his managing the money, I was able to quit my job because of the stress without notice or having another job (he saw my last breakdown and said I should quit). His money management created a nest egg that is giving me time for self care and self development.

I’ve been through several surgeries and he’s been by my side every step of the way.

I look after my grandmother, who has fairly advanced dementia and mobility issues, and I also work pretty much full time from home. He recently moved in with us and takes care of all the meal planning, shopping and cooking most nights. That takes a huge load off my shoulders. Even just having him here allows me to leave the house sometimes without worrying about something happening to her while I'm out. It's been a bit of a bumpy road but I do feel supported. And well fed - he's an amazing cook.

He makes food for me whenever I ask!  Simple or complicated meals, if I ask for something, he cooks for me. He works from home and I don't, and I hate cooking so much, so I'm really grateful, because if it wasn't for him I probable would be having boiled eggs for dinner everyday.

My husband is a teacher, and I have an office job and a long commute. He takes care of a lot of the home tasks before I get home during the school year, and during the summer he takes on even more. He's an even better cook than I am so when he has the bandwidth or if I'm having a particularly rough time, he'll make amazing food for me. We literally have beef short rib braising for ravioli right now. He's fantastic about making sure that the mental load of running a household is evenly distributed between us. We've been together for 17 years, married for almost 6, and cohabitating for 13. In that time we've worked together to make systems that work for us, and he's always been an active an equal participant in that process.

He visits me in my sleep and makes me feel bad and guilty for trying to move on without him.

I’m hoping my future partner is as amazing as yours. 😊

I had a bit of a "big sister syndrome " going on when I started to date my now husband. After like a year of dating I asked him if he considers me "his teeny tiny girlfriend" because I felt like I always had to be "big girl" and reliable and understanding of others, plus I'm overweight so I doubted anyone would consider me sweet or cute or "little". He got the hang of it very quickly and started to call me his sweet little girlfriend or his microscopic [my name] while cuddling me. For first times I actually started to cry. I felt like I could be totally vulnerable with him and to fully rely on him.

Pretty soon, when he experienced hardship, I asked if he'd like to my little [his name] and he confessed me that he'd like that very much, so I kept him on my arms and called him my sweet, lovely little [his name]. Since then, we have had this habit that if we want to know the other ones mood we can ask what size you are, to know if one needs extra reassurance and support, so this is a mutual, balanced thing.

He makes me a cup of tea pretty much anytime I ask. He gives the best cuddles, and head kisses for my frequent headaches. He tells me I can do it (whatever "it" is at the time) when I doubt myself, tells me he loves me multiple times a day and compliments me often.

He listens to me. He supports my education. I’ve been going to college off and on since we’ve been together. When I didn’t have a car, he drove me to work. He’s taken me to the hospital on more than one occasion and stayed with me the whole time.

Unfortunately I don’t have any good examples of supportive partners to share but wanted to emphasize with you over the pain of the birth control implant! Had mine replaced recently and this doctor also had to cut and dig around multiple times before pulling out the old one. Luckily they numbed the spot for the procedure but damn it does ache by the end of the day.

When I need a nap during the day he will tuck me in, just how I like it. All the little things add up.

I'm bipolar and often get caught up in new hobbies and my husband always supports them even if he doesn't get it and even though I'll probably be on to something else next week.

He also spent like 30 mins rubbing my feet this morning after I had a long walk and was in a lot of foot pain. Lol

He also agreed to let me get a standard poodle puppy though he had no interest in a puppy and definitely not a poodle. But he knew it was my dream dog

I hope posts like this come through to the masc lurkers who still wonder why they're single, no one likes them, etc and reading what it is to be a good, real, genuine partner. They settle with being mediocre since they think who they are is enough, while wanting someone who goes above and beyond for them. Why should they have hard, fighting partners while staying mediocre?

And we know, not all men are like the men being written here, what a shame, huh?

He advocated for me with medical staff who were about to brush me off as a hysterical woman with a panic attack again, (despite of severe symptoms who are not panic attack related) to take me to a hospital for a deep examination. Turned out, I didn't have panic attacks, but a very severe anemia, I needed and got a blood donation.

Since then he cooks for me, does laundry and looks after the cats. We are pretty good in splitting chores, but he has to be careful with his energy due to his depression and chronic fatigue syndrome.

That’s so sweet. He really advocates for you and has real empathy skills.

He does his share or more of the mental labor and always has. He's awful with planning, but competence is his super power so it tends to work out for him.

He tells everyone I'm the smartest person he knows because he's proud of my intelligence. He brags about my capabilities. I've got large breasts, but his first thought when bragging with the boys is how smart I am. First time meeting his battle buddies and fellow vets, some of them say they thought I was going to be ugly because of how much he talks about my brain. You know, the she had a great personality thing.

I have a terrible personality. He has never noticed.

I like to dye my hair blue. His golfing buds (older men) are always pearl clutching about how they'd never let their wife do that. He always says it's her hair, she can do anything she wants with it.

He parented our son, too, without thinking it was my job and he was helping. I could go to school and collect some degrees because he did that. He knew all the information moms know.

The biggest gesture he's ever done is bought us a house when I was pregnant. I like to think of our house as my push present.

Since it's a billion degrees here in Texas and my garden has become just sticks and weeds in the ground, I've been hyperfocused on monarch butterflies. I got my little caterpillar condo, like 15 milkweed plants, and I'm out there everyday checking for caterpillars, watching them eat and turn into chrysalises, releasing them, making sure the caterpillars are in the condo. I had 4 butterflies emerge this morning, and I told my husband excitedly, and he said, 'I know, I saw. I check them every morning.' I was confused, bc he never really seemed into it. So, turns out, he checks on the condo after I tell him: how many caterpillars are in there, how many chrysalis are in there, when I think the butterflies will be done cooking... and sees what's going on. Bc I get excited about it. And randomly throughout the week he'll ask how many guests we have in our condo! (Currently 9, counting new caterpillars.)

This isn’t a boast. Mine was born with a literal brain injury and already knows how to cook and clean by himself. Guess it’s not that hard after all 🤷‍♀️

If he so much as opens a door for me people won’t shut up about it for months 😩

I often think of the second time my mom met my partner; she’d dropped me off at his work, and before I got out of the car I took off the hat I was wearing because I lost my nerve and didn’t want to look dorky in front of him. My mom leapt out of her car once I reached him and ran over to slam the hat onto my head in a loving, teasing sort of way.

As she was walking away she looked back, and she caught him gently grabbing my hands as I went to take the hat off and pulling me to him to give him a kiss. She said she knew right then that I was with the kind of man she wanted me to be with, one that adored me and never wanted me to feel embarrassed in front of him.

Ten years later, he reminds me every day that I am valuable, loved, and to take no shit from others haha. He has made me a bigger and braver version of myself through our partnership, and I love him every day for it.

He supports me in my writing smutty fanfic and will even let me talk through plot points with him even though he’s not in the fandom and has never read my stuff.