Why would he say that?

In fact, later, once you’ve had a chance to think about why exactly it made you feel uncomfortable, is a better time to talk. In the moment at the concert would have been difficult.

You could say, “I’ve been thinking about the comment you made about the woman in tight jeans and visible thong line, and why it bothered me so much at the time. I’d like you to just listen and hear me out so you can understand how I’m feeling right now.”

And outline what you said in your post, about not feeling great about your body, and whatever else is bothering you (looking at other women, implying that the way you dress should be sexier in general, and so on).

“So you may think it’s just a casual comment, but it really hit me hard.”

And see if he gets defensive or apologizes.

Openly comparing your girlfriend to someone else is so insane to me.

“Because I don’t want creepy fuckers staring at my ass.”

Turn it around on him. "why don't you wear anything like that?" They make male thongs.

You know, I can't shake the thing you said to me at the concert when the woman in the thong and painted on jeans walked by, "why don't you wear stuff like that.". I don't wear stuff like that because it's not designed for my body type, especially not now when I'm pregnant with your baby.

Your comments make me feel like you're not attracted to me any more.

It would be really helpful if you think about how things are going to make me feel before you say them.

Why? Because he wanted to hit you where it hurts.

There is not a man alive who doesn’t know that’s a bullshit thing to do. Nor is there one who has never heard of women being insecure about their pregnant bodies.

So, with full intention and foreknowledge of how it would make you feel, he decided to punch below the belt at the beginning of your night out together.

Does he often sour experiences for you? How often is he drooling over strange women? What will happen if you struggle to lose weight post baby? What kind of life you think you can build with someone who tears you down?

You have a lot to consider. I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this.

The only good place he could be coming from would be "because I think you'd look excellent in it". Hinting you should wear more revealing clothing should be hitting on you. Remember, this person probably likes you stark naked, right? Even if you're not into yourself lately. You may hate the clothing, but comments like that should come from a place of "That's a sexy outfit. Bet it would look even better with my sexy wife in it". If he's trying to neg you while you are largely pregnant, he needs to GTFO.

Pick up Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. This book is eye opening and a must read for women, it's a quick read and it will explain everything. Reading this book is like having the rose colored glasses removed, suddenly you'll see their abusive bullshit for what it is...it's very empowering and liberating.

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/why-does-he-do-that-lundy-bancroft/1102335902;jsessionid=B4A9C59B1C7587DAA2359FA54BF4785F.prodny_store02-atgap13?ean=9781101220733

That’s such a wild thing to say to your pregnant wife. When you said you were pregnant my jaw dropped.

. I feel like I missed an opportunity to tell him how that comment made me feel since it happened last night and the situation has passed.

You haven't missed your chance.

It's actually the opposite- you have to talk these things out (and generally not right when they happen) to have a successful relationship.

If you're ever at the point that you are adding to a list of shitty behaviors you've come to accept as the price to be in the relationship, you need to question what it is you think relationships are for.

That doesn't mean everything has to be a deal-breaker, though.

If you bring this up and he says "omg I'm so sorry - that wasn't meant to be a joke about us both getting older" or something (even of you actually think it was a thoughtless and clumsy attempt to "spice up" your sex life) and you say, "well, let's put body image jokes on the 'do not do' list" then you've handled it.

You would have spoke your mind about how his words made you feel, and set a boundary about words like this for the future.

“Because you keep putting your babies in me?” Would have likely been my answer.

But that’s such a mean thing to say.

Stop worrying about why men do what they do. The why doesn’t matter. How it made you feel is what matters. Tell him how it made you feel. I would feel awful. Tell him that it was unacceptable and draw a boundary that you’ll leave if it ever happens again.

This is the kind of stuff that creates insecurity in relationships. I hate it.

Say back to him: “Why don’t you?”

"Good point! I'm going to start dressing in visible thongs in public that advertise my butthole to other men. Thanks for the encouragement, honey!"

Mask slippage. With one child already and another almost due, he thinks he can get away with anything and you won't have the guts to leave him. He thinks he has you trapped, so he can let it all hang loose now without fear of retribution.

It's very normal to bring up a subject later that still affects you. If anything, it gives everyone involved some time to cool down and reflect. I have heard that using "I feel" statements instead accusatory language like, "You did [this]," it tends to lead to less defensiveness. But I've met very few people who blatantly disrespect another person that way, and don't jump to defensiveness as a first strategy, no matter how calm or diplomatic you are.

If he gets defensive, you need to consider why it's considered default for you to take on the emotional burdens in the relationship and do the emotional labor to phrase things nicey-nice and work it out. Because 9/10, if you never bring it up, he thinks he got away with it. (There's few people, period, mature enough to initiate an apology after reflecting on themselves when they know the other person got upset.)

Ask him how he would feel if you made a similar comment about him dressing like a sexy guy you are looking at.

Sadly, too many people just don't get it until you put them in the hot seat.

"because it looks stupid and attracts unwanted attention"

Cause he doesn’t care about your feelings and wants to make you feel bad and insecure.

In his mind he thinks he is telling you that he wants to see more of your body and be proud of it.

In reality he sounds like a jerk because he doesn't think what it implies on many different levels. Your feelings about your body during pregnancy, why he's openly looking at other women and wounding you, implying that you should be dressing differently, etc.

I'm sorry he made you feel that way.

Why? Because he’s thinking about his dick’s feelings when he should be thinking about his wife’s. Your response was actually pretty good, because it shifted focus back onto his inappropriate behavior (which is probably why the conversation ended there - he would’ve had to jump through endless hoops to justify his behavior before he could even mention his dick again).

Because he's a jerk. You now know some important things:

• He constantly lusts at other women's bodies even around you
• He thinks you should be putting in a permanent sensual show for him
• He doesn't think about your feelings, only his desires

This is terrible timing but you should start considering if you want this man as your husband.

You didn’t tell him then, but there’s still plenty of time to tell him now. Don’t let this fester, because if you do this issue will only get bigger.

Why doesn't he wear something like that?

On a serious note, this is something that is so obviously hurtful to say that I cannot imagine he didn't intend to make you feel bad while saying it.

My boyfriend recently asked why i don't wear thongs, and there was more to it than I've just said but yeah. Kinda hurt.

The only answer is because you are growing his child.

Wtf- who says that to a pregnant woman?

Is he normally this thought less?

This probably doesn’t work for everyone but I believe a good snort-laugh response to ridiculous questions or suggestions is one of the underrated keys to a successful marriage. 

I paid for concert ticket for me and a guy I’d been casually seeing. After one of the sets I told him another girl had complimented his dancing and he was like “I wish I was here with a pretty girl.”

Like damn go home then, fuck

your Partrner seems to love your body; what's wrong with that?
also why be insecure that they looked at another lady for a brief second? gee you sound like an insecure little boy ma'am.

I notice you call him your SO which suggests to me he is not your husband despite your 1.5 children together. He’s looking for a way out with comments like these but wants to be the victim in it.

So many people here are freaking out and saying he's awful and you should leave him over one comment, that it somehow reflects some deep depravity...

OP, is this sort of thing common? It sounds like you generally have a good relationship. Did you ask him what he was getting at? It honestly seems to me like he was just flirting, or he was just horny for you and picturing you in that outfit and enjoying the image.

I would've said sure, if he wears the Borat swimsuit first.

Sometimes short and sweet is exactly the way to get them to realize why some requests are inappropriate.

You definitely have not missed it. Just feels harder to do.

Man, a lot of reddit comments get kind of weird. Just for context, I've(34M) been married to my wife (40F) for 5 years, so some version of what you're describing has come up in my relationship.

It's okay to be attracted to other people. If I walked by Scarlett Johanson and I didn't break my neck looking at her, I'm fairly certain my wife would take me to the nearest optometrist to get new glasses.

The problem comes if it happens all the time or, as in this case, if things are said without regard for the other person's feelings. It doesn't sound like he was criticizing you or trying to make you feel bad about the way you do or don't dress for him. He definitely needs to be more cognizant of how his words will be heard from a pregnant woman's perspective.

As far as advice, I know it's difficult to control what you say when you're pregnant because everything feels out of your control, so I'm not going to give you any advice on how to react more softly. You should wait for a peaceful time to calmly remind him that you're pregnant and need him to make you feel beautiful and that it hurt you when he went out of his way to compliment another woman. He'll probably get defensive, so just kind of expect that I guess. Good cheat sheet for communicating your negative feelings: explain any special state of mind (if applicable, eg. pregnant in your case or exhausted or scared), tell the other person what you need and then express how it made you feel when that need wasn't met.

This should be a pretty small issue in your relationship as long as he hears and responds to how you feel and, of course, doesn't go grab assing girls who wear short shorts. It might also help if you go a little over the top with your appreciation when he does make you feel special. Men have monkey brains, and we crave feeling needed and appreciated.

He was drunk, excited, and probably horny. Unless its a pattern of shaming you or making you feel inadequate, I would let it go. People say impulsive stuff they think will come out different all the time

Oh hell no!

Next time a guy comes on tv with a completely different body type/style than your partner, say the same thing.

Why would he say that? Because he doesn't stop to think before opening his mouth. Because he lacks a shred of empathy. Because nothing is more important than how his penis feels, and getting some eye candy. 

"because im fucking pregnant you moron"

Not trying to make excuses for him but I once said something similar to my then gf. I meant it as a compliment because I would have loved to see her in something like that even though she was insecure about her body

He obviously has a masochism kink because he clearly wants you to KICK HIS ASS

You're growing yet another human inside you. Of course you're not going to dress like that.

It’s bad enough but saying that when you’re 7 months pregnant and your body is changing is crazyyyy 😭😭

Since you're asking about the motivations of a man - and I'm a man - I thought I'd paint a similar scenario.

I'm at a party with my gf. I see a girl who looks hot. I say: she looks great, you should ask her where she got her outfit. My gf agrees. We go to the store. We both love it. I buy it for her birthday. She wears it all the time. We don't separate as these unhinged comments suggest, but live happily ever after.

Now, of course you shouldn't wear anything you don't like, and I realize there's no *thong* involved and my gf wasn't pregnant, but maybe those things aren't as poignant to your bf as they are to you? Maybe a clumsy way of saying "you'd look great in that" is all there is to this story?

Why don't you date someone like her?

That was my response to that same comment. We broke up like a month later lol

I take a different view about it. Yes, it was not the smartest thing to say, yet assuming he's not a Neanderthal then he was just being honest with you saying he likes that look and mabe you might try it something. That's a good thing because it means you are still attractive to him. I know that I love it when other people look at my partner. Many because were a team that loves and trusts each other. We all like window shopping. There's no harm in that is there.

You HOPE his thought pattern was - oh that looks good on her, oh man it would look so hot on my wife.

just because he finds something else attractive. Does not mean he doesn’t find you attractive. I find pregnant women very attractive still. It may be hard. But don’t be so down on yourself. Of course your body is changing.

As he was in on his way out of my life, my ex informed me that my clothing choices were boring, or something like that. It was said meanly and he intended to hurt me. I’m not saying this because I think it’s what happened to you, but you want to address it. Don’t make it about you - ask him why he said it, what he hoped to gain from saying it, and whether he thought it would hurt your feelings.
But really, you already know. You were there for the tone and the demeanor. Still, make him ponder it. If you let it go, it will only make you question yourself and resent him.

I don't think it's missed. You should still bring it up.

1) he shouldn’t have been staring at her butt.

But

2) it sounds like he actually doesn’t know you’re not feeling good about your body. I cant imagine anyone asking another person to wear tight jeans and a thong unless they thought that person would look hot in it.

Obligatory: https://imgur.com/a/WZaZk5a 

“ Because I’m seven months pregnant and have a young child at home to be a role model for. Is that detailed enough?“

Wow, that has to be the dumbest thing he could have said in the moment. To me it seems so dumb that he may have been trying to make a joke. Does he often comment about other women's bodies? The vibe of it to me seems like he was trying to be sarcastic.. because obviously you wouldn't be caught dead in that because you're pregnant lol. If not an attempt at sarcasm then he's way out of line. 

So he shouldn't have said anything like that, but as for you not feeling good about the way you look he obviously feels like you look good if he thinks you'd look good in something like that. But, honestly there's quite a few men I've met who are just horn dogs because of high sex drives. But for women it's much more of an emotional connection thing, which plenty of guys do have that, but compared to their sex drive its definitely the weaker driving force sometimes. The structure of the genders is rather high in most, but obviously there's some that are hardwired more in the middle. It's just rare to find. I think you and your SO need more bonding time that includes getting to know each others feelings. Moreover something to help him be more in touch with how you are feeling. I say this mainly because you two are deep in your relationship and there's already a lot of foundation and well a family that means for the most part its probably better advise towards ways to mend the parts of the relationship that has problems instead of my advise to a couple early in the staging of dating. That said, if your values are very far apart and there are some irreparable things that will mean hardship for you and your children you may want to rethink the man you are with. But hopefully that isn't the case. I had a long toxic relationship that also included substance abuse and we did end up mending things and working stuff out together and getting out of that hole, both becoming better people. But, I know some people's cases things can't be fixed because sometimes both parties will never try to better themselves and also get on the same page. Still lots of work to be done, but there's plenty of beauty in it.

Men are dog shit. They understand NOTHING of pregnancy and birth and all of the changes women go through during that time.. I’m sorry you’re dealing with a someone like that.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and probably take a lot of flack being a guy but so be it. I've been with my wife for 21 years, I love her and find her beautiful and attractive but I know she dislikes how time, kids and weight gain have changed her body, but I still find her amazing and gorgeous. My bet, he saw a lady in something that looked good but still finds you beautiful and attractive and thought you would not only look good in something like that, maybe more so being radiant with a pregnancy (I've known guys who love how their wives look pregnant more than anything, "radiate and full of life's blessings" in one case). This my wager would be that he honestly thought you would look good, to him, in something like that and/or thought you would appreciate the compliment of knowing he still finds you, even 7 months pregnant, so attractive and beautiful as to want to see you in such an outfit.

Just my thought.

I'll tell my fiance that I'd like see her in something that someone else is wearing. But I'd never ask her why she doesn't wear something.

Instead I say things like "ooo... I'd like to see you in that" or "that would look good on you". I feel like these have very different tones. The way I say it expresses to my fiance that I'm thinking of her even when looking at someone else. Whereas you the way your SO said comes off as more comparative.

Now I don't him and neither does anyone here. It's possible that he meant it in a way as to say you'd look good in something like that. Or he could have meant in a way as to say you she was hot and you should look like that. That is what you have to discuss with him and determine. He could just be dense and not really think about how the way he says things can alter how it is interpreted and received.

You know him. Don't let your insecurities jade your thoughts. Talk to him and figure out with certainty what he meant.

I don't really understand this complaint, except he could have phrased it more positively "Hey, you should wear stuff like that".

He would be happy to see you in clothing he would find sexy, and that's bad because...he looked at a woman? And then immediately thought of you?

It's not like he said that he wished you had her butt. You can make changes to your wardrobe fairly easily, and if maybe not now, there's always later when the pregnancy is over.

Moreover, people have eyes. If a girl is going around in tight jeans and a thong, everyone is going to notice. It doesn't take special effort, and I don't understand calling it out unless he's literally standing there staring and drooling.

I have an alternative view. I can envision my husband making a comment like that, but in a sarcastic, why-does-she-think-that-looks-good kind of way. He may have meant nothing by the comment, and pregnancy hormones can be horrid. I agree that you should have the conversation mentioned by others, but the outrage from other posters here seems excessive.