I (19F) am currently 8 months pregnant, and my husband (28M) and I are disagreeing about his family staying with us right after I give birth. (Yes, I am aware of the age gap, but we didn’t realize it when we first met because I look and talk older than my age, and he has a baby face. Please don’t assume things based on our ages. )

My in-laws live in another country, so we must book their tickets in advance. However, as most people know, babies arrive on their own schedule, making it hard to plan precisely.

I originally thought it would be just my husband and me at home after the birth. When my husband suggested his mom come to help with cleaning and cooking, I felt a bit uncomfortable. We don’t speak the same language, so we’re not very close, even though she’s incredibly sweet and loving. I felt bad about making her do all that work, which led to my husband accusing me of not liking his family as I 'didn't feel comfortable with them being around'. He later apologized when he understood I wasn’t saying I hate them.

I talked to my mom about it, and she offered to help, I liked the idea as I would feel more comfortable with her help and would also have her support for my mental health, ( because in pregnancy I’ve been really struggling but hopefully medication I’ll be getting soon will help ! :) ). So I told my husband my mum would be able to stay and help, and initially, it seemed fine. However, my mom didn’t have any help during her pregnancies so isn’t too sure what exactly she will do to help. She still looks after my siblings at home and works, so she can’t stay long. But my mother-in-law, on the other hand, is older, doesn’t work, and has no kids to look after. So we agreed she could come once my mom leaves, as my husband wants me to rest (not clean or cook after giving birth) and also wants his mom to see the baby.

The issue now is that my husband wants to book his mom’s flight before my due date 8 days early to be exact to save money as well as make sure she’s here as soon as I give birth. I asked how it would work when my mum stayed over to help. At first, he said my mom and his would sleep in the living room to which I said my mom would probably be a little uncomfortable with that. He then suggested his mom sleep in the living room while my mom and I stayed in the bedroom, but that seemed stressful and uncomfortable to me. When I hesitated, he got upset, thinking I was implying my mom has a problem with his mom, which isn’t true. I do worry however that the cultural differences and language barrier might cause issues.

He then said his mom is the most important person in his life and needs to be there when ‘his’ child is born. He also said ' You would be shocked to hear about what my mom did when my sisters gave birth' and 'it's up to your mum if she wants to help it shouldn't matter' which also made me upset as he often insinuates my mum doesn't do enough for me and his mum is better. All of what he said made me feel like, my comfort and needs came second and my family came completely last.

I walked away because it felt like he wasn’t considering my thoughts and was just taking everything I said to be an attack on his family. Now I feel a bit like the asshole for not wanting his mom here right away when there isn't another way for her to come. I want my parents around for such a significant moment, but am I wrong for kind of not allowing/wanting his mum to come and support him and me and be there for one the biggest moments of our lives?

I'm more than happy to have her stay over after the baby is born and my mom has helped out, but tickets are expensive at that time since my baby is due in the summer so it's not an option. Just to clarify, having his mom stay in a hotel isn’t an option. She only wants to come to help us, and my husband would never send her to a hotel. It doesn’t make sense if she’s coming to help, and it's considered rude in our culture.

Please keep in mind that I’m pregnant and emotional, so I might be making things seem worse than reality. How can I communicate better with my husband, and what would be the best solution?

currently want to box him as a solution however being 8 months pregnant my odds don't seem too good so please any better suggestions welcome :) thank you so much