User deleted post
Thanks, this is definitely something to consider
Yeah she might want to get tested for something like a dairy allergy. Those farts can be deadly. And how old is she and how often is it happening? When I was child bearing age, I’d get gassy right before I got my period. I’ve heard of this happening with other women as well.
My daughter had those symptoms with a gluten allergy. She would even fart like that in her sleep.
She's probably drinking about a gallon of milk a day
A gallon a day of milk??? An adult?
Ok. I guess. Not good if she’s lactose intolerant. Could be the reason for all the gas.
If that’s not it, maybe she needs to up her intake of probiotic and prebiotic food.
Honestly, it sounds a lot like a lactose intolerance for instance.
You should tell her you’re turned off by this and think she needs to get seen by a doctor. How embarrassing for her to do that with company over too! I mean we all fart, but there’s a limit
User deleted comment
18d
It's ok, in the meantime, just shout out "she is the nicest woman in the world!!!" whenever she rips a fatty in front of company.
Omg this is hilarious!!! You made me literally lol!!
"Rips a fatty"
I'm fucking dying here 🤣😂
No! No no no. Do not tell your wife that you're turned off because she farts. Don't listen to these idiots dude.
Please don't tell her you're turned off by this. Phrase it as you're worried about her health or something and want her to see a GI specialist.
It’s not good to be disgusted by your wife.. prob kills the mood. Talk to her and be honest. Your spouse is your best friend.. you gotta be able to be honest about how you’re feeling. Besides the health aspect, you want a healthy marriage too
Keeping it in isn't healthy. Go get checked out but for the love of God, and a good woman, don't put her health lower than her attractiveness!!!
Women are physical human beings with intestines and bodily functions, not walking sex toys!!!
She’s farting non stop , even when people are over. If my husband did that I wouldn’t ever want to touch him let alone be in the room near him. We fart but it’s not excessive. He is disgusted by his wife and that’s not a healthy reaction to have to your spouse.. shows signs there are some issues don’t ya think? Like maybe she should go to the doctor and see what the issue is.. but also maybe not embarrass him when guests are over too?
but also maybe not embarrass him when guests are over too?
I have ibs and I get terrible gas. It's also horribly painful. She should definitely go to a doctor, but they may not be able to have an instant fix or any fix.
Like for myself if someone is embarrassed or grossed out by it I understand, I feel that way too and I'm the one experiencing it. There's also nothing I can do about it. Telling her he thinks it's disgusting or that she should stop embarrassing him is probably going to be unproductive if it's a genuine health issue.
Scrap the ‘tell her you're turned off by this’ and I am in full agreement.
Putting your (lack of) attraction front and center, over actual health concerns...
Terrible mindset and an even worse way to enter the conversation.
I hope this isn’t too explicit but sometimes when I fart and I’m freshly shaved and my labia is also moist it can bubble up the front and sound wet and bubbly so it might not be medical but just gas taking a scenic route out via the vulva.
Not explicit, it fits perfectly for a post about farts
Yeah how long has this been going on because bowel cancer is a thing man
let's just start with IBS or food allergies
I agree with the likelihood of GI problems. I've got T1 Diabetes and some light IBS that may be related to early Gastroparesis and on occasion I've noticed that I'll have episodes of really bad gas, that after checking I found couldn't have been from my diet or medications, and my doctors have mentioned it's likely cause being my GI issues and its periodic nature being from my GI issues still being in the early stages and possibly having some effects caused by my blood glucose levels at the time. Either way, I think because gas is treated as comedic or morally rude, but never with a close relation to our health, people tend to overlook it being a marker of GI health as well. People tend to have a bad habit of remembering that our common, everyday bodily functions are typically also very important markers for the health of whatever bodily system they're attached to. For example, when I started developing T1 Diabetes I didn't notice the darkening or sweet smell of my urine and needing to go as often as two or three times an hour suddenly as abnormalities, and it wasn't until I had to go every nearly fifteen minutes with little ability to hold it, and each time being a full, nearly two minute long event which was impossible to ignore as there's no way humanly possible to have a two minute long urination every 15 minutes without there being something very wrong. If I had noted the abnormal change and sought medical treatment sooner than an entire month after it started, I've since found out I could have possibly saved my pancreas from shit down and subsequently becoming diabetic. Get checked out folks, better safe than sorry. Always.
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18d
Thank you for sharing! And the messed up circumstances behind me getting sick was that I had been put on a medication where those symptoms were side effects so I stopped taking that, and hoped that once it worked out of my system I'd get better, but I should have gone to see the doctor regardless. I always urge people to get checked out if there's any concern with their health!
For both of them. 😂😂
lawnmower going through mud
Fucking dead.
That sentence made me audibly cackle. Also OP I second the other comments suggesting she see a gastroenterologist
Thanks, it was the funniest comparison I could think of
That got me too
Man I feel you, any time my gf has butter chicken she turns into a chemical weapons factory. One night she ripped ass so hard I had to get out of bed and hang out on the balcony for half an hour until the bedroom aired out
Is she lactose intolerant?
Nope, just something about Indian takeout turns lethal when she consumes it. She's fine with other kinds of curry
I’m not sorry and I laughed so fucking hard at that
See, other men kinda get it.
Creasing 😂😂😂
You making that up dude?
Yep. I had to repaint the entire bedroom one time.
Ah, a fellow IBS Queen
One of us! One of us!
I'm so happy mine comes as burps. But that pain is awful until you relief it.
My buddies girlfriend does this. Once, I was at their place chillin. We were all sitting on the couch watching something on TV, she's sitting between us, and she rips the longest, wettest, smelliest, and most vibrational rump ripper I have ever heard, smelt, and felt in my entire life. We both look at her and say, "What the Fuck?!?!?!" She just giggles and says, "That's gonna itch later." Then, continued eating her popcorn as if nothing happened and the living room didn't smell like Satan's sewer system. She farts often and shamelessly, even in public. We all accept her and her flatulence. But, this colon quake was like her magnum opus. It engulfed all of my senses.
I think I got PTSD from this experience. I have flash backs.
Edit: Gotta love Reddit! One of my most upvoted comments is a fart story! Hahaha! I'm glad this brought laughter to so many people.
that's going to itch later
Jesus christ
Possibly the most vulgar thing I've ever heard come from a woman's mouth... or ass.
Bro that is class
how even??
By it actually being a shart.
Farticals aka sharticals hanging out in the ass crack will do that.
Aka shit
My guess is that she poos a little which can cause the Crack to itch?
Because when you leave shit on the skin of your arse it irritates it. This woman shat herself in the very sense of the word
This description is going to stay with me for a very long time. I nearly spilled my drink from laughing.
I'm sure she is a fine classy lady. This is going to itch later. Oh my God I can't stop laughing
I'm glad I did the memory well. I know it will be with me forever.
Me too
“That’s going to itch later.” Later? How? What does that mean?!
Well, you see, she was insinuating that her bowel buster was indeed as wet as it had sounded and that she should go wipe her butthole clean. But, because she chose to marinate in her own bog of eternal stench, it would dry in her butt crack and become itchy at a later point in time.
I bet she was fun at parties
Do you actually want me to explain? I don’t think you do but I will if you really want
Please don’t.
It’s because it’s not just gas but actual shit leaking out but she’s just gonna sit there with it irritating her skin. Hell. She may even subconsciously scratch her anus and go back to eating the popcorn. There’s a reason something like 28% of office keyboards have traces of faeces on them.
Damn castle rigger just went for it
and felt
☠😭😭
It was like one of those massage chairs at the mall.
I don’t know why this is getting downvoted. This is funny
It's hilarious.
Me either, it’s hilarious!
I'm pissing my pants here. That's going to itch later? Oh my God!
That’s just fucking feral. I get some escape and can’t be helped but either clinch or go to the bathroom
see i think that’s just rude bc then everyone is subjected to nasty smell. gross
Well, you can laugh about farts and have fun, or you can not laugh and be disgusted. Either way, you have still smelled the same amout of farts.
I’m creasing at this 😂😂😂
Fucking omg hahahah 💀💀
I have actual tears streaming down my face I'm cry/laughing so hard
1/4 teaspoon of baking soda in 8oz of warm water a day seems to slow that down for some family members.
That was x amount of days while waiting for the doctor to explain test results for IBS and other tests.
I do this for acid reflux. Works great
Might be IBS. Honestly probably worth a trip to the doctor. Maybe lightly bring up that it makes others uncomfortable if she is resistant
As Shrek always says “it’s better out then in.”
Tell her to stop shaving her butt. She needs more interference
I get waxed and yea i can tell after that my farts are way louder and wetter sounding. While i do prefer being waxed, I can't deny going through butt bristles definitely dampens the sound of them
Butt muffler!!!
lol really? Hair actually help?
I only noticed I got ridiculous amount of gas after drinking bubble tea, cuz I keep trying to suck the tapioca pearl when no more tea left, so I suck a lot empty inside air my stomach instead.
Is she on medication that would cause it?
No
Get her some Beano from the pharmacy. If that doesn't help then she needs to see if she's lactose intolerant or has IBS.
I fart like that and it's not normal. I'm lactose intolerant and I have farted so long that my dog looked over to see if I was okay. Truly epic amounts of air escaping my body.
My ex acquired fart problems after he was in a bike accident. One day he informed me that he ripped a fart so loud that my neighbor’s dog barked back. I said, “My neighbor doesn’t even have a dog!” And he said, “Must have been that dog two houses down then.”
OMG!!! 😂🤢
I was married to a man for 10 years that was so weird about bathroom stuff. He never, in the 12 years we were together, EVER farted in from of me. My partner now, doesn’t care. And I was absolutely horrified the first time he did. I would stub my toe getting to to bathroom before I farted in front of him. Not. Doing. It. He also cleaned my poo up during labor, so I’m sure he doesn’t care, but my grandparents were married 70 years. My grandfather said the secret was separate bathrooms and I believe it 100%.
My aunt and uncle have been married for like forty or fifty something years and she still doesn’t even use the bathroom if he’s home. lol
Southern?
Why is my husband venting my dirty laundry here?
Sounds like it needs to be vented… 😷
Because you’re venting yours next to him at up to two minutes at a time. That said, I’m impressed at the duration but what is the actual throughput?
There's some folks out there who will pay top dollar for this sort of skillset.
I was raised by a farting woman. Just absolutely loved to fart. In front of my friends, her friends, the neighbours... 40 years later ... still farting...
Are you my long lost sibling?
We must be related as well, we’ve got the same sister.
That’s so fucking gross
i feel like there’s 2 kinds of girl, the ones who are very private about farting/burping and the girls who purposely belch and fart as loud as possible in front of people. kind of in a rebellious way, like, you wanna see me act ladylike? brrrrrrp
like, i love the rebellion but i have a strong aversion to gross shit and potty humor just doesn’t do it for me. both men and women who are loud with their bodily functions just seem kinda nasty to me.
Trust me, I know.
Your description is hilarious lmao but seriously that’s disgusting and not to be rude but she lacks decorum. Even if there’s a medical issue it’s rude to basically shit yourself in public and in front of guests 😂 I’m not for ultimatums but if this is a nonnegotiable and it’s making you lose attraction for her just tell her straight up and say it’s also embarrassing you in front of others.
For real.
Now this is what this subreddit is for!
While this post was absolutely hilarious, I would have a serious sit down with her and talk about seeing a specialist. Definitely sounds like IBS.
My best friend’s 5 year old called me out for crop dusting the supermarket and having worse farts than his dad. Turned out I was lactose intolerant.
She could hold them in and fart in her sleep like I do. Both are equally traumatizing for my partner
And how many times has she shit her pants cause of the wet farts
Surprisingly 0.
That will change as she ages. Sharts are a real thing…
Impressive
Sell the farts to perverts
I’ve wanted to do this for years. Sell them in jars.
sorry to hear that. hope she gets healed.
I accidentally switched from LinkedIn to Reddit and this blew my mind for a second.
As someone with ulcerative colitis, this comment section is making me laugh so much. If OP didn't state it was his wife, I'd think my boyfriend could have written this tbh haha
From someone who fits this description perfectly (with a little more tact), have her checked by a gastroenterologist. It could be IBS. My poor husband has been so much happier since I changed my diet. 🤣
Lowkey sounds like you enjoy it and wanted to tell all of us
You got me, detective. I’m going to liar’s jail
YES QUEEN! Breaking hearts, blasting farts. What a legend.
Playing with the queen of farts
Not knowing when it all starts
If you poke her to you’re a real fool
Who will end up in a pile of poo…
Be proud, bro
i love it, i type as i fart
She’s clearing the chute for sexy time and you’re not getting the hint.
you married a keeper my dude
I know haha
Could be a health issue. Definitely recommend seeing a Gastroenterologist. Have some health problems myself but also manage a primary care practice.
Tell her to go get that checked out by her doctor. If she refuses then tell her you guys should at least profit off of her talent.. there’s a fetish for what she does. A buddy of mine once tricked us into watching a video on Brazilian fart porn… I’m not going to say more but just know it’s a thing.
Yeah, a lot of people mentioned so lol
Have you considered that your wife might be lactose intolerant? Has she considered that? It might sound silly, but her flatulence and bowel movements might normalize overnight if she starts taking a lactase enzyme with meals containing dairy.
If you see positive results, that might just rule out all of your other concerns. And if not, then it might be time to consider speaking with a physician.
I just couldn’t fart in front of a man, or anyone else, I think it’s embarrassing, I don’t even burp in front of people if I can help it. I’ll excuse myself from the room, so good for her if she’s comfortable enough to do it, I personally couldn’t lol.
I farted a lot for 30 years, then my wife got me lactase, an enzyme to help me break down milk. Now I hardly fart at all. Turns out I’m lactose intolerant. All that time.
Adding probiotics to my diet stopped the ripping farts!! I drink homemade kefir daily and I have the best balanced digestion now !
The description of your lovely wife’s disgusting farts made me laugh
You’re welcome
Ew. You can be gassy without being disgusting. I would be mortified to be in public with a grown ass woman who farted like my dead grandpa. No, absolutely not.
Uhm.. so this is often a sign of an infection in the ovaries.. she needs to have herself checked out. At the very least, it’s IBS
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18d
Yup lmao
I'd say it doesn't sound like a problem, butt
ba dum tss
I have been with my husband for 23 years and have never farted in front of him. I could not imagine what your wife does, and that she does it in front of others. Yes, we all fart but if you were doing what she did, she would likely be disgusted as well. I also agree, she needs to see a GI doc.
I bet I sleep fart and never know
I imagine she does too.
As someone with mad IBS, she’s brave to trust a fart. I usually run to the bathroom just in case it’s not just that lol. But yeah, get her checked by a doctor. It can’t be comfortable for her feeling like that all the time, and it’s not fun for you either, and chances are it will only get worse as she gets older. I just learned two days ago, at 35, that I’m supposed to be able to poop without straining. It’s been that way all my life and I ended up with a rectal prolapse last week (internals came out my back end from pushing so hard). Please get her checked because that’s not normal and could have serious consequences further down the road. I hope you both get relief soon 😊
Her doing this when both in the car on a hot summer day would be my 13th reason 💀
Two minutes? My god! That’s a long time. Think about it. Starts off funny for a little bit, then gets gross, then funny again, then gross again. For two minutes. I would be crying. 😂
I honestly don’t know how she does it. There are songs shorter than her farts.
I don’t mean to be super crazy or excessive, but my grandmother had similar farts. She also always complained of certain abdomen and lower back pains. Turns out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
Go to the doctors. It could be something as simple as some sort of dairy or gluten allergy…. Or it could be something more serious. Whatever the case better to tackle it early than finding out a diagnosis when it’s already too late
I’m still not sure if this is satire, but if you’re being 100% cereal killer honest, she may have some sort of gastroenterological disorder and a check up at the gut doc may be needed.
I can see how people would see this as satire. The absurdity of the situation, but nope… this is real
I’m also impressed by the audacity, lol. My bf told me I “let out a little toot” in my sleep once and I was mortified. I couldn’t look him in the eye for the rest of the day. 😆
She should definitely see a GI to make sure she's OK. I have a bunch of GI issues myself. Even when i do everything right diet-wise, I can still have this problem. Especially the first couple hours of the day. If I'm alone, no big deal. If I'm not, I take Gas-X pills and they work wonders.
The sweet aroma of the wife. 😂
Challenge accepted.
Am I your wife?
I don’t know, is your name Jackie? Lmao
She could be lactose intolerant or intolerant to garlic and onions (I forgot the name of that one).
Literally me (minus the in front of other people) until I figured out I’m lactose intolerant. See if she’s willing to take lactase before she eats dairy. Such a simple fix!!
My husband did too. He discovered he is sensitive to gluten. Started on a gluten free diet and all of the farting and burping stopped completely. So there could be something that her body is not able to process well.
Better to bear the shame than bear the pain!
Fucking disgusting! I want one
can you upload the sound? 😅
Nice try haha
This isn't Fartbook, my man.
Win her fart, win her heart
A WOGO
Maybe gluten sensitivity? What did she eat before she started farting?
i laugh every. single. time. my wife farts and even when they smell and I'm maybe grossed out, it is hilarious. I'm sorry you don't find the hilarity in the gas but I sorta love your wife for letting them rip anyway haha.
Yeah no I can see the hilarity in them
Maybe try Beano or gas-x
Sounds like IBS, and honestly, holding it in hurts, so all power to her.
Poor lady probably can’t help herself n
Lactose intolerance?
Make a sound board and profit!
She may have an issue with her GI tract.
Also GERD can cause that too. Does she also have stinky belches?
I used to struggle similarly, it was really uncomfortable- as in actually painful bloating, but it’s resolved somewhat. I’ve been taking probiotics which seems to be the only consistent factor, that could be a pretty simple option for help if she’s interested!
Egh, that’s just her ass talking shit🤷🏻♀️. Has she ever shit her pants, even a little Hershey squirt?
And I can’t stop laughing at your subject line. This is just foul. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Need to change her diet. Passing wind is a sign of a bad gut
Get her to the doctor. Might be celiac disease, IBS or something simple like lactose intolerance.
Is she lactose intolerant? Because if I eat ice cream or drink full fat milk I fart like this.
You’re bros now.
I’ve had weight loss surgery & occasionally gas gets bad. If I’m out with folks, I will usually take beano. Does she chew gum, or chew ice? Ice water, tends to lead to more farting. Gum chewing, you are swallowing a bunch of air. Using a straw you swallow a lot of air too.
I heard there’s a website where people pay money to see woman fart on cakes.
Offer her cake or Beano and see what she choses. No wrong answer :)
Are we married to the same woman?
What a woman. You lucky dog lol
Was this written by my husband
I’m laughing so hard reading this but have so much empathy for you my friend😄. I am your wife (not that severe but pretty close). My husband is a good sport and we laugh about it. I don’t do it in public though lol. Your wife is brave. I can sympathize with her because I have been diagnosed with IBS and severe bloating and have to be careful with what I eat. I also have problems with the acidity in my stomach. Idk if your wife complains about discomfort in her stomach but what another commenter mentioned, it would not hurt for her to see a gastroenterologist. Maybe mention to her though that while in public, try and excuse herself if she needs to let one rip😅.
But seriously though if she can’t come to the conclusion he probably doesn’t want to explore the area a 2 minute wet fart come from who’s the problem here? People today have the thinnest skin of any point in written history and maybe if people weren’t so obsessed with tip toeing around everyone else fragile emotions we wouldn’t have to have conversations like this or about the 40 different genders people swear are real but are just a figment of someone’s sick imagination because they’ve never been told their wrong bluntly. Tell her it’s fucking gross because it is, you yourself have said as much be blunt have what some call “the balls”
It doesn't sound normal to me, she may have a health problem. Does she often suffer from stomach aches? I think she should see a gastroenterologist it can be a life-changing step.