What is normal when it comes to financially supporting your girlfriend/wife and her family in Thailand?

I take our income and first pay our condo/my children alimony/fixed expenses/fixed amount to savings. What is left is split in half between us. My partner can spend her half how she likes and I spend my half how I like. It’s something I suggested the moment we wanted to live together with my current partner.

I never get asked to help anyone my partner helps her family out of her own share. She will sometimes pay for outings and sometimes I do. Never heard any complaints or had any arguments about money. For us it just works but there is no one way that fits all.

Probably get downvoted but amazing how many people come to Thailand to escape the west and their "awful" women..... But then somehow hold all their western values when dating and marrying a Thai woman.

You like Thai women because of their cultural feminity and values.... you come here to live... but then you don't want to participate in their culture when you have to make minor sacrifices.

In thailand it is expected that the children send money home to the parents to support them.

You don't have to give a lot. 5000-10,000 is usually enough. I cant imagine families asking for more. Even 10k is high. Id say closer to 5000 is normal.

I'm married to a Thai woman. We do nice things for her family but avoid giving them money directly. We've taken them on vacations a few times and maybe a couple little presents for their friends back home etc.

Obviously I'm paying if we're all out eating together.

Depends on your conversation with her. My dowry was a few thousand ($) and a motorbike. We built the family a three story house in the village (Chiang Mai, the third floor is exclusively ours when we go on our yearly trips there), a smaller house for their food business, and money here and there.

Guess it all depends on their status, your financial health, and where you put your foot down. Good luck. Married 20+ years

My first LTR in Thailand was with a girl who owned a restaurant, she worked a lot but almost as soon as we started dating, the restaurant somehow got super popular, she was able to train enough employees that she could take time off as much as she liked. She always had her own money. Never asked me for a single satang and would even surprise me with thoughtful gifts. Saying that, every time we went for dinner, or took week/weekend breaks, I paid for everything. But that's fine by me.

My most recent relationship, my girlfriend worked very long hours, for not a lot of money. Like 10-12 hours shifts, 6 days a week. It was brutal, I felt really sorry for her, plus I wanted to be able to spend more time with her than her work allowed.

I'm single again now, but from that, I could see a potential future arrangement where I met someone and paid them an allowance. If we were committed, and she was my wife or wife to be, everyone's life would be more comfortable if I paid her, and she just worked on her hobbies or worked part-time or something.

I wouldn't have thought I would consider that sort of thing. But for me, it's an easier arrangement than dating someone who works 60-hours a week.

My wife sends money to her parents every month, she’s an only child, and the pension is 500thb a month or something… I wouldn’t consider it a cultural thing rather a necessity thing, but even my wealthy Thai friends give their parents money, when they don’t need it.

If my wife was not able to pay, I would do it for her, because it’s her responsibility to make sure her parents aren’t destitute.

With me and my wife we split the house on the agreement that if we ever broke up that would be split 50/50 (12 years and going strong though. Currently trying for a baby so definitely not breaking up anytime soon haha). Current car is hers (she bought it before we met) but it's nearing the end of its life next car will be 50/50

I pay all the household bills as I earn about double her salary. She has a decent salary clearing about 55k a month. So I pay electricity, water, Internet etc. If we go on holiday I will generally pay for the flights.

I would say I probably pay for about two meals to her every one.

Her parents are quite well off and don't ask for money. Her mum was rushed into hospital however two years ago so me and all her siblings everyone chipped in 20k a head for hospital bills.

When we went to visit my mum, my wife ended up taking my mum tk get groceries and paid her electricity for the month.

I like it. There is a line between being exploited. I see some lads being asked to buy the latest iPhone or whatever handbag every month and you can see them being taken for a ride. But I have never felt like my wife has taken advantage of me tbh. She is definitely more traditional I'd say.

A few of my friends are in similar situations here financially speaking.

I have a Thai gf and I don't support her.

From all the Thai gf's I've had it in the past I didn't support any of them and none of them ever asked for it.

Depends on the girlfriend / wife and also on the guy. There are girls from poor and rich families, with good education / career and with nothing much but a school education. Also there are guys who support a whole village and other guys who cannot be bothered to send flowers being in a long-term LDR. Don't be a douchebag but also don't be stupid and think about your own future.

For me, I buy them nice things every so often even though they’re upper middle class. They’ve never asked for anything expect to take care of their daughter. Take that back the only things they’ve asked me for is to bring chocolate when we come visit. I would say if your partners family isn’t well off then 5000 baht would really help them out. That’s $150’ish US dollar. If you can’t afford that then you need to rethink things.

I think it would depend on your girlfriend and their family. My impression of Thai families is that they see their resources as common, so if they need help and you're better off, it would be expected in my opinion. If I had a serious healthy relationship with my Thai girlfriend I wouldn't mind supporting her and her family. Just be careful of being taken advantage of, the max you should pay in support is ~10k THB which would be around the minimum wage there.

It's entirely dependent on the situation, there isn't one size fits all. There is a stronger tradition of supporting your female partner and families in Thailand. And in many cases it's a lot more overt, hence the 'mia noi' culture. All those 'pretties' are not going out with poor guys. And it's not just limited to farang/Thai relationships.

If you're on $300k and she's on 20,000 baht a month, and sends money to her parents, you can't realistically expect her to be paying half your 40,000 baht a month condo if you live together.

In my experience it's fairly obvious when they are just after your money, unfortunately many men just accept that

If you come to the Philippines and you’re in your 30s and in good shape, you can easily find a girlfriend to date Just like in the west. If you come here and you’re in your 60s and 70s and you expected a girl in her 20s then yeah you’ll be financially supporting her entire family.

I'll go one step before your question.

When you're with a local, their family is usually part of the package. Didn't you discuss this beforehand?

It's also nice to pick someone who has an honest income and observe how they spend their money.

I usually tell someone after the initial dating phase that their family is their responsibility. I'm not cool if her lazy brother is behind on his bike payments or Uncle Somchai needs a new tractor.

If you're already in deep, then unfortunately, you're the walking ATM for them. Also, a local will choose their parents over her foreign husband any day.

It doesn't matter how much you help them as the monthly amounts are mysteriously never enough.

When my wife was working, she sent money to her parents. When she stopped working due to changes in my career (relocation), I took on that responsibility as part of our decision to move. I don’t resent it at all. I like that people in Thailand take care of their families as best they can, vs shipping Grandma off to a nursing home.

Never had to pay out anything. I went out with a friend of a colleague for a few months and she took care of all the bills when I was living at hers, I did take her out and paid for it when we were on dates but not when we were eating with her mates. I took care of accommodation if we went away and she bought the food.    

 I’ve casually seen a girl for a while and she’s adamant that she pays her own way for things but goes crazy for spontaneous gifts and I pay for dates most of the time. I’ve sent her like 500 baht twice for a ferry ticket and some other shit. She gives me food constantly and other assorted things I like. She buys me gifts and I take her on holiday sometimes

 Both girls had fairly middle class families and weren’t doing too badly. But there’s never been any splitting of bills on a date unless they absolutely insist. 

 There is a girl who follows me around constantly who has apparently gotten wind that I work remotely from a Bangkok office but given she hangs around in a bar I am steering clear, she’s just got a brand new Isuzu and I don’t fancy picking up the finance payments   

There’s a few of the lads where I live who’ve been utterly rinsed by some of the local girls and some been happy for years. 

The simple rule is he who is in the family with money supports. That's what is normal, and applies to everything. Don't like the rules? Choose another family. Respect elders and show kindness and humility to others.

Food for thought. The more money the Thai woman and her family have, the less they are going to need to shake you down for it. Yes, that makes them more challenging to date since they have a lot of options but that challenge also literally pays dividends. Work for it or work for it, if you see what I mean. 

We do about $200 a month back to the wife’s parents. Sometimes more. Sometimes less. But it mainly comes from her earnings.

We also bought some land there and have a few small houses on it. We’re in rural northern Thailand so nothing fancy, traditional homes. Her parents live in one and we rent out the rest on Agoda and AirBnb. Most of that income goes to improving and expanding the land and helping the parents more.

I think if you can afford to help it's nice to do it. Don't go beyond what is comfortable or appropriate, don't advertise yourself as a mug.

Very much depends upon the level of family you marry into. There's been enough written about village life and poor rural families that farangs should know what to expect in terms of potential money drain.

Sending money not a requirement for us, wife's mother is financially secure (father died before we met) with income from a machinery contracting business, she built a new house 2022 next to the old one which is now kept for family/visitors. We did contribute to 'housewarming' for the new place, family shared costs of new refrigerator, tv and lounge suite

Grandma has always sent money to be banked for our daughters' education accounts, not necessary but appreciated; she did the same for our two older nieces who are now a pharmacist and a nurse manager, no borrowing or student loans.

Wife works full-time here, enjoys her job and in July it's her 12th anniversary at that business. Extra income, annual payout from family company profits and inherited land lease.

We're 200km away from nearest family, visit 2-3 times a year, occasionally freight boxes of in-season Chanthaburi fruit to her and two family members who live nearby.

It's a quiet life.

I'm with my first Thai gf. An academic doctor. All our bills are split. She sends some money home to her parents, but, I'm not paying for anyone's parents to survive. I don't see that being part of Thai culture. Helping my gf out is one thing, but her family? Especially when she has siblings. If anything, when going out for dinner etc it's part of Thai culture for the oldest person to pay. With that being said, I understand there are exceptions, but it seems like foreigners get taken advantage of when it comes to this kinda thing. Out of all my Thai friends, they're not sending money to one another family. They take care of their own. Lastly, I've lived in Thailand for 8 years. All over the country in more rural areas and I will say, Thai people always want to flip the bill for me. It becomes an argument and a wrestling match for me to slip money in their pocket. The hospitality here is plain old overwhelming.

If you're flushed enough to pay for the person's you live family, that's very nice, but I've never heard of Thai men doing this.

I think having to support the family is more the old way and how it used to be in the past and maybe how it still is in some cases if you marry a bar girl with no education from a very poor family, so marrying a "rich" foreigner becomes a way to support her family. Whenever I ask a Thai girl about this concept they generally also say that this was how it used to be in their parents generation or before and maybe still is for some very poor families in the country side.

I have dated my share of Thai girls including some long-term relationships where we lived together and I have never been asked to give any money to her or her family. Of course I would buy the girl small gifts, pay for going out or travel etc just like I would in any relationship where I have a higher income than my partner, but I have never been asked to support the girl or her family in any way. But I have also only dated educated girls with "normal" jobs from regular middle class families. If you hook up with a bar girl from a poor family then your experience will probably be different.

I'd say if you are the only source of money in the relationship and especially if that money is going beyond just her then yea that's being exploited and she's not in love with you.

If, in shared household, she makes money and sends some of that to her family instead of contributing to your household then that is something that can work but like anything else needs communication and agreement. There is a cultural element where being intransigent and saying 'no way no how' might just mean you're not compatible. More guys should probably say that because most of the men that end up in Thailand aren't really in a position to be supporting others and should protect themselves.

I'd note that some guys fully know the score and do it anyway because they want a new family in older age or whatever. But it's definitely a bit of a pay-for-play situation like a trophy wife would be in the west

edit: should clarify I'm talking about marriage . . I would never give a gf anything and especially not her family

I don’t pay my fiancé’s family anything, and I don’t expect that to change once we’re married. They live modestly and have palm farms to support them. She sends her mom a small amount each month, but I don’t. Honestly, if they asked for money from me, I would lose respect for them. My fiancé knows how I feel about this so I doubt the topic will arise in the future. I would be happy to assist if there was an emergency or some special situation, but I’m not gonna pay regularly for them to upgrade their lifestyle.

My wife supports her parents now that they are fairly old and struggling to work due to the usual ailments that come with it. Once they're really struggling with their health my wife will go home and nurse them as she's the youngest sibling and that's her responsibility.

It's part of the culture and it's normal that you contribute a little financially. But every situation is different. For example, I met my Thai girlfriend when I was still in high school (she is 3 years older than me), but she has never asked for money because she knew I was focusing on my studies. There's not a "general rule" about this topic, but you'll understand it on your own when you get into a relationship. Don't think too much about it now, just enjoy your time in Thailand and have your experiences. It's not true that "all thai girls just want your money". I know lots of great "farang x thai" couples that are working very well, so take it easy

'Normal' is whatever you decide between you and your GF.

Just bear in mind the Thai culture of children supporting their parents. Whatever income she earns (independently or from you giving her money) she will almost always send some to her parents every month. It's a built-in to the culture.

I've been with my wife for 9.5 years. Have never supported her family. There was the odd time we've leant money to the but they always paid it back and we even had to borrow from them a couple times during a rough financial period.

My wife has always worked and we've had our finances combined since our daughter was born. I typically made more but now she makes more than me.

We never gave a sinsot either. When we first started dating I told her I would never even consider paying her family for the right to marry her. They were completely fine with it and her family has treated me like family since day.

This is how old fashioned people in the west do it too. It's not surprising. I'm not from Thailand but that's how my father's situation was. He paid off my mom's university, bought her stuff she couldn't afford, helped with her sick parent. All while she was young and working. She stopped working when she had us.

The way Thai people sometimes talk about it being expected seems weird, but not if they're expected to be fully involved in raising the children. But if there is no children and the family isn't sick and is old enough to work, than hypothetically I don't think it's imposing my culture on the situation to say no. The tradition is a good one but it's also good because it has a function. If you're not having kids and not providing support to an elderly or sick person from compassion, than what is it?

I think it depends on each family culture as well. In the past Thai norm (back in world war era), only men can get to school, then working and earning the money to take care their family while women are taking care of all houseworks; cooking, cleaning house etc. So men totally have power to make decision in any things like the amount of money they want to give or having more wife or command their women.

But nowadays, changing era, women mostly educated and works so with or without men, they can live by themself but still got the same norm in the past that men should financially support them. In my opinion(I’m Thai), I think it depends.

(Sorry if my English isn’t that good, but hope you understand :) )

In thailand property and wealth usually transfers down to males who are able to work and support their parents ( in theory). If there are no males left the girls have to do it. It makes thai people happy to be able to contribute to their family, theyre parents often dont have a lot of options. Girls familys used to get a dowry for their daughter when they married that went to the parents. I did not pay a dowry. Usually 1 years salary or so was customary. Not so much anymore as many more girls have significant incomes and many own property. My wife and her family always joke with me about it. Theyre happy to have one less daughter to feed (& 3 daughters) and that she got a big fish. They are reasonably well off ( in thailand) and own a small buissness that provides well. We are happy to take the whole family on vacation for a few weeks every year. The feelings are greatfull and the costs are not significant, we always have a good time and 10 years in i dont reget anything, im fully treated as a family member and do my best to earn their respect. As for sending money to a girlfriend i would not. If she is your girlfriend ( not LT) she should earn her own money and spend it as she wishes. Its a different culture, gf doesnt necissarily mean exclusive in every case many thai husbunds also have girlriends. If you want to buy her a buffalo im sure her family will be greatfull for new iphones.

It’s a hard one to answer, if you live more rural chances are the girls salary barely covers her monthly expenses and her family (remember even before you she was helping her family) I am still soft at heart and like to see my girl doing the things she normally couldn’t, when we moved in together I said I’ll pay for the condo, food etc but I said to her you pay for water, electricity etc. It’s a trust thing which you develop over time ,she will never just say ohh I need money to go here do this blah blah but when there is an issue she can’t afford (even tho she isn’t comfortable asking) she knows I will help. Trust is important and it’s build over time

If a $150/month subscription removed as bullcrap from any aspect of my life as this does from dating I'd pay it in a heartbeat.

That it's only a step removed from actual charity is one more pro IMO.

Hi, i used to help my ex out with 50% of her income. She was making around 12k thb and i added 50 percent.

This is an interesting thread to read. A lot of folks seem to understand the situation well, and a lot of folks seem burned / embittered.

It works out better if they are older than 35. They’re mostly trying to stabilize their future. I still wouldn’t do it if they’re in their 20s. Definitely wouldn’t do it if they have ever had a history of sex work

I usually insist we go 50/50 for everything. Or take turns paying. It needs to be established early on though, just let them know you're not an ATM and relationships are supposed to be equitable.

I've done this with three women from Thailand so far (one in Thailand, two in London) and had great relationships with all of them.

YMMV if you're not as handsum as me though.

How many Buffalos are we talking here?

Bro, how much is it? What we talking. And is she rocking your world?

It depends on the family. I’m married to a Thai woman and before and since we got married we have split finances 50/50. We come from families with similar values: both our parents are comfortable financially and middle class, but taught us the value of money and self sufficiency. Her parents did pay for our Thai wedding and gave me our sin sot back to start our life together. My parents paid for our American wedding. She’s from rural Northern Thailand.

People outside her family assume that we pay for a lot and my mother in law plays into it because we live abroad and she doesn’t want people to know how much money she has. She just built a little house for us (our son really) and told people that we paid for it even though we didn’t. When we visit this summer, we’re taking her family on vacation. They can afford it, we just want to as we haven’t seen them since Covid and it’s the first time they are meeting their grandson in person. This is no different than the fact that we pay for my mother half the time the time we do anything and split the bill the other half.

Similarly to your home country, there are people who have one person taking on financial responsibility, others who share, and some who help their parents out. There are people in every country who marry for money instead of love. There are other couples where money isn’t an issue.

It’s better to look for someone who supports themselves. Lots of old men from failed relationships come to Thailand to seek out financially dependent women. Don’t be like those guys.

My wife’s been sending $1,500 a month. Always some shit… grandmas birthday… forgot to call my mom this month… brothers birthday. She works and makes as much as me so I guess it’s ok but I don’t think she understands the impact of $18,000 a year that’s not going into our retirement accounts.

I remember when I was in college and we were living really poorly, she sent like $1,000 to her parents when my parents gave me like $2,000 to pay for books and tuition for a semester. Then her parents went and bought a flatscreen TV. I got pissed cause we were eating beans and rice and not using AC and taking the damn bus everywhere and her parents are blowing $500 on a damn TV. We didn’t even have an hdtv at the time so that was extra frustrating.

I'm discovering a thai culture in the last year. My couple is thai and i live in Spain.

I believe who say that: " "If you’re financially supporting her or her family, even just a little bit, then you’re being exploited and she probably doesn’t even love you”." or "“Supporting your partner financially is part of Thai culture. It’s expected that a man who earns more than his partner will help out. If you don’t like it then maybe Thai women are not for you”." depend of the life style and know about Thai o asiatic culture.

I think the boyfriend need support to the cuple but own selft need anlisys the situation about the both are working or only one. But one need search the middle point.

If the both are working,in my west opinon all the peopl need cover the core family 50/50 or in another case with the 100%.i believe it's normal in a traditional culture and there aren´t a relations with the love. But only know the couple or Thai People

I think there are some one only thai people know and don't know the rest of the farang people

Most bar girls get a monthly from their falang jons so why wouldn’t you support a legitimate Thai partner or contribute to household finances etc

Anywhere from 7-10k baht a month would be sufficient but depends on spending, expense and if she’s working at all

Damn Thai and Indian cultures are so similar!
Locals, have you seen Thai and Indian relationships work out?

My wife's family is far more well off than we are. She makes more than I do too.

We get to live in one of their houses in a great location for free, which we couldnt afford even if we combined pur resources, they visit us once in a while and take us out for meals, bring us goodies when they go traveling etc. The only expectation here is that I take good care of their only daughter and her mother has said a few times that she's happy I'm part of their lives now and they don't worry about her wellbeing.

So that side of things exists too.

I Have two cases in my extended family where both my cousins married thai women and settled in Thailand

1. First, dude married a hi so Thai woman. She is US educated and works in Deutsche Bank in Bangkok as Business Analyst. My cousin who married her, is a Human Rights professional with UN in Bangkok. They both are ballers and my cousin doesn’t pay a cent to her nor to her family.

2. second cousin, who was a pest controller back home, married a full time farmer from a farmer family from Khon kaen . She is only high school educated and he supports her and her family.

both my cousins are happy and have no issues, and both are into 7+ years of their marriage. Who we are to judge what’s right and wrong, their money, their lives, their wives. As a man, you attract the woman you deserve.

Kids take care of the parents. More like traditional ways. And when you're in a committed relationship with the daughter, unless you are poorer than them, you will have to help out. I

Do what your own values and conscious tell you.

When we got married me and my wife both agreed half our salaries would go towards bill and stuff for the house and family, anything left over would be saved for special occasions. The other half is to spend on what we want for ourselves (if there’s any left) worked out ok for 20 odd years so far

If you love her, support her as much as possible. The woman we are fated to love deserve the world.

If you have any doubts or think you’re being scammed than sit her down and talk to her and set expectations

Ok, so I've done a bit of research in this area and the amount in Thailand ranges from 10000 buhtt to 100000 bht. Average as in most common being between 15k and 30k

If you're with a woman anywhere in the world you will share because you love them and don't want to see them suffer,this is my opinion anyway so I see no difference anywhere in the world .I don't think any woman will want to be with a man who doesn't care enough to try to make life better for you both

Most thais are poor. This is a fact just take a trip to any province rural area and see how they live

sure, many landowners in the rural area might be a millionaire in usd even, but the rest are barely getting by month to month, day to day, even...

My wife and I have been together for about 4 years. Right now I send about 24k Baht a month in increments of 12k. She will have her Visa in June and she told me that she only wants to sent about 10k to her mom a month.

I have no issues with helping my wife’s parents financially. We live well below our means already so it’s not a big deal for us.

I pay my gf 50,000 baht a month, plus extras.

It’s a case-by-case basis. If she’s the breadwinner of the family, it can encompass a whole lot of responsibilities. What she truly needed was a good man who could understand her situation and provide the emotional and even financial support that would make all the difference. Recognizing the weight of her responsibilities, such a partner would be the best thing she could ask for.

No matter how much financial support her partner could provide, the small things matter. Finding a man who understood that being a breadwinner didn’t diminish her need for love and care was crucial. She sought someone who would walk with her—not behind or ahead, but right beside her—appreciating her for who she was: a strong, dedicated woman with a heart full of love to give.

But at the end of the day, it’s all up to you.

First time I was there was absolutely skint and damaged as I'd spent everything In Nepal and lost a member of my team in the mountains. I was practically taken in by a woman 10 years older stayed at her place, she cooked, and we used her motorbike. I would top up fuel and take us out sometime. She was poor, we slept on a single mattress on a concrete floor, sometimes her addict brothers disabled daughter would stay too. Just a decent woman. Although I suspect a lot of drugs were being held in the house lol. Second time I met a beautiful business lady from Bangkok, she spoiled me like her own son. Ridiculous seafood restaurants and rooftop bars etc, it was hard to pay for anything, she worked hard had her own money and knew exactly what she wanted to spend it on. Third time I met a girl who was abit skint but wanted to travel, I paid for everything and she was absolute vibes, I needed a motorbike anyway and somewhere to sleep so basically just bought her basic Thai food and a couple of drinks. Will meet her again soon, she's quite a spoiled lonely child, her parents sort her out when she's not working. I told her to get in to running whilst I was away, she came 7th recently out of about 500 runners at a local event. I honestly believe I'm being used for sex more often than not. Most Thai women have Buddhist values and basic jobs and are friendly to their neighbours.

Me and my girl have a kid and own a house we split 50/50 costs

ITT why I hate Esarn people and their culture

In other parts of the world, if the man is earning more than his partner, is he not expected to help out in some way or another?

Don't do it !!! She loves you ?? Don't do it!!! You can help from time to time if you wish. Not money. Buy a washing machine. Maybe a refrigerator in the future. Don't give money. It will be gone in one day. She will ask for more. Her uncle lost money and has to pay the Mafia back. You think I'm kidding. Don't do it!!! Nothing !!!

I won't support anyone but me. She needs to work.

Bro hear me out: Thai women like Thai men. If you are a farang, then they like your money, not you.