Things the hero did that made the villain say "hold up"
Jesus lol... Took me a minute š
Likewise. [groans]
We've got 50 pounds of gadgets on our belt but no jumper cables?
"It goes with Batssalt, and I'm gonna commit them both if you don't Go. Lift. The. Bathood."
The battimer bat belt has gone batbad
This joke is too good for this world.
Oh, shit. It just caught up with me. That is impressive.
lol you win
bahaha i always win!
This is scenes from a hat. Not dad jokes lol
"I did it Master, I took out the younglings."
"...For ice cream, right?"
"..."
"F...for ice cream... right?"
Hero to defeated Villian: "If I kill you, Im no better than you!"
Villian: "What? What about Jerry?"
Hero: "Jerry?"
Villian: "Yeah, the guy who was guarding the door to this room, whose brain is now trickling down the wall... Wait, how many of my guards did you kill on the way in here?"
Hero: "I... umm...hmm..."
Villian: "You might as well kill me too, If I survive this Im gonna have to explain what happened to him to his wife and three kids."
Hero: "Three... three kids?"
Villian: "Yeah, and a fourth on the way... Im their Godfather, did you know that?"
Hero: "Youre godfather to your goons kids?"
Villian: "HE WASNT A GOON, HE WAS A VALUED EMPLOYEE! JERRY HAS BEEN MY BODYGUARD FOR 13 YEARS! HOW AM I THE BAD GUY HERE?!?!"
I so badly want to hear this conversation play out between batman and joker. I did it in my head and it was beautiful.
I read this in doofenshmirtz voice
The perfect crossover: BatFerb: Arkham Doof
This gets pretty close
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7B2w_VhP0E&ab_channel=DoloresUmbridge
It was giving me Venture Brother vibes.
I'm reading this, the internal dialog is cobra comander...lol
āDid Batman just make a joke!?ā
-Joker Batman: The Animated Series
Harley's right. Batman laughing is creepy.
When Mario canāt decide between playing tennis and fighting to the death.
"If you go through with this, I'll torture your children."
"WOAH! And I'm supposed to be the villian? Jesus I'm just robbing a bank Batman. Calm down."
"Calm down? CALM DOWN?!"
Hey, aren't you supposed to hand me over to the police? Not just take me to your own private dungeon?Ā
And while we're at it, why are these handcuffs lined with pink fur?
And the whips.....
It's how I punish hardened criminals.
"hard", huh?
Jokes on you. Catwoman's into that.
"You're wearing two pairs of underpants on the outside of your outfit?"
Spiderman: Doc Ock keeps breaking out of my webs, time to use my special web shooter.
<Starts to pull down pants>
Doc Ock: You know what I give up, you win Spiderman, I'm just going to call the police so they can get me out of here right now.
Spider goo,
Spider goo.
Hot and Sticky
Spider goo.
It gets made
In my gut,
Then it squirts,
Out my butt.
Look out!
Here comes
my Spider goo!
You have successfully cured me of my need to scroll thru reddit. Thank you. Lmao "Spider goo" forever stuck in my head now.
You're singing it, right?
Lol you know I did.
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
This one actually made me laugh. Bravo!
Thank you, it's always nice when others can share in my moments of lucidity.
*spelling
"Here is where the fun begins." Wolverine then puts on a condom.
When your way of being stealthy is ācanāt be seen if there are no survivorsā.
"Okay? I'll call it Bat-viagra then. What's with the Bat-viagra?!"
Martha
We have to help him
Batman: Harley and I were an item before she got with you.
Robin: Don't you mean Harley and Bruce?
Joker: ......
Darth Vader: "With your twin sister?"
"See? Superman just toppled a building with his super-breath! He's a threat!"
"That wasn't my breath..."
confused looks on mercs' faces
"Why is Commander Shepard stripping off his armor?"
Blinks
"Spirits. Now he's shaking his buttocks up and down."
"I think that's what humans call 'twerking', Sidonis."
"A platypus?"
*record scratch, puts on hat*
"Perry the Platypus?!"
10/10 show
"The teen girl aging herself up with a magic ring doesn't suddenly make it right, Hal!"
āHold up? You summon the rest of the Avengers?! The ones that got snapped away?!ā
Joker: Um Bats, why are you making that teenage boy wear tights with his underwear on the outside?
Batman: gives knowing wink āWhy do you think I refer to him as a āBoy Wonderā?ā
Superman: āI did it to General Zod! I can do it to you too!ā
Lex Luthor drops the Kryptonite.
So many of these sound like Robot Chicken and I'm here for it.
Neo getting up at the end of The Matrix realizing heās The One and the Agents literally turning around like, āhold upā. Neo proceeds to fight Smith with one hand, jumps into his body and explodes it into little pieces. He does a quick flex and the other two Agents run away. Chefs kiss. šØš»āš³š
Hey... for my homies who be thinkin' we soft
You married Elaatagirl?!?! And got busy!
Love The Incredibles!
Is.. is Spiderman really pooping off the brooklyn bridge again??
When the hero pull out his leopard fur handcuffs.
"Spider-Man's not talking. Why isn't he talking? JESUS CHRIST WHY ISN'T HE TALKING!"
"what are you trying to pull in this bank with a gun?"
"Hold up"
"So...hero...you said you'd come to destroy me and my evil. Let me ask you this? Did my army invade your homes? No? Did we oppress any of the cities we captured unfairly? No, all work to live in my society. Was there some destuction and loss of life? Yes, that's the sad fact of war especially when your benefactor started it. So, again, how am I the villain when all we are doing is pushing your society back so they don't control the world?
Ibstead, you've assassinated my commanders. summoned dragons to inflict horrible scarring and maiming to any within their range, and created civil unrest and conflict in your wake. You use weapons of increasing potency, magics once sealed being deemed to dangerous for mortal hands, and I think the mute child in the back is a victim of temporal displacement if my scouts are correct. Who is throwing the fate of existance into turmoil, really? The Commander of a multiracial Brotherhood of soldiers, or a ragtag group of terrorists with goals of grandeur following the words of a crazed 'prophet'from a millenium ago? Let's face it, the only villain prophecized to die here is you. Surrender, and it will be swift."
You said "kick" my ass, right? 'Cuz I swear I heard you say "lick".
*literally anything link has ever done with a korok in totk*
āJesus, Bond, even my wife?ā
When Ranpo can't use fucking public transportation
"Answer: What are you doing right now? Remember, only evil doers don't don't answers in the form of a question."
Wear tights with maybe underwear on the outside. Nothing strikes fear in the hearts of villains like a grown man sneaking up behind them wearing spandex. Maybe it should, but not for reasons appropriate for a child to fear.
"Wait. Let me get this straight. You won't kill any of my henchmen but are quite happy to leave them permanently disfigured and/or brain dead?
And people say I'm the bad guy now that's a cruel joke"
"Goku, are you really giving me a Senzu Bean before I fight your son in a Death Match? I mean, I'm gonna eat it, but that's kinda f***ked up, man."
Freeze! You're under arrest for the... uh, the thing... that thing you did. You know, where you had weapons, and took money from the bank?... No, not robbery. That's not the phrase I'm thinking of... Old west bandits did it... I want to say "Stick 'em up," but that's not what it's called.... Damn, what is that word?
I think the Ambiguously Gay Duo did this every time.
I have foiled your goons, off to prison they go but first....un zips pants and proceeds to teabag one of the goons
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Wolverine has a new jobā¦. He works at a maximum security prisonā¦. Ok Guys bend over and spreadā¦. Time for the finger checkā¦.
āI knew you planned on demolishing this building with those poor innocents inside, you dastardly rogue, which is why I had my fellow heroes assist ICE in having them deported days ago!ā
Edit: clarity
Zod when superman is killing people, tearing down buildings, etc. dragging him across the city then gets upset when zod tries to kill that family.
wait...so how did you get your hammer to become your penis?
Ok, I surrender, you can take my wife because I don't have any money, she spent it all.
Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh....it's the mother fucking D-O-double G.
"That's were you're wrong Crimson Speedster, I can beat your superspeed, for I have a special weapon." Pulls out a meth pipe
And after I have finished you, I will transplant Charlize Theron's head onto your corpse and make you my wife!
"Shopkeeper, how much does this ring of invisibility cost?"
"1000 gold"
"Can I try it on?"
"Of course."
Shopkeeper: "Hello? Are you there? Hello?"
āI am marduk and I will unleash the lightning semen on this land!ā
"I'll rape a baby before I let you succeed in your dastardly plan, Black Junta!!"
"Robin, the Batmobile won't start! Check the battery."
"What's a tery?"