Female doctors of reddit, what kind of sexism by patients bothers you?

I was working with a female attending in the ED a few years ago. I'll never forget this old dude who straight up was going to leave AMA because they assigned him a female doctor. When Dr. Woman went to discuss it was a bad idea to leave AMA, he said, "I'll stay if I get a real doctor not some woman." Dr. Woman said, "Well, I am a real doctor and I can help you just as well." That pissed boomer man off and he started yelling about women not being doctors and having a proper temper tantrum. Dr. Woman just turned around and walked out. Boomers wife was in the room too. It was nuts. If he's well enough to yell and bang his fists on the table, he's probably well enough to just go see his PCP.

I’m only a med student, but the one time I introduced myself as such to an elderly male patient. He kept thinking I was the nurse, so the male resident I was working with corrected him and told him (again) that I was a medical student training to be a physician.

The patient, with a look of shock (borderline horror) on his face, said “they allow women to do that now??”

Once I was rounding with two male co-residents, a male fellow, and a male attending. I was wearing my white coat and badge clearly showing “Doctor” in big letters no one could miss. A patient’s wife singles me out and ask “are you the nurse”. Not a single one of the men on the team said anything.

Since then I don’t entertain any disrespect and quickly, clearly, and firmly correct any patient or family member. Always “I’m not a nurse. I’m your doctor”. If they call me sweetie or miss, I say “please refrain from using those terms. You can call me Dr. X”. Do not joke about it or brush it off and most patients/family realize their mistake.

Had a patient this last week repeatedly say to allied health he had not been seen by a physician all week despite my introduction every morning reminding him who I am. He was outright hostile with me but lovely with male medical students and the senior resident.

The same week another patient told me "I don't look like a doctor" and when I asked if it's because I am a woman and young he agreed.

Tired of it

Calling me nurse moments after I introduce myself as Dr. so and so while I'm wearing my white coat. I hate being called sweetie or honey.

Back when I had long hair and dressed more femininely, I always got called a nurse.

Then I cut my hair short, and I have a nose piercing, and now I get called a tech. Even with my white coat on.

So. That’s not my favorite; that less feminine women can’t be doctors but not even nurses lmfao.

Recently I was consulted on a patient and I spent an hour in the room discussing something and they were being extraordinarily difficult and arguing about everything. I then went back in the room with the male pediatrician who was the primary (we wanted to show a united front) and he basically just repeated everything that I had already said and the family suddenly accepted it and they were super polite and respectful to him.

I felt pretty dejected after that because it feels like no matter how much of an expert I am in my field, it will always take significantly more time and effort to get to the same trust that most male doctors seem to get right out of the gate.

(I’m a resident in peds.) Dads in the ED who go out of their way to call me by my first name rather than Dr. Lastname. Moms never do it. I’ve actually taken a labelmaker to my ID so it now says “Dr. Lastname” instead of “Firstname Lastname.” You don’t need to know my first name right now, buddy.

When they check in to see me they say my first name. When they check in to see my husband they say dr and last name. His last name is foreign and super hard to pronounce. My last name is simple and easy to pronounce.

Going out of their way to use my first name, or when it's just clear they respond better to my male colleagues. Im on board with having a gender preference for your providers outpatient, I prefer women, but inpatient I'm who you have and I'm not less qualified.

Female outpatient attending here. It hits my nerve when patients expect me to manage all of their complaints in one visit despite clear agenda setting (and this isn’t everybody, most patients are understanding!)

Somehow, when my male colleagues tell them it’s a one problem visit, they tone down their expectations. But I’m expected to manage all of their complaints, perform emotional labor equivalent to an hour of therapy, and tell them how to dose Tylenol. And then act disappointed when I tell them that we don’t have enough time to get to the remaining agenda, and I have their follow up booked. Then they’ll linger in their rooms or in front of my MA’s station and expect me to answer more questions…

Favorite retort when someone questions if I’m actually a doctor:

“Ya they let us do that now! 😃”

My partner (PGY-5) doesn't post to reddit but at the top of my head:

1. She speaks multiple languages, and when she introduces herself as their doctor in their native language, not to long later (males) will ask when the doctor will come by. Their spouses will usually admonish them and then apologize to her.
2. Males again: "it hurts down there, can you take a look at it?" pointing at the crotch area when obviously it doesn't hurt down there.

Asking to call me by first name after I introduce myself as doctor so and so.

Last week when I was in a patient's room I excused myself because I had a call from a neurologist for a patient with a stroke. Some boomer who refused to take his home medications there with CHF exacerbation told me I could "take the call from my husband".

75 year year old VA patient told me I could sit on his leg when I walked in and told him “ hello nice to meet you, let me take a seat first”

🫠

As a male, when I was a medical student, I was rounding with a female medical student, three female residents, and a female attending.

The patient looks me dead in the eye and says, so are you the doctor in this group?

Female medical student. Literally every single time I say I'm in medical school they ask me what type of nurse I want to be and I'm like I'm a medical student not a nursing student that's a very different degree with different training.

“Good for you, sweetheart” when I correct that I’m DR. X and not Nurse.

They don’t say that to my male colleagues, just accept their Dr introduction and talk to them as such, so why do I get the good for you with the condescending pet names as if it’s so unexpected for somebody without a penis to be a doctor?!

When I was a medical student on an internal medicine rotation, I was in charge of asking my patients questions in front of the male attending and residents.  The patient wouldn’t look at me and eventually just turned to me and said “lady let the men speak”

Reading the 'good girl' part gave me chills and I'm a guy. Sounds so damn creepy. 

Very common experience, I've had them all. Those who call you "good girl", "young lady", "honey", etc., many of them probably thought they would be appreciated for their "Southern hospitality".

When you enter a room, resist the urge to "get to business" and start the conversation about their medical issue. Instead, use the first 10 seconds to establish yourself and get control of the situation. Use silence to your advantage. "I am Dr. XX", pause, lock eyes with the patient to ensure they register your identity. Look around the room and confirm all family members are paying attention. Sit down. "I am here to talk to you about XX, is this a good time?" Pause. Look around the room, get confirmation from everyone, then start talking confidently. These type of folks do not respect you as a doctor until you ACT like a doctor.

A small minority will not get it despite the above. I simply ignore them as long as they are not malicious. Many of them have no insight, or the ability to change. If they act maliciously and do not knock it off after one warning, they will be discharged and given a list of alternative providers, the closest of them being >200 miles away. Once they realize that, their shenanigans mysteriously stop.

Being told they don't want a female surgeon when you're the trauma doc on call.

As an attending of almost 8years now, when i talk to patients, they always assume my male residents or fellows are the doctors and i am a nurse.

Surgical resident: as an intern a female patient refused to let me do a delayed primary closure for her abdominal wound because “there’s no way you are a doctor” despite having introduced myself as Dr. X, and having rounded on her with the physician teams multiple times that day AND showing her my badge.

It was nearing the end of my shift and I was over it so I left. The next morning I sent the male resident in to do it and he was not nearly as gentle as I would have been.

Edit: for clarity.

Another one. As a fresh PGY1, FEMALE. I looked younger than my age at the time (though ironically I have stopped getting this comment since about midway through PGY1….) I go into a room with a fresh MS3 who did most of his pre clinical via zoom, so he’s a little green doing a physical exam. I have to walk this young MAN through an abdominal exam, like where to put his hands, how deep to palpate all the usual things. But clearly I’m instructing him

As we walk out I hear the dad say to the mom “what a nice doctor and nurse” 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

It's annoying when women participate in this this as well. They see a young, female, doctor of color and suddenly it's "Girrrrl!" We aren't hanging out. This is a professional environment.

I’ve never been that bothered by mistaking me for a nurse. I look much more like the other nurses do than like my physician colleagues and a lot of the time the patient visibly feels bad and awkward when I correct them. That’s just intrinsic bias and we all have it.

I do not feel ok with when I have to correct and clarify for them more than one in a conversation that I’ll be their physician. Sometimes they will say things like “oh but when the doctor comes by I need xyz” moments after I say I’m the doctor. When I correct them in these situations they often say “oh but when the real/senior/main doctor comes.” some people truly cannot understand that can be a female, that bothers me. and obviously objectification, which happens less.

honestly, sexism from colleagues/nurses bothers me way more than from patients. patients usually mean semi-well.

When I introduce myself to patient as “Dr. (last name)” and they say, “Nice to meet you, (first name).” I hadn’t used my first name. I want my patients to call me by “doctor” but EVERYBODY else to use my first name. Nurses, lab techs, cafeteria workers, security folk, CNAs, housekeeping, volunteers. I correct them when they call me Dr. I prefer my first name and am very informal. call my patients age 13 and older Mr. or Ms. unless they insist on first name. To use first name implies a friend relationship. I don’t do rectal exams and Pap smears on my friends. When patients automatically use my first name, I know they will eventually ask me to prescribe or order something that makes me uncomfortable for one reason or another. They assume we are friends, and a friend will bend the rules to help a friend. I notice that most of these folks are 40 or older and call my former colleague who retired “Doctor (his last name)”. It feels directly related to my being female. For the record, only a dozen or so of my patients do this. They are equal numbers male and female. When I switched from introducing myself as Dr. (first name last name) to Dr. (last name) about 10 years ago, it helped. For the record, I’m never upset if someone mistakes me for a nurse or a housekeeper if I’m in the hospital but not wearing a white coat. Those professions honestly work harder than I do. Fetching ice water or emptying a trash can doesn’t offend me. I do those things to be a helpful human being.

Constantly, constantly, CONSTANTLY being asked if I’m the nurse, even just a moment after introducing myself as the doctor. Older attendings assuming I’m the nurse before I introduce myself. Something that occasionally also feels a little sexist too is when someone asks, “are you even old enough to be a doctor?” I get asked that all the time, and I feel like my male counterparts don’t get asked as often.

My wife and all her ob coresidents get called nurses constantly by patients. Oh and the male residents in ‘real’ surgery don’t consider them to be real surgeons.

The sexual harassment kind. Men who expose themselves to you or try to get you to check their “ejaculatory function”. The ones who have friends who surround you at the bedside and won’t let you leave. The ones who openly masturbate in front of you.

Garden variety “lady doctor” sexism is the least of our worries.

My best friend is an OBGYN. She is always being referred to as the nurse.

I’m a medical librarian and I frequently hear female physicians being referred to as Ms or a nurse. I will go out of my way to see if someone is a doctor before I email them back and always use Dr in my email salutations.

I don’t take any shit, they call me a nurse I will correct them everytime and make things awkward and uncomfortable for both of us. I didn’t go through hell and spend half a million dollars to be disrespected.

Calling me “sister” even though I am in scrubs 

Anytime a patient calls me "baby. " Hell fucking no.

When they call me by my first name. 😡

Immediately assuming the male doctor is senior especially if he's tall. Being called sister. And in our county it's common to ask for a male doctor specifically sometimes because of sexism.

If they give you a lot of trouble tell them the facts: patients treated by a female physician are more likely to have better health outcomes. Studies have proved this and I hope ppl start respecting these new times they’re not used to.

The nurse thing doesn't bother me that much unless I clearly introduce myself as the doctor before they say it and/or am wearing a white coat. It used to bother me more before COVID because the doctors wore business casual and everyone else worse scrubs AND I wore a white coat, but then after COVID we all started wearing scrubs in the hospital, and I frequently think doctors wearing scrubs (male AND female) are nurses.

The calling you a nurse thing but even the security guard is a doctor, the arguing with every single decision you make while they listen to the male doctor, the fact that as a woman you’re just expected to dish out more emotional labour all I can take

The people hitting on you is the worst part. I once had a patient consistently make creepy advances on me as his pregnant wife lay dying on double support. Men would constantly get creepy as I was checking on their fresh post natal post op wives. Men with two feet in the grave would be checking me out. The funny bit is that I’m a niqabi ie I cover my face for religious reasons. So all you can see of me is my eyes, part of my forehead and my hands. So like it’s an any available female thing

Seen it in med school but a really great example is when I was working as an ER scribe. This patient asked if I was the doctor instead of the female doctor. His jaw dropped when I answered "she's the doctor, I work for her."

One time when I was a med student, this patient on my IM rotation was going for a procedure and anesthesia was there to get them ready to go. Usually I see CRNAs do this but these 2 women were there. I told the pt “the CRNAs are here for you”. I literally had a heart attack as one of the women said she was the anesthesia attending! I later did an anesthesia rotation and avoided her like the plague.

I think I'm numb to being called nurse at this point. The most egregious was a patient's dad going, "Oh you're the doctor? Sorry I just thought only men were doctors."

I am a 35 yo radiologist, and ever since I graduated in 2020, patients (mostly women) blatantly and rudely ask for my age. Like, wth. Would you do that with your banker or dietician? Why would it matter anyway? I got all my rotations and exams done, just like my 78 yo collegue next door, that never gets this rude question asked. If I am here, I am competent. Geez.

I then just proceed to the exam (ultrasound or joint injection) with extra confidence and competence, just to show them. Still makes me proud after that haha

More seriously, I prepared a page of stages of how to respond to people being inappropriate about your female gender. If someone at work told me I'm a "good girl" I believe my response would be a tart reply

That's not an appropriate comment for the workplace, let's reframe that. I'm glad that you're pleased with my work. I'm smart and diligent and have trained hard. I look forward to continuing to provide you with excellent care.

... pasting in what I give to the young women I work with...

Dealing with sexist/ ageist patients. This is a continuum from those that are being delirious, through subconsciously belittling statements to those that are making deliberately disparaging comments. In order from mild to severe.

“You’re so pretty” If they’re senile or you feel as though they’re really only truly trying to be complimentary, and you want to, it’s ok to ignore it or say thanks and briskly move along. “Thanks. How long has your belly hurt?”

“You look so young” from a patient that seems still appreciative of your skill and credentials but seems to need a reminder that you are here to have a professional relationship with patients, refer back to your training. “All that time studying indoors - no sun damage, it makes me appear younger, thanks. How long has your belly hurt?”

“You’re too pretty to be my doctor” This is diminishing your authority. At this point, I don’t often say thanks anymore, and I’m more brusque in redirection of the encounter. “More importantly, I am smart and well trained. How long has your belly hurt?”

“ … (anything more inappropriate) …” Here we are best served by calling it out early and cheerfully with great confidence that we work in a safe space where our colleagues will back us up if we need it. “That’s inappropriate. I hope we can both treat each other with respect in order to have a better visit. Let’s start over, without those sort of comments. How long has your belly hurt?”

“(subsequent inappropriate comments)” At this point, be aware that by simply requiring basic good manners, you are actually doing your patient a service. A wise psychiatrist once pointed out that excusing or permitting uncivil behavior actually does the patient harm by letting them continue a behavior that is going to get their butt beaten in a bar one day. “That’s inappropriate. I will leave now and get a chaperone and put a mark in your chart to be seen with a chaperone for the remainder of the visit. We will address your medical complaint once we can have a respectful interaction.”

I’m not a nurse. I have a lot of respect for nurses but I’m not one. Male nurses are also not doctors. Different roles, expertise, training, experience. It’s not always male and females in each roll. Listen when we talk we do introduce ourselves

When I introduced myself as doctor and introduced my medical student as the medical student and because he was the tall man they asked him all the questions. Dude was great and professional luckily.

Another time I had been called into a room by a patient multiple times for reassessment, mostly to remind them that imaging wasn’t back yet, still waiting on specialty recs etc. I introduced myself as doctor every time. I spent a lot of time with them and at the end of the night they yelled at me “and just so you know I haven’t seen my doctor for this ENTIRE NIGHT!” I may have gotten snippy after that.

Another time they essentially wanted my male attending to tell them the same thing I was telling them. They asked to talk to him and he told them … the same thing. They were much more ok with him than with me. 🤷‍♀️

Not just by patients… these things eat me inside and happen on a regular basis:

1) being called “sweetheart” or “honey” 2) the fact that I have to wear a badge buddy that says “DOCTOR” on it for anyone to recognize I’m a doctor, and then still being called nurse by everyone (patients, their families, other nurses, imaging techs, janitorial staff, food services.. the list goes on) 3) clear differences in the way some male attendings treat me compared to my male counterparts. One attending asked if I had kids to get home to and when I (stupidly) told him I didn’t have kids, he gave me an admission when I could have otherwise gone home on time. I’d say more attendings do this than don’t. 4) getting more pushback from nurses than my male counterparts 5) patients always asking if I have kids and then when will I have kids with such a busy career 6) when male patients hit on me or ask if I’m married

That’s all I can think of for now.

I am in my first year out of school, so I am still pretty young. Been called a “little girl” in various condescending tones multiple times. Boils my blood

When I was in residency, we had a frequent flier who called me “Doctor Sugar Tits” so frequently that the ICU noted the call numbers with “Dr Sugar Tits” next to my name so float nurses would know who to page. My attendings at the time thought it lightened the atmosphere of rounds, so he was assigned to me Every Single Time. I will die angry about this. I’m 7 years out of residency, and every time it crosses my mind I’m still filled with rage.

Then there’s the whole “they let young cute girls be doctors now?! Cool!” Part of the conversation. Plus the desperate interest in when I’m getting married and spawning. Like, bitch that ain’t your business and also I’m never doing those things.

female medic student - not a doctor but a fellow female thriving in male dominated field - (i lurk here bc i was planning to pursue medical school) ANYWAYS… patients commenting on my appearance.

recently had a mid fifties (im in my 20s) man say “i’ve never seen such a hot firefighter” and i said please don’t make comments like that and he goes “sorry, not hot.. attractive..”. like let’s just not discuss the way i look…

Genuine question! Is calling a doctor “ma’am” rude? Like saying yes ma’am

I had my name tag with DOCTOR on it with my name, MD. I had my long white coat with name MD on it. Every morning I introduced myself as Doctor _____. Still got referred to as a nurse nearly every day of my career. It was irritating but it affected me less as I went on.

One of my current elderly male patients said "get me the real doctor" referring to my male attending and always makes a point to address him every morning by saying, "hello doctor" and ignoring me.

I’ve posted about this before, but: when I was a vet ophtho resident I had a client ask me if I would be on my period when I did his dog’s phaco

A lot of female patients call me by my first name and I KNOW they wouldn't do it to my male counterparts.

Too many stories to tell. I remember one older guy, after I introduced myself as Dr. Z-Z-Z, said, “what’s your first name? I prefer to call you by that.” Me: “My first name is Doctor.”

Another lady I met made some terrible racist remarks to one of our black nurses (telling her she couldn’t understand her accent and to “go back to her country.” I interrupted and told the patient that I wouldn’t tolerate that racist behavior, and that this IS the nurse’s country; and that nobody else had any trouble understanding her. The lady said, “who are you?” Me: “I’m your doctor.” Lady: “I want a real doctor.” Me: “I am a real doctor.” Lady: “I want a MAN doctor.” Me: “Oh, ok let me see.” step away into the hall “HEY, this patient wants a MAN DOCTOR. Are there any of those around? A doctor, but specifically a REAL MAN?” (I knew very well I was the only MD in the area) Me: “Well, looks like I’m the only doc you’ve got!”

The best part was the nurses cracking up in the hallway.

When doing a sensitive exam on a patient he chuckled “bet I make your boyfriend jealous,” (referring to the size of his penis). To which I said “husband… and no.”

By far the most infuriating I've experienced is a male patient telling me I'm neglecting my children, they need me, and I will miss out on so much.

Man, the faster you shut the f up, the faster I can go home to spend time with them.

FM resident here. I delivered a baby with a female attending present. Male med student delivered the placenta. FOB only thanked the male med student for delivering his baby as we were all standing right there. Good times.

As a veterinary resident, so obviously talking about the clients - it’s almost always an older (50+ I guess?) white man who has met my sole male faculty (also older white man) previously and I’m doing the follow up. They will insist, repeatedly, on my faculty following up with them (even though he’s rarely on clinics) to answer more questions about the plan, even if its word for word what my faculty had already discussed and recommended. It’s not uncommon for clients to ask about other residents that their pet has seen before, but only men are extremely insistent about this guy.

Also I had a male client who didn’t even end up taking his dog to surgery when he really should have, said he wanted the surgeon to a man with grey hair. Sir, this is a veterinary hospital, good luck with that.

I wore a whie coat with my name embroidered on it but when I sent the estimate back into the exam room, if I sent it with my male vet nurse, they would go for it without arguing but if I took it in or one of the female vet nurses, argument over cost most of the time.

Sometimes it works to your advantage. I had a really annoying patient that me (attending) and the PA were seeing in the ED together. He thought that I was the nurse and that the male PA was the doctor and kept approaching my desk aggressively asking where that doctor was because he had a bunch of new demands. I just said I didn’t know where the doctor went and that he had to wait for him to come back. Didn’t bother correcting him in that case, so I was happy to be just the nurse that day lol.

I’m an RN not an MD but similarly I am always ignored or talked down to. I have an older male RN coworker that steps up every time and says either that I trained him or that I’ve been a nurse for a decade longer than him.

So yes men, when you have the opportunity to set these people right please do. They will listen to you more than they will listen to us! We appreciate it:)

As a female medical student, 1 year away from residency I definitely get the things you said in your post :( so frustrating. Worse when a male first year medical student is in a patient interview with me and the patients look to him for everything…Can’t wait for the day I can really say it’s DR. annabeth_jackson not just my first name lol.

Thank you for contributing to the sub! If your post was filtered by the automod, please read the rules. Your post will be reviewed but will not be approved if it violates the rules of the sub. The most common reasons for removal are - medical students or premeds asking what a specialty is like, which specialty they should go into, which program is good or about their chances of matching, mentioning midlevels without using the midlevel flair, matched medical students asking questions instead of using the stickied thread in the sub for post-match questions, posting identifying information for targeted harassment. Please do not message the moderators if your post falls into one of these categories. Otherwise, your post will be reviewed in 24 hours and approved if it doesn't violate the rules. Thanks!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Not female but was a male MS3 and the patient looked at me and looked at the ATTENDING female cardiologist and told her she could learn a few things from me.... Cringe would be an understatement lol and for the rest of the week that attending nitpicked everything I did and gave me a 1.5/5 eval through no fault of my own 😬😬😬

Definitely have experienced “are YOU the doctor?” moments, as a young female doctor, specially from male patients but occasionally from older women too. I make a point of reintroducing myself saying “yes, as I said I am DR. X, what brings you to the ER today?” and moving right into the consult. Some will move on, but some will question every single thing I say or tell them we should do, in which case I will tell them that if they don’t want to receive medical attention they are, indeed, free to go and leave the consult. If they have any issues with me being the doctor on call they can go elsewhere.

I get a lot of questions about whether I’m married and/or have kids. Sometimes I get they’re just trying to be nice and get to know me (in primary care setting where I see them frequently) but there are definitely times where I’m annoyed that I’m needing to redirect from this conversation in the first place.

I also feel like if I’m not wearing my white coat, the patient treats me as if they’re humoring me playing doctor if that makes sense…I’m a short Asian woman so maybe that plays into it so I’ve been showing up to all visits in my white coat and I don’t get that feeling anymore.

It sucks that some patients are disrespectful towards you, they usually wait until the nurses come to let their true assholery shine through

Ugh that interaction happens at least twice a month and it always grinds my gears: Me: hi! I’m Dr Lastname, I’m in the medicine team that’s going to take care of you in the hospital Pt: what’s your name? Me: Dr Lastname Pt: reads badge Can I call you Firstname? Me: I go by Dr Lastname

Never heard someone ask to call a male colleague by their first name.

I think I'm most creeped out by male patients who not only flirt, but start bringing me little gifts, like lunch, hang around to chat when I leave the office and walk to my car, or even ask me out. It feels really weird, especially after I politely decline then have to continue with a doctor patient relationship, that somehow just got seriously muddied in their minds. It also always amazes me the ones who think they are a good match for me - Homeless dudes, 80 year olds (I'm in my 50's), just no!

When I am confident and direct I’m told I need to “soften my approach” or that I’m “overconfident”. Nah bitch, I worked really hard to get here and if I were a man you would never say that shit to me.