How do you really not care about what people say about you?

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Words to live by; What Anybody thinks about me is none of my business!

I believe that people who talk about others have the most boring lives. So let at least something occupy them, even if it’s me.

My mindset is anyone who judges or talks shit about me must be incredibly insecure and toxic. They're not the type of person I'd ever want in my life, so whatever their thoughts are about me is irrelevant.

Of course it's easier said than done. You won't always be able to ignore everything as simple as that. What helps me get over any lingering thoughts is that, these people are insignificant; They are not worth your time to be even thinking about.

I just remember that they're irrelevant, both to me and the world at large. Besides, worrying about it won't change anything so why waste the brain power.

I stopped caring by realising people don’t matter

So what if some random person thinks I’m weird? If they’re thinking about me at all it means they haven’t got much else going on to think about

Most people talk shit because they see something in you that they’re insecure about themselves. Once you realise it’s a coping tactic you start feeling bad for them rather than for yourself, then you realise they’re talking shit and don’t deserve sympathy

I like this thought, “It you wouldn’t go to them for advice, don’t take their criticism”.

With it, you can find a healthy balance. The goal is to not care about irrelevant voices while giving consideration to the voices in your life that do matter.

When someone criticises you, you can use the above saying and think if you would go to them for advice on that topic. Usually the answer is no, so you can ignore whatever they said as they don’t have the platform for those thoughts to have any weight.

In the case where you would go to them for advice on a topic, that’s when you can pause, reflect and consider if they have a point. Not caring what all people say about you isn’t the goal. In fact, it’s unhealthy and makes you quite sociopathic… 😅

Edited: clarity.

By having less empathy with people. I'm happy the way I am. I don't really care what other people do, feel or whatever makes them happy. I'm happy and that's what counts. If someone else is having fun talking shit about me, I don't care. If it makes them happy, go for it. If someone else is having fun complimenting me, I don't care. If it makes them happy, go for it.

It may sound (or be) extremely egocentric, but seriously only focussing on my own happiness and mental well being has given me a way easier life, and I'm even convinced made me a better person.

If you sincerely want to not care what other people say about you, start with: 1. Recognize that anyone who trash talks you is not someone you want in your life. 2. Appreciate that anyone who hears the trash talk and doesn’t defend you is also a person you don’t want in your life. 3. Continue to surround yourself with good people, and recognize that the people in items 1. & 2. are merely projecting their own insecurities on you and good people see right through the nonsense.

And here is the cool one:

1. If there is a grain of truth to the trash talk, embrace the fact that absolutely nobody is perfect. If they are picking on something you want to change about yourself, then use the trash talk as motivation to become a better version of yourself. If it is petty gossip - then let them be petty.

I’m an emotionally fragile dude, and it took me nearly 40 years to figure this stuff out. I still get my “little feelings” hurt from time to time, but I let myself experience the feelings and immediately let them go.

Take care

Means you’re quite special for them to be talking about ya. That’s how I always look at it.

Means you have invaded their minds with your energy

Rule of 5, my friend 1. Will it matter in five minutes 2. Will it matter in five hours 3. Will it matter in five days 4. Will it matter in five months 5. Will it matter in five years

If not. Why does it matter now? If it's not imapctful and doesn't benefit your life. Then give it no time of day.

So what they don't like your clothes, food choices or job/how much you make.

You aren't clothing their bodies. You aren't feeding their stomachs, and I definitely hope you aren't paying their bils.

Pay them no mind ❤️

I'm trying hard to get my significant other to think this way, as she is very sensitive to what others think, and it can often ruin her day.

Trust me when I say, after you walk past them or they walk away from the door, it's nothing but a conversation in the past.

by just coming to the conclusion that everyone has their own vices and things theyre insecure of.

I feel your pain. I found that no matter what I do, I still care. I think that's human nature. What I have worked on was how long I hold on to it and how much it actually affects me. I also cut toxic people out of my life like cancer. If someone talks shit about someone to me, I know they will talk shit about me to someone else. I guess pick better friends or live deep in the woods all alone...

Realizing that one day we'll all be dead and nothing matters

Next time you hear them, you could go up and just say “you know I can hear you, right?” and watch them die of embarrassment. They will never talk about you anywhere near you again.

It’s hard but focus on yourself and your life and try not to think about them.

Years of exposure i guess.

• few betrayals make you stop giving fuck in general

No one can say anything about me that i haven't already said or thought about myself for starters. Secondly, if you don't know my full name and number then you don't know me well enough to have an opinion on me so i will treat any opinion from people like that as invalid

This illustrates the insecurities of the person talking about you

Why do they feel the need to put others down in an effort to prop up their own ego?

Just imagine how shite their lives are if the only thing they have to talk about is you. It's easy to ignore mainly because they are obviously jealous that you don't give a shit. They're probably the sort that spend hours and hours primping and prepping in order to impress and you obviously just walked into a life that suits you perfectly. I see it this way the only person who has any right to criticise me is me so anyone elses opinion means nothing. Best thing is to keep smiling and every time they say something stupid laugh laugh as loud as it deserves let them know you're listening cos that will piss em off. Just remember you are great, I mean who else could be wonder that is you?

I'm fully aware of the fact that they know only the tip of the iceberg of the person that I am. They have a very limited understanding of me. I also think that people who spend a lot of time speaking ill about others have no real meaning in their own life, so there's that. I live by the motto "someone else's opinion of me is none of my business". I know myself, my light, my shadow, my reasons and my efforts to be the best person I can be. Others can't possibly know that, so I let them have their skewed perception of me all they want. I love myself the way I am, and whatever anyone else thinks about me is their thing. I also live by "I choose which statements about myself to believe".

No matter what people say, good or bad, I don't attach myself to these statements, as most often they're simply not the way I perceive myself, but how others perceive me, and that changes from person to person, and is influenced by how they see the world, their filters and lenses. I also have dropped wanting to be liked by everyone, in fact, the only person I really *need* to like me, is myself.

I dunno. I turned 30 and suddenly it was just how my life became.

Just confront them stop being a pushover

It's not that I don't care. I try to be rational about whose opinions matter and whose don't.

Words only have as much power as you allow them to be. That's what I believe at least.

People can think I'm ugly, stupid, useless and much worse. Every time I hear that, I tend to shrug it off "it's their personal opinion".

If it's my partner that thinks my dress isn't very nice, I'd take it to heart because I want him to like my dress. But it's my aunt that thinks I dress like a clown then that's all there is, I don't want to impress her with my clothes, therefore, I don't have to be bothered by her opinions.

Above all, it's only gossip, less or more, most don't care that much about others to have any opinions about them to begin with. As those ill words leave their lips, it soon leaves their mind. I don't see why I have to keep them in my mind longer than their owner's.

The reality is they don’t know you. Their opinions don’t mean anything, because they have no basis in which to give an opinion. It always amazes me how many people waste their lives thinking about people they have no connection to. Of course, it could be a way of someone trying to find out more about you because they are interested. Try talking to them individually, not about what you overheard, just casual greetings, and see their response.

For me if I can't help or control the situation - you can't control what people will say about you it's inevitable - then let it go. Don't hold onto the pain too long.

People see and experience the world through their own sense of self. Generally, what people hate on the most is what they hate the most about themselves. For example, how most of the people that are all-out against homosexuality just to be outed as a homosexual later in life. Once you realize that people just project (constantly), you stop thinking that it’s actually about you, because it isn’t, and never was

First off that does sound hurtful. But I think I guess I think about them as a person and how sad their lives must be to focus on all of that. I know it’s the age old saying of they are probably just jealous of you. I had a “friend” in university who always criticised my clothing or how I acted. I met her parents once at an end of year move out day and just heard them going off on her about everything that was wrong with her. Hurt people, hurt others. I mean how sad does your life have to be to care about someone else’s eating habits?

Its easy when u realise that people that spend their time critiquing and judging others generally do it because they have nothing decent in their life. So judging others is a form of distraction from their own bad lives and self hatred. It's actually really sad when u think about it and if anything... I really putty these people. I mean how miserable must u feel inside to get some joy or entertainment from putting down others?

"U think xyz of me? OK... that's on u. U can spend ur time worrying and obsessing over it, but I'm just gonna go do me, have fun, enjoy my life and not waste my time thinking about ur sad existence" kind of attitude.

I've dropped a good few old mates due to this and family too. Why should I waste my time with them? We get one bloody life and I plan to use mine to have a good and goofy time overall, and others are welcome to join me. Simple as that.

Ultimately, other people may observe your life but they're not living it. Do you like the way you dress? What you eat? Your job? Then why does it matter if they don't? They don't have to wake up and live your life every day, and thankfully you don't have to get up and live theirs because they sound like some very miserable people.

I've had many people judge me for becoming a parent at 20, or for committing to my day job and opting not to go out and drink anymore, but these things make me happy. Would I prefer people to like me and approve of my decisions? Sure. But I don't need it, their praise or their disapproval never got me to where I am now, I did that myself. Same for you friend, if they weren't part of the journey nothing they have to say about it matters.

Consider the source.

Letting someone live in your mind and take up space like this is nothing but mental slavery. It’s none of your business what they think about you or anyone else. Your business is being comfortable enough that these things just slide right off you. If it’s causing you stress or taking up space in your head, look at why! Figure out what about you let’s that in, am I comfortable with myself? Do I enjoy my own company? If you do, it shouldn’t bother you at all, if it does bother you, change what you don’t like about yourself that lets that negativity in.

The best revenge is living a good life.

I mean I'm not impervious, there's the odd thing that gets to me, but it is very very rare.

First, I do whatever I want in my life that makes me happy and like me and the way I present myself. Because of that, I largely don't care when people don't like something about me or pick at it. I think I'm a delight 🤷 foster that mind set.

Second, I also know how miserable and judgey those people must be to think it's even okay to conduct themselves that way, especially publicly and especially in a group. That also gives me peace, and is what I would say to their faces if that chance arose appropriately.

But ya being at peace with my own self and how I look/conduct myself and knowing their behaviour is the byproduct of a miserable and unfulfilled person super helps ❤️

I laugh the unsolicited opinions off and go on with my day. When I take the words lightly by laughing, my brain files them under the "Joke" folder.

If other people's comments can't offend me or get under my skin, then the victory is mine and not theirs. The people who gossip only win if they manage to ruin your day so don't give them that opportunity.

SPITE really helps. Like, “you don’t even know me, you’ve never/barely spoken with me, and you’re gonna judge me? Well, you don’t deserve an ounce of my energy with that kind of behavior and you won’t get it”

When you realize that people talking shit about you is just them projecting their self-hatred and insecurities on to you, it's much easier to just pity them for having no confidence and ignore and move past it. Them talking about your clothes and eating habits means they worry about their own clothes, and their own eating habits. If you're not concerned about the way you look or eat, then it wouldn't hurt as much. Learn to love yourself! That sounds totally cliche, I realize, but that's what changed everything for me.

Also, do your best to distance yourself from them. Obviously that's easier said than done if you're working with them or still in school, but just do your best.

When people have bad things to say about others behind their backs, it usually saya more about them than who it's aimed at

If they are taking potshots at others lives it's because there is something missing from theirs

Easy no one on this planet hates me more than me. There is nothing you can say I haven't said worse to myself daily.

I am also a senstive person but I've learned not to care about people opinion and what they say. It takes practice as you said. You start by caring less till you reach a level that what really matters is you (not in a selfish way). As long as you self reflect and work on yourself. You know yourself better. You make your decisions. You face the consequences of your actions. You have this sense of autonomy. You try your best. It's all on you. So what others think/say shouldn't concern you. Keep on moving and trying harder because you want to. Not because someone else said something. We can't really not care at all especially if it's someone we care about but the thing is if we care too much we give others access to control our emotions and that is on you as well. We can't control how others feel about us niether. So if they matter you can communicate with them but if they don't then who even cares. (If you have brown hair and I say oh god look at how ugly this blonde is, would it affect you? No, because you already know you're Brunette) The same thing. Know yourself better, don't let others perception affect you. that's what matters.

By coming to the realization that there are 8 billion people on the planet. Theirs is only one of those 8 billion opinions

I just realized that whatever good I did, most people only see the black dot on a blank canvas. Since then, idc

You'd be surprised how little people actually think about you. Everyone is dealing with their own BS. The people who do spend their time saying shit aren't worthy of your respect or time.

I tell myself that I have no idea what's going on/happened in their life, that they need to put someone down to feel better. If it wasn't me, it would be someone else they're trashing on. They're not people I want to associate with, so I distance myself as far as the context (work, social group, family...) allows it. Distance also creates emotional distance.
Sorry you've been in this situation repeatedly. Try and remove yourself as much as possible.

Unless they are physically attacking you or bothering your life, think of them as if they are barking like dogs.

You can't understand dogs' barks, can you?

Sometimes I think of those as attempts to bring me down or make me feel as if I'm at the same level as them, which is beneath me.

Try to write everything on paper, tell the paper how much you hate the words they are saying, punch something The emotions must find the way out I despise people who talk shit about a person who had done nothing bad to them. Actually, when someone is really doing sth bad to you, you should not talk shit behind their back too. (I'm not talking about your situation). I mean, I think we should talk to each other directly The people, who were discussing you, are 100% insecure about themselves in the first place

Well, the question is: Do you care because it's negative? Would you care even if it's positive? Would you mind in the same way even when the positive would not be true? I think it makes no sense trying to control other peoples thoughts and feelings. It's just part of the game. Also, what are you thinking about other people? Always nice thoughts? I don't think so. Do you think other people can control your thoughts? I think it's just a waste of energy to worry about what others think of me.

The best revenge is success!

If they talking about you they are giving somebody else a rest!

You should be honored they are talking about you. They are obviously jealous or intrigued with you.

It is hard to hear people talk trash about you and hard to not unhear it. You can do one of two things..ignore it or take the criticism but I have lived my life that if I don’t go to them for advice, I certainly don’t take criticism from them.

Carry on and as Mel Robbin’s says “Let them” Look it up it’s a great theory.. As you get older trust me, none of it will matter!

I just don’t gaf. Idk why, never have and probably never will.

When I was a little girl, my parents always tell me that people who talk shit about you are jealous of you.

So my autistic-like brain take it a little to seriously so I began to think of the people who hurt me like that as the stupidest of the stupid. Of course, since they're jealous of me, I'm much better than them and they're ugly idiots, aren't they?

Anyway, now that I'm 32, I'm thinking that this must have led to some slightly narcissistic behaviour that I'm finding hard to shake off now. But that's life xD

"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

The two things I remember… Haters are fans too, and they are wasting time on you that they can never get back. Time is precious. I’m busy living my life and don’t want to waste it on people I don’t like.

I work in a role at work, which makes other people hate me (I need to investigate and report people mistakes) . I'm used to it. So I learned to ignore that people talk shit about me and I know lot of people do that.

I know which people at work I can trust (there are few).

I actually have perfect example, situation I had few years ago. I was doing my usual investigation in warehouse. I overheard 2 people talking in next aisle. They couldn't see me. One of those girls was my friend. New girl was bitching to my friend, why I reported her multiple times and what piece of shit I was etc. My friend told her "before you carry on talking, I hope you realise that me and Rasty_lv are really close friends. So, what you were saying?". I legit tried not to laugh loudly.

Later my friend told me what she was saying about me and I told her that I actually overheard them talking.

If my friends were talking bad about me, yeah I'd care and would take it to heart, but if just random other people, who cares. They are entitled to their own opinion.

Maybe you should think more about how reputation is actually not a real thing.

If it would be real no one would believe politicians and other liars. But people have short memory and if they like you they won't pay much attention to your bad reputation and if they don't they will find a reason to hate you.

I was told by a mentor an effective way of not giving a fuck. First, you have to make a list on you head of people that matter to you and the people that do not. Then everytime you encounter a situation like that, you go back to your list and find where their name belongs. Then you decide you reaction.

Unless it is someone I truly care about, which are few, the rest are npc background characters whose dialog is just for ambiance but nothing important o reliant to me the main character

whoever you are you will be forgotten after 200 years max.

whatever you do, whatever people thinks of you, people around you will be forgotten as time passes.

so i think like that, if everything and everyone gonna die and forgotten with time why should i care what random people thinks of me.

My life, my rules, my way. You don't like it? That's a you problem.

Of course, the disclaimer is to not do something illegal, but I always figure that goes without saying. 🙂😏

When you get older you stop caring , it's just doesn't matter everyone is the same

Not caring about what people say about you can be challenging, but it's possible with practice and perspective. Focus on Self-Acceptance, Work on building a strong sense of self-worth and self-acceptance. Recognize that your value and worth are not determined by others' opinions of you.

People who gossip about others are insecure and jealous. It's on them. Not you. At some point I just stopped caring. I focus on positivity. Negativity is a death trap.

Simple, If someone is mad at me or has a low opinion of me but they don't discuss it with me personally, like a rational adult, then it is meaningless and actually pretty sad. If they are willing to let me live rent-free in their head whether through hate or jealousy or pettiness, it's not a problem with me, it's a problem with them.

Their opinions only change you or the way you live your life if you let it, so you do you.

If people say hurtful thing about you, ask yourself "Is it true?"

If it's true, it might be a good idea to try and change.

If it's not true, then it doesn't matter.

The only advice I can give you is don't be friends with these people anymore. Just cut them out of your life. They are toxic and they don't have your back.

This reminds me of someone I thought was my friend and I found out she was talking shit about me behind my back. It made me really distrustful about friendships with other women.

People suck.

I always dressed well and was 1st in my class, no confidence issues or low self esteem. Therefore I dont care what anybody thinks ab me. But they can never criticize my clothes.

There’s the saying, “Hurt People hurt people” to simplify it, I just tell myself “Happy people don’t do that”

I dump people like that out of my life. They will not change.

What others think about me are none of my business and I keep my distance with those who I don't like and those who gossip because if that's the most entertainment you get from life that's sad.

Focus on the great things in your life! As someone who has always been a bit 'different' I gotta say the whispers and stares are and will always happen. Whenever I hear it I realize they're making fun of me for things about myself that I'm really happy with. Yeah, I look different and my tastes are not tiktok worthy. But I'm happy with who I am. I am myself. And a heckload of those whispers come from people who are honestly deep down jealous that we feel so comfortable just being ourselves. It's not easy in the beginning. But as you get older you learn to laugh at those snide remarks. When you get caught in a rip tide you have to swim away from it. Getting caught it in will only destroy you. Be yourself. Unapologetically and enthusiastically. Always.

Try being any kind of minority or just different from others. People have said such awful things around me consistently that I wouldn't be sane if I put any thought into it.

Just remember that most people are ignorant and spew whatever thought enters their silly head, so it's never that deep.

Those who mind, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind

Know that their lives must be so boring and mundane that the only excitement in their life is coming together to badmouth you.

You don't owe them anything, especially your energy and emotions.

The people who actually don't care at all what other think of them are sociopaths.

Everyone else is pretending

If they don't mention my name, I don't know if they are talking about me 🤔 I never seen anyone doing it in real life...

I try to remember that there's gossip about everyone. So if I hear gossip about me, I'm just another part of the system🤷

It does hurt tho, the trick is to act like it doesnt

My advices:

•Ask yourself, why would you care. •If you react you'll give them what they want •If they are talking sh*t about you it's just that they want you to be on their level •What they say stay between them. You should just ignore them

Among friends? Fire that shit back and hit em harder

Among people I don’t know? Do the same thing but in your head

It only matters if you value their opinion. If you don't, put it to the back of your mind and don't associate with them anymore. If you don't care about their opinion, you don't have to allow them access to your life in which to form an opinion on it.

Family? Ask them why. Friends? Start distancing yourself (tip: they're not really your friends). Co-workers? Limit your interactions with them to work related matters only and be highly professional at all times (hint: coworkers who gossip are jealous and I dare anyone to challenge me on that). It's painful to hear people talk smack about us behind our backs but try taking an objective hard look at the individual(s) and you'll surprise yourself when you start feeling pity for them (they are incapable of higher thinking and all they have is petty gossip - their lives lack substance - isn't that so sad?). Head up, shoulders back, calm your mind and smile (you're here for a reason, live your purpose).

There’s no reason to concern yourself with gossip

"WE" all talk about other people, it's a simple fact. Just because you have a good idea of who and what a person is doesn't mean you can't be friends. Don't over think it.

Because i think im fucking great.

Always ask yourself : why should you care. In every situation u acknowledge the thought, you instantly backquestion it. Most of the time there is absolutely no reason why you should care. You just need to realize that every time. It’s hard and I think nobody does it perfect. It’s simply training. But the mantra should be, why should you invest thoughts in something that bring you harm instead of ignoring it. You have no advantage thinking about those stuff. Still easier to say than to do but once you start doing it, you will feel better and probably quit social media cause that’s the absolute shithole!

When people talk about you is because they have nothing interesting to talk about or/and because when they talk about themselves, no one cares.

Honestly you should speak up for yourself sometimes. It just may make you feel better about yourself. But as to not caring what they think. I tell myself one day I'll be dead and so will these people. And that in itself does something for me. By reminding me that nothing really matters.

I’d lmao at the thought of my existence occupying so much of their mental space. I promise my existence doesn’t even occupy much of MY mental space.

There isn’t. They are awful people. The best thing to do is not see this people anymore. Otherwise they gonna make you insecure

tbh i do give a fck about what people think about me, and i need to change that

Be better then them or your already better then them and that's why they are talking shit

Asking this here means you can’t unlearn this flaw

Sorry. It's natural. It's not that I don't care what people think. It's just that I can't be any other way, so why should I apologize for being as I am.

the way i see it, im a judgmental person, and nothing i think about others matters. so vice versa

I think about all the times I might have said something bad about a person, and put it in perspective. We all have faults and nobody is perfect so we must deal with those shortcomings.

I used to be like you but I’ve found the older I get the more I don’t give a shit about what other people think, say or do. It just happened naturally as I aged and it’s so freeing.

If they are really talking about you like that, then that just probably means you're popular.

Put music, WITHOUT headphones, be annoying, don't give a fuck, read a book, tap the table with your fingers, be a menace of annoying habits (for others around).

2: just care what your significant other thinks and no one else (my case)

Once you already know your true self in all aspects, comments from other people won't bother you as you knew deep down that it's not true. Focus on yourself, get to know yourself more and the rest will definitely follow. Once you give a shit on what they are saying and that will just prove that they're right about you. They don't deserve such energy that you have. Focus on your life as from what you can see, they can't focus on theirs.

Unless they’re supposed to be your friends, or you have to interact with them outside of a purely surface-level capacity (i.e., work), they’re under no obligation to like you, and same for you towards them. Cut them out of your life/stop trusting them and move on.

I think once you realize that you’re your worst enemy. It makes it easier to ignore the bullshit.

It will always sting, but it helps to understand that their actions are a reflection on them, not you. They are trying to gain social capital by turning the attention of others to your so-called "faults" because they are insecure.

Emotionally, you could look at this like a yellow jacket sting. If you confront them, it's like removing the stinger from the wound, and it will heal faster. If you don't confront them, you can still heal, but it will take longer and fester up a few times in the process.

Ultimately, there will always be haters, and it's best to recognize them for what they are while you surround yourself with your own tribe. You don't need a lot of friends, just a few that recognize and appreciate your unique flair. ❤️

The specifics of the shit people talk about you usually reflects insecurities in themselves. They really aren't talking about you. That makes it easier to ignore

That said, youre under no obligation to give these ppl the time of day and if asked why youre allowed to say exactly why

I learned that knowing who I am and being comfortable with myself helps a lot.

I was taught that when someone says something about me I ask myself “is that true?”. If it’s not then it doesn’t matter. For example, if someone called me an asshole, I know I’m not an asshole so it doesn’t bother me because it’s not true.

Easier said than done changing your mindset, but it’s fundamentally a case of you can’t control others so do the only thing you can do and work on feeling good about yourself.

My cheat code? If they’re such a wuss that they can’t say it to your face, what they say behind your back isn’t a problem.

Do I really care about them, and therefore what they think? Do they actually concern themselves with me?

This is why I only really care what my wife and father think about me, followed by one of my sisters who always cared for others.

If a stranger talks smack to me, what do I care? I find it funny when people get upset when a stranger tries to start crap with them. Like dude, no one here knows either of you nor do we care; so take your 'respect' elsewhere and stop making a scene.

I have pretty excellent self-esteem now (29M) but it was pretty bad when I was a teenager. Not sure how old you are OP.

No matter who you are, as you progress through life there will be people who will talk shit about you or treat you poorly. For writing purposes, we will call these people DDH (doo doo heads). You can't change the inevitability of semi-regular run-ins with DDHs. What you can change is who you surround yourself with and keep.

If there are DDHs within your friend groups, you have to address the DDH behaviour. A good friend will consider your feelings and will hopefully change. If the DDH behaviour does not change after being addressed, it's probably worth it to walk away from the friend group. At least you could speak separately with friends within that group who are good friends and tell them you will not be associating with DDH anymore. Surrounding yourself with good people who help you grow is very important.

If there is a random DDH talking shit about you who isn't already playing a day to day role in your life, this person's opinion matters so little that it shouldn't bother you. I know it's easier said than done, but it's how it has to be. You can reinforce yourself in these situations by reflecting on how you've tried to maintain relationships with DDHs you already knew, but inevitability you couldn't because they were DDHs, and so you don't even have to try to maintain a relationship with this random DDH because you've never seen them before and will never see them again. How convenient! No effort is required in this situation.

Hope this all makes sense, idk. Just be yourself because it's all anyone truly knows how to be, and surround yourself with the people you like and the people who like the real you. The rest is all noise.

I don't like everybody, so I can't expect everyone to like me. You wouldn't want them as friends, so why are you bothered? You are enough as you are. Try and do some work on your self-esteem. So you stop caring what people think of you.

Entirely depends who it is. A random on the street? Don’t care. Family or friends? Absolutely I care, if they’re willing to treat me like shit they don’t deserve to have me around.

How to not care is to be so bogged down by responsibilities and exhausted and aging, that you simply do not have the bandwidth to devote any energy towards caring what they say.

Just never take anything personally, people talking about you are only talking about themselves

Just never take anything personally, people talking about you are only talking about themselves

How to not care is to be so bogged down by responsibilities and exhausted and aging, that you simply do not have the bandwidth to devote any energy towards caring what they say.

My kids woke me up 4 times last night, we’re out of cat food and I need to make an extra trip to get more, my neighbour’s daughter hit the corner of our garage with their car and I need to go talk to her about it, my aging parents need too much help but aren’t willing to give up the house they can’t maintain so they are calling me over constantly, my husband is out of town for work at the same time I have a scheduled colonoscopy so I need to sort out who’s gonna watch the kids, the house is a mess even though I just cleaned it so I’m making a meal plan and cleaning again while trying to figure out when to handle the other aforementioned stuff and my performance at work has not been great so I’m sure I’m about to hear about that. I simply have no leftover brain power to care if someone doesn’t like me.

I've been called names all my life, I've heard the worst of the worst, I don't care anymore

It’s usually projection on their part. Just move on.

Well these people need to talk about you to feel a false sense of security.

Step 1: Confront them. Step 2: Know and believe that you are relevant and worthy and do not have enough fucks to give about their stupid opinions which are none of your business

So sorry this happened to you.

Well these people need to talk about you to feel a false sense of security.

Step 1: Confront them. Step 2: Know and believe that you are relevant and worthy and do not have enough fucks to give about their stupid opinions which are none of your business

So sorry this happened to you.

Well these people need to talk about you to feel a false sense of security.

Step 1: Confront them. Step 2: Know and believe that you are relevant and worthy and do not have enough fucks to give about their stupid opinions which are none of your business

So sorry this happened to you.

As a human, I don't think you can ever stop caring about people's harsh words about you no matter how head strong you are - especially when you hear it first hand. However, what you can do is to cut these people out of your life so you don't have to go through it again.

Unfortunately in my case, I am talking about my blood relatives so I don't even have that privilege but I do change my location immediately on hearing someone badmouth me.

Don't let them treat you that way! Next time this happens, go silently into the room and cross your arms, staring without saying anything, don't say a word, just stare casually and make them squirm. Remember that there is power in silence, THEY will become uncomfortable if you don't say anything, just stare and they will become self conscious and ashamed.

If someone isn't deeply involved in my life making caring meaningful contributions, they they just aren't important enough for me to gaf about with their petty snarky nonsense. My own time is not spent acting petty to other people, because I have better things to do. Those people would never be part of my friend group, so why bother with them? OTOH, with people who are in my circle, I also don't have to be bothered on disagreeing, because we are different people, and respect each other's opinions, while agreeing to disagree in a non hurtful manner. Embrace who you are, love yourself, respect yourself and others, and carry on.

If I had to run around all day changing people's opinions of me, I'd have no time for anything else.

Just remember who is talking about you, it’s more than likely a person, and since people are all bastard covered bastards with a chewy bastard center who cares what they think?

My life, my rules, my way. You don't like it? That's a you problem.

Of course, the disclaimer is to not do something illegal, but I always figure that goes without saying. 🙂😏

Nobody doesn’t care what ANYBODY thinks/says. The point is to point your “care” into the opinions of people you value as your loved ones or authority figures on a set subject. My sister has something to say about me? I’m absolutely going to take that in and let it sit with me for a while and see if I should make appropriate changes. My mom has comments on parenting? Let me hear them all! My former coworker telling me I’m crazy for trusting my husband and completely sharing finances between us, not really an opinion I feel she’s an authority on as someone who has regularly said they don’t want to be in a relationship (not a bad thing, just not aligning with my own lifestyle enough to share lifestyle choices like how to bank with a spouse). On the other hand she is a PHENOMENAL teacher and I basked in her advice on engaging children with different learning styles in the same lesson. Assuming the person you keep over hearing is in your life in some capacity (school, work, relative) just avoiding them can be tricky. So I suggest you seek out the opinions of your most important people and then the hurtful ones will lose value as you lean on the people who really care for you.

As a side note about not caring in general: I don’t care about strangers opinions much, as a child my Grama would tell be any time I was being self conscious that nobody is paying that much attention so I shouldn’t worry and if they are paying that much attention “they’re probably a pervert” (not sure if she was joking). It set a strong precedent that I shouldn’t let what someone else thinks or says stand in the way of me enjoying being who I am.

Best of luck OP, by the way, sensitivity is cool. You probably hurt less people’s feelings being more aware of your own feelings.

The cheat code to not give a fuck is to... not give a fuck. It's very easy to do once you're in the right mindset. They talk bad about you? Who cares, probably just jealous. They try to guess how much money you make? Or make fun of your clothes? Probably just jealous tbf, you live rent free in their head, they want to belittle you, so they can feel superior, but to be fair, you're probably better than them and therefore they resent you. Live on your own and be happy on your own, you'll see it will make them even more mad lol

Easy. Remember that their opinions are not gonna pay your bills and livelihood.

I have a family that I have responsibilities for. I don’t go out in the world to win a popularity contest, I go out to make a living to support my family.

If it were my friends talking crap, that would be different, that would sting and then I’d obviously need to reevaluate those relationships.

Yes and no. I care about things that are constructive, when someone comes to me "you could do this in a different way, and here is how". But if someone talks about things I can't change, like how I look etc., I don't care. Like, ok, talk about it, but what am I supposed to do about it? Go and get plastic surgery because 1 person doesn't like my nose? Nah. The only opinion that matters is my own. I have to live with myself, not some rando that will see me once.

Acknowledge that someone can only share their perception of you. They do not define you. You do.  Unless you take their perception and use it to define yourself. Then you’re at the mercy of others.  Reclaim this, be honest with you, welcome feedback but remember that it’s always through the filter of their perception, not yours.   That feedback can invite reaffirmation or reconsideration, but redefinition by them without your own consideration of it is where most get lost in this. 

Once you've heard your fill of bs you just...don't have any fucks left to give. You just run out and stop caring.

You are obviously doing something right if you are interesting enough for people to spend their free time talking about you.

Why do you care what they say?

Does some other persons opinion weigh so heavily on your mind it can alter your decisions in your life?

edited

The truth is, nothing truly matters. Why waste time, hearing something negative about you, crying about it, getting over it, and then moving on and forgetting about it? When you can just skip all that crap and just forget about it. There’s 8 billion people on this planet, who cares what they think? Not me that’s who. Yes you should care what your friends and family think, but outside of that? The world keeps spinning regardless of what anyone says to anyone. So treat yourself that way, regardless of what anyone says about you, you’re just gonna keep on rolling.

Just like that i've heard enough didn't affect me anyway

Who are they to you? If they’re unimportant, either confront or cut ties. Fuck’em. Life is way too short to have that bullshit going on in your vicinity.

Once it happens enough you become desensitised to it like most things in life. If it’s just baseless shit chatting you shouldn’t care.

When i was in a vulnerable place and i needed help, none of them extended a hand to help. I am out now, why should I continue caring?

I think i realized young is, if they talking about, their lives too boring to talk about their own lives.

Because they haven't walked a mile in my shoes and have no Idea whats gone on in my life.

I used to really be affected by what people said about me. Nowadays, I care about what meaningful people have to say, but if they shittalk me, they're demoted from being meaningful.

For me, what helped was to realise why people talk trash about others in the first place. It usually comes from a place of fear or ignorance, rather than hatred or disgust.

People are afraid of being left alone. We desperately want to be a part of a group to feel accepted and valued. Unfortunately, that usually means hating on other groups, to assert our group's identity as "the best group to be a part of". The easiest way to hate on other groups is to talk shit about them. And, if other members of your group do it, you do it too, to feel accepted!

Another reason to talk trash is projection. Most people I know who like to spread lies or talk trash about others are actually talking about themselves. So, one person could talk about your job because they're not sure about their career choices, or diss on your hair color because they've always wished they could dye theirs, or say you're victimising yourself because they do it all the time, but by calling you out on it, it's like they don't do it.

Sure, if you have like an arch-nemesis with a history of conflicts, it could be the case that they're talking trash about you because they hate you. But even then, they're not really talking about you, they're only trying to assert their dominance and get people to side with them.

Once I got this through my head, I stopped caring. They can say what they want, but it's not, it'll never be, about me.

I mean you cant control what other people would say to you but you can control your emotion towards those negative feedback about you. Let them talk and enjoy your own show

They don’t know you, their opinion doesn’t count without knowing you

It's all just too small for me to care about

Like this 🤷

You win this ability with age and experience, basically more you are yourself and it does work for your well being, less you care about others think about you. Also useful information, the brain isn't fully developed until 25, once it did, there is definitely a shift in the feelings. So usually begin to not care shortly after while still caring , most people begin to not give a f at 38-40 so kinda 10 years after the development :)

The only expectations you have to meet are your own.

Realize everyone is stupid. This includes you and me.

Can't kick me out of a party I didn't want to go to 🤷‍♀️ If I don't like certain people, why would I carry the weight of their opinion?

This may be hard to understand or even apply if you’re the type of person who fears rejection and wishes to fit in to the crowd most of the time. Some individuals genuinely tend to be people-pleasers and are scared of being left alone, which is why it becomes difficult for them to actually ignore comments about them from other people.

My advice is to start working on yourself. Build your confidence and shape your mind into believing that you can handle being alone, that you can handle being confident, that you would stand up for yourself the moment their mouths become a little too nasty. Learn to fight back — you don’t have to engage in violence to do this. There’s always an elegant, yet punching, way to deal with backstabbers and critics.

Or you may choose to ignore it. Simple. If you observe a little more and look through how they act and what they post on social media, you’ll realize that the people who talk shit or spread rumors about you are either going through an ordeal or are living a shit life themselves.

It’s nit that I don’t give a rats ass but I don’t let it control my emotions and responses A little trick I do mentally evaluate what is being said asking myself is it true or something I want to change. And then I think if who’s making the comments and what could be said about them Most of the time those types of comments are from people we don’t care about and would not want to care about. It can be harder when it’s someone you do care about and then a grain of salt can help

The way I go about people talking or thinking about me is this:

I tell my brain that nothing in the universe matters, especially not other people's thoughts because their probably lesser beings who aren't happy in life which is why they have to talk smack to begin with. 🤗

If it's friends or acquaintances, I id just cut them off. Who needs friends like that. Move on and don't pay them any more mind. It's liberating.

If it's family, it's a bit more complicated but you can also just tell em to f off too. Just dont carry any resentment caus that'll eat at you.

You can genuinely communicate that you don't appreciate their shit talk. If they're not remorseful, you have the answer on how they truelly feel about you. In that case, it'll be easier to let them float away in the wind.

I feel it's ok to be very selective of your relationships. Evaluate your own behaviors too. You want to be treated with the same respect and consideration that you show others.

Whenever people insult me I just say “I’ve been called worse by more important people”. Which I have, my mom WAS NOT nice when I was growing up and my dad had what I feel was BPD (now looking back on it, he showed the signs but I never asked him about it and I can’t now as he passed away a few years ago) so he wasn’t the nicest or most censored person at times

(Imo) excelling at your chosen field in life is a powerful emotional shield…. A master violinist really doesn’t gaf what you say about his shoes, meanwhile the head director of Louis Vuitton would never gaf what you say about his music tastes

Me - I have my dream body and know exactly how to get it again if needed, no one can really bother me no matter what 😂

I truly don't!

I just couldn't care less. I just live my life the way I think it's the best and try not to fuck with other people's life's!

Fuckkkk them people

If some of it is true learn from it. Otherwise, ignore it and stay away from negative people.

Do you have to engage with these people, u/Business_Space_5584 ? Are they like neighbors, coworkers, family, etc?

Honestly I just fall back on thinking about those times you have a shite and no matter how how much wiping you do, you keep coming away with shite, and have to just bite the bullet and know you'll have a shite arse for a while

Everyone's arse, everyone's shite

The biggest part is accepting who you are.

If there are flaws you're uncomfortable with yourself, then hearing things related to that will hurt because they somewhat hurt when it's just you saying it in your own head.

I'm a bit overweight and cut my hair bald because otherwise I'd look like a 16th century monk. At first hearing these things annoyed me, but as I got older I realised I'm not actively doing anything to change the situation, so this is who I am. Sure I'd like to lose weight but I've had like 10yrs to hit up the gym and I haven't, that's on me.

Now if someone calls me fat, or bald or whatever, I don't give a fuck. I've come to terms with who I am, how I dress, my weight, my baldness. If someone's saying it in a malicious way, why do I care about their opinion, they're not worth anything to me in my life, why would I let someone have that power to get me down? If someone close to me says it as a bit of a comedic insult I'll laugh with it because I know the people I surround myself with like me regardless and it's just a bit of friendly banter.

You have to know yourself and be centred in yourself. That starts with practicing positive self-talk. If you can, you should also not keep those people in your life.

If it’s close family you can’t avoid, you limit their access to you both physically and in terms of information.

Also try practicing a shift in perspective. Them putting you down isn’t about you. It’s about a sickness in them. Don’t feel bad about yourself, pity them.

Be ambitious. Eventually, you will surpass them in every aspect.

Spite helped me a lot theough my PhD, now im very well off and laugh at this sort of people whenw e meet again in social events

Just think about how desperate they are to find something to talk about, that all they could find was you. What a sad life they live.

If you wouldn't take advice from these people, why would you take their criticism?

For me, it's the thought that I don't want to be friends with everybody I meet, so it stands to reason that not all of them would want to be friends with me either. In fact, I only want to be friends with a tiny percentage of them, so, vice versa. It's important to keep the friendships you do have nice and strong, that helps you to not give a fuck about unimportant people's unsolicited opinions.

Perimenopause helps a lot too. I do not give a fuck about people's bullshit any more. I am enough. And so are you.

Not everyone matters. If they are not a part of your inner circle, who cares? If my inner circle are having those conversations now that is a problem that must be addressed.