TW: Contains possible sensitive info in second paragraph, I don’t know how to blur words on here or if it does it automatically.
I don’t know how to start this or what to say. My childhood cat of 17 years (got him when I was like 4, 20yr old F now.), had to be put to sleep yesterday. My parent and I don’t have a lot of money by any means and we could not afford to take him to the vet to find out what was wrong, or to do anything. We are also without transportation. Over time he just got worse and worse, could only eat liquid foods, had some type of a cancer/infection in his mouth that caused his tooth to fall out. Constantly sneezing and secreting this pus and blood mixture. It was horrible to watch and not be able to do anything, I can’t begin to imagine the pain he was in.
We kept praying for help and posting online asking if anyone could help and then a gift from god popped up that offered to pay for the entire thing, for him to put down and be cremated. At that point that was the only option, he was asking to go, he was ready.
I can’t speak to how my parent is dealing with it but I have been crying since yesterday. I was with him for over an hour after he died. I cradled him in my arms for the first time yesterday in 17 years as I carried him out of the house for the last time. He was the boss of the house, the big tiger, he would never have let do something so unseemly as cradle him if he were alive lol. I even held his hand.
I feel guilty and the worst kind of sadness and pain just deep in my chest and gut. I don’t know what to do. Part of me is glad he is no longer suffering and in pain. Another selfish part of him just wants him back. I’m not necessarily a religious person anymore, used to be Christian but I’m not particularly in any faith anymore, I don’t know who to pray to, I don’t know who to talk to. I just feel so alone, and I want him back. I want my baby back.
His name was Forest. He was so brave and strong. A fighter until the end. I wish I could attach a picture, he was just the most handsome fella around.
Thanks for reading, just needed a place to talk about this, feeling very numb. Sending love to all the fur babies and their owners out there.
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