My beloved cat passed unexpectedly.

My 9 year old beautiful girl passed away after a biopsy. She has been poorly for under two years. We haven't had the results yet but the vets believe it was cancerous. She was not doing to good, and the vets told us it was our only choice. She passed less than 24hs after coming out of the operation. We were told her side effects were normal until she started mouth breathing. We rushed her to the emergency vets but she passed in the car in my arms in the back as my wife drove us there. We are both utterly destroyed and feel like we are responsible for causing her to decline because of the op. I have anxiety and I have spent the weekend being unable to cope and struggling to breathe. I don't want to continue on, but I have to for my wife and our 2nd cat. How the hell does anyone recover from this? She went so quickly we feel grief, guilt, loss, shock all at once.

I can't unsee or unhear my little girl passing. I saw her go and it completely crushed me. Does anyone have any advice?

in Petlossby Grimauldus14

100%

14d

AutoModerator

14d

Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment.

This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.

Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.

Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

shmelse

14d

Do anything that makes you feel better. Go for a walk in nature, exercise, listen to music. These things will help your brain heal.

Also, cry when you need to. Grief is real and we cannot make it go away and it represents how much you loved your girl - so very very much by the sound of it. Try and remember the good times and how much joy you gave each other - her to you and you to her. You gave her 9 wonderful years. That is a kind of magic; be thankful for it when you can. Good luck. I’m so so sorry for your loss.

Grimauldus14

14d

Thank you so much for the kind words. They mean so much. You're right about the good memories, though I can't think of them just yet. My phone keeps trying to prompt normal memories from my gallery and that alone is crushing enough. Thank you for the reply. I will try your suggestions.

purpledottts

14d

I’m sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl. You did nothing wrong and were following the advice of the vets who are experts. You were trying to save her. My cat also died unexpectedly at home after coming back from the vet who said he was getting better , i watched him die in pain and feeling helpless as there was nothing i could do. It’s an awful feeling, it’s been 6 months and I’m still dealing with the grief and pain.sending healing hugs to you 🫂❤️‍🩹

Grimauldus14

14d

Thanks so much for your reply. We feel utterly alone, so though I would never wish this on anyone, it does help to know somebody else went through something similar. I too am so sorry for your loss. Your comment means a lot thank you so much for it. She was only with us about 24hs after the operation and was on pain meds the entire time so we hope that it was painless.

Do you have any advice for the void they leave? We had two cats and us, and now there's just us two and one cat and it just feels so wrong.

purpledottts

14d

It’s tough, at first i couldn’t look at photos or videos of my cat or talk about him, it was too painful in the beginning but now I’m looking at photos and videos of him and it’s helping me in the grieving process. This community has helped me a lot, reading other people’s stories. I think talking about the good times with her to your wife will help, make a memorial for her. Filling that void is tough, I don’t know how, im struggling with it. ❤️‍🩹

followgoldentail

13d

hey OP i just want to say you’re not alone, my angel also passed unexpectedly about 11 hours after leaving the vets. she was on pain meds, i thought everything was fine, and i had to watch her pass. it is awful and there is nothing anyone can say to make it less bad. i’ve been going on our usual walks every day to help

Grimauldus14

13d

Thank you so much for the message, it means a lot it really does. That sounds exactly like our situation, I'm sorry you had to go through that as well. It's utterly heartbreaking. I am glad I was there for her, but at the same time it's hard to forget. We've started taking daily walks as well, thank you for the advice.

followgoldentail

12d

oh amazing!! i bring my baby’s leash and her bag on every walk, every day. it makes me feel like we’re going on another adventure :)

Galactus54

14d

What works for us is to get out, do things, see events, be with people.

Grimauldus14

14d

Thank you for the reply, this is what we're trying to do. It's just very hard.

Electrical-Act-7170

11d

Not only have you lost your beloved family member, you've been traumatized by these events. I am so sorry, this is always horrible and leaves us wounded and groping for answers. The way to get through these nightmare days is to be easy on yourself. Do the next right thing. Drink a glass of water, take your meds (if appropriate) and eat a sandwich. It's going to be horrible for a while. You must survive it.

She died because she had an illness. You didn't hurt her, you were doing your very best so she could feel better. You had her best interests at heart. We all blame ourselves at this point. I know, that's what I did.

It is not your fault. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

sortoftryingmybest

14d

We had to put our cat to sleep 5 weeks ago and one day. She was almost 9. We were beyond devestated. It’s horrific. We are just now getting to the point where we laugh and not cry so much thinking of her. We still have her brother so that helps but it also makes it harder because he’s always looking for her. Not now but in time we will probably go to the shelter and adopt another family member. Please know you are not alone. It’s horrible but it does get better. Because you are in pain shows how much you loved your cat. This is a good thing. Just hurts. Thinking of you.

Grimauldus14

14d

Thank you so much for the reply. It really does help to know we aren't alone. Though I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I don't think we can get another one, she was so special to us she was basically my wife's shadow. We still have another cat and I think for now we will just focus on him. But I definitely see why people would choose to fill that void with another. Thank you for the pain comment, we definitely loved her. We are very introverted people so our little family is all we have really. Thank you for your kind words.

Roscolicious1

13d

I am sorry for your pain my friend. We are semi-hermit types, house full of friends ( 3 dogs 4 cats). Loss of a friend is devastating. I started making wheelchairs for pets for anyone in need.( I do this for free, any pet, anywhere in the world, no fees)To try and heal my heart by helping others pets stay mobile longer. Never let the pain of passing overshadow all the love you shared. That would be unfair to all of you. Peace to your heart ❤️ in this most difficult time. Ric

Grimauldus14

13d

Thank you for your reply and kind words, it really means a lot. That's so amazing what you do for pets in need, the world needs more people like you. I think once the initial pain subsides I will remember the good times, but for the moment it's just so raw. Thank you so much.

JinnyLemon

14d

I’m so sorry for your loss. My 6 year old cat died unexpectedly 3 months ago and I still feel so much guilt, like if I had acted faster, maybe he’d still be with us. However, I’ve found it’s not helpful to think like that and to know that he died knowing how much we loved him. I’m sure it was the most comforting feeling for your sweet girl to pass that way, in your arms. I know it takes time to heal and I hope you give yourself some grace as you begin ❤️

Grimauldus14

13d

Thank you so much for your reply. We really are thinking that as well, if we'd have acted faster or something when she was struggling would she still be here. I'm sorry for your loss as well. It was comforting, but also very distressing to see that. I've never seen anyone or anything pass in closs proximity to me, and her being so close to us really hurt to see. But I am glad I was there with her rather than a vet or nobody. Thank you for your kind words.

Galactus54

13d

Oh I feel so much the same - unexpressible grief - and I try to put as much conscious awareness of my Sofie's age(9 years) and that she had a seizure two years ago - and that, we had so much 'extra time' but all told, like you said, it's so hard.