I've been reading gentle parenting/responsive parenting books since I became a mom almost 3.5 years ago. I was raised by parents who spanked and believed punishment was generally necessary to make their kids good people. So, I wasn't exactly raised in a gentle style and I want to do know to do things differently. The books and the Internet have been my guides there.

Recently I've been reading "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen" and although my thoughts on the book aren't 100% positive, I do think the general advice and emotional tools are useful. It occurred to me that my parents did almost every one of the "don't do it this way" methods regularly. And strangely, seeing my parents' mistakes laid out alongside the possible negative affects makes be feel validated. Like, I wasn't a bad kid, I was just responding to my environment.

That's not to say my parents were deliberately abusive or ill intended. Most of the books I've been reading came out long after I became an adult. They did the best they could with the information they had at the time. It's just that their info was bad and that made for much worse behavior from their children (see sibling rivalry and a habit of lying to avoid getting in trouble).

I guess this is all to say it feels good to realize that the broken feelings I have about my parents and myself aren't unavoidable for my own children. I'm human, so I can't be perfect, but maybe I can do a little better by treating my children with the gentle tolerance that I desperately needed and didn't have the ability to ask for.