Husband does absolutely nothing !!! I can’t take it anymore !

Infant 2-12 Months

As the title states - my husband does absolutely NOTHING around the house/with our son. He does work and provides for us 8-9 hours a day while I’m a SAHM but after that he does absolutely nothing.

I can’t even remember the last time he’s done anything around the house. He doesn’t clean, he doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean up dinner, bath time bedtime… NOTHING.

I’ve asked again and again and again and all i get is “I worked all day I’m tired” as if I didn’t?? He constantly tells me when I complain that he would “quit his job tomorrow to sit home with the baby all day” like I do.

I’m running on fumes.. our son is 7 months old - & extremely colicky. He cries pretty much 97% of the time he’s awake. Everyday I wear him in the body carrier (screaming and all) and clean the entire house, do all the laundry, grocery shopping, cook dinner every night, clean up dinner, bath time , bedtime all by myself.

I found myself looking forward and counting down days until my next doctor appointment because that’s the only time i actually get an hour or two break while I drop our son off at my in-laws.

My final straw was tonight as I was cleaning up dinner and doing the dishes.. husband sitting in his usual spot on the couch. our son had a meltdown (it was his bedtime). While wearing him in the carrier and doing the dishes, I accidentally burnt his leg by bending over too far on the stove. It wasn’t a bad burn but he was screaming by this time. After assessing the burn and putting ointment on it. I walked over to my husband and asked him to please go get the baby’s pajamas on so I can get him in bed as soon as I’m done with the dishes .. his reply was “I’m tired I’ve been working all day and I never got him dressed I don’t even know what clothes to put on him - you always do it…” I dropped the dishes and went in the other room and broke down. I cannot keep doing this anymore. This will be the reason I file for divorce. I love my son more than anything but I’ve never been more unhappy.

in Parentingby Future-Water-7563

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16d

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drrmimi

16d

She already is doing it alone. She'll be so much happier without the dead weight.

Edited to add: I've been through this myself, I do understand that she'll still have a hard time as a single mother. But mentally, dropping the dead weight of a man child will lessen that feeling.

I'm also a stress management coach for parents and caregivers in extreme situations. I've spoken with and coached quite a few women in these situations who all tell me they felt so much better leaving a dead weight even with the difficulty of single parenthood. Either way is hard, but in this, she gets to choose her hard.

Artistic-Soft4305

16d

Wait really? My mom was a single mom of 3 and she had to work overtime and tried to her best to take care of us. A lot of time was spent at someone else’s house waiting for her to get off or families houses on the weekend because she had to work doubles.

So for it to work she would have to do daycare which would take a LOT of the motherhood load off but double on workloads to cover it. It’s just not physically possible to “take care of your baby all day” and work. It just doesn’t work like that.

Im not sure how all of you can afford a partner to stay home in this economy anyway. I only know one or two couples around me that can pull that off.

Teepeaparty

15d

Here's my 2cents: If you work a 9-5 at $50K a year, you can place your child in day care and be with them nights and mornings and weekends. When they're down for sleep, you can begin to make a plan where you start a business, slowly, so that you set your own hours, make the same income and get to be with your child more. These things can work, but you have to make them work. In this case, she should ask for full custody, the father is not able to care for the child in anyway.

drrmimi

15d

One issue with this is: moms are utterly exhausted by the end of the night. It's not always easy to do anything more after kids are asleep except veg out or fall asleep yourself. Yes, it can be done and has been done, but it's not ideal or realistic.

Teepeaparty

15d

I totally hear that. As a mother, it is precious few moments to unwind, at times. My experience was 10 min a day. literally. I carved a new career 10 min a day. It’s funny, when you feel the hope in the “key in your hand,”you look forward to putting in the time to unlock that door. It gets real and within reach. But, yes, making that jump can feel pretty tough and some days, w new goals right now, and sick family, it is.