Curious what other parents do about lying.. my partner had thrown away the soap in our 8 year old son’s bathroom this weekend and forgot to put a new one. Neither of us have been in there for days and he’s been washing without soap even though we have both asked him several times throughout the last few days if he had washed his hands.. and the reply was always yes.. tonight my partner had gone in there today to wash when he realized… then came out and asked him how he washed his hands and he said with soap and water and asked him to show him the soap… ultimately we said no screens for the night. But I was curious how others handle little lies like this ? Like I don’t think it was malicious but he has always told us when he is out of something so this was just a weird thing for him to be dishonest about…
I don't think the lying is the issue here tbh. So dad forgets to put a new soap in there and at 8 he doesn't ask for a new one. I'd be wondering why? Does he feel like he can't ask? What's preventing him from asking?
That is my question! He has asked several time for soap, toothpastes etc.. heck he asked for toothpaste the day before… we have never told him no.. why it is so weird why he wouldn’t say anything now
Maybe he was using shampoo but was embarrassed to say that so he just went ahead with a lie? Idk I’d not punish him for something like that. It’s just a tiny little fib and mostly on the account of your husband forgetting to replace it. He’s the child so him reminding about soap really isn’t his responsibility I just think a punishment isn’t a way to go about this. I used to get punished over the smallest dumbest things imaginable and it made me grow resentment towards my parents because who really cares about a towel on the floor or a shower curtain not being closed after use all the way. To me it’s just neurotic behavior
If it’s a one time thing i don’t think there needs to be a punishment
I would not punish this. I'd reiterate why soap is important (maybe even do the pepper water soap experiment) and tell him he can get a new soap himself when needed.
I don’t tend to do punishments but rather natural consequences that fit the situation. If you want to anything you could have it that he has to have one of his parents watch him wash his hands. He may get sick of it and be more reliable and let him know that is soap hasn’t been replaced, this is where it is kept. Alternatively, you check with him each week if the soap is running low and he gets the replacement out of the cupboard and put it in the bathroom. It also teaches him to be aware of what things are running out in the bathroom and what needs replacing. He’ll become more aware and be able to better manage that in the future.
We have the same issue re cleaning teeth. He’s not doing it to be horrible just that he doesn’t like doing it, so teeth cleaning happens together and the dog gets his teeth cleaned at the same time.
I talk talk talk talk...my son is only 4 but when he doesn't tell the truth I ask him calmly, why did you lie to me. Then we talk about the importance of telling the truth and the importance of building trust. This may not apply in your situation but I notice kids lie when they are afraid, afraid of consequences or afraid of your response. So I make it to where we can talk about why he felt the need to lie. Was he afraid or just being lazy and wanting to skip corners. Either way, I address them both calmly and basically try to engrain in him that lying to us is not tolerated.
Now that the ground rules are set for him (carry out discussion every instance), I tell him there are consequences for lying. I start removing the things he likes from his life and hold firm. It could be tv, games, sports, early bedtime who knows, whatever is hot right now becomes mine.
I don't know if he understands what I say when I tell him, "you are what you do when no one is watching". Hopefully when he is older it will stick.
Honestly it could’ve started out of laziness. He could’ve forgot he was out of soap/almost out of soap so when you asked he immediately said he had some to avoid having to stop what he was doing to check if he had some in his bathroom. Once he realized he probably didn’t want to backtrack so he just continued on with the lie
So you guys created the mistake and then punished your kid? Come on now
A kid that has the complete capability to communicate when he is missing something? It was a simple oversight on our part we are talking about not communicating what you need and being dishonest about doing something the way he is supposed to and indicating that he had
You put him on the spot. Give him a break
So I try and give my kid chances for me to trust him, I let my four year old sit in the hall of apart building “alone”(I stare out the peep hole) and he has to follow a specific set of rules out there. I’m very specific each time he goes out there that this privilege is a result of me being able to trust that he follows my rules when I’m not around and that he tells me the truth when I ask him things.
When I catch him lying or sneaking I take away that special privilege and explain that because I can’t trust why he says he’s going to do I have to keep him with me to stay safe.
I’m a very big fan of carrot and stick approaches with this stuff
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