Hi all. I just need some reassurance. My baby was born at 35 weeks and 6 days and due to some feeding and breathing difficulties spent 3 weeks in the special care nursery. She is now 9 weeks old and has spent another week in hospital with RSV. I am struggling. I have had mental health issues prior to pregnancy and birth, and have found breastfeeding difficult. My daughter has a tongue tie so we are currently waiting to have that corrected and we are using a nipple shield/expressed breast milk in bottles in the mean time. I’m exhausted, and I think I want to give her some formula in the nights to take some of the pressure off. But the guilt is plaguing me. It feels like I’m just making a choice for my own wellbeing and not hers. And I just need some reassurance. Please help.
No matter what age your children are, the thing they need most is a happy, healthy mother. Give the formula! She’s getting benefits from the expressed milk she’s getting, formula will give her excellent nutrition and time for you to rest. No shame sis, it’s 2024. Taking care of ourselves is IN!
All the way. I had a perfect breastfeeding experience with my first and was absolutely ignored by postnantal team when my second was having issues feeding. Three days of continual screaming, bleeding nipples and no sleep led me to give my boy his first proper feed with formula, he was obviously starving and I was being ignored because I’d successfully breastfed before and they thought I’d figure it out. The relief I felt was unreal. I managed to mix feed him with breast milk and formula once he had got over his hunger, he accepted both quite happily.
Always always ALWAYS make sure your baby is fed and you are coping well. That’s all that matters.
My grandfather-in-law, a retired cardiologist who was practicing in the 1950’s, was a big proponent of formula. His wife never breastfed, and he encouraged my mother-in-law (his daughter) to use formula when she had a difficult time breastfeeding her first (my husband). His take was that breastfeeding is better for the baby but much worse for the mother, to the point that he felt the best option was formula. His children and grandchildren (most were formula-fed) all turned out fine - happy and well adjusted adults, 9 of them doctors and a bunch more are dentists, lawyers, actuaries, etc. If you’re asking, he would encourage you to supplement with formula. And your baby is going to turn out just as wonderful as the exclusively breastfed ones.
YES! As a mum of a premie, also remember that it's not all or nothing. It's okay to breastfeed and supplement and/or pump. It's not any sort of failure if your child consumes formula (especially, if it's literally medically recommended for weight gain!). Premie parenting, and NICU parenting, and subsequent hospital parenting is all hard enough. You are an excellent parent. Throw the guilt out the window. Feed your child as needed.
This absolutely!
You are doing amazing!
I cried when I read this. It’s easy to forget that most of all she needs me to be her safe place, and the best way to do that is be in a good place myself. Thank you.
My 11 month old is thriving on formula from day one, started walking at ten months. The newborn days are brutal give yourself some grace momma!
No need to feel guilt for using formula. A fed baby and a happy mom are what's important. You and your mental health matter. Taking care of yourself is a part of taking care of your baby.
Of course it’s fine! Fed is best!!
As long as your baby is eating and growing, they're fine. Go 100% formula if that's what you can do.
This purist mindset is so bad for mental health and maternal recovery. been here and done that 100%. Don’t feel guilty and you’re not failing. You’re amazing
i never breastfed and my children are completely fine
Please don’t mistake me, I definitely don’t mean this as a ‘formula is bad’ statement. It’s more that I feel like I’m giving up for me and not for her. Like I have the physical ability, the time etc to breastfeed, but I’m so emotionally drained.
But if you are emotionally drained, how is that good for her? Switching to formula means you'll feel better and less drained, which means you can be more present for her.
There is nothing wrong with giving it up “for you” though.
Using formula "for you" is the same as putting on your oxygen mask first in an airplane crash. In order for your baby to thrive you need to be okay too!
This is a great analogy
i didn’t mistake you, i’m just very blunt. i also have the physical ability but chose not to because of the emotional and sensory aspect. i knew it would be too much for me after birth and along with all the other newborn craziness. i gave myself a break by choosing formula from the beginning so i could prioritize my mental health. i think it made me a much better mother and i urge you to follow your gut!
I wish this was more ok to say out loud. I hated breast feeding. I did it for a few weeks with my first and maybe a few days with my second. I just sat and cried. Being able to bottle feed meant I could lay next to them and snuggle them and kiss their forehead. So much better for me.
I have found that when I bottle feed her I can smile at her and talk to her and enjoy the experience so much more. But I’ve been so scared to say out loud that I’m not enjoying breastfeeding. Thank you for vocalising this.
I formula fed by choice from day one. She never was on my breast, not even in the hospital. I told the nurses to send the lactation consultant away, thank you but no. My husband and I had equal responsibility for providing our daughter with food, which I think helped the two of them bond, plus I didn't build up any resentment about doing more of the the heavy lifting. The only thing that sucked was the cost, but the time and effort saved made it worth it for our family.
She's 26 years old, thriving, we're super close, and she's doing much better than a bunch of my friend's kids the same age who were breastfed.
Men being able to bond properly is such an undervalued bonus of formula feeding.
It sets the entire relationship on the right foot from day one. There should be more research on this very apparent effect.
Then you are doing what is best for her. Emotionally not having the ability is just as valid a reason as physical ability.
I have the physical ability to walk three miles to work each day - but it wouldn't be a smart decision.
Your baby will benefit from a less emotionally drained mother.
Imagine how much better your baby’s life would be if you weren’t emotionally drained! She could be getting a version of mom that’s happy, eager to play, not a zombie, etc.
Please stop thinking about it like “giving up” or “taking the easy way out”. Making the best choice for your child is making the best choice for your child, period.
It's okay to give up for yourself. Breastfeeding is consensual experience and if you don't consent for whatever reason it's okay. It's also okay if you want to mix them or if you want to do partial breastfeeding until you dry up. Whatever you decide is gonna be okay. Your body and your ability to parent matters.
Your health is important. That includes your mental and emotional health. It’s not giving up. It’s choosing the route that best suits your needs as a family.
You have not had the experience other breastfeeding moms might have. I'm currently having a rather easy journey with my second. I had a horrible time with my daughter and switched to formula. You've been through enough, you matter, and having a healthy rested mom will help your child.
It's fine. Your baby will be better off with a mother who teaches her how to look after her own well being by setting an example.
In the 80s all our moms used formula and we all turned out completely fine! You need and deserve a break!
There's no need to feel guilty about using formula, it's literally made to be fed to babies and ensure they get their nutritional needs met. When my oldest was 4 months old, my supply tanked and I was forced to switch to formula even though I wanted to breastfeed so badly. I also struggled with those guilty feelings, but they washed away pretty quickly when I watched my husband feeding formula to our baby and getting more chances to bond with her in a way he previously hadn't gotten to. I ended up getting more sleep because I didn't have to be solely responsible for all feedings, and it became a lot easier to leave my baby with my husband or my mom and go out to do something by myself without having to worry about needing to feed the baby myself every few hours.
For the record, my 2nd baby was entirely breastfed and you would never know the difference because both kids are healthy and doing well. Do what works for both you and your baby and don't let the guilt get you because using formula isn't something you should feel guilty about in the first place. The best way to take great care of your baby is to remember to also take great care of yourself.
OMG Give her the formula. Don't let anyone guilt you.
Not only fine but great! Healthy Mum equals healthy baby!! Do what works for YOUR family.
My baby was born 2 weeks overdue. Her first night, she screamed for hours before a nurse finally told me she was probably more hungry than newborns usually are and convinced me to give her some formula. She instantly settled and slept peacefully.
I had horrible issues with milk production, so we supplemented from that day until I gave up at 4 months and went exclusively formula.
She just turned 10, rarely gets sick, is super tall, top of her class, and very happy.
I was about ready to kiss the nurse who suggested giving my tiny baby a bit of formula when he wouldn't stop screaming all night. One bottle and he calmed right down. My milk was slow to come in and he did not think colostrum was filling after the first day. Even after my milk came in at had to give him bottles for a while because he just wasn't strong enough to get a full feed on his own.
We were eventually able to stop supplementing but it's so important to remember feeding needs can evolve and you can make the choice that's right in THIS moment without it being the forever choice.
I hated breastfeeding and did formula after 3-4mo with my first baby and then my second baby only had formula. They're both happy and healthy kids! Fed is best!
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Combo feed, your baby won’t know or care if they were totally breastfed as an adult. If this is what you need to be a healthier and happier person, then it will make you a better mom too.
It is okay to supplement with formula.
Of course it’s okay to supplement. If you do want to carry on with breastfeeding, it will be important to still express/pump during when she would be feeding. It’s also okay to make decisions like this with yourself and your mental well-being in mind, you matter too!
It's perfectly fine to give her formula sometimes, and breastfeed other times.
However, your production might slow down when you breastfeed less. If you don't want that, you might want to consider pumping a bit more, to keep up production. You can feed her that pumped milk instead of the formula, or give formula and simply freeze your breast milk it for a later time.
Fed is best! Regardless if it’s breast or formula.
I’m telling you this right now. If it takes the pressure off you and makes YOU a better mom. Then do it. A better mom is a happy mom. Whatever you have to do that’ll make your life easier. Do it.
Happy mum, happy baby. Your baby will pick up on your feelings and emotions and if you’re coping then so will she. If your settled, she will settle better, than if your not. And you’ll be in a better place if you’ve had sleep. You will cope better with everything life throws at you because you have had sleep. Give your baby the mum you want to be and be.
We supplemented from day one because I wasn’t producing enough milk and breastfeeding was super painful. Then, when we sort of figured out breastfeeding and my milk supply came in, it became about my mental health. I was struggling with PPD and was so tired and touched out. And my nipples were on fire all the time. I wanted to quit and my husband said it was good to last at least 6 months. I told him that unless he had nipples and could feed her, he can go fuck himself. I quit shortly after I went back to work (3 months). My point is, you can supplement with formula or completely use formula from the jump and that is perfectly ok. People always have comments or advice for new mothers which sucks, but it’s completely your choice. And whatever you decide will be what’s best for the two of you and you don’t need to justify it. Fed is best, however that looks.
Fed is best!!
The guilt I went through was unbearable and totally unnecessary.
Fed is Best! Formula is not evil or “worse” or anything to be ashamed of. My daughter was born very jaundice and I didn’t have enough milk production to keep up and so we were supplementing with formula since day one in the hospital.
No need to feel guilty! Feed your baby - she’ll get all the nutrients she needs from formula, AND she’ll benefit from a mom who’s in a healthier mental place and less stressed so doing what’s best for you is also helping her!
A fed baby is a well-cared-for baby.
I let the breastfeeding industrial complex drive all my decisions when my son was young, and it nearly killed me, including through an RSV infection at 5 weeks that hospitalized my son. Don't do that to yourself.
I know the guilt is strong. I remember it like it was yesterday, it's one of the strongest memories i have of my son's first year. Just the unending guilt of giving my son "less than perfect" food "for selfish reasons," or so they told me.
It wasn't and would never have been selfish. It would have been a kindness to myself and to my son, who would have had a more healthy, emotionally stable mother. Now I feel guilty depriving him of that in service of some bullshit ideal.
And you know what? He's 6, and you can't tell. I can't tell which of the kids in his friend group was breastfed, combo fed, formula fed. It's sold like it's the be-all-end-all. It's not, I promise. I wish I could give you the clarity it took me years to find, but you just gotta live it. There's no other way. But I promise, you aren't selfish.
Girl... SAAAME. Mine are 9 and 11 and I come into these new mom threads as often as possible to shake some new moms by the shoulders, look em' in the eye and say IT'S SERIOUSLY FINE. NO, REALLY... FOR REAL. I wasted so many good days of my life worrying about this stuff and none of it mattered in the grand scheme of things. The most critical items were being present, being responsive, being loving.
Doesn't matter if you formula feed or breastfeed, they're all digging stale old fries out of the floorboards of the car when they hit toddlerhood anyway.
Your well being is her well being. I exclusively formula fed because of my mental health, because of that I was not being a good mom to my child. Formula feeding made me a happier mom, which was better for my child.
I really wish we could get away from this stigma that there is something wrong with formula feeding, that women fail or are shamed because they formula fed. A happy loved fed baby is what is most important and that starts with a happy momma. There is no guilt or shame in doing what is best for you which again, is what is best for your child.
It’s the same shit
Yes.
I fed my daughter for 8 weeks and then had a breakdown but it was hard and taking its toll on me and she was hungry and clearly never satisfied with what I could give her. So after many phone calls to family and friends in tears telling them I had failed as a mother they told me to give her formula. She's now a healthy 4.5 year old and you would never know how she was fed. And I didn't fail as a mother. So here is the ok you need.
It is always okay to supplement with formula or just use only formula.
Of course it is! The goal is a fed baby! Hugs mama you are doing a great job and I am proud of you. Please be gentle with yourself. :-)
Fed is best. A healthy mom is also best. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Do what you have to do to survive in this moment. Babies have survived and thrived off of formula for generations. Your baby will be fine. Don’t let guilt keep you both from being healthy.
Supplementing would make you a great mom because you are taking care of yourself and the baby’s needs. Don’t let a single person make you feel guilty.
There is nothing to feel guilty about if you decide to use formula for literally any reason. It’s not something to feel guilty or not guilty about. It’s not a moral issue. It’s just food. Feel guilty if you are putting soda in their baby bottle.
I don't need to read your post to say...
ITS OK TO FEED YOUR BABY ANY WAY THAT FEEDS YOUR BABY AND KEEPS THEM HEALTHY AND THRIVING!
Sending hugs
Hi, dad here. My wife had some real issues when our second boy was born. I became mom and obviously couldn't breast feed. I understand that I am not a woman and so I can't help you with the feelings you have, just that as long as your baby eats you are doing great!
I supplemented with formula from day 1 and am still breastfeeding at 2.5 years. Do whatever you need for your mental and emotional health. Sometimes I wish I had supplemented more lol.
To be honest I always hated pumping and doubt I would have lasted very long doing that if he couldn't latch. I did use a nipple shield for 4 months.
My son is my fourth breastfed baby. I have a massive milk supply and no latch issues. I still chose to use formula at night in the hopes of getting him to sleep longer stretches when I was too exhausted to function. He was also a 35 weeker so I do understand the intense pressure you’re putting on yourself to make your baby as healthy as possible. But your health matters too. You can’t pour from an empty cup. My son is 14 months now and hitting all milestones and perfectly healthy and happy. He also hasn’t had any formula for about 6 months. Use it to make life easier. That’s what it’s there for. You can always stop using it later when things are a bit easier if you want.
My baby was born at 35.5 and I supplemented from the start. He’s a totally happy almost 2.5 year old!
“Fed is best” was my mantra, whether from the boob or from formula. You got this mama! 💪🏻🫶🏻
My 4yr old was on formula except for like 2 days after she was born I tired but I just wasn't able to breastfeed apparently there was an issue with my nipples?
She hit all her milestones a month or two ahead (girl took her first steps at 8 months) and recently she underwent an intelligence test and we found that she ranks in the 92nd percentile for her reading abilities and 88th for math. The physiologist believes her ratings would probably be even higher but they had trouble getting her to fully focus on the test and questions because she'd wanted to go play haha.
Her pediatrician told me that when they have done test on adults they have not been able to spot a difference between those who were formula fed and those who were breastfed. It made me feel better when she told me that.
If you need any recommendations I was told enfamil enspire is one of the best formulas on the market (by the pediatrician) it's what we used for both my girls.
Fed is best! Do what's best for you and baby 🖤
There are mothers who are not capable of breast feeding at all. Babies who are entirely formula fed for a variety of reasons. Nutrition is what the child needs. Where that comes from is not the point, and the guilt that mother's endure connected to breastfeeding is absolutely ridiculous.
GIRL GIVE HER THE FORMULA. I had a piglet of a baby who constantly ate until he puked and latched with no prob and sometimes I would just be like “I don’t feel like feeding him, I’ll make formula”. Call me lazy, but I don’t care! He’s healthy and fed and it gave me a break.
Please take care of yourself. Do not beat yourself up over trifles. Also please go to a psych and get some help ❤️ our duty is to become better for our children, not hand them our baggage. And we ALL have baggage. You and your child deserve the best.
We used both breast milk and formula from day 1. Dad would feed her at night with formula and I’d feed her from me during the day. With the pressure off my production was actually better and were able to breastfeed for about 8 months.
Don’t keep killing yourself over it. There are a few vitamins and minerals we do not make in breast milk and cannot pass to them like Vitamin D which is needed for calcium absorption. So see the formula as like those Carnation Instant Breakfast or Ensure supplements adults drinks. :)
Every so often I’d do a night feed if I thought my boobs were going to explode for release, but we mainly used those two ounce individually packaged formulas for at night. They saved our sanity.
Absolutely okay and honestly preferrable if it's going to get your mind to a better place!
yes!!!!! Your baby needs to eat. Don’t be shamed.
I used formula and my son was walking at 9 months. I was also raised on nothing but formula and I’m fine lol nothing wrong with it.
You are not failing. In fact, you’re making the safe choice as a parent to make sure your kid is FED!
Your baby deserves a mother who is healthy too. You are NOT selfish. You are still a person who deserves to be healthy. Becoming a parent doesn’t overshadow that.
Yes. It's fine to supplement with formula. I exclusively breastfed my first because he refused to take bottles and would scream until I got home from whatever short chore I tried to complete outside of the home without him. It was exhausting.
I wish I gave myself permission to bottle train him sooner. My daughter, I nursed for about six months and then started supplementing with formula.
They're both in elementary school, equally attached to me, equally healthy, equally smart and equally without allergies and ear infections and all the other disasters we were assured of if we dared do anything but breastfeed. Ten years on the other side of this, it is so not a big deal. Give yourself a thousand breaks on the mom guilt. If you're loving your kid and responsive to their needs, you're doing a great job.
My son was formula fed after the first ten days. He’s 21 months old, hasn’t been sick much at all and is super smart. Give the formula. My mental health was struggling (my son had a medical issue and couldn’t latch at all so I was pumping and HATING it) and stopping pumping helped. I felt guilty but looking back I shouldn’t have felt guilty and should have stopped way sooner
Looking after yourself and your own wellbeing is looking after hers. She needs a happy and healthy mum. She’ll get that if you look after yourself and your own mental health. Having a newborn baby is hard work. You need to do what you need to do to get through it. If that’s formula then do it.
Yes yes yes. I watched my wife go through this twice and talk her through it extensively. It's ridiculous. Fed is best. Also, read up on tongue ties.
Sometimes making a choice that’s best for you is making a choice that’s best for BOTH of you. There’s nothing wrong with formula. And supplementing with formula with save your sanity allowing you to thrive as a mother.
first off, congrats!! the first few months (year tbh) are when you question yourself the most and feel mommy guilt. you’re doing an amazing job and i’m so sorry you’re feeling down on yourself. motherhood is a thankless job and i want you to know you wouldn’t be worrying about this if you weren’t a good mom wanting to take the best care of her. ❤️ it took me a while to understand though, if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of her in the best way. moms NEED breaks. think of it like this: if you’re starting to get tired, do you think “it’s bedtime and i can fully deep sleep!” or do you think “i can just take ten 5 minute naps and it won’t backfire by me being exhausted all day”?
your daughter won’t remember or care, fed is best. she’ll see a mom that is awake and able to connect with her more than she’ll see formula as an issue. you’re doing great and i’m sending you love!
I was in a similar situation with my first, pre term and both of us hospitalised for a couple of weeks due to complications. I was forcing my self to walk through two wards to SCUBU through the night to feed him. I was stressed and exhausted but felt I HAD to do it, got a bit of a bee in my bonnet about it. Another mother on the ward pointed out me being stressed and exhausted was not helpful to me or my baby. It was actually affecting my milk supply and I realised there is absolutely no shame in supplementing untill we were both recovered When I could I breast fed or expressed. When I couldn't I supplemented. Allow yourself time to recover, and don't worry about it. Once you are both back home you can get into a routine that works for you both.
Yeah for sure if you can't pump enough or just wanna switch completely, they'll be fine! I breastfed for 4 months while supplementing at night and my supply wasn't enough, her latch wasn't good enough so I had to switch. It happens!
Fed is best…. For those that maybe didn’t hear it the first time…FED IS BEST. Whatever it takes to feed that baby, do it.
Fed is best. Fed is always best. While breast milk has benefits over formula, those benefits are quickly overtaken if mom is stressed, or the baby is having trouble feeding, or if there's not enough milk, or whatnot.
Fed is best! If you have the money, you should look into a baby brezza.
It absolutely is. Mothers a hundred years ago would be THRILLED to have a way to feed their babies when their bodies could not, when they could not find a wetnurse to hire. I do not want to go all "there are kids starving in Africa," but formula was genuinely a life-saving invention for babies around the world.
Some babies never taste breast milk and they thrive. You have had such a tough time, please please be kind to yourself and give yourself this break. Baby will be absolutely fine (may take a tiny bit of adjustment but that's normal) and you will be able to be a better mum for it. Do what you've got to do and don't let the guilt take hold - it's natural to feel guilty about a lot of parenting decisions but you have to let the logic win. If you can't make the logic win it might be time to talk to someone about how you're doing mentally. It's really easy to go to dark places with the hormones and lack of sleep and the stress.
A full baby is a happy baby. Doing what's best for you is also allowing you to do what's best for your baby. You have to fill your own cup before you can pour into others!
I had to supplement with formula with both my boys because I didn’t make enough milk. They are both happy, healthy and striving. My oldest is six and supper snark now in kindergarten. My second is four is in preschool and doing really well. There is nothing wrong with supplementing with formula. They even make stuff designed for nursing babies in mind.
Do things for yourself.
I don't know where new moms got this idea, but: it's vitally important to do things for yourself.
Fed is best.
And the only thing that is important for her right now besides being fed and safe is to bond with you. That means taking care of your mental health.
With both of mine breastfeeding was excruciating for the first several weeks. Cracked, sore, blocked ducts, bitten. Eventually they learned, but if I had another, I would supplement with formula to space myself the constant agony. I'm so over being a chew toy. And it also caused a lot of guilt because there were many sleep deprived times when I felt a deep resentment towards a little newborn baby for not knowing how to eat properly. If supplementing with formula meant I could have more memories of just cherishing that brand new time instead if suffering through it- I'd do it without hesitation.
FED IS BEST! If you walked into a room full of 30 adults would you know who was raised on breast milk, who was fed formula, or who had a combination of the two? NOPE. And would you even ask?
I don't say that to be harsh, I say it because it really helped me when I couldn't give my baby enough breastmilk and had to supplement with formula by 3 months. I know it sucks when your expectations clash with reality but formula has been perfected by really smart people to provide proper nutrition to your baby. They will be fine.
FWIW my LO is in daycare with about 9 other littles. Some are breast feed and some are formula fed. You can't tell them apart and they are all developing at different rates. And don't lose site that in another year they will all be eating stale Cheerios they found on the floor under the couch!
You got this mama!
I couldn’t breastfeed! I didn’t have enough milk! My kids were both formula fed and are totally fine! Please don’t feel bad! Your baby needs a happy, healthy mom!
Please don't feel guilty. Fed is best. As long as baby is fed and mummy is healthy and rested (as much as you can with a newborn), that's all that matters. I felt terrible guilt with my youngest because I was feeding him all the time, and he was so hungry that I had to supplement with formula for my own sanity. Turns out he's a foodie through and through, and quite the rotund little guy, so I doubt I'd have been able to produce enough milk on my own without constantly pumping and feeding him.
Formula is absolutely fine, and sometimes better as it’s calorie rich.
My wife was struggling with our twins and we shifted to heavy formula vs breast… she was then banished to the basement to sleep a few nights without the babies.
It was magic; the removal of pressure and stress for production relaxed her and within a week we had to start freezing milk.
Your mental and physical health is far more important then anything else
Fed is best. Formula is absolutely fine.
A happy and well fed baby + happy mom sounds like a better scenario than a happy and well fed baby + burnt out mom.
YES, a strong resounding yes to trying the formula. I understand how you feel, based on your comments a lot of us have felt the same guilt. Let me tell you, looking back 4.5 years later I wish I had given formula sooner to get my own mental health in order. Your child will thrive with breastmilk or formula or whatever combination of both, and yes are providing for your baby both ways.
I supplemented with both my girls. I wish I’d done it sooner each time. I know how hard it is, and for reasons that are so hard to explain. Like you think if you miss a single feeding your supply will drop immediately and you’ll be done. No matter how many times people say “oh just give a bottle so you can get some rest” it’s hard to take the advice. But your body is telling you it needs rest to make enough milk.
Of course it is! Look, you're going to have many many guilty moments as a mom over the years. This is NOT one to feel guilty about. Choosing your wellbeing means taking care of yourself to be the best mom to your baby. You can't properly care for her if you don't care for yourself. Both my boys had formula and they're perfectly fine smart kids. Go for it.
Fed baby is ALL that matters.
Mine was born at 35 weeks. We had no option but to supplement right away because he was little. I pumped for 5 weeks with almost no success (baby couldn’t latch well) and I was miserable. The entire time baby was 99.5% formula anyway.
I stopped pumping at 5 weeks. Best decision ever. I was no longer miserable and could enjoy my time with baby.
Your wellbeing = her wellbeing. Switch to formula. It was the best decision I ever made.
Fed is best. I did both with my youngest. But mainly feeding him formula for my sanity.
Fed is best. Fed is best. Fed is best.
I exclusively breastfeed my son and I can empathize with the guilt that you’re feeling. I am so sorry You’re struggling with this. Please do your best to remember that the important thing is a healthy, full baby. Whether they get full from breast milk, formula, or a combination of both.
You’re doing an AMAZING job, mama. Don’t let your mental health tell you otherwise! And congratulations on your little girl - i hope she gets better soon ❤️
We went to formula pretty damn quickly because my wife wasn't producing enough milk. My son is a big rambunctious bastard now, he's smart, he's active, he loves his mum to death.
Formula is food and your baby needs to eat. It's also very good for them.
Do it! And don't let anyone make you feel less than amazing for it.
PS. When we went to the bottle it meant I could do all the feedings when I wasn't at work, which gave me some amazing bonding time with my son and let my wife have a rest.
Girl yes, just give her formula. I was told i would be a bad mother if i didn’t breastfeed but fuck it I almost went crazy with my first because he didn’t suck on my nipple no matter what, poor thing was getting so skinny because i was told that breast milk is the best. No you know what’s best, a baby with a full belly and a mom who is not dying of exhaustion.
I struggled with breastfeeding for a couple months with each kid and I wish I didn’t even bother trying as it just drained me. I wasn’t able to produce barely anything so they were basically on formula the whole time anyways. My kids are 8 and 12 and they are very healthy kids. Fed is best and you need to make sure that you are doing what’s best for you as well.
Hello! I refused to supplement my first born and did supplement my second they. They are now 9 and 12 and are equally annoying! Just kidding, love them to death but both kids turned out just fine
Of course!
Yes of course.
As everyone has said-- fed is best.
I litterally was the feeding and swallowing specialist at all of the pediatric clinics I worked and even I struggled following my own advice thinking I was perhaps being selfish.
My 7 week old is now exclusively on formula and she is doing just fine.
Formula is always okay. No matter the reason. If your baby is fed, you’re doing an amazing job.
Do what works best for you. You’re doing great.
Fed is best! Anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot. I had to use formula for my kids. I almost died with one and I was on a medication that caused a reaction in my second (it was for an infection so I couldn't stop taking it) they are 9.5 and 11, they do well in school, have lots of friends, were just in the school play and rocked it. They are not behind or hurting because they had formula. People said nasty stuff to me about it. It weighed heavily on me at the time. Now, I laugh at how much I thought it would be a big deal in the long run. I promise, it's not.
At this point in her life, HER wellbeing is directly tied to YOUR wellbeing. Do what you need to do to get through this difficult time.
Formula feeding is not the end of the world. She’s still getting all of the important stuff from the breast milk you are able to feed her. And you are taking care of yourself so you can be the best mama you can be.
Feed that baby however works for you. There's no guilt in formula. Your wellbeing is just as important as hers.
It IS for her wellbeing. Fed is best. You being rested and well is best.
Something that helped me make the choice to supplement: breastmilk IS really cool. All the immunological stuff it does it pretty amazing. That said, it was evolved for an ancestral environment in which access to clean water was nearly impossible. The core function of breastmilk is to filter water through the mother's body and to deliver efficient nutriment that babies wouldn't have had access to.
We don't need that anymore. We have plenty of access to fresh water, and formula performs just as well for infants growth and development. Give her the food she can eat, and the food that will let you rest. She will do SO much better with you rested, happy, and engaging with her, rather than stressed and sleep deprived.
At that age your well-being IS their well-being. All she will remember is that she was loved. And anybody who gives you static about your choice of how to feed her can come over here by me for a talk.
You can unapologetically go for full formula if desidered.
You are already a good mum because you are worrying about your kid. Feed it whatever it needs and ignore anyone who criticises
I found breast feeding too painful and he was always hungry. I moved to bottle formula feeding about 4 weeks in.
He's now 6'4 and buiilt like a tank. 😬
You do whats good for you and ypur baby OP.
Fed is best, it's hard to accept when you had a plan to breastfeed but the healthiest thing you can do for baby is to allow yourself to be a happy, healthy mum. If that involves formula then that's what it involves. Be kind to yourself. You got this.
Your well-being matters too. I breastfed all my kids, but occasionally gave them formula so I could sleep or just go out and have a good time. None of my kids suffered. They are now older and teens. Never once did they care that I formula fed them sometimes. Our relationship is great. Some people can be judgemental, but screw them. Do what is right for you.
Whatever you decide is up to you, but trust me things will be fine no matter which way you go. A tongue tie can be hard to deal with and if it's too much it's okay. Your baby will be happy as long as they are fed.
If formula was actually bad for babies then you should be able to tell by looking at toddlers which ones were formula fed vs breastfed.
Spoiler alert: you can’t!
If breastmilk gets a 98% health grade, then formula gets a 95%. Is breast “better” (re: has more benefits) than formula? Sometimes! But guess what, that doesn’t mean formula is bad. They’re both “A”s in the grand scheme of things.
In my family we have some babies who were exclusively breast fed, some who were supplemented, and some who were exclusively formula fed. Guess what? They’re all happy healthy active toddlers now who pass around the same colds and viruses every other month (due to preschool). No one gets more sick than another, no one takes longer to recover, no one gets more ear infections, no one is smarter, no one is “healthier” than any other.
All this to say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It’s a good and convenient way to feed your baby. In some ways it’s better for some babies, those who are very sensitive to changes in mom’s diet for example, because you get the same thing every time. It can totally be more convenient for your lifestyle depending on your needs.
YES! It’s absolutely okay, in fact it sounds like it might provide a lot of relief for you and your daughter if you do. Your wellbeing IS her wellbeing.
Oh honey do NOT feel guilty. As long as you feed her and love her she’ll be fine. Both of mine were formula babies bc my milk never came in with either of them. My daughter was tongue tied too but they clipped it in the hospital when she was born. I raised two healthy kids on formula, and if you feel you need to supplement then do it. This will be a means of self care that it sounds like you need. She will be fine. Continue to pump if you want to, and if you don’t that’s fine. She’ll still grow and thrive. ♥️
I breastfed and supplemented with all my kids. I nursed first then they would take an additional 2 to 4 oz. Then between 6 to 8 months I slowly weaned them to bottles. My twins nursed easy but my single babies sucked harder and tore my nipples. I've met women that can nurse longer than a year but I'm not one of them.
Formula 100% okay
You don’t need to justify your reasoning either, to anyone, ever. You do what is best for your baby, and more importantly, FOR YOU.
You’re a GOOD mum, not matter how you choose to feed your baby. You have not failed. You’re doing great.
❤️❤️❤️
Use formula! My child also had tongue tie and it wasn’t until 4 months that nursing was easy and well established. She ended up nursing until 14 months old. You can use formula and still nurse if you so choose. You can stop nursing and just use formula. Fed is best!
In order to be the best parent you can be, you need to take care of yourself first. If that means formula, then by all means, give LO formula. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. It doesn’t make you any less of a good mom. You’re doing great.
The Internet had me convinced formula was poison and that my daughter NEEDED breastmilk in order to have a good immune system, a healthy bond with me, intelligence, etc. For certain reasons I ended up having no choice but to formula feed and let me tell you this- my now toddler is fantastic. She has a great immune system, zero allergies, was ahead in all milestones, and she's full of love and personality. Meanwhile I know parents who breastfed whose babies developed allergies, get sick all the time, were behind in milestones, etc. It's not to say that one way of feeding is better than the other. But there are so many other factors that play a part in the health of our kids like how we raise them, genetics, their living environment, etc. Formula is an amazing alternative to breastmilk! Do NOT feel guilty.
100% this is ok! Fed is best. Thinking healthy full-tummy thoughts for your kiddo and restful ones for you-
Give baby the formula! You need to rest too. Baby will be just fine from formula
I supplemented with formula and it’s the best thing I could’ve done. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Please take care of yourself too.
Please give your child the formula. I battled immensely with breast feeding and it affected my mental health heavily. The paedatrician reassured me when my daughter was just 6 weeks old that she would be absolutely fine on formula. She is now 7 and a happy thriving kid! Your mental health is so important for your child wellbeing, they can pick up on our anxiety. They will be just fine on formula!
Fed is best.
A LOT of moms have high hopes for their breastfeeding/bonding experience and for whatever reason it doesn't turn out that way. It's amazing that you're trying, and keep trying. But you have to understand that mothers have supplemented all throughout history - not always with formula, but with milk produced by other moms (wet nurses). The idea that the nuclear family can and should be completely self-sufficient is a very recent construct. So if you can't supply all your baby needs, don't feel bad. It's ok to be sad about it and grieve a little, but don't feel guilty. It's not a moral failure. It's a wonderful blessing that we have formula available so we can sustain our babies when this happens.
I had to supplement with formula on and off from the very beginning, and it quickly became her main and then only source of nutrition. I grieved the breastfeeding journey I had hoped for, but now I'm completely at peace about it. You can get there too. Fed is best. Stay strong mama
You can supplemet with formula until you establish a full milk supply through pumping. I had the same story due to a tongue tie, by six weeks I was able to provide her with all the milk she needed and ditched formula for exlusively pumped milk.
It is absolutely okay. My son didn’t really start gaining well until we started giving him formula. It’s possible that if you get through this tough spot with the aid of formula, you may be able to start breastfeeding more later on, if you find you want to.
It's OK to supplement with formula. It's OK to go 100% if needed. It might not be "perfect", but it won't harm your kiddo. Trust me. We did this. Our daughter was 5 weeks early, and spent 10 days in the NICU. So feeding was a challenge.
Some people will try to give you crap for this. Feel free to tell them what they can do with themselves, in whatever scatalogical terms you choose.
Sometimes reality is what reality is. We can't change it, we can't even fight it. And the harder we try, the worse we feel.
Another internet stranger saying of course, feed her formula! I understand how difficult it can feel - I struggled with restarting my antidepressants because they affected my supply (though they are breastfeeding safe) and where I live mother's are very much expected to breastfeed until the baby is 2. But your baby having a full baby and happy mum is worth so much
It's more than OK! You are making an informed decision for her health and wellbeing, along with yours, and your health and wellbeing is also important and valid. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of her, and if supplementing with formula or switching altogether is what's needed, so be it! Like they say, by the time they are toddlers, they'll be eating dirty goldfish crackers off the floor of the car anyway.
My baby was born at 30 weeks and got some donated breast milk while in the NICU, but transitioned to formula before coming home and had been 100% formula fed ever since because my wife can't produce breast milk. The baby is happy and healthy. Breast milk is the most optimal food but formula is perfectly fine and the vast majority of women need to at least supplement with formula from what I understand.
Absolutely. My kiddo had 50/50 breastfeeding and formula and it was such a godsend. He was a voracious eater and was not particularly gentle so I was able to let my nipples heal when I needed it and he never went hungry. I felt so bad at the start (and heard some awful things from a judgy-ass lactation clinician) but it was the best thing for us.
Plus, when I felt like weaning him from breast to the bottle, it was very easy and he didn't fuss at all. You can do what you need to. Formula is designed and tested to provide all the nutrition growing babies need. I'm rooting for you, Mama!
Give her formula! You are a great mom.
I couldn't breastfeed and both my boys only had formula. They're 5 and 13 and doing amazingly.
Fed is best.
You are doing a choice for your own well-being but if it would enable you to be „better” on other aspects of motherhood there is nothing bad about it.
Our first child was adopted. Formula from day 2 and she is just fine. We had trouble producing enough milk for the second, so we supplemented. Did the same with the third.
The key is that the baby gets enough nutrition and good bonding time with mom. If that means 20 minutes of dripping snuggles and 5 minutes chugging a bottle, that's fine.
I definitely supplemented with formula! Especially if I get a cold and have to take antihistamines, they dry out my milk and I’m forced to! Don’t worry, you’re doing great!
Yes yes yes yes yes
I did and it was one of the best decisions I made. If you need a community to help, go to r/formulafeeders
110%!!! It's okay to supplement, it's okay to switch to formula only. Everything that gets your baby fed in a safe nutritious way is completely fine. And taking care of your well-being IS taking care of your baby's well-being. You can't pour from an empty cup.
I will say, trying to do the whole pumping and feeding thing with a tiny baby is the absolute hardest it'll be, even without all the added hospital stays and illnesses. It does get easier from there and then breastfeeding can be really convenient, especially if you're staying home a lot. BUT that's only if it's somewhat sustainable right now - your baby will be just fine with either formula or breastmilk and you'll be a great mom no matter how she's fed. I'm so sorry you guys have had such a rough time, that must be really hard and scary.
My own story: My son was born with a submucosal cleft and they were worried about whether he'd be able to breastfeed. So we did a 'both' for a few weeks - lots of pumping, supplementing with formula when I couldn't make enough, trying to breastfeed, etc. We eventually got breastfeeding going, but he always had a supplemental formula bottle before bed. We ended up breastfeeding until he was a toddler, but it was pretty stressful. If I'd had to continue the pumping indefinitely I don't think I would have done it (especially since freezing milk didn't seem to work very well for me). Be sure to check in with a lactation consultant if you want to supplement while breastfeeding just so they can give you advice about the timing, etc - it was a little complicated at first in terms of making sure he had a good shot at trying breastfeeding vs tiring him out too much, etc. I thought the lactation consultants at the separate stand alone clinics were better than hospital nurses in terms of practical help. And seriously, if you decide to switch to formula completely, it will be completely and totally fine. Or if things naturally taper off, that's totally fine too. You're a good mom no matter what and a lot of this stuff is not really in our control. You're handling a HARD situation and anything you do to get through it is the right thing to do.
My first son never latched correctly and my wife went crazy trying to breastfeed. The lactation people at the hospital weren't great tbh.
He was miserable the first few days and clearly not getting enough. We finally decided to give him a bottle of formula and he went right to sleep.
She ended up exclusively pumping and bottle feeding, and it worked for us. I mean by the end she hated it and couldn't wait to stop, but she wanted to go as long as she could with the breast milk.
We froze everything we could and transitioned to formula when we ran out.
Second son we did that way from the get go and he was much easier as far as sleeping and temperament.
Babies just need to eat. I do recommend a formula that is high in DHA and protein, but other than that, they're all heavily regulated by the FDA and should be fine for your baby. I have a 19-year-old who was exclusively formula-fed due to my inability to make milk (the girls are just for show, it seems), and she's a dean's list student at university. It took us a while to find the right one for our munchkin, due to some digestive issues, but she wasn't harmed by it, it allowed many to feed her and bond with her, and my relationship with her has always been close.
Yes, it's OK to make sure your child is fed properly.
Oh man I could have written some of this 13 years ago. My baby was born on time with no issues but she was mildly tongue tied, had it snipped at one week old. We tried and tried to breastfeed. Shields, nonstop pumping, but I was barely making enough and the lactation nurse gently told me I was starving my baby and had to supplement. After three miserable weeks (and my mental health was in the toilet which lasted til she was about 4), I made the decision to formula feed exclusively. Best decision ever. She grew just fine on formula. It took a while before the guilt of “failing” went away but it is NOT failure to feed your baby in a way that works for BOTH of you. Besides, before you know it she’ll be living off cereal and noodles and pancakes 24/7 because she eats immediately after school and heaven forbid she wait til you’re home to eat your cooking. Or maybe that’s just my kid lmao
Yes. Absolutely.
Yes. Breastfeeding is a 2 way relationship. Yours and your babies
Absolutely okay!
Your well-being is essential. I exclusively pumped and felt so much stress and pressure and anxiety until I told myself that 2-3 bottles of formula would help me continue to breastfeeding.
You matter, your health matters! You got this!
It's always OK to switch to formula or supplement. I had to use nipple shields and it was so exhausting trying to breastfeed both of my kids. You matter, too. Babies do great on formula. Do what's best for you.
“Is it okay to feed my baby”
It’s not about guilt at all, it’s just giving formula at night can reduce milk production during the day or cause breast pains. Also, I have noticed that mixed feeding more often results in problems with poop, stomach pains and such, but I haven’t found any medical proof, so it might be my limited observation. So I’d personally choose either breastfeeding or formula and use either of it with no hard feelings. Generations of babies were reused on formula (me as well) and it’s was ok, and modern formulas are even better than 20 years ago.
Yes, it's fine. When people say that breast milk is better than formula, that doesn't imply that formula is harmful in any way.
Giving 100% formula is probably not as good as 100% breast milk.
But I doubt it makes a difference whether you give 100% breast milk or 90% breast milk + 10% formula. She'll still get all the benefits that your milk has.
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