I’m not talking about post trail depression, but anybody deal with depression while on thru hikes? Has it made it better or worse? I’m looking at how beautiful my surroundings are and getting upset about not feeling as happy as I should be. I feel as tho im unable to enjoy where im at a lot of the time. While I love all the people I’ve meet so far, being around people so much is draining me and making things worse. I didn’t expect the social aspect of a thru hike to be this intense. In my everyday life I need time away from my partner, family & friends to recharge. Its hard to have alone time out here. I love hiking & backpacking, so i expected the trail to help my mood but it may be making it worse. I feel like im the only person who feels this way.
and getting upset about not feeling as happy as I should be.
You're not supposed to be anything, just be. Sometimes that's happy, others it's sad. You're a human being doing a very human thing; walking. Just be present and aware of your surroundings, you'll experience a whole range of human emotions that way.
Let come what comes, let go what goes, see what remains of your feelings and meditate on those.
This. Your expectations of how you “should” be feeling might be draining you too
I agree w the above. Just be. Also you may be too ultralight to do this but I am wondering if journaling on the trail would help. It pulls you back into yourself and also might get the negative thoughts to take a hike.
I know that journaling is incredibly beneficial for a lot of people, but as a different perspective, I have not always found it beneficial depending on where I am at in my mental health. I have dealt with Anxiety/depression since I was very young. Adult diagnosis of ADHD and Medical PTSD diagnosis. I’ve been on a journey with my mental health in my life.
On the long haul trips I have been on the last thing I need at the end of a long day of trekking is to dive back into my head. My tendency is to intellectualize my emotions. To have feelings ABOUT my feelings and I get stuck in them. Journaling just ends up being cycling through how I feel about how I’m feeling. What I need is something that is going to get me out of my head. I am a photographer, so going back through photos of the day (editing/deleting/etc) allows me to be present in my hike. I am NO artist, but sketching my campsite each night with a short description also allows me to be present with where I am at that has nothing to do with emotion and everything to do with memory. I try to remind myself that good, bad, beautiful, or ugly I will want to remember every moment. That the goal of life is not to be happy. Because happiness is a feeling, and we can’t control feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. My goal in life is to be as present as possible in all moments. To fully feel the full spectrum of emotions in the human experience because that is what it means to live a full life. If I expect to feel extreme joy then I also must expect and accept that I have opened myself up to feel extreme sadness. We don’t get to cherry pick our emotional spectrum, we just get to accept that we are open to feeling.
As much as possible ask yourself “Am I feeling sad? Or is this feeling shame for feeling sad?” I really am sorry that you are struggling right now. From someone who is also struggling right now, I’m lifting you up from afar!
I journaled on my phone every single night. There are ways around that if you don't want to carry a physical journal too.