Why my roommate didn't help me after I try to publicly humiliate her to the others roommates ?

In case this story gets deleted/removed:

Original : https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1bizqg0/aita_for_not_giving_my_roommate_a_tampon_and/ 

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This is such a stupid post and I'm still so embarrassed and flabbergasted that this even happened to begin with.

For context: I (25 F) live with roommates, all are female. We've all gotten close in the two years we've lived together, except for one roommate. (We'll call her Emma, 23.) It's not that I dislike Emma, but we've never meshed as well as my other roommates have.

The other day, Emma called us all out to the living room where she was folding her laundry. She held up a pair of underwear and asked if it belonged to any of us, and I recognized them as mine so I said yes. I apologized for the mix up, and she immediately started yelling at me about how disgusting I am and how she wanted to "light herself on fire" after touching them.

Since I live with all girls, this happens all the time and none of us ever get weirded out by it. I cant even begin to count how many times someone's bras, socks, underwear, etc. have gotten mixed with my laundry by mistake. It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I realized they were actually an old pair of period underwear that had (i cannot stress this enough) MINOR blood stains on them from years ago when I first got my period. Emma again decided to loudly announce how gross she thought I was and how I should be ashamed for not throwing them out, and tried to get my other roommates to look and join in on her outburst.

Thankfully I live with some awesome girls, so nobody even batted an eye despite me being absolutely horrified that someone I live with would do something like that. Everyone was quick to reassure me that it's no big deal and it happens to all of us. They tried to tell Emma to chill out but she wasn't having it. She just went to her room and slammed the door.

For the next week, Emma didn't speak to me. She would loudly talk to all of our other roommates with no problem but the minute I tried speaking to her she would just walk away. A couple days ago I was laying in bed and Emma was the only other person home. She knocked on my door and when i opened it, she sheepishly asked me for a tampon, saying she woke up from a nap and bled through her shorts. How ironic. I laughed and told her no. (I didn't have any left, and I knew our other roommates had some somewhere so its not like she had nothing.)

Yesterday, she asked all of us if she could borrow a shirt because her clothes were in the washer. We all said no, and I even said I wouldn't want her to "light herself on fire" after touching any of my "nasty" stuff. She rolled her eyes and gave me a half assed apology, and I told her I don't want her touching or borrowing my stuff if that's the way she acts about a natural bodily function that SHE ALSO goes through. She called me childish and said she didn't see the big deal. Now there's this weird, passive aggressive vibe every time we're in the same room, and I'm wondering if I should just apologize or not. I talked to some friends, and they said I've got nothing to apologize for but I'm wondering if I overreacted.

So AITA?

Edit: Good lord, since so many people are seemingly so fascinated by my so called "impossible" pair of underwear that are over 10 years old, let me say this here instead of saying the same thing 10 times over in the comments like i have been: My mom bought them for me when I was like 14 and they ended up being way too big for me so I only wore them in times of desparation, until recent years. Never thought I'd have to explain my UNDERWEAR to hundreds of strangers on the internet, but there's a first time for everything I suppose.

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Ummm I’m pretty sure every woman everywhere who has ever had to deal with their period, has had designated “period” underwear. Underwear becomes period underwear the minute you get a surprise period (or a tampon/pad blowout) and you stain the underwear. Can’t believe this girl threw such a shit fit about it.

The best part of the post is the edit to her justifying old underwear . we all have the ratty period underwear.

Why are people making such a fuss about her having underwear for years and about her having blood stains on some of them? Until meds made me gather a lot of weight I had many pieces for many years. Why throw them away if they're not broken? Especially as old ones are a better choice to wear around certain times (endo made my cycle unpredictable, I could only guess the start of bleeding to be within a week after certain symptoms started and it gave me very severe bleeding that made avoiding stains unavoidable). Mine rarely had permanent bloodstains because my mom taught me how to get them out from my first period on (immediately taking them off and soaking them in cold water with a laundry detergent that contains oxygen bleach, washing them out bu hand and thoroughly rinsing them before throwing them in the washing machine, using the same laundry detergent and a 30°C program), but I know that both these types of panties and some having permanent stains are pretty much normal for most AFAB people.

I love that none of the other roommates went along with her bullshit

I have 4 pairs of undies that I cycle through on my period. They have been washed so many times back to back to back I cannot fathom how they’re still standing but they are. Why risk staining my good underwear when I have stained, form fitting undies that are comfy when my body is not. 🥹 fuck your roommate tbh lol

So, I have designated underwear's I use when I have my period. They're the ones that already have stains on them from previous flows. Why stain other ones?

I think you should leave it as is OP. She will try to embarrass you with something else and "one up" you. No one was falling for her BS when she tried to call you out in front of everyone and shaming you for it. You drew your boundaries so should keep to it. If she toes/crosses the line, you have ammunition.

That's such an odd thing to overreact about? Not only that it would make sense that the laundry would get mixed up sometimes with roommates, but that myself and almost every other woman I know has designated period panties. Sounds like Emma is a bit of a neat freak, or at the very least has some strange hangups. 

I was folding laundry last night and realized that some of them [edit: underwear] are close to 15 years old, are getting thin and may need to be replaced soon. I buy good quality stuff and take care of it. If it’s not worn out, why replace it and buy new??

Edit #2:Okay, I just woke up and checked this for the first time in almost 9 hours. Yall realize you sound creepy as fuck when you zero in on my FUCKING UNDERWEAR right? This post was never meant to be about that, its about my nasty roommate that shamed me for something I have no control over. The amount of comments I have recieved that have attempted to shame me for the EXACT SAME THING EMMA DID is repulsive. I'm glad it happened to me and not some other young girl who maybe just got her period and doesnt know a damn thing about it yet. Fuck you.

I'm not "playing the victim," (as some of you have suggested) for calling people out that are asking me to send them photos of the pair in question. If you're really bent out of shape over what a 25 year old woman on the internet does with her belongings, you're weird. Sincerely you sound like a fucking creep.

EDIT : just to be clear, I'm not OP, there is the link to the post at the start

This is why all my underwear is black. No worries about having specific period/not period underwear 😂

Hard to believe in 2024 women still have to deal with period shaming from other women. Asshole immature men I can see doing it. But other women? She needs to grow the fuck up.

I have never had a period in my life and even I know that anyone that has period has that underwear they keep for that expressed purpose.

And even if the underwear was truly stained that much, its a bit of blood on cloth, it wont kill anyone.

I have a pair of socks that must be 20 years old; the shop I bought them from closed in 2009, and I'd already had them for years by then. They're in reasonably good nick, too. I can absolutely believe a 10 year old pair of knickers, especially if they're only worn a day of two per month.

And why is she so closely inspecting the crotch of underwear she knew wasn’t hers anyway? Did she think there was a secret message or something? What a weirdo.

I don't see a problem with this. Roommate was being very juvenile. And even if op did have tampons, why should she loan one out to her?

I don’t know anyone with a functioning uterus who doesn’t have at least one pair of stained period knickers. Happens to us all!

I like my old period pants, they are comfortable, I don't have to worry about leaking on to them. I think a lot of women have designated pants for this. It's really not a big deal.

Hydrogen peroxide is good for blood stains. Im both a woman, and a very clumsy person who cuts themselves a lot. Cold water and peroxide.

Emma has some internalized misogyny going on.

I don’t know a singular woman that DOESNT have underwear specific for that time of the month.

I refuse to wear my good panties while I’m bleeding, and ruin them.

A simple pack of cotton underwear from Walmart are the best for that time of month, and I don’t mind them getting blood stained, but not my good Fenty panties

My fave undies are all bought about 5 years ago. I keep buying new and different ones but they’re just not as comfy or material is crap. Anyway what a bitch of a roommate.

NTA

So, it’s okey for her to treat you like dirt and then ask for favours from you? Nopetiy NO!

I mean, definitely NTA but I literally have underwear in my drawer that I had when I was pregnant. My kid just turned 9 lol I can't even wear them now. They are just there, rolling around my underwear drawer. Why is that such a weird concept for people 😂

There is a second edit. Just fyi. People are OBSESSED with this poor gals underwear. Called all the creeps to her post faster than a milkshake.

NTA, Emma is a raging cunt.

NTA, as a woman who has periods I don’t understand why she’d flip out over this… yeah I mean it’s good to throw out stained underwear but most women have certain underwear specifically for their period days that are meant to use in case of accidental staining, otherwise all our underwear would have stains and be gross looking. They’re clean just stained so I don’t get why she acted like you threw dirty period underwear into her clothes 🙄 It’s embarrassing yes but jeeze grow up. I’m glad your other room mates get it, and no don’t bother to apologize it’s just ridiculous lol

Has anyone seen that curb your enthusiasm where Larry goes to a chiropractor and the guy bends over and has some frayed underwear?

I got the same briefs, they last forever and are at least 10 years old…not even frayed but are a bit see thru

Period panties are a thing! If you’re lucky enough to have the lightest shortest periods ever, good on you.

As a guy, it admittedly seems like a weird thing for her to freak out over. That said, unless one of them is untrustworthy and likely to steal them all to sell them on the street or whatever, idk why they don’t just create a communal supply in the bathroom or something. Hell, even I keep a box of tampons and pads in my bathroom in case any of the women that visit me end up needing them

Bro, what the fuck is with that edit??? I still fit clothes and underwear form fucking 7th grade as a 27 year old

I'm a dude, so I don't have much bloody underwear, but I do have some shirts and socks and stuff with blood on them that I still wear when I'm fucking around the garage and garden.

I don't get it, I guess. Does she think the blood is going to come out in the wash and reactivate? Sounds like she's just really stupid and selfish. This is a good lesson for her.

When you re-sign your lease, she'll learn she's alone. I don't know from experience, but I can't imagine ANYTHING more embarrassing than being the one person not asked to live together next year while everyone else is happy to re-sign. Being in your room while everyone talks about next year together and you have no one because you're a nasty girl sounds like hell.

Enjoy it, girly!

Tell me Emma is jealous of you without telling me.

First let me say, NTA. That being said, I mean you did post about your underwear to hundreds (neh THOUSANDS ... double neh...MILLIONS) of strangers. It's only natural Hundreds of us would have questions about them that you would have to answer. Had you not posted, you would not have to explain your underwear to us strangers. Question: What color? :D

Idk why peoole are so weirded out. I(31M) am just getting rid of a pair of underwear I had since middle school

mix a solution that is half peroxide, half water.

When you get blood on your panties, spray them with that solution then wash as normal. It gets rid of everything.

Even your normal normal discharge.

It’s magical. It really is.

I still have panties from ten years ago. Got then at K-mart, 5 for $20. Still have two pair and I still wear them. Do they completely fit? No. But they're comfortable and I like them. I still have packs of Hanes I bought ten years ago from Walmart. I also have newer pairs.

So I believe you about the underwear. You're also NTA.

Almost all my comfortable underwear have period stains on them - I literally can’t get through a period without a pad leaking. Girl what?????

What was even the endgame? She's probably moving out soon because no one will deal with her. Or she may be the only one left when the other roommates leave. 

NTA this is called consequences and it’s what she asked for. Btw I also have 10yo underwear and I don’t think it’s weird? They’re not worn through or anything. No holes. Still comfy and elastic. What a weird comment for everyone to focus on hahaha

Doesn't every women have designated period undies? I do, I'm not risking ruining my favourite or new underwear so I always use ones that have either already had the oops period experience or are just plain black granny pants style ones.

Nta. She thinks that's nasty? Wait til she gets/has a man/woman/kid that needs their laundry done.

NTA

but now I feel weird about my 2005 underwear that I still have and wear

I have a small drawer just for period panties. I will toss them if they are so starting to look haggard, but I am never regular, so I will start to wear them when I think I might get my period. Why spoil the newer ones?

Play the evil out to the end.

Kindness begat kindness. Giving her an apology may be a life lesson she could learn from.

Do not apologize. Let it be weird.

Lean into the weird.

Post a magazine clipping of a fire onto the fridge. LOL

Ignore her, she isn't your friend.

FOCUS on the roommates you do like. Can you do one-on-one things with each of them? One a week?

Emma better pray she ends up with a hygienic guy or she will be seeing a different kind of stain mixed with her laundry. 

Most men need to do better. Get a bidet or wet wipes. 

I have a pair of post labor undies from 12 years ago. They are torn all the way up. Most of it isn't even attached to the waste band anymore. I love them. They are my comfort undies. Bet your ass every menstrual cycle I'm pulling those bad boys out, day one.

I would be so fuckin happy if someone like Emma stopped talking to me. Ahhh, what a peaceful time 😎☺️

I have underwear like that also that I wear only when I have my period. I could understand her disgust but at the same time she didn’t have to do all of that