He cheated noong boyfriend ko palang siya. Just found out after almost 2 years na kasal na kami.

Never kong naisip na kaya niyang gawin ‘yon sa’kin. Hindi ko lang talaga maramdaman sa kanya na kaya niya mag-cheat. Kaya noong boyfriend ko palang siya, hindi ako mahigpit. Never ko siya sinakal, hinahayaan ko lang siya to bond with his friends. To do and go wherever he wants. I was very understanding kasi I know we’re our own individuals. I really believed that he loves me, and I love him very very much. Mas mahal ko pa nga ata siya noong boyfriend ko siya kaysa noong asawa ko na.

Noong bagong kasal palang kami, hinahayaan niya lang ako gamitin ang phone niya. Minsan naglalaro ako ng games and nanonood lang ng vids sa phone niya, never ko pinakialaman photos or messages niya kasi tiwala ako eh. Then unti-unti, hindi ko na nahahawakan phone niya. Pakiramdam ko ang dami niyang tinatago at ayaw sabihin (which later I found out na about sa gambling addiction niya)

So finally, neto lang nakaraan, we finally resolved our problem throughout our entire marriage. He finally acknowledged that he has lots of debt, and he paid all of that. We’re starting anew, he let me handle his bank accounts, and his phone. Sabi niya, “wala naman akong babae kaya di ako natatakot na buksan mo phone ko. Dati ayaw ko lang kasi ayokong makita mo mga naniningil sa’kin.”

Kaya this time, I went through his messages. First time kong malayang nabubuksan ang phone niya, kaya sinulit ko na. Una, I was just really curious sa mga last convos niya with his ex. Sa wakas, nahanap ko na rin closure ko kasi I can’t stop thinking about her before, wala naman pala akong dapat ipag-alala.

Then, nakita ko na rin past conversations niya sa mga flings niya before me. And dito ko nakita na may flings pa pala siya, during me haha.

First is two weeks after we became official, he’s still talking to other girls. Flirting. Girls na hinayaan kong kasama niya sa mga trips with his barkada kasi panatag naman ako eh. These girls know me too, now that I think about it, sobrang embarrassing.

Then other one, is one month after we found out that I’m pregnant. Flirting din through chats.

And lastly, ‘yung pinaka-malala kong nahanap. It was his friend and ex girlfriend during his teenage years. Kilala ko siya, even noong bata pa ako. Ate siya ng childhood friend ko. So dati, naitatanong ko pa nga siya and napag-uusapan namin kasi nga I also know her. Sa lahat ng babae niyang tropa, I never suspected her.

I read through their convo. FUBU pala sila before I met him. Then on our 2nd monthsary, nag-aask pa siya ng video call with her. Then may out of town trip ang barkada nila. Madalang ko siya nakausap that time kasi walang signal. Magkatabi pala sila natulog sa tent. Nabasa ko na marami naman sila sa tent but naghawakan daw sila ng private parts. They were still kinda flirting sa chats, with sexual innuendos. But it already stopped one week after that trip. Casual na lang convos nila after that. Note that, during this time wala pa nakakaalam na we’re in a relationship kasi I also asked him to keep it private.

Hindi ko alam gagawin ko. Noong nahanap ko lahat ‘yan, buong madaling araw akong nagbabasa ng messages ng lahat. Di ako nakatulog. Wala akong maramdaman that time actually. I was unfazed, I don’t know why. Literal na numb. Eto pala ‘yon. Hindi lang ‘yung numb na sinasabi sabi ko noong teenager ako pero may nafefeel talaga. This time, wala talaga akong maramdaman. Ni hindi ako umiyak.

Hindi ko lang talaga alam ang gagawin ko. Everything is better na eh, he’s regaining himself back and getting better. Never na rin siya nag-cheat through our entire marriage. Alam ko, because kinalkal ko na lahat ng pwedeng makalkal.

Alam ko, halos lahat kayo will tell me to run. Break up with him. But alam naman natin lahat na it isn’t that easy. I just want to know, if other people who went through this, were able to forgive and forget. I honestly want to go through counseling or therapy, I don’t know, whichever helps.