Off My Chest Philippines

A lot of the submissions are not supposed to be posted in the sub, yet everyone seems to think OffMyChestPH means dump everything here???

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• For discussions related to mental health, and where you can find psychologists/psychiatrist resources ➡️ r/MentalHealthPH
• For relationship advice ➡️ r/relationship_advicePH
• For unsent letters ➡️ r/PinoyUnsentLetters
• For casual discussions ➡️ r/CasualPH and the Random Discussion threads in r/Philippines
• "Am I pregnant?" ➡️ r/SafeSexPH
• For original literary content ➡️ r/Kwaderno
• For sexual discussion, stories and fantasies ➡️ r/alasjuicy
• For derma and health/beauty product recommendations ➡️ r/beautytalkph
• For career concerns and discussions ➡️ r/phcareers
• "Am I the Asshole?" ➡️ r/AkoBaYungGago
• When looking to connect with other redditors ➡️ r/phr4r | r/PhR4Friends | r/PhR4RTeens | r/PhR4Dating | r/phR4R30
• For classified ads and job-seeking ➡️ r/phclassifieds and r/classifiedsph | r/buhaydigital
• For panganay struggles and discussions ➡️ r/PanganaySupportGroup
• For commute instructions ➡️ r/HowToGetTherePH
• For academic advice and questions ➡️ r/studentsph
• For adulting concerns ➡️ r/adultingph
• For investment and money discussions ➡️ r/phinvest
• For general questions ➡️ r/AskPH
• For fitness tips and inquiries ➡️ r/PHitness

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If your post is any of these, they will be REMOVED.

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• How to ___? Please give tips and advice.
• Should I ____?
• What should I do?
• Do you think what I did was right?
• Normal lang ba na ___?
• Ako lang ba yung ___?
• Between x and y, which should I choose?
• Tama lang ba na ___?

This is Off My Chest, and while some of these posts do contain venting, if your purpose is to discuss what you should do in a situation, to ask whether you're right or wrong, to make other people decide for you, please consider posting somewhere else. It's one thing to vent and get advice regarding your predicament as a result, but if you just want to get people's insights, this is not the best sub to do that. Here's a list of other PH subreddits where you can post instead.

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"Off my chest nga diba? Kahit ano pwede kong sabihin!" .. Sorry to break it to you, but no. We still have rules and guidelines.

Please read and understand what the sub is for. Masyado niyo nang ginawang catchall 'tong sub for all your concerns. Let's not forget the essence of OffMyChestPH.

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Again, if you see posts and comments that break the rules, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE USE THE REPORT BUTTON. Do not engage with trolls or rude commenters and let us handle them for you.

Thank you.

I came across your post dito sa offmychestph today, and I just have to say:

About damn time! Sana talaga totoo na. Because it's been exhausting dealing with you. 2 months ago, we had a final serious conversation where you assured me that you were over my boyfriend na talaga and had moved on to someone new. I tried so hard na maging patient sayo at kausapin ka nang maayos. Akala ko naman titigil ka na. I went as far as writing out a detailed message to help you understand where things stood between him and me, hoping that would put an end to you pestering the both of us. Yet, despite all that, tuloy tuloy ka pa rin, which was incredibly frustrating.

Just a month after that conversation, lo and behold! You messaged him again, saying you were in his area and wanted to "talk." This came as a shock, given that we had already discussed and supposedly resolved this issue.

And if that wasn't enough, just 2 days ago, my god, you reached out to him na naman saying: Hey, not sure why you popped in my mind while attending a church mass. I was kinda worried. I hope everything is fine on your end. Ingat ka palagi lalo na when driving. Take care of yourself.

Oo, nababasa ko lahat.

I had hoped that by talking to you calmly and reasonably, I could appeal to the sophisticated woman you portray yourself to be online. But this behavior makes me question that image.

It's so disappointing to see you expecting my boyfriend to still engage with you and meet behind my back to "talk." Why are you so obsessed about the idea of "closure" anyway? Literally my existence in his life should be enough closure for you.

You, of all people, should know better, having experienced betrayal and heartache yourself because niloko ka ng ex mo. I assumed that you would respect our relationship, but your actions suggest otherwise. It's shocking to me to see someone who has gone through pain like that be so indifferent to causing it to someone else.

Sana totoo na talaga yang sinasabi mong titigil ka na. You weren't even an ex-girlfriend, ex-fubu ka lang. PLEASE respect our relationship moving forward and act with the decency you so claim to value.

Pasensya na sa laslas sa gulong mo ha? Kupal ka kasi e.

Lalabas ka sa parking entrance, e kita mo namang andaming papasok, at alam naman ng lahat ng nagpupunta sa mall na yun na entrance yun.

Bobo ka ba?

Inaway at sinigawan mo pa yung gwardya nung sinabihan kang wrong way ka. Pinalabas ka kasi sabi mo mageexit ka tapos nung nakita mong may palabas, nag counter flow ka na naman, hinarangan mo yung dadaan ng exit tapos, dahil umatras ako para padaanin yung kinupal mo, inagawan mo pa ko ng parking. Kinailangan ko pang magpark nang napakalayo.

I understand na open parking yun pero again, nagcounter flow ka to fucking get that spot, retard.

I would have let it pass. Ako yung tao na mahirap galitin kaso yung ngingisi-ngisi ka pa sakin pagbaba mo, wrong move yun brad.

I always carry a knife with me.

So yeah, i slashed your tire. You deserve that shit.

Sana nag enjoy ka din dun sa guhit ng kutsilyo ko running along your car's entire passenger side. Di ko sana gagawin yun kaso pimped up na pimped up yung sedan mo e. Yun yung icing ng revenge cake ko today.

Kingina ka kasi.

(Dun sa magwoworry na baka nakita ako sa cctv or sa dashcam, walang cctv sa parking na yun and i approached the car from the side. Also, nakafacemask ako, this ain't my first rodeo).

EDITED TO ADD: As i mentioned in one of the comments, isa sa sumagi sa isip ko e yung gagawin ko ay para sa lahat ng taong kinupal ni gago in the past. Sabi ni Ray sa Mr. inBetween (watch it, it's goodand I'm paraphrasing here): You know why the world is filled with assholes, it's cause we let them.

Salamat.

Salamat dahil dumating ka. Natakot pa ako.

Salamat dahil nanatili ka. Kahit pa ginugulo at pinaghihiwalay tayo ng mundo.

Salamat, dahil pinaramdam mo sakin na posible pala ang ganitong pagmamahal.

Salamat, dahil binigyan mo ako ng panibagong pag asa sa larangan ng pag ibig.

Salamat, dahil sayo ako nakaramdam ng kapayapaan.

Salamat, dahil sa isang dekada na puro sakit, lungkot at pangungulila, sayo ko naramdaman ang pag ibig na matagal ko na ipinagdadasal.

Ps.

MAY BOYFRIEND NA AKO. ANG GWAPO NG BOYFRIEND KO.

PLS CONGRATULATE ME. 😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I have this housemate for 5 years na sobrang arte sa mukha niya, skincare and makeup, pero putaragis hindi marunong magbuhos ng toilet bowl. Hindi ko alam kung dahil nasanay siya sa may flush na bowl sa office and sa bahay nila, pero hindi naman najujustify nito na hindi njya bubuhusan ng ayos yung bowl after niya gamitin. And never talaga siya naglinis ng bahay, as in. Sa 5 years namin na pagsasama, wala talaga siya ambag.

Alam ko dapat sinasabi ko to sa kanya in person. Pero medyo sensitive si ate ko. At sasabihin niya, hindi siya sanay sa gawain kasi may helper sila.

Kaya dito na lang ako magrarant!

Napakataas ng standard mo sa lalaki pero yung unan mo, parang mapa na. Ang arte arte mo sa buhok mo, pero di mo mapulot yung bxlbxl mo sa lapag ng cr. At ate ko, kapag kulay yellow pa yung tubig sa bowl, ibig sabihin may ihi mo pa yon. Also, kaya ka ghinost nong bet na bet mo na guy kasi pet peeve niya ang loud chewer! There, I said it.

I, 35F, is always irritated to my mom. Kahit wala siya ginagawa or nagtatanong lang about something. Not always, but a lot of times. I try to change and even travelled with her, as in kami lang, to bond. And I still want to do it again. Gusto ko mawala tong inis ko na parang naka-default na. For context, lumaki kami na lagi niya kaming sinisigawan or pinapagalitan even for small things. Gentle parenting what. May times na nasaktan niya din kami physically pero bihira. Mas masakit pa din yung mga sinasabi niya sa amin before and yung feeling na napapahiya pag pinapagalitan kami kahit maraming tao. Now that I’m an adult, gusto ko na lang kalimutan lahat. Matanda na ako, matanda na din si Mama and I just want peace for us. Paano ba to?

Hello everyone!

Last year I posted something that I haven't told to anyone yet which relieve me so much this is the link for it (https://www.reddit.com/r/OffMyChestPH/comments/184p8dr/why\_i\_left\_my\_family/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button). I just want to tell you that with your kind words and encouragement, I mustered up all my courage and will power to apply and review for a placement test or PEPT. That will be by this November, I still have lots of time to review. Apart from that, I'm currently pregnant and expecting a miracle before the end of this year. After all these time, I thought that I will be alone in this cold world, after all the struggle, heartbreaks, pain and trauma. I move to a new job where the environment is much better for me and my mental health. Things are getting better. I would have never been able to go outside my comfort zone without other redditors kind words and encouragement. It somehow healed a part of me. Thank you so much!

How did I turn out like this? I was so firm on learning the art of detachment pero here I am typing this just because I didn't receive the reassurance I was hoping for. Sobrang nakakapanghina—na from being a strong independent woman nagiging overly sensitive and needy na ako ngayon. Updates do not bother me at all before, pero bakit ganito..sa mga maliliit na bagay pa talaga ako madalas mainis. This level of pettiness I didn't know I have. Totoo pala talagang may "toyo" ang mga babae— I thought I'll never be one of them but here I am.

I'm in a really healthy relationship now..but it's getting clear na ako yung toxic sa amin. I grew up in a chaotic household where drama/arguments/silent treatment etc. were a common thing. Parents are overly strict and sad to say I've shown signs of being the one to cause chaos in our relationship..Pinilit kong magheal, however it's never linear. Sadyang may mga oras na bumabalik ako sa dati, sa kung ano ang pamilyar sa akin—sa magulo at maingay.🙁

It's true, to be in a relationship with someone will trigger all unresolved trauma. And kapag masyadong peaceful ang pagsasama, someone (like me) will look for something to argue about. Sobrang unfair ko and even if I'm aware of this, I still do it most of the time. Just why...😭

Ayoko nang ganito.. Gusto ko sana yung kalmado lang ako kahit walang update o kung ano pa gusto niyang gawin sa buong araw. If he's for me then thanks pero kung hindi then so be it. Ayoko pong maging clingy at OA sa relasyon. Nakakapagod maging alipin ng emosyon..

I hate those parents especially the ones who just sit there like they’re ignorant of chaos around them. Yung iba naman, naka tawa pa habang yung mga anak nila takbuhan ng takbuhan, iiyak ng malakas, nag wawala, pumapatong sa lamesa. Akala yata nila yung ibang tao cute na cute sa anak nila. HINDI PO! Bwisit na bwisit kami sainyo. Hindi lang kayo ang may karapatang mag enjoy. Kung dadalhin nyo yang mga anak ninyo, be responsible enough to discipline them so they don’t ruin someone else’s experience. Those kids are not at fault, YOU ARE.

I have this current bf and honestly I find him so attractive kasi ang tangkad nya and he's muscular kasi nag g-gym also pogi rin. He's a first year college student and ako naman is incoming 1st year palang. We're LDR and Di pa naman kami ganon katagal but there's a lot of things bothering me about him.

First, matatagalan pa raw bago ako ipakilala sa parents nya like after nya grumaduate ng college ganon kasi raw baka paghiwalayin kami and ang reason din is baka talikuran nya raw sila pagkatapos nya grumaduate. Also, hindi nya rin pwede sabihin sa friends nya and hindi rin daw ako mapopost sa socmed nya. I understand naman kung ganon yung situation kasi want ko rin ng may ma-prove sa parents ko. But the thing is, kung hindi sya pwede magpakilala muna ng gf eh bakit may 3 exes sya then alam ng parents and friends nya?

Second, minsan naiisip ko na may iba pa syang kausap. I caught him liking other woman's posts sa ig eh yung posts na yon is almost nude na talaga. I confronted him about it sabi nya is friend nya lang daw yon and in person sila nag uusap. Then ang sabi nya pa sa akin is proud daw yung girl sa body nya and sinu-support nya lang. He blocked the girl naman after that and then after a few days, I stalked the girl then naka private account na sya. It's also impossible na walang umaaligid, kumakausap, and chinachat sya kasi every time na pumunta sya sa event ang sinasabi nya sakin is andami nagpapa-pic sa kanya. Sinabi ko na to before sa kanya yung mga what if's ko na baka may kausap pa syang ibang babae ganon. Altho yes I'm aware na hindi pa full yung trust ko sa kanya. He was also bothered by it na pinagdududahan ko sya and he cried.

Lastly, hindi sya nagrereply kapag nagcha-chat ako. I'm aware naman na nasa school sya pero kasi yung chats ko naka delivered lagi eh and nakakapag my-day pa nga sya without replying to me. I know he's busy naman but like di ko talaga maiwasan mag overthink. Last night masama raw pakiramdam nya galing school and marami daw sya ginawa. He told me magrerest na raw sya, alam ko yon pag nakatulog na mag o-offline na yan pero nung nagchat ako nag delivered parin. Then kanina I sent him gm message tapos hindi naman na delivered?? I'm so confused eh lagi kasi naka off status yon.

I'm thinking too much huhu. binabaliw ako ng taong to😭.

EDIT: Nakipag-hiwalay na po ako for my peace of mind. Thank you for being an eye opener sa lahat ng nag comment!

We were fresh grads. Nauna ako magka-work (far from home) so I’m paying rent for dorm. Nagtitipid ako sobra, I manage to eat just 1 skyflakes for dinner every night and just stay at the dorm during the weekends. This way I have leftover money from my salary after all bills are paid.

My bf got his job around 3 months later, and moved in sa dorm with me. The expenses started to pile up short after.

He said I wasn’t eating enough, so my meal expenses went high. From 8 pesos skyflakes to 150+ rice meals. He’s a big eater and I’m not, but he still insists that we eat the same thing and sabay kami. During weekends, he would initiate for us to go somewhere and gala (= more gastos).

I’m an independent girlie so we’re always 50/50 on things (even though he earns more), and hindi ko masabi sa kanya na I don’t need to eat more and that I don’t want to explore every trending place just yet. Gastos lang yang mga yan for me.

The other day, he asked if magkano na ipon ko. When I told him halos wala, he lectured me and advised that I need to be more future-oriented.

Idk how to tell him that though I love him, he’s the reason I can’t save money

Idk pano ba kakawala sa situation na to, live in and mag tatlong taon na. Habang patagal ng patagal para bang naglalakad ako sa puro cracks na salamin. Sa araw araw kaylangan kong maging maingat sa galaw sa salita sa lahat nalang para bang may strict parents ng 10x.

Sakit lang din na tinatry ko naman syang kausapin pero lagi nyang ginagamit yung card na emotional intelligence. Ik naman na diko mafully comprehend yung ganyan and I'm trying my best na intindihin pero ginagamit padin against saken everytime na naiinis sya.

Sobrang pagod nako emotionally haha gusto ko nalang mawala

Wala na ngang pake sayo diba? Ilang beses nya na pinaulit ulit sinabi wala syang pake sayo. Ni hindi ka nga iniiisip nun ni isang segundo sa pang-araw araw na buhay nya. Hindi ka na nag-eexist. Wala ng pake sayo. As in. So please stop. Please stop thinking about her. Please stop relapsing every freakin day. Stop na. Please?

I've been binge chatting-meeting people online for months now. But I realize I have to stop. I gotta get back on track with my life. Getting back on track is what I gotta do, but how can I now that I'm so far off?

Now it's been two days since I have stopped making contact with these people I met online. It's so freakin' lonely!

I don't know how to fill the down times of my day anymore. How will I distract myself now from the things that are making me anxious at work?

Hindi ma-bisyo and palalabas yung husband ko.

Favorite lang niya gawin is mag-tong its, kumain ng bahaw na kanin at mag-laro sa gaming console niya. I know, boring yung asawa ko. Minsan, ako pa nag-udyok sa kanya pumarty kasi ako yung party girl/layas sa relationship namin.

So sa barko niya ngayon, natutong uminom yung asawa ko kapag may birthday sa kanila and he knows na mababa yung tolerance niya.

Hindi naman ako strict or praning so I let him be. Mag-message naman siya bago sila mag-start and tatakas ng sandali to give me a call or text na nasa inuman pa siya. His way of giving me assurance kahit hindi ko hinihingi.

Pero ang nakakatawa ilang oras pa lang sobrang lasing na lasing na siya. Balik na siya ng cabin at kukulitin ako ng tawag. As in flood ng tawag yung gagawin niya.

Hindi siya titigil hangga’t hindi ko nasasagot tawag niya. Una niyang sasabihin na nasusuka na daw siya at hind daw niya mailabas. Kahit lasing na siya, nakakahanap pa din siya ng lakas para kamustahin at chismisin ako. At nakuha pa niyang mag-utos sa ate niya na lutuan ako ng pagkain ko for today.

Bago siya makatulog, excited na daw siya sa hangover food niyang Jollibee. Prior ng inuman nila nag-pabili ng 2 bucket ng chickenjoy at 6 pcs na yumburger yung asawa ko sa akin dahil nasa Dubai sila and mas excited at happy pa siya don kaysa sa pag-party niya.

Isa sa mga quirks ng asawa ko na ngayon ko pa lang na-discover.

Update: late ng 3hrs yung husband ko sa work. Kain na daw siya ng jollibee niya. Nagkwento na nakatulog daw siya sa gitna ng inuman. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Simula nung nag 15 ako umalis na ko sa bahay, sa lola ko ako tumira. Sobrang toxic kasi ng mama ko. Lagi mainit ulo nya sa'kin kahit wala naman akong ginagawang masama, pinapatigil nya pa ko sa mga extra curricular activities ko sa school kasi wala naman daw yon kwenta, sa tuwing hihingi kami ng pambayad sa school para sa mga projects and group work laging iniisip na nagsisinungaling kami, basta sobrang damin bagay na di ko na maiisa isa pa.

Simula nung umalis ako sa bahay namin, lagi ako chinachat ng kapatid ko. She's around 9 years old that time. "Ate umuwi ka na", "ate matulog ka naman dito". Kaso hindi ako makauwi sa bahay kasi tuwing umuuwi ako nag aaway kami ng nanay ko at di ko talaga matiis yung mga sinasabi nya kapag nag aaway kami. Hanggang ngayon pag May nakakaaway ako tapos non sense yung argument parang Naka default na yung sistema ko na mag walk out. Ganun kasi yung argument sa nanay ko, walang katapusan walang patutunguhan, walang punto.

Now my lil sis is turning 15 this september, and I miss her so much. Now she stopped begging me to come home, I'm starting to realize what I've missed in her life. She's growing up so fast and we're getting more distant.

I would trade anything to bring back that time when she's 9 years old and wants me home, I will spend all time that I had. Now I regretted not saying yes whenever she asked me to be with her.

me and my boyfriend recently broke up due to depression. i love him and i want to be there for him but he needs the distance now to focus on himself. ive decided to write him notes everyday but he hasn’t no idea about it. there i write everything. about my day, the things i want to share him, how grateful i am to him. things i would say to him as usual. but i dont know if im doing myself a favor - some might say na normal lang yan sa break up, na iwan ko na yan kasi may mas better. yes guys im leaving it to fate but i have freewill. ewan litong lito na ako

Hear me out first bago nyo ako ijudge, these past months is sobrang hirap na nangyayari sa buhay namin magkapatid, nasa point na rin ako na gusto ko na lang lasunin kami magkapatid. Sobrang bigat wala na kami matakbuhan kahit relatives namin pinagtatabuyan kami, walang gustong kumupkop sa amin. Ang na iisip ko na lang ngayon is ipaampon yung kapatid ko sa pamilyang kaya sya mahalin at alagaan yung kaya iprovide needs nya yung hindi sya magugutom na kahit papaano maranasan nya yung mga bagay na hindi pinaranas ng aming mga magulang na nang iwan sa amin. Ayoko na sya ang magsuffer, okay lang na ako na lang basta nasa mabuti syang kalagayan. He deserves a better life. A genuine and a happy one. Baka may mabuting tao dyan na gusto ampunin yung kapatid ko? Mabait, matalino at maaasahan po sa gawaing bahay at higit sa lahat may respeto sa nakakatanda at may takot sa Diyos, napalaki ko naman pong mabuting tao yung kapatid ko. Pasensya na kung umabot si Ate sa ganito, gusto lang kita protektahan. Balang araw maintindihan mo rin kung bakit ko ginawa ito.

just got home from a gala, i got invited to my friend's birthday together with my other friends/classmates din however everytime na i go out with my FRIENDS parang i dont feel like i belong. palagi akong na le-left out di ako makasabay sa energy nila (well they're rlly loud even in public places to the point na pinagtitingnan kami and i get the secondhand embarrassment bcs of that) i admit yes mahiyain ako, im very formal person, and the rest of my friends happy go lucky lang parang walang mga worries sa buhay.

going back to the main point, this is not the first time i felt this every after gala or even during sa gala mismo. im just that "quite friend" in the corner and i just wanna go home immediately kasi im so uncomfy na around them. whenever may chika sila di ako nakakasabay, if taking pictures di ako kasali bcs sila yung main circle of friends. I have friends i think, but they also have other friends na they treat as their main. Like sa big circle may small circle pa and small circle, and i belong sa big lang. ika nga ni TS, a friend to all is a friend to none. And i felt that.

I know i shouldnt feel bad, but i always feel like ive been betrayed, bcs when i treat someome as my friend FRIEND, they also have other friend FRIEND.

and im so tired of this honestly. my mom always tell me that i should stop the 'barkadas' na (i wouldnt even call them as my barkada) they're good for nothing, they will just turn their bsck on me if they don't need me anymore just like what happened to my sis.

pero ba't ang hirap e drop sila? i value memories a lot and even though i feel hurt sometimes i cannot deny the fact that i get happy din around them. i'll start college na this SY and we'll part ways na din i think the circumstance/situation nang bahala. probably, di pa sila yung friends FRIENDS ko, there will be, in the right time.

ps. this is my first time na mag vent dito bcs im afraid i cant organize my thoughs coherently so sorry in advance if naguluhan po kayo:D

I recently lost my phone while I was with a Move it driver. Nalaglag sya sa bulsa ko ta's syempre malapit na sa work nagpapapara na ako sa driver pero ayaw nya akong ibaba so na pwersa pa akong tapakan yung gulong (kinakain talaga ako ng anxiety ko that time and I'm diagnosed with PTSD, GAD and depression) para lang mapansin nya ako. (It wasn't his fault but I needed some kind of comfort at that time).

And when I went down, I booked another rider to search for it but to no avail. I remembered walking from Sauyo to Novaliches Bayan just so I could calm myself while crying and it was such a hopeless situation for me.

So, nagpaalam naman ako halos two hours early sa shift ko sa work (3am shift but I was on my way 1:40am na) sa boss ko and he was okay with it.

After searching hopelessly, I gave up and went to work. I was so late. Halos more than an hour but instead of scolding me, my boss said "It's okay, anak. Let's talk about this later, okay?"

And then after shift, he made sure to ask for my time to talk to me (kasi alam nyangnakal leave ako sa work kinabukasan) and he did.

Kahit sa pag-uwi ko, nag message pa sya na "May magandang kapalit yan, ramdam ko Enjoy your leave, 'nak! Thanks for today."

Umiiyak ako di na dahil nawalan ako ng phone, umiiyak na ako ngayon as I write this out of joy at the thought I have someone genuinely caring for me because of what happened.

I'm attached to my phone because it was the one that I bought for myself ever since nag BPO ako. Breadwinner kasi ako kaya bihira ko lang maranasan magkaroon ng bagay na meron ako ta's andun pa pictures and videos ng mga bagay na na experience ko for the first time: travelling alone.

(TDLR: My boss showed genuine compassion instead of scolding me for losing my phone on the road. He even messaged me on messenger after shift.)

Long context, I have a violent older brother na nakabuntis nung highschool at napilitan pakasalan itong kunsitidor na sister in law na nagbunga ng dalawang anak na inangkin ng parents ko sa bahay namin. Lumaki akong tagabantay ng mga bata and I won’t mind that part kung di lang sila demonyong mag asawa.

Ngayon nagkatrabaho na ako at ginawang rason ko yun para magpakalayo sa toxic ko ring magulang na gusto nila ibigay sweldo ko pampaaral sa pamangkin ko which I resist kasi new grad lang ako. Last year, pumunta older brother kong almost 30 years old para kuno mag review. I shouldered lahat ng gastusin niya dito pati pagkain, parang katulong na niya ako. Bumibili pa ng mga ano ano ako pinambayad.

Nakapasa siya sa boards niya kaso 3 months na di pa siya umuuwi sabi kuno mag gygym daw siya at mag “training” for work sa magulang ko. Wala siyang ginagawa as in tambay. Sinasabi ko sa magulang ko ang mahal na nagagastos ko just to find out na binibigyan siya ng panghelp at gastusin sa bahay at di pala binibigay saken yun like electricity bills at grocery. Nagstart away namin dahil sinisingil ko siya ayaw niya ko ibigay kasi may pamilya din daw siyang pinapakain. Pinapakain ampota magulang ko nagsusustento sa kanila. Eh sabi ko ano ba ang tinatambay mo pa dito at magwork ka doon sa inyo. After some weeks, I figured out na may kabit pala siya na tinatambayan sa manila and reported it to my parents kasi walang kwenta ang tinatambay niya dito. Narinig ko pa tawagan nila ng tropa niya na papakasalan daw niya yung kabit kasi allowed naman sa mga Muslim ang marming asawa.

That fight went into domestic assault na I charged against him which is napilitan siyang umuwi at ban sa building na to. Ngayon galit na galit yung sister in law ko na inimbento ko daw iyon para mapatanggal siya dito. Finifeed niya mga magulang ko na pauwiin rin din ako kasi di naman kalakihan sahod ko kasi di ko rin naman sila nasustentohan mga anak niya (pamangkin ko). Potangina mo, alam mong ilang beses na yan nag cheat sayo tas ngayon na ayaw ko lang magpagamit sa ginagawa niya, ako pa masama. Parang obligation ko pa sustentohan yang kawawa mong mga anak. Tinatad ako ng text na ako daw ang pokpok kaya ayaw ko daw kasama kuya ko kahit sinuggest ko na edi magboarding house siya ng sarili niya. Sana mabuntis niya yang kabit niya ata matauhan ka.

I (25F) went out for a walk and buy something to binge on convenience store at around 1am.

Yung mom ko nakitulog sa unit namin ng GF ko and to give you a context my mama doesn't know me really well since I grow up with my father. She "sacrificed" daw na mapalayo samin para makapag survive kami.

Usually I do late night walks, chill lang kasi tas sa kanto namin may convenience store. ang sarap ng breeze ng hangin during those time and sobrang tahimik pa kaya feel na feel ko lumabas ng mga ganyang oras.

Habang pauwi ako may aso na kahol nang kahol sakin, hindi ako dog person kaya natatakot ako dumiretso pabalik sa street namin. Kaya I decided na mag stay muna sa convenience store hanggang kumalma lang yung aso at umalis. Katabi ng convenience store is baranggay hall kaya I feel safe tumambay dun.

Lumabas na ko ng convenience store thinking na wala na yung aso..

but I was wrong, andun pa pala yung aso nakatago lang behind plants. Nag uumpisa nanaman kumahol ng kumahol yung aso and suoer aggressive na, pakiramdam ko once na mag step forward ako kakagatin niya na ko. so I run back to the convenience store.

During those time pala nalaglag ko na yung susi ng gate at ng unit namin. I started panicking kasi di ako makabalik sa street namin since may naka kawalang aso.

Yung mama ko tawag ng tawag, sa sobrang aligaga ko hindi ko nasagot yung call kasi I was thinking saan ko nahulog, kung may nakakuha na ba o kung hanggang anong oras ako mag aantay na mawala yung aso.

Then finally my GF came to the rescue may dalang patpat to scare the dog. Sabi niya galit na galit daw mama ko, kasi bat wala daw ako sa unit namin. My GF answered her "di ko po alam, sabi niya bibili lang ng food" then my mom hysterically shouted "HUH? Anong di mo alam, anong klase yan?!!" and other words na hindi niya na maintindahan. Soft-hearted lang GF ko kaya she was so shocked nung nasigawan siya ng mama ko. But she understand naman na out of worry lang kaya naginh hysterical lang si mama.

Then I received a text na, "asan ka na?" "akyat ka na. ako ang aalis". When I was about to reply tumawag siya galit na galit na kesyo kaya daw ako bumaba kasi ayoko daw kasama siya and a lot morw implying na kaya daw siguro ako nasa labas kasi ayoko na kasama siya and pinag aawayan namin siya ng GF ko which is "HINDI".

She thinks that way kasi against siya sa rs namin ng GF ko.

and I swear to God na walang ibang ginawa ang GF ko kundi makisama sakanya kahit may times na umiiyak na siya kasi ramdam na ramdam niya na hindi siya gusto ng mama ko.

Sermon ang inabot ko after explaining my side of story then I said sorry to her after.. pero biglang siyang nag rant about sa lahat ng sakripisyo niya samin at lahat ng bagay na ginawa niya samin. Hays. Ni wala man lang "okay ka lang ba?" "salamat at nakauwi ka ng maayos" ang natanggap ko puros "kababae mong tao blah blah", "aalis na ko, sakit sa ulo lang pala abutin ko dito", at "sana pala di na lang ako dito nakitulog"

Na drain ako kasi simula 2am hanggang 5am wala akong ginawa kundi amohin at mag sorry sakanya dahil nag alala daw siya sakin but still nothing.

I felt bad naman making her worry pero anlayo na kasi ng narating. Half of my life walang nag momonitor sakin kasi wala naman pake papa ko sa mga ginagawa ko,kaya hindi ako sanay na may nag momonitor sa mga galaw ko.

I just want to chill kasi may work na ulit, pero shit happens talaga biglang may aso tapos may nag ooverthink pa na mother thinking everything is about her.

These past few weeks, laging ganitong oras ako natutulog 4am-5am. Pero nakakapagtaka, maaga ako nagigising, around 7am-8am. Pero hindi ako inaantok o nakakatulog sa hapon. Hindi rin ako nagkakape.. I'm unemployed at wala akong pinagkakaabalahan. I would just daydream, watch, or read the whole day..