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How to see a beautiful women without lusting or thinking lustful thoughts?
It’s not about avoiding lust, that’s impossible. From my own journey and understanding thus far - it’s about not devaluing yourself for having these thoughts - to the point where you do give into the lust for the reasons only a low valued perception of yourself would allow.
A person who sees themselves with value would (supposedly, I do not fit in this bracket yet) not do things that go against your values. Ultimately lust is the desire for nurture, but in a toxic and manipulated way. You need to be able to show nurture to yourself, to the point where you are okay giving up the imagined nurture of porn and promiscuous women - because deep inside you have enough nurture. It’s like being happy with the amount of food or money you got and not being greedy - you must see yourself as enough. But we do not love and nurture ourselves and therefore we go towards porn like hungry dogs towards a carcass.
To the point where porn is an addiction for you, is at the point where you will have a lot of guilt and shame surrounding lust. To the point where you would’ve had ‘thought-action-fusion’ - which basically means you’re so afraid and ashamed of giving into lust, that even thinking about these things causes deep shame. Where thinking of porn is just as shameful as actually doing it.
I believe so far, that if in these moments you are unable to show yourself nurture and love, if you unable to let go of your fear and your guilt - you will most definitely feel that absolute need to watch porn. Because you will literally be in a space of lacking nurture. You will be faced with thoughts of shame and guilt - and you won’t be able to nurture yourself (nurture gives the ability to regulate emotions, curb passions, create self control etc - think about when you’re a child and you’re scared, you seek the nurture of your parents to make yourself feel better) and therefore you will seek the fake nurture that porn provides.
Wise words
You said the word shame so many times that I just couldn’t help but reminisce on the movie “Shame” from 2011 and how good it is. Pretty much relevant to the topic as well if the viewer is willing to pay attention and analyze the movie/characters.
Yea, also attraction or bones arousal isn't lust either.
Wow. Well said!!
This is an interesting take. Thanks for sharing
3 second rule
Can you explain
Do look any longer than 3 seconds then move on. And if you looked once for 3 no reason to do it again
Easier said than done
1000% but recovery is effort! You got this
If it was easy, everyone would do it, but you seem like you want to change and that is an important step in the process. Keep going and good luck on the path.
A man looks once. A pervert looks twice.
everyone is a once prevert.
Wise man once told me that this feeling never goes away. You have to exercise self discipline and control to fight those thoughts. Use whatever coping mechanism you have. It takes time you just have to be patient.
Old Guy here, can confirm. There are ~8 billion people on the planet for a reason
It’s not your fault for lusting women in skimpy clothing, if you didn’t there would be a problem. Today I saw one of the prettiest women i ever saw, she had no or minimal make up, conservative clothing, a nice smile, and polite demeanour and i did not lust once, i was just appreciative of her in general and thought wow she’s pretty, good for her… I think the best way to combat lusting at these promiscuous women is to find them less attractive and less valuable than these nice pretty women (which is true anyways)
Bruh same for me today. I didnt have the guts to ask her anything, even when we brushed past each other multiple times 😫
Massive regret, but hey the situation wasn’t really allowing it either. Welp
All good brother, she was just there to remind you that when you’re ready for her mercy, it will come. Keep on the path. You’re killing it!
That’s why I’ve nearly given up on relationships and dating as a whole. It’s so hard to find women who are actually modest and respectful. So many people feel like the only way is through sexualizing themselves. It doesn’t benefit anyone. It’s shameful.
I ran into this situation earlier at work. When I saw her, I thought “wow she’s cute” but after that those “other” thoughts immediately ran through my head.
That’s equally shitty. Make up or no makeup, naked or clothed, a woman is just a human being deserving of love and respect.
disagree
Well thanks for showing yourself as a worthless person. It says more about you to hold that opinion than anyone you project it on.
Says more about you that you think low value people should be held to the same value as high value women… that’s dishonest and a dis treatment to these high value women that deserve the world. Just because you yourself are a low value woman, doesn’t mean you have to project your agenda and opinion on me… seems more people agree with me than you though.
This is a spiritual issue for me. If I am coming from a place of lack – craving and wishing for things I don’t have – it makes me feel worse and might make them feel uncomfortable if they get the vibe. Essentially a psychic vampire.
If I wish them a beautiful day essentially pray for them that they get what they need and I get what I need , there is a giving rather than taking energy. This seems to help.
Great wisdom here! Lust is fundamentally all about wanting. If you allow yourself to be overwhelmed with the goodness you already have, then you simply will not want.
This is the key. I'm not Christian but I think this is what is meant by lust being a "deadly sin." It fails to recognize the worth of one's own spirit.
Think of them as your mother or sister. Connect with them with genuine love and positive mind. Don't objectify them, treat them with love and respect. If you were a girl and all boys think sexually of you, how would you feel. How would you feel if guys think of your sis sexually whenever he sees her. I think these thoughts and reasonings will help you think of girls more positively.
Women who dress in very sexy/revealing clothes usually want that sort of attention. Not that they want every guy being creepy about it, but they do enjoy being lusted over to some degree or they wouldn't dress that way.
They dress for themselves and their own comfort. There are always gonna be those women that do. But lot of women dress for themselves.
Keep your gaze down ... don't look at women ask power and forgiveness from god
Look away immediately
Stopping with porn fixed it for me and i avoid social media on week days,i still feel attracted to beaultiful woman,but i dont think of sexual shit as soon as i see a cute girl
2-3 second look and look away and never swipe back to it.
This subreddit is really turning into a cult lol. Bro you’re a man, you’re supposed to have these feelings. Just behave lol and don’t overthink this. Just don’t touch your weiner everyday and you will be fine
It’s totally normal to have lustful thoughts popping into your head from time to time but as Martin luther once said: “You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.”
you need to discpiline yourself and learn to transfrom your sexual energy into creative energy.
Be dead inside.
Look at women in the eyes, don’t scan the body
Lower you gays
I don't follow anyone I don't know on any social media platforms and the ones women I do follow produce wholesome content and don't overly sexualize themselves, also i don't follow anyone with more than a thousand followers and if I do see something that might tempt I do linger just keep scrolling and don't go and stay of Twitter that's the devils app, that's pretty much what I've been doing it kinda sucks at first but you get used to it, but what works for me might not work for everyone
there's no golden rule for one of the few things that are up to us; self-control, you either exert it or you're barely or not at all a functional adult
Ommanipadmehong
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrion_insects
This is how I kill lustful thoughts.
Men does not watch women, women stares men.
Well it wont bother you once you integrate sexuality and pretty women as a natural part of life that you dont have to constantly fight against all the time. Be friends with some good women. Find some good women. There's loads of them around. Join hobbies to increase your skillset. Find a rare hobby that is more female leaning like knitting or helping people in volunteer work. Meet older grandmas, they are easier to speak with lol. And they will shape your perspective to a better and more loving direction. Meet good women. This will start to build and cultivate a higher respect and friendship and love with them in you rather than this meaningless objectifying way of looking. The lust you have you must work on it personally, meditate on it, see it for what it is every single day in meditation until you have integrated it somewhat. Once it becomes seen properly, it bothers a lot less, at least it stops acting out in a dirty, degrading way.
Why exactly would that be a bad thing?
Literally just view woman as human beings with their own thoughts and hopes and dreams and aspirations and insecurities and problems and strengths.
Everyone here saying “yes sexualize them but don’t respect them if they sexualize themselves aka dress however the fuck they want” is not healed from the problem that led them to look at porn in the first place.
Thing is to keep buzy best way if you. Work do more work If you are a student study more Read all kind of books
Meditation helps to control your thoughts .
Lower your gaze bro
Working on it, ty
Bro it's normal to look at them. What are you on ?
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11d
Lol chill bro
Dude, it's about self control. you have to be able to adapt to the environment. if u can't handle a couple of adjectives used for body parts, then u need to stop going onto reddit.
Your first problem is that you are blaming women for your own thoughts. Also, you can't fight your attraction to women. You will always be in the presence of many attractive women and you can't change that. Learn how to look, appreciate what you see, and then carry on with your day.
Dont resist. Have lustful thoughts but be strong enough to not fap
Lower your gaze as much as you can, it’s impossible to look at a beautiful woman and not have lustful thoughts men aren’t wired that way.
Honestly just don't worry about your thoughts, gently guide them to healthy. If you live in the West, you will see underdressed women and that's a constant. Just keep your mind clean.