How can I make peace with the fact that I am an older parent and my child might be sad about it?

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I think about who I was and the partner I was with when I was younger. My kids are so much better off to have this version of me as their mom, and to have this dad instead of my exes!

I’m the youngest of four and my mom was older when I came along. I never once cared about my mom being older. I never cared if she couldn’t run around the house or yard with me. I cared over emotional well being things. Did she let me have friends over to play with? Was she there for me to talk to? Did I feel safe?

I also did not have to suffer embarrassment of a mom overstepping boundaries in high school because she was so young and wanted to be cool. A huge relief.

Granted everyone is different. But being an older mom can be a blessing to your child as well.

We have a daughter and my mom can still babysit her and spend time with her. She’s retired now so she has much more time to do those things as well. When my older sibling had children, my mom wasn’t able to be as present with them as she was still working full time.

Every situation is different but different isn’t bad.

Not alone. I am in exactly your position, had my first one month before 40. You need to take a break from social media.

My thinking when those thoughts come up is to think of my daughter enjoying life with family and friends if I’m not around. I will do my best to help guide her to find a good circle of friends, or partner in life. Make sure she is connected with family as much as possible.

Obviously, no one knows when it’s their time, so try and live it as tomorrow’s your last day and ENJOY it, LOVE the heck out of your kiddo. 💕

I had mine at 39. If I had her earlier I wouldn’t have been able to be a SAHM. We wouldn’t have the relationship we do, the finances we do. And wouldn’t be able to give her the experiences we do.

I don’t go on TikTok and I don’t follow mommy bloggers. Every child is different. Every family is different. What works for one may not work for another.

And remember this, we’re living longer. And don’t be embarrassed to be an older mom when they’re in school. Because there may be a mom who had their baby super young and feels out of place. Just be the best you can be.

No one complains about Dad's being 40 plus so honestly it's just really sexist and you just do you. Plus I've seen so many people in their twenties barely getting by having kids you should be more settled in your forties so your kids will actually have a better life

As a daughter of parents who had my sister and I at 40+ let me tell you I NEVER once gave two shits about what people thought. Only once did someone ever remark "your dad is really old". To which I said - "At least I have a dad. Where's yours?" (I was a smartass as a kid...maybe still am)

Anyway - my dad turns 85 next year. He and my mom have a giant Asia trip planned for later this summer. They are LOVING life and I'm thrilled. Take care of your health, nothing else matters. Your kids won't ever think about your age until you may show signs of needing help. And even then, age won't ever be what they think about.

My In Laws had their first kid at 38 and their last at 42. They are absolutely the best parents I’ve ever met, and incredible grandparents to my kid and her cousins. I frequently think about how my MIL’s purpose on this planet is truly being a Mom/Grandma.

My parents had me at 31/32 and should NOT have been parents (I was a “save the marriage” baby… it didn’t work).

Personally I think older parents tend to have an advantage, usually from being in the workforce longer and being more likely to be financially and socially stable. (Not hating on younger parents, just acknowledging that if you’ve been working for 5 years vs 10-15 years that your salary will likely reflect that).

My mom was working at an art supply store and my dad was trying to make it as a musician when I was born. My in laws were both VPs at financial institutions when my husband was born. Makes a big difference.

My mom had me when she was 43, and I could not have asked for a more amazing mom. She has become my best friend as an adult and while I'm hoping she lives well into her 100s for that selfish reason, I don't regret that she had me later in life. It made her more patient with me (I was not an easy child lol).

I guess I'm trying to say that sometimes being an older momma has very distinct advantages in terms of your life experience, and your kiddo will benefit.

 Many children of older parents mention how sad they are that there parents might die sooner than their peers‘ parents. I fear so much that my child will feel the same.

My wife's mom had her kids older so she's an older grandma. My mom had me when she was 15. We facetime my wife's mom daily and the baby is strongly bonded. My mom and I don't talk because of lots of issues. She's never met baby even though baby is 1.

My point is the age thing can create some challenges but every relationship is unique and has challenges. The real issue is whether you can lean into those issues and mitigate the bad but take it with the good.

I also am approaching 40 and my wife is 38, we have 1 baby and another on the way. We also will be older parents. With that said, the benefits is: better emotional regulation, can delay gratification, etc. The trade if is a bit more tired.

When I compare our parenting to younger counterparts, here's the thing that I didn't see coming. We play with and interact with baby more than younger parents do. The baby is very strongly bonded to us. The baby also does really well in social settings because of how much more of our attention we give her. I think it's more prevelant for younger parents have a competing issue with how much of "me" time do they retain versus how much they can pour into baby leading to questions of burn out.

The caveat is it may not be an age thing but how much we wanted this baby and unique to us tho, but I wake up just so I can see baby wake up. Her face when she greets the day is amazing. We both spend the mornings with her to get ready and get to the day. I can't wait until I can get home to her and spend every evening and all the weekends with her. All the time.

We tried to get a baby sitter for a few hours 2x in the last year and it just made me sad and anxious and I wanted to get back to her.

Anyway, circling back, there is a thought in our mind about how much of her nana that baby will see. Nana is in her 70s and ate a lifetime of mexican food, so lots of saturated fats lol -- we never know how much time we'll have. But what time we have is precious and amazing and I think baby will know she was loved and carry that memory. Sure, it can be next year or 20 years, but what it comes down to is how much we embrace what we have now.

or might be getting bullied for having an older mom?

One thing I want to teach my kid is sometimes you have to fight for what you believe in. I know schools have "zero tolerance" and I'm not saying that you should seek out fights. But I do think there's a disservice in trying to get kids to be people pleasing all the time. So, just teach your kid on how to deal with bullies. Kids will find so many reasons to bully but the control you have is how you deal with them.

Not in the same position but my mom had my sister at 40. She also found herself in akward situations at school meetings being the older but she accepted it.

I hate when people say a mom is not a mom because..X reason. People will always be petty and evil and some moms need to get validation by feeling superior to others.

Best advice, ignore them. Don't argue, don't waste energy, even makes jokes on this to disarm them. My dad used to joke that he will pick my sister from the club with a can.

My mom actually had a better pregnancy at 40 then her first. Not to mention she was more mature. Had more time, more money to spend with my sister. Not all is negative if you have a child when you are older.

Be happy that your baby girl is with you now. Focus on her, on your family and love. Wish you both health.

As for the PPA is a long journey, you will have up and downs but the imporant things is to work on yourself.

my dad was older and i literally never thought about it. children are born in a million different circumstances, none of them ideal. having a loving parent who happens to be older is one of the best circumstances.

I just had my second and think about my age a lot. I spend time calculating how old I’ll be when she graduates high school, or when she might get married, etc. As you already know, these are intrusive thoughts! I’m trying to just acknowledge them for what they are. I also am trying to designate time during the day to think about this, rather than letting them come at all moments.

Also, the internet is not real life. Idk who all these people are who hate having older parents so much that they’re posting online. Maybe other things sucked about their childhood and they’re looking for a reason? Or they like making mothers feel crappy bc people like that? When I was growing up in a HCOL city it was super normal for people to have kids after 35 and literally no kid I ever met thought twice about it. It was not a thing that ever came up, and older parents have only become more common.

I have had similar thoughts having mine at 41. I experienced previous loss and have my own complicated birth / family history.

So while the circumstances of my own birth were not ideal, if it had not come together that way I would not exist. If I didn't have my baby when I did, a totally different clump of cells would have turned into someone totally different and he wouldn't exist. I quite like existing and hope I am able to give him a happy enough life that he likes existing too.

Stay in shape and healthy to the best of your ability. Take your kid places, be involved in her hobbies/events/school. It may be hard but if you're doing what everyone else is doing she won't care. Don't even dwell on it.

Your child would not exist unless you had them at the exact age that you did. If you had your baby 10 years ago, they would be a different person completely. Your child can only exist because you conceived them exactly when you did. Therefore, they could never get more time with you, this is the time they were always meant to have with you. So never feel guilty for bringing them into the world at this age, it was always meant to be. Also, they are in a happy, safe home with a loving mother, can't get better than that :)

My mom was older when she had me (38). Honestly it never crossed my mind

My mom had me when she was 40 and her age never once bothered me.

Intrusive thoughts are so hard to deal with and I’m sorry they’re creating so much hurt for you. I hope things get better. You are a real mom no matter your age.

I am a child with older parents. They were both in their 40s when I was born. I am now in my 30s and am watching them age. I am so thankful they are my parents. They are loving and supportive and I got so lucky to have them. That being said I am sad to see them much older then my friends parents.i worry about them aging often and think about how im going to loose them sooner then my friends. I know thats not what you want to hear but it’s just the facts of the situation. Just be the very best living parent you can be. That’s all a child can really ask for.

Come live with us in Washington DC where our doctors acted like my 32 year old wife was a child bride lol. But seriously, people are waiting longer than ever to have kids. You’re not as abnormal as you think you are! Your kid is blessed to have a parent that was very ready to have them.

Your child will love you. Besides, you're a much wiser person than a 23yo. Your child will benefit from your maturity. 

My mom was 34 when she had me and my dad was 43. I remember my best friend remembered me having an old dad in high school. My dad is 82 now and probably a lot healthier than a lot of younger dads. I just had my first at 37 and am for the most part, pretty healthy. Lifestyle plays a bigger role than age imo.

I had my daughter when I was 42. I decided not to think about it. A child/ teenager might be sad about anything. Because I'm old, because I'm tall, because I'm Brazilian etc. If I start stressing about it before it happens I'll go crazy about tons of "what ifs" which are totally out of my control.

Your feelings are completely valid. I am an only child borne of parents in their mid 30s so yeah my parents got older and started having age related health issues a lot earlier than most of my friends. They are elderly now and are need of constant support. Somehow I followed in their trend and had my only baby at 37. So I have the same fear as you. But one thing my age and time have taught me is not much is really under my control. Max I can do at this point is to stay healthy -physically and mentally for my baby and be present in all her life events as much as I can.

My dad turned 40 the year I was born and it’s literally never been an issue for me. I appreciated so much the emotional maturity he had (and has) and how ready he was to have children. Sure there were kids I went to school with who had younger parents, but frankly as kids we just all thought everyone’s parents were old.

I don’t think I’ve worried about my dad dying, not more than anyone does about their parent. My dad is now in his 70s and so I do have some concerns about his health, but nothing that relates to his decision to have me when he did, more the normal, my parents are aging, thinking about caregiving that we all go through.

You are 40, you will likely live for like 40 more years. That’s a very reasonable amount of time for someone to have their parent!

Every fact has an ecosystem. There’s good and bad. There’s good things about being a young mom and there’s bad. Same with being an older mom. I think it’s awesome myself. There’s little downside to being an older mom, imo. 

I have mixed feelings about this, being an older parent myself. The thing that gives me comfort is the people I know with young parents seemed to have worse childhoods, their younger parents didn’t have as much stability with relationships, finances or housing, they also spent less time with the kids. Obviously this is all anecdotal, but this has been the case for 4 or 5 people I know with young parents, whereas everyone I know with older parents (myself included) had very happy and stable childhoods.

Also it depends what you think of as old, your child could be in their 40s when you die, that’s not exactly unheard of, it’s not like you’ll be dying (hopefully) when they’re 20.

My Mom had me at 35 and my brother at 39. She's 71, and she's amazing. She's fit, she's fun, we travel together, she is more active than me. She's available because she retired almost a decade ago, which means we have lots of quality time together.

There can be benefits, for sure.

I nannied for parents who were like 44 and just had a baby. They’re the coolest parents and their kids are obsessed with them (now 6 & 10). I doubt they’ll even be able to tell! Don’t stress.

Firstly, it’s not uncommon now for people to live to 80, 90 or even 100, so you might get to know your grandchildren or even great grandchildren and have many years ahead with your child.

Secondly, I have an older Mum, she was 38 when she had me and 40 when she had my sister. We had a great relationship and I never really noticed that she was much older than my friend’s parents as she’s always acted quite young and dressed quite young. It’s certainly not something I’m sad about, and I loved the fact my Mum was wise, gave great advice and had loads of life experience. She also exposed me to some great music as she spent her 20s going to concerts and festivals!

In my experience in our generation more and more parents are in their late 30s or even 40+ so I just think it'll become the norm honestly. I've had mine at 36 and 39 and all my mum friends are a similar age. I think if my kids are also late 30s they might be gutted we're too old to be much help with childcare if they have kids but that's just how things go isn't it, perhaps we'll be able to help financially instead. I think what really matters is being a caring and supportive parent and I'd like to think age and experience can only be a positive in that respect.

Time is never guaranteed. My parents had me young but that doesn’t mean I will have them around forever. My father lost his parents all before he turned 30 and they were not “older parents” by definition.

I nannied for a woman who had her second baby at 48 and the kids love her so much. All you can do is try and accept your circumstances and feel grateful to have a family regardless of when it happened. Just continuing to practice gratitude around the subject will go a long way 💗

Honestly 40 isn’t that bad at all. My mom had me when she was 35 and my sibling at 40. It still puts her at a decent age to be a grandma to my son and she’ll most likely be around until my kids are at least finished high school.

My dad on the other hand was 50 when he had my brother and I do that that’s too old. He is 74 and my sibling just graduated from college, he most likely won’t be alive by the time my son graduates high school and he is showing early signs of some sort of dementia like disease so I don’t feel comfortable leaving my son with him alone despite our current relationship for safety reasons.

I’ve also had these thoughts as a 39 yo FTM. One of the reasons often cited for why older people shouldn’t have kids is that they “won’t be able to keep up and run around with their child.” A (much younger) friend pointed out to me how ableist this is! There are plenty of younger parents who aren’t able to run around with their kids due to illness or disability, and this doesn’t make them bad parents. Her comment really helped me reframe my thinking. Idk, no parent is perfect and we all have things we can and can’t offer our kids, so I’m trying not to even worry about it anymore (easier said than done!)

My mom had me at 41. She's the greatest woman I know.

My mom had me when she was 41. To be honest with you I’ve thought about my parents death and been sad about it but it was never in comparison to other kids parents. When I was a kid I never noticed. As a kid anyone over 20 was an adult and that all I really thought about it. Idk if you have ever asked a kid how old they think you are but you will get a wide range of answers, I think I’ve gotten between 16 and 60. I am 29. Also just so you know both of my parents (dad is around year difference from my mom) are still doing great. Just left their house with my son, we spent the day in the pool and playing.

My biggest piece of advice is just try to stay active (which you have a baby, so I’m sure you are always moving) and that will help you stay feeling young.

You're not alone, also think about the fact that millennials were all told to have kids late in life. I know so many people having kids in mid 30s to 40 its literally so common now. All those people saying they fell bad their parents were old growing up probably grew up when moms did have their kids young, but from what I'm noticing is that that's not the case as much anymore. Seriously look it up, this is the generation that is having kids later, so all those kids when they grow up they'll all see that "older moms" is basically the norm now. Don't be hard on yourself I can almost guarantee that your are better version of yourself now than when you were 25 and this version is what your child needs which is why she chose you to be her mom. Keep your head up for you are blessed to have her and she is blessed to have you. And don't mind others regardless, people will always have something to say no matter what so just live your life. :)

Side note check out all those celebrities being old moms too: Kourtney kardashian, Kim kardashian, Hilary swank, kirstin dust, Eva Mendes, Salma Hayek, Jeanie Mai, Janet Jackson ect.

Also pregnant at 39 and gave birth at 40. My son is lucky to have two healthy parents who love him and were financially and emotionally prepared to be parents. I would have been a rubbish mum in my twenties and most of my thirties because I was very career focused and just wanted to travel. I’m older now and have been everywhere I want to go. I was finally ready to settle down and I’m enjoying my son to the fullest. I absolutely love being a mom.

Get off of social media. Don’t let someone’s highlight reel steal your joy.

Age is important, but it is not the sole deciding factor of happiness. Every age has pros and cons. This might be a bit grim but also nothing is promised in life. I saw a tragic TikTok yesterday of a six month old girl crying for her dada because he died four months after she was born at the age of 29. Anybody can die at any time, whether you are healthy or super unhealthy. Who knows, you might live to be 100. What matters is you are going to therapy for these feelings and you are going to be there for your child no matter what because you are an awesome parent.

Just came here to say my mom had me at 40 and when I was in middle school I had moments where I felt some type of way seeing kids at my school with younger moms but those feelings/thoughts went away as fast as they showed up and I never worried about it again. I’m 30 and just had my first baby and seeing my mom be a loving grandparent is such an amazing feeling. Being a good mom is all that matters! I have nothing but good memories of my childhood and I’m sure your baby will with you!

I have older parents and it’s never really been a “thing” for me. My mom was 37 and dad was early 40s when they had me, but this was back in the 80s so it was more rare. They had good careers and always provided well for us. They were really good parents! My mom is still active and involved with me and my kids, and she’s in her 70s now. I think it’s gonna be much more common for our generation.

Your feelings and thoughts are valid. And it's impossible to know what the future holds as far as some of the worries. If kids are determined to bully, then it doesn't matter what the content is because they will always find something to bully. We can't control another's actions, you know? 

But I did want to say this much - focus on what you can control. The worst experience that I've experienced from older parents is that they can put these expectations on their kids to take care of them when they are at the prime of their lives. My hubby didn't mind having older parents growing up but it's horrible now because they constantly guilt trip and shame him for having his own life instead of dropping everything (a good paying job, a reasonable mortgage we can afford, his wife and child) to go home and take care of them (note that they are not sickly and are relatively able bodied, though they are having age-normative aches and pains). They use manipulation to try to get him in line with their values and expectations and it has ruined the relationship.

I was an “oops baby” and my mom was 39 when she had me (my dad was 41).  My parents are not particularly “hip” or active, but their older age never once crossed my mind as a child.  Growing up my mom always talked about how special I was and how thankful they were to have me (she didn’t reveal that I was not planned until I went to college haha) and I think that must have helped to distract me from the fact that they were older than my friend’s parents. Maybe another thing that helped was that I’m not white, so the typical American family that is often depicted on screen with younger parents was never my story and never something I could identify with - therefore having older parents didnt make me feel any more different than I already was.  

Your feelings are worries are completely valid, but speaking from the perspective of a child with older parents, I can tell you that their age didn’t impact me at all growing up.  My mom was no less of a mom because she was older.  It does make me sad thinking about losing them when I’m on the younger side, but maybe my youth is a good thing in that it means it may be easier for me to care for them in their old age.  Also, people are having kids at a much older age now so you may find that a lot of parents are closer in age to you than you think. I’m 35 and it feels like most of the parents I know with similar aged children (my son is 13.5 months old) are in their late 30s.  I’m also one of the first in my friend group to have kids. 

My dad was 41, I believe when I was born almost 42. He didnt really take care of himself so I lost him when I was 19, he was 60 but for those 19 years I had an amazing father who loved me and my sisters dearly.

When my dad was in his 20s and 30s he did drugs, got into fights, would get in trouble all the time.

I am thankful for the dad I got. I have no doubt that if he had us in his 20s he would've stopped he always wanted kids but I am thankful I had the dad that I did with so much experience. Id rather have my dad for 19 years than not all.

It strikes me stranger people are having kids in their very early 20s. My mental heath was one thread away from snapping and my relationship with my husband was very strained during the time. We are in such a better spot, despite our unfortunate and sudden financial situation, we are stronger, communicate better and love being parents. If I were to go back to the past and tell 23 year old me we had a baby I’d be mortified.

Like legitimately swore I was never having kids because of how I was and how my upbringing was. Honestly, if you’re ready earlier in life that’s great! But not all of us are ready and want to figure stuff out and enjoy our lives for a bit before making a huge commitment. You’re valid in what you feel but don’t let yourself or others guilt you over it.

You'll still be too young to retire when your LO enters the work force.

That's how my partner and I look at it.

You got this, kick that PPA in the butt, and be the awesome mom you're meant to be.

I brought home my older daughter ten years ago when I was 27. I just had another baby 12 weeks ago at 37.

On one hand, I'm older and have less energy to get up and down from the floor. Grandparents are older and have less energy (and less likely to see her high school graduation, etc).

But

Our finances are better, I'm more calm and relaxed and confident, we're more settled in our careers, and a million other things that are slightly better than when we were in our 20s.

So.... Some things better, some things worse. 

Who knows how it'll all play out when they are adults, but for now, I'm considering it a wash ;) 

Besides, this was a lot more about "life circumstances" than choices. So, it is what it is and just keep going forward! Can't change and have your baby earlier in your life at this point! So just try to relax and enjoy her childhood!

In case it helps to have a scientific reason to feel superior to younger moms 😝 this study says kids of older moms do better.

https://www.mpg.de/10411999/older-mothers-fitter-kids#:~:text=The%20benefits%20associated%20with%20being,born%20to%20an%20older%20mother.&text=Children%20of%20older%20mothers%20are,the%20children%20of%20younger%20mothers.

I’m having #2 soon at almost 40. I’m so happy it’s now instead of our 20s. My husband wouldn’t be the father he is if he’d still be at the soul sucking job he had in his 20s and early 30s.

My parents were older when they had me. I was aware of it all of my childhood. No one ever said anything weird, for me it was more the realization that I wouldn't have as many years with them. I still consider myself incredibly lucky given their awesomeness as parents. Meanwhile I am now a parent, and I am an older parent, too. It eats at me a bit that my kids will presumably have less time with me. I think all we can do is be honest about it and make efforts to be present and kind. No one is guaranteed time with their parents, being an older parent just means you've increased the likelihood of less time. Might as well counterbalance that with intentionality. Put the phone down and play with your kid on the floor. Don't put off the vacation; take it. Take photos, not just of them, but of you, even if you don't love how you look in photos. Just make the choice every day to make that a good day. Those good days will stack up to be a good lifetime, however long that lifetime is.

My mom was 36 and my dad was 51 when I was born! We are fine! We are close, happy and they have a lovely relationship with me and their grand daughter.

There are a lot of perks of having older parents- my parents were financially and professionally established, and so much more regulated and patient!

Lean into your strengths and try not to agonize about your weaknesses. We are all imperfect parents

When I was debating these things before attempting to conceive my 11 month old (I'm 35 now), my best friend told me "no one is guaranteed tomorrow and youre no more selfish than anyone else for having a child" and it really stuck with me. I still think about that when I start the spiral over being an older mom (and it does still happen but it passes faster these days). My older kids got my youth but this baby gets my maturity and stability. Keep going and keep loving your baby.

I have to admit, I find myself figuring out what age he will be when he graduates, when he might have children, ect. I've worried that I might be too old to help grandkids...I didn't realize these were intrusive thoughts until I saw these comments. I think I'll try to catch myself and replay some of these nice comments when I think this. Lol to be real though, I am a much better person today than I was when I was younger and I probably needed to mature a little before he came.

I find the first several months postpartum I get very overwhelmed with existential thoughts. What's the meaning of life. Why are we here. What happens when we die. How much time do I have with my kid. Something happens to my brain each time and I get very focused on it. Luckily it passes for me. Usually when my kids become toddlers and I run out of time to ponder the world. Lol

My best friend from middle school had an older mom. She was fine, no one really cared that her mom was older, and when she passed away, my best friend was set up for life. She doesn’t have to work unless she really wants to now. More and more people are having children later and it doesn’t really make a difference. My own father is 40 years older than me and still alive, and I’m 35.

you do you.

my mom had me when she was 40 best relationship

I’m kind of in the opposite position, being 22. But I still have the same thoughts and feelings about being a “young” mom. I think everyone has some of these thoughts. It’s on the opposite spectrum of “am I ready? Can I provide for this child?” Etc. Are there certain pros and cons to different ages? Absolutely. But your age doesn’t define you and you can still be a great parent to your LO. You’re not alone I’m your feelings.

It was 2 days after my 40th birthday that we found out we were expecting. We planned it this way... We've been together 20 years and this was just the time that worked for us. We've had some discussion about this the last few months especially, but honestly where we are in our lives right now is the best place we could have possibly been to bring a new life into the world. The experience we've gained, the life we've lived together and grown and developed together have all made us a stronger couple and i think really prepared us well. Am I gonna be tired af? Yep. Will people think I'm her grandma? Hopefully not til her high school graduation, lol. I'm glad though, that we waited. The only bittersweet thing for me is that neither of my parents will be here to meet her earthside.

My dad was 40 when I was born and 44 when my sister was born. I was a “big feelings” kid, and so I do remember it dawning on me around age 8 or 10 that I might lose my dad earlier than others would. When that happened, I felt sad for a couple hours, and then I just went back to doing my usual kid stuff. The sadness was because I loved him so much. I never would have wanted any other dad instead of him and definitely wouldn’t have wanted to not have been born because of this. If anything, it made me feel extra grateful for the time we had together. This is just a sad but natural part of life for all of us

My mom had me at 41. It never bothered me growing up. Its something I never even thought about. Unfortunately she passed fairly young at 66 from a stroke. She was quite negligent with her health and was not monitoring her blood pressure properly. Everyday I wish she could have been with us longer. Seriously do not feel bad about being an older parents. I can't imagine a single kid who cares about it. If anything, children benefit from having more mature parents with better financial means. But the one thing you can do is take care of your health so you can stay with them for as long as possible.

If I could go back in time, I would have waited until I was closer to 40 to have my children. I think the life experience that comes with age is invaluable, you got to live life before that child so you know how to navigate life that much more. I was 23 when I had my son, and in a lot of ways I’ve grown up beside him. I had my daughter at 31. It’s a night and day difference, I am much more patient and thoughtful. Finally, we all pass away eventually and the age at which you have children has no bearing on when your time will come. My step father who I was very close with passed at 55. My in-laws had my husband at 36, they are now in their mid seventies with no sign of slowing down. My boss lost her mom when she was 62. My friend recently lost her mom, and we are in our mid thirties. Both of them are grieving, it’s hard at any age.

I just had my first child at 40. I still feel young and I’m in very good health but he definitely motivates me to stay in shape and eat well. Would I have liked to have him sooner? Sort of but it was beyond my control. I had two losses before him and he came when he was meant to come.

I was a mess in my twenties and in an unhealthy relationship in my thirties. Now I’m happy, financially stable, have a solid partner to coparent with. This babe is getting the best version of me.

You also never know what will happen in life. One of my cousins lost her 22 year old dad to a boating accident. The truth is that kids lose their parents everyday. All we can do it take life one day at a time and try and make their childhoods and adult lives as safe and secure and fun as possible.

Hi! I had my baby at 42 and am 43 now. I recently read that having a baby over 40 quadruples your chances of living to 100.

Also, in addition to passing on your youthful genes (ovaries playing the long game!) you’re more stable, mature, and know who you are. I’m so glad I got to spend all those years working on myself before bringing this amazing human into the world.

Honestly, there are advantages to having them younger, older, and in the middle. The most important thing will be what you bring to the table. Kids who are loved generally do well.

Not really that old

I was literally just taking my twins in from daycare and this thought hit me out of nowhere. I am also 40 and the intrusive thought of "OMG, I am going to die when they are still young adults" smacked me in the face for some reason. No advice, just solidarity. Weird timing for me to read this minutes after having that thought.

I tried for so long to have my baby. Finally got pregnant at 41, had him at 42, and I just turned 43. I’ve gone through these thoughts. Therapy has been immensely helpful. I’m really valuing trying to be in every moment with him.

I became a dad right before my 48th birthday. It is what it is. I believe being an older parent comes with the extra responsibility to be more focused because you have less time to spend with your child. I don't want to feed into your PPA, but some level of anxiety is warranted because it is what it is. All you can do is focus on the job at hand and be the best parent you can be for the time you have. That means being healthy yourself to try to have as many good years with your child as possible.

I joined a local mommy and me group and was surprised to find that I was one of the youngest in my group of 12 at 35. I had older parents and always appreciated the stability and maturity they gave me over other “young fun” parents my friends had.

My mother's dad was 53 when she was born. She felt neutrally about it. The only thing she disliked about it was that he died "of old age" when she was only 27.

ETA: She didn't resent her dad for having her so late; she was just angry at the universe for not making her parents meet sooner, so she could have had more time with her dad. They were good friends.

I am an old parent and I share your fears. But it’s also super obvious that I’m able to be a much much better parent than younger me would have been.

Anyway, it’s ten thousand percent too late to fix it so there is no sense in worrying about it.

40y.o. here also with a 6.5 m.o.

I don't worry about my kid being bullied since I live in nyc and there are lots of old moms here, but I do worry a ton about how much time I get with my kid and how much energy I'll have. My husband is 50 and I worry about that, too.

But, I was a mess through my 20s and wouldn't have been a good or safe mom. And I was only ready to have a stable relationship in my mid 30s. So here I am. Way happier that I get any chance with my kiddo than none.

As someone who had a child at 27, I can say there are absolutely pros and cons to having children at any age. The grass is always greener on the other side. Sometimes I wish I was even younger so I would have a ton of time to have more if I ever decide to, sometimes I wish I was like 35 with a house and my life even somewhat put together.

I feel like I’m failing my son all the time because my relationship with my husband is tumultuous (he’s almost 3 years younger than me which probably doesn’t help), I’m living in the upstairs apartment of my in-laws’ house and have debt and no savings, I’m still mid-climb on the corporate ladder (making progress, but decent income probably isn’t happening until at least my mid-30s)…

Basically, my son is simply not going to have the same childhood he would if my husband and I had waited longer. And I feel guilty for it all the time.

I had bad PPA too, so I empathize with that piece as well.

I think what’s important to remember is that there will always be good things and bad things about the timing you have a child. What’s important is focusing on the positive as much as possible. Thank you for reminding me to do that myself!

My mom was a couple months shy of 40 when she had me. She was older than many of my friend’s moms but she was financially more stable, she was more secure in who she was and she was infinitely patient and kind and supportive with me growing up. I was never bullied for having an older mom (which is definitely more common nowadays anyway!) but I did and do always worry about losing her however that’s more a byproduct of being an anxious only child than the child of an older mother I think.

You’re rather average for this era - and we’re in the same boat! As long as you eat well and workout, you’ll always be young. Congrats on the baby!

I had my first at 24. I could die tomorrow, there’s no “you could die earlier”. You’re a mom and you need to start acting like it and lying to yourself till you believe it. Give yourself some kindness too, you’re fresh out of the 3 months of h e L L , your emotions are high, you have ppa, show yourself some love

As a 39 year old mom of an 8 month old girl, I felt this post and the responses in my soul.

My husband's mother had him when she was 43 and they are extremely close.

Your only responsibility towards your child regarding this is to stay as healthy and active as you possibly can. My MIL is in her 70s and extremely mobile, lucid, and living her best life.

She actually had her first kid in her 20s, and she is way closer to my husband than she is her other kids who she had young. I think in her 40s she really knew who she was and raised her kid with a lot more intention.

I'm obviously biased but I think she did her best mom-job raising him lol.

Congratulations on your almost-new baby!

My mother had me at 40. I was born in the 80s, I never had anyone make fun of me for my mother’s age even back then. Mistake my sister for my mom and my mom as my grandma ? Yes but that’s it. My mom is much older now, and yes I’m sad I will lose her but I don’t think about her age any differently than any other mother’s age. Everyone’s mother will one day no longer be with them and I’ve had a good while of being an adult with her alive and guiding me. You hopefully will too! Take care of your health, the fact my father takes such good care of himself gives me peace of mind. Don’t feel guilt, certainly don’t feel shame. No one is guaranteed any time with their loved ones, peoples mothers leave them much sooner than they’d like every day. She will be glad you are her mother. I am glad , I’ve learned so much from my mother’s wisdom my sister (who was born when she was only 23) did not!

Whenever I'm having thoughts like these, 'why didn't I try sooner to have my child?', I realize that I would not have this exact child if I'd have tried earlier (a decade before, 5 years, a month, or, hell, even seconds prior to their actual conception) and that kind of snaps me out of the negative thought that I waited too long.

This child I created is such a delightful force of nature that wouldn't exist if it wasn't for that exact moment when that particular sperm met that particular egg. They literally would not exist. This isn't to depress you further, just to showcase how random and amazing this all is and to appreciate it instead of constantly questioning it and bringing you down. You're the best 'you' right now for your child, that's it.

I had our now-toddler at 38 and just had a miscarriage earlier this year at 40 (we've moved past it and are doing well!), but I'm just seeing timing in a different way lately (good and not-so-good). The fetus was actually fertilized by 2 very eager sperm, so at that particular moment all my shit got fucked up, lol. Not to depress you again, but to see how amazing the timing was with the good things we got!!

I think it’s quite normal now to have children over 35. I will say that my youngest sibling did feel that way about our mom, Idk how they feel about it now. And it’s pretty evident that she was much less capable, present, and of sound mental health with him than she was with me and another sibling.

With that said, there is nothing wrong with being an older mom. Try to separate your feelings from fact. The only thing I would advise is to be very diligent about maintaining your physical, emotional, and mental health. Be proactive about managing your hormone levels because that often trips up women, especially as they head toward menopause. Age is not a factor - your wellbeing is.

I was almost 36 when I had my first and only daughter. My parents were 30 when they had me. I always thought they were old yet I was even older than them when I had my first.

I am very happy that I waited and lived my life first. I wouldn't worry about your age.

I (M43) had my son when I was 41. His mum was 40. I’ve never considered myself (or his mum) as an ‘old’ parent!!

You are a real mum. Your daughter is so lucky to have you ❤️

My aunt has her baby five years ago at 43 after a decade of IVF treatments, miscarriages, and the like. She also has the same worries especially now that she's alone. Her husband died three months after the babies birth.

I think it helps a lot that we're all a small tight knit family and she knows she will always have our support and we'll be there for her and her little girl.

That's something you will always think about but you have to realise it's completely normal. Both you and your child will hopefully get to those years healthy and happy.

Don't look at the comments, I have seen a lot of heartwarming viseos and people always have something negative to say.

If it does keep weighing down on you you could always ask someone close to you to just listen to you went or seek a professional to speak to.

Best wishes to you mama. ❤️

Don’t feel selfish. My parents adopted me when they were 47!!

I have 50-75 year old friends who are mountain climbers. Seriously. Keep yourself limber and in shape, mama, and you and your child will be fine.

Unfortunately, as the years go people will ask if you are “grandma.” Come up with a smart response that both of you can offer up.

You are fine. You will be fine.

Social media is a poison. I am a much more grounded person in my late 30's than I was before and my daughter will know stability and strength.

Fellow older FTM's and Dads we got this.

My mom was just shy of 40 when she had me. Now I’m 35 with a toddler, and my 75-year-old mom takes care of her one day a week. I worry about her getting older in years but right now, she is healthy and capable and fully there to be my mom and my baby’s grandma. I joke with her that soon she’ll be old enough that I will describe her to people as “sharp” or “with it” or “still all there” (her mental capability is not even a question at this point). She’s one of the smartest and funniest people I know.

Growing up I knew my mom was older but it never really bothered me. My mom did a lot of amazing things before she had kids and got 2 graduate degrees. It was a gift to be raised by such an accomplished person.

Her age might become a challenge soon, but in my 35 years in this world it has never been a challenge thus far.

My mum was 39 when she had me, I was 35 when I had mine, and currently trying for a second which would make me 38(hopefully!) Most of my friends have had children 35 plus- while yes, my parents are a little older than most, they are fit, happy, involved and amazing! I plan to be the same! They can’t babysit my toddler (only because he’s at the wild rawling stage) but we visit every week and they play football with him and spoil him rotten! While I completely understand your worries, and I have had similar because no time is long enough, I’m so grateful. I don’t view myself as an older parent as I’m surrounded by people who have had children around the same age. I have known parents who had them young and died at 30, and others who became parents at 45 and lived to 100. The world has no rhyme and reason so just enjoy your little one as you see fit

Don't be sad! Age is just a number!

I was 39 when I got pregnant and turned 40 3 weeks after she was born this year (5 months now).

Before I got pregnant, I was in the best shape I had been in my 30s, worked out right up until the day before she was born, and I continue to go to the gym now. Age is nothing, it's how you feel and I don't feel 40! I might be much older by the time she's in high school, but I tend to ensure my body doesn't feel that way! My grandmother is in her mid 80's and still walks 10km a day and has had her knees replaced twice in her life time!

Age is just a number!

Hey if it makes you feel any better. We’re finding out all our kids friends parents are 39-42. We feel like the outcasts at 38 ha. And we haven’t met any parents in our town in their 20’s.

Just think about how better prepared you are in life compared to the opposite scenario.

Enjoy being wise and experienced :)

Just know that A LOT of women will give EVERYTHING just to be a mom. I totally get your point and that's just the fact that you might die sooner than her peers' parents, but people die at any age. You're older and wiser and all that matters is your kid is born to a loving mom.

My dad was 42 when I was born and I’m an only child. He’s 72 now and I’m almost 30. My parents live down the street and he’s a bigger part of my life than many of my peers’ younger parents are a part of theirs. 

His age did worry me when I was younger, and I might be in a caretaker role at a younger age than many other adult children. But he’s my dad and I love him the way he is. Everyone needs to make peace with their loved ones’ deaths as well as their own. Hopefully your daughter will have her own loving support system when you do pass on. 

Personally, I struggle more with being an only child than with having an older parent. But that’s a different topic. 

I am 29. My mom had me at 37 and my brother at 45! I have never felt this way about her ever. She’s my rock. And I am currently pregnant myself and she’s my inspiration. All she ever wanted to be was a mom. Myself and my brother are solid humans. My brother is 21. I love my mom!!!!!!! Be easy and kind to yourself.

I try to use my worries to motivate making my health a priority.

40 is older but not super crazy. Exercise and eat healthy. You'll have similar odds as the rest of us.

I'm 37 and my kid is about to be 3. Before he was born I donated a kidney to my cousin. I do think how it may impact him in the future but I try to eat right and exercise for him so I can do my best to be around in the future.

Outside of this specific concern, do you have comparison issues? No one can control their lifespan outside of just trying to be healthy. Even then, there are accidents that happen too. If you love your child and are there for them that is already more than some kids have. I’ve never once heard of a child complain about their parent’s age. I think you are overthinking it.

I just had my baby 7 months ago at 38 and on top of this I am one and done.

I feel you. But the way I look at it is , had you had sex at literally any other moment of your life, you would have had another kid, not this one, she wouldn’t exist. So if she turns out to be happy to be alive, then there’s your answer, it all happened at the right exact moment in order for her to be alive and not another baby 😊

So many good responses. I just wanted to give a hug and add to the voices telling you that you got this.

I'm almost 38 and my son is four months old. I was told I probably couldn't have children, and I have this amazing gift now after I had given up on the hope of ever being a mother. I have much more for him at this age than I could have in my 20s. My mom had me at 35, so it's not quite as difficult for me in my mind. Just, again, you got this.

my mom had me at 35 and my brother at 42. after 2 miscarriages before me & 7 miscarriages between me and my brother i’m grateful that she was able to fulfill her dream of being a mommy.

None of these things you worry about are true… significantly more women have children later in life. chances are you’re much more financially and emotional stable than you were 10 years ago for one thing. People on the internet troll for any and all reasons, I certainly wouldn’t take that as an indication of what the real world is like. Relax, your child will love you dearly and not think twice about your age!

I was 27 when my father died at age 50. He died as immature as he was when I was born. It’s all about the person you are—growing old isn’t guaranteed and youth isn’t a guarantee of being a present, energetic mom.

My gosh no - you are very much a “real” mum - and evidently one that cares deeply about her daughter’s experiences. I can say wholeheartedly that this isn’t one to worry about. You will give her all your love and that’s what she needs growing up. As for being bullied, I’d be very surprised if your age is all that out of the ordinary. These days a lot of mums are making grateful use of their later fertility window. Think of it as a great motivator to stay fit, healthy & active so that you can enjoy your daughter’s company long into her adulthood. 

Aging hits so differently for different people. My parents were older when they had me. They are both super active physically, socially, and mentally and are in better shape than a lot of people ten or fifteen years their junior. If we have any more children I’ll be an older mom for them and I think part of the deal is a commitment to prioritize my own health and wellbeing so that I’ll be there for my kids the way my parents are for me.

My best friend’s parents had her when they were 40. Shes 40 now. Her and her parents still enjoy time together.

Just try your best to keep healthy so you can live and thrive for longer. Try to set up things for your child just in case you pass early. These are things every parent should be doing anyway.

You never know what will happen in life. Kids have lost one or more parents at various ages that weren’t in anyone’s control (death by disease or accidents) and some in control (suicide or the parent just decides to not be a parent anymore). You’re present there with your child. You’re not walking away. You’re trying your best. You’re a good mom.

I guess I haven't thought about it, but my dad was 45 when I was born and my husband was 41 when our son was born so I it seems normal to me. Funny how no one judges dads on their age unless they are like, 80 when they have a kid!

Does anyone want me to start a reddit group for first time moms or new moms around 40? For support? Advice? Humor when needed?

I think the fact that you love and care so much for her is so much more important than age!

This broke my heart to read because I can tell you’re feeling so sad about this.

First of all, you’re not SO OLD. Yes, you’re a bit older than maybe the average parent, but you’re not SO OLD. I think that when one becomes a mother, it is very common to feel like you’re mourning a younger version of yourself. I had my son at 35 and I absolutely went through that, and am still going through that. I think that is very normal. If I were you, I would try to give myself the room to mourn a part of your life that is no more. And what I mean is, a life in which you were a person who was not responsible for someone else — which was, in large part, your youth. You can absolutely feel gratitude and happiness for the beautiful child you have while also mourning your youth.

I also want to say, that the thoughts you’re worried about your child might have, may never ever even occur to her. Idk if this will help or hurt, but at some point your child will come to realize her mother’s mortality, and that will be a difficult reality to face. The other thing to think about is, you have NO idea how long of a life you may live. Nor how fully. some parents had their children young, and they died young. We don’t have control over this.

Intrusive thoughts are super normal. I had many of these for a while after my son was born. Just remember that if you need help coping with them, to seek out that help.

YOURE DOING GREAT, MOM!

My mom was 37 and dad was 39 when I was born not that much younger than you, I’m 30 now and just had my first. They love him so much are still active with him my dad was even in the floor last weekend trying to team him how to crawl loool.

Sure does it suck they probably won’t be around for their GREAT grandchildren sure 🤷🏽‍♀️ but they’re a huge and active part of my child’s life and were/are there for everything in my own life. I don’t think it matters about age so much as keeping yourself “young” with a young child you kind of have to. Aa they’ll keep you moving and running. I think as long as you keep yourself healthy that’s the most important to make sure you are there for all the important events. It’s less about age and more about general health I believe :)

I think you said a lot of the ingredients for inner peace already.

Social media comments = baseless. Full stop.

She means the world to you. (Vice versa is true.)

What you've lost in youth, you've gained in life, experience, and self-identity.

You cannot change the fact that your child is alive and needs you.

Your child might be afraid of losing you? That means you'd have a pretty good bond. Keep doing what you're doing to make that happen =)

I'm 36 with a 7 month old. I've definitely had these thoughts. I also get very sad at the idea that I get to spend less time with her because I waited so long to have a baby.

But, I was a real mess until I was about 31. I loved going out and drinking and just having a good time. I attracted people with a similar way of life and, trust me, not a one of them would have made a good dad. And I would have been a shit mom.

I quit drinking, got a good job, bought a house, met my husband and it just felt right to have a baby with him. He's a great dad, everyday. The life I have now is way more conducive to raising a child. So, she's better off in the long run.

My mom was almost 41 when she had me. There were downsides for sure, but I think most of them were more due to being the youngest of four (surprise baby- large age gap), so parenting was put on autopilot when it came to me and there was not much effort to understand or connect to my generation.

She was and still is very active and healthy, parents can go at any age really. I have friends with much younger parents who have passed away so time is guaranteed to no one. I do sometimes get sad that since I waited till my 30's to have kids that she may not be around to see them become adults, but it is mostly for her sake that I am sad.

As long as you're putting in the effort to be the best mom you can be, don't worry about the other stuff.

I had older parents. I never cared that they were older, they didn’t spend a lot of time with me though and that did bother me

I’m also an older first time mom (41 with a 5month old). My parents were also 40 when I was born. Both passed away on the last 3 years so I still had close to40 years with both. Of course I wish I had more, but I didn’t lose them young. Also, anything can happen at anytime, being a young parent doesn’t guarantee something won’t happen

I don't know if this thought helps you, it helps me though, as I too am the same age as you and had my kids recently.

I think that for this child to exist, there would be no other circumstances but the current. If I had a child 10 years ago, it would have been a different child. A different person. Like, in all aspects, biologically, psychologically etc.

So when I think about that and about my child's future grief if I die when they are young, I try to think that this child exists the way it is, as a person, only because I did it when I did it.

Hope that helps

I just had my baby at 42. I struggle with this worry a little also.
But when I was growing up I had 3 friends lose parents before we turned 12- and none of them were older parents. Two were due to cancer and one was a brain aneurysm. My dad lost his mom when he was 12 in a car accident. All that being said, time is never guaranteed to anyone. The other thing I hear is older parents not being as active. But that is another scenario where I knew people with relatively young parents who didn’t interact with them and just doom scrolled life away, and people with older parents who traveled the world with them. I guess if my kids biggest complaint about me ends up being I am old, that’s ok. It means she has seen very little hardship otherwise. At the end of the day I would not have been with her dad nor as patient, healthy, or financially secure in previous decades as I wound up being in my 40’s.

I just had my first on my 39th birthday. Most of my friends had their first kids between 35-41! I think we’re all happy to be older parents because we had a lot more life experience (and got to have a lot of fun), were more emotionally/mentally/financially stable, and truly felt ready to have kids. I sometimes worry about my age too, especially because we’d like to try for a second when I’m 40-41, but I think about family and friends that are in their 70s and 80s and it’s amazing how much younger they seem than previous generations. We have a lot of time, and we’re in a good position!

Point 1: if people are shaming you/the mom you follow online for having a child at 39/40, they can just go f*ck off and eat sh*t.

Point 2: if the kids in question were not born now, they wouldn't be born at all. Is having a older parent so terrible that it overshadows everything else in their lives?

Point 3: younger parents do not always live to old age. Parents can die in their teens, their twenties, their thirties, etc. We have no guarantee on how long we get with our parents, nor the quality of how we spend that time.

Point 4: many years with our parents does not equal a lot of time spent with our parents. Many adult children move far away from their parents and only see them a few days each year. You can address this by making sure your children always feel welcome in your home and by being willing to visit them regularly if they move away.

Point 5: instead of focusing on your guilt on this, try to instead work on how you can deal with this sense of "lost time" and how you can deal with other challenges that can come from being an older parent. For example, many older parents end up treating their young children as mini-adults instead of children, depriving their children of the experience of being kids. How can you work on yourself and your parenting to avoid this with your child?

My dad had me in his 20s and still died when I was 12. Some people live to 100. Time is not guaranteed, I would try to not let it bother you as much as you can❤️

I wouldn’t be surprised if that harassment for a 40yr old woman online is coming out of the tradwife/manosphere portion of the internet. I am a little sad that my FIL, who was late 30s when my partner was born, is getting less able. I don’t know how much he’ll be able to engage with my kid and really connect when she’s in high school, which is sad because he’s great.

But I’m so much better a person now. She might not get the benefit of my youth but she’ll have more of my experience, wisdom and maturity. And even more when I grow up!

All you can do is your best to be around and able bodied.

My dad had me when he was 38 and my sister when he was 40. Him and I went elk hunting in Colorado last year, backpacking miles a day up and down mountains carrying heavy packs and living in the wilderness for two weeks, he’s turning 68 this year. He would probably outdo your average 40 year old physically. He has also taken very good care of himself and always eaten healthy (within reason) and exercised regularly. You would think he was 50 by how active he is and the crazy stuff he still does at his age.

Dont smoke, dont drink unless its a special occasion, take your vitamins, exercise (weights and cardio) as many times a week as you possibly can, eat healthy-avoid becoming overweight like it’s the plague, because it might as well be health-wise when talking about longevity and being able bodied into old age, and see your doctor for a physicals and bloodwork regularly.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a first time parent at 40, just take good care of yourself physically and try your best to live to be 140. All parents should do this anyways. I’m 29 and I talk to my dad every day, I would hate to kick the bucket at 60 and leave my son with nobody to call on his way home from work.

This is really interesting and I do think it has a lot to do with the media. I had my first at 30. Now in primary school im one of the younger mums! Most of the parents are in their 40s. Forget what the media portrays more people are having children later in life. So many positives - more life experience, probably more finances. You have so much to pour into your child, enjoy the experience ❤️

All I can say is, a good friend of mine's dad was in his 40s when friend was born, and they have a super close relationship to this day with friend in his 30s and dad in his 70s. Sure, he might eventually have to deal with losing a parent earlier than many of his colleagues will, but in the meantime, the quality of their relationship has not been diminished by it.

might be getting bullied for having an older mom?

Not the most comforting answer, but kids will bully kids for anything. There's not much point in stressing out about any one cause. If a kid is gonna be shitty, they'll find whatever angle they need to be so. Old mom, weird freckles, wrong color backpack, "you like that TV show?", etc.

One of my best friend’s mom had her at 40. I don’t know that she’s sad about it Take care of your health, exercise and eat right and follow your dr’s orders.

My mum was 40 when she had me. My mom is of a similar age to my best friend’s grandmother, and guess what, they’re great friends.

Also, I have friends whose younger parents have passed away (cancer, car accidents) while my “old” mom is alive to see and play with her grandchild. Life is unpredictable.

I’m sure your little girl will be grateful for your perspective. You can teach her so much about life! And if anything, she will be a lot more mature. As a mother myself, I cannot imagine having had a child in my 20s. I simply wasn’t ready. I wouldn’t be the mother I am now if I’d had a baby then. Your path isn’t anyone else’s but yours.

I wish you the best of luck. You’ve got this, mama. Remember that there are teenagers having kids every day. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom who cares this much.

if it makes you feel any better i get this from the opposite side. i’m 20 and just had my little boy, i often feel the exact opposite to how you do and worry for his and our future, me and my partner are stable, have a home & jobs and stand on our owt two feet etc im lucky enough to be stable enough to take maternity leave until he turns one minimum however i often wonder if im able to give my son the best, would he be better off having parents with more life experience? more disposable income? will he be embarrassed growing up at how young his mum is? i’m the only of my friend group to have a child as of yet; how will i feel when they are navigating their parenting journey at what society classes as a ‘suitable’ age yet i began my journey many years prior? constantly worrying at my sons appointments wether my concerns are going to be taken seriously or disregarded due to me being a ‘young mum’ ? wondering if others view my life as irresponsible or if they look down on me for choosing to have a child at this age? i’ve come to realise that no matter what age or stage of life you have your children at, a good mother is a good mother regardless, i’m sure your babygirl is loved unconditionally, and in a child’s mind and heart that is all that matters. there’s positives and negatives to every point you can make, keep doing your best and i guarantee that your child will grow up feeling secure, happy and they really will not care about your age. sending so much love your way, and congratulations on your little human!

I don’t know if this has been said and I missed it. I lost both my parents at a young age and it only matters to me that they were great parents. The lessons I learned were cemented by their passing. I think of their lessons everyday. We will all at one time have old or sick parents….. Your age in my humble opinion could mean very little. Hopefully it will keep you young to be with them for many years. I plan to lead my example and be sure I care for my older relatives as I hope my children will care for me.

At the end of the day it’s what you make it. None of us know what the future holds for us.

With my personal experience with death, I tried to toe the line between living as though it were my last day and trying to remember that it could also be a long life. That’s the hardest part of getting old and understanding mortality.

My Mum had me when she was 39 and it honestly never crossed my mind that she was ‘old’ Mum. And that was 30 years ago when it was way less common! The only time it’s made me sad is now that I’m in my late 30’s with children of my own, she is too old to really help me out much physically with childcare 😅 but she has a great relationship with her grandkids regardless.

Both my husband and I were only children to late 30s parents (almost 40) and we’re doing fine/ better than many of our peers! As I kid I wished I had a sibling but as I got older I realized it doesn’t necessarily mean those who have one are close.

We have lots of good friends that are our chosen family, we enjoy my parents company and we take family trips/ invite them to travel with us, and they are great grandparents to our LO in their mid 70s. Staying active is important and any time is better than having no time, yes our parents may pass earlier than our friends but it’s not a guarantee and they were in a better position to parent because they waited.

My SO and I waited til early 30s, been together 15 years so it didn’t give either of us a complex that we HAD to have children young, in fact.. we saw the benefits of taking our time getting settled and pursuing our own interest and goals first. I’m sure you are a great parent, and I can think of many worse things parents can do to their children than wait til they emotionally feel ready to commit to being a mom/ dad.

another thought.. our generation is waiting longer on average to have kids. i think older parents will be more and more common.

So many good points being raised. I think you'll be surprised when you get to daycare (assuming you'll do that) with the number of "old" moms. I'm 39 and just had my second. I know very few moms under 35 at this point. I do live in a progressive city though, and I do think that has an impact on the age people have kids.

You’re suffering for things that have not happened yet and for things in your past you cannot change. Be in the moment with your kid and choose to be happy. It is a choice and you need to be strong to be happy. They need you to be strong and to see you be happy now. I bet they don’t care how old you are. And they probably won’t if you don’t make it an issue. I’m about to have my first kid at 44 and I’m so excited for this next and best chapter of my life. How long it lasts isn’t up to me but you can bet I will stay as healthy as I can and make as good of a life as possible for me and my kid. I see it as an opportunity to stay young and vibrant. I wish you peace and healing and to stop worrying about your age. It’s not important.

Growing up, I always knew my parents were 5-10 years older than my friends' parents. It didn't bother me. My parents were involved and took good care of us.

Doing the math now, I realized my mom was only 34 when she had me, so not old, but still older than my peers' parents.

I was most prepared to have children when I did, financially, emotionally, and mentally. I could have done it earlier sure but I think my life experience gives me an added benefit to my kids that I wouldn’t have had if I was younger. That being said I do also have regrets of not having kids earlier and I would also advise younger women to not wait as long as I did. Such is life and it’s one of those things that you should come to terms with as best you can. I stopped being on social media as much and that has helped immensely with my mental health. Listen to audiobooks and watch shows instead.

One thing to consider would be ensuring you live a healthy lifestyle so that you are more likely to live longer? Be active, reduce alcohol intake, eat healthy, don't smoke... seek out preventative and proactive healthcare, and you will likely live longer.

You're not that old. Just stay as healthy as you can. Just because people giving someone grief on social media for having a kid at 40 doesn't mean you have to take any notice. People say all sorts of nasty shit on the internet. Ignore

i don’t think she’ll be sad. my mom was older when she had my brother. my husbands parents were old when they have him. not sad.

i mean they’ll be sad when they die but nothing in life is guaranteed- that could happen any time (hi, hey, diagnosed w cancer at 30!).

if anything you probably have life a bit more together at 40.

if you can try to set down this particular worry, i think you should ♥️

If you’re not an old mum at 29 you are not one at 39. It’s just a ten year gap, which is closed pretty much immediately with a good healthy lifestyle. Enjoy your beautiful baby, block the negative noise, and live your life.

I was 38 when I had my first and 40 when I had my second (3weeks ago).

I share some of how you're feeling about being older. Just thoughts like when they are 20 I'll be 60...will they even relate to me? How can I still be a cool mom and someone they feel comfortable sharing with.

But I wasn't ready for kids before.... I wasn't with their dad before either. Sometimes things happen for a reason and I believe things happen when they are meant to.

My mom always tells me how impressed she is with how confident and comfortable I am with being a mom. And I truly feel this is due to my age. I don't freak out, and it feels to just come naturally. I am more mature about how I make decisions and it helps me navigate.

Also, financially it's just easier. I don't think I'd be able to afford the quality of life I can offer them before.

There are more positives to being older.

Your daughter has a mom that loves her and will give her a wonderful childhood experience.

How you're feeling is not invalid by any means, but you just have to eliminate the noise that are opinions of people who don't matter. Medical advancements are allowing more women in their late 30s and 40s have healthy pregnancies and babies so eventually this will be the norm and ignorance will subside.

Giiiiiirrlll I had my baby at 34 and my husband was 53.

It isn’t about the time you have; none of us know the answer to that. It’s how you spend it. If you’re a good parent, you’re a good parent, even if it’s only for a few years. Keep on keeping on, babe.

Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, your kids peers by all rights might have there parents longer because the parents had them sooner. But shit happens and life isn't fair, you might live well passed 80 so you will see your kids as 40 year olds (which to me would be cool). Those other kids parents might not make it past 60. As a 40 year old myself, I think about this, my dad and mom are still moving around living life at 70 years old in retirement, his boss who was younger then him (mid 60's) just up and died, went to the restroom and never came back out. Raise your kid, enjoy everyday, do what you can to keep yourself healthy. You only have so much time with them, make it count. I feel you here, we had our kids at 37 so not to far off.

I never feel self conscious about being an older parent until I read these posts.

I don’t think kid care about the age of the parent. I dont think they can even tell an old adult from a young adult ( with the exception of the very elderly) until they are in at least high school and that is just too far to worry about.

Anyone can get hit by a bus tomorrow and if you don’t smoke or drink I’d call it all even in terms of lifespan

I also had my (only) child at 40 and I don’t know where that person you follow is located but where I am (HCOL with lots of professionals) older parents are honestly more of the norm than younger parents. Most of my friends have young children and a few of my friends even had babies older than me. I only feel “judged” about being an older mom when I see comments online judging older moms. Yes we’re older but, at least in my case, have a home and resources now to give my baby that I couldn’t do when I was younger. I don’t think there’s anything selfish in giving a baby a loving home where they’re cared for.

There are a lot of great comments here about the benefits of being an older parent. I was 38 when I had my first and totally agree my child and my family are way better off for me waiting until I was ready. But I also want to say, I think your PPA is amplifying your anxiety here. I think you will feel really differently once that’s better controlled or goes away completely. I was never diagnosed but looking back on my first year postpartum it is clear to me I was suffering. It was hard to get through but you will get to the other side and may not be a concern once you’re feeling better. Hope you get the support you need 💜

My husbands parents are way older than mine and it’s the best thing ever now that we have our daughter. I was struggling so much and they are both retired so we lived with them for a while and they took care of us!! Retired and older gparebts are awesome 🤣👍

My parents had me super young (early 20s) and then my dad went and died at 49 🤷‍♀️. As for bullying, kids will bully other kids for wearing the wrong shoes or not having a Stanley or any other silly reason and having old parents might be one of them, but it’s just as silly as all the other reasons. 

You can’t shield your child from every negative emotion (whether that be grief or embarrassment) and you wouldn’t want to - grit and resilience will serve them well in life. 

You’re doing amazing!