It was probably really bad timing but my mom asked me to accompany her on a business trip to Belgium because she's not comfortable navigating in another country by herself. I've been a few times and reading walking directions on Google maps is fairly easy. I went with the agreement that she would have to pay for everything because I don't have the means to eat out every single meal every day, pay for all my own transit, blah blah blah while I miss work (I'm self-employed). She was incredibly generous to do all of this but there was a meal that got dark because of a conversation I wanted to have in person with her.
We sat down for lunch and I asked her if she had a will for herself (she's in her mid 60s and isn't the healthiest person alive). She was a little taken aback but went with it and said she didn't. She's one of those that has always half-jokingly said "you're gonna have to take care of me when I'm old". So as the conversation progressed, I had to impress upon her that I moved 1000 miles from home, built up a support system and started chasing my VERY non-lucrative dreams because I wanted to have a life of my own. I then said "I simply don't have the funds or the time to drop everything and move home to take care of you if something debilitating should happen". I went on to explain that my resume is good for most entry level offices jobs and even if I did drop everything, there's no way I could afford to pay for all of the necessary care and whatnot making $18/hr at a call center. She attempted to tell me "well that's why you have to stick with a job for a few years and work up". I told her that's all well and good but I'm not going to go get an office job back home today just to prepare for my life as a nurse for her in 10 years.
All in all, she took it pretty well but you could tell she now had a lot to think about.
Is this a conversation anyone else has had with their parents? How did it go?
Edit: As I see on here a lot, I did not expect this to get anywhere near the traction it has and it's been up for less than an hour (at the time of editing). A few things to clarify before more of you think I'm the worst son. My partner and I live in the PNW in an 800sqft apt. My self-employment income could be $40k or $80k a year because it's all freelance. My mom suffers from anxiety, depression, newly found spinal issues and fibromyalgia. She would HATE it being cold and rainy 8 months out of the year so moving up here would be torture to her. That leaves me with moving down to socal where the rent is higher, where I'd have to give up everything and get a job where, maybe in a few years, I'd have enough to support myself if I lived in a cheap apartment with roommates, not even considering that I'd have to pay her rent, pay for myself to live and pay for her care.
The BIGGEST piece of information that I foolishly neglected to mention is my brother, who makes good money, has a 4 bedroom for he and his two kids who could very likely take her in.
The matter of me being unable to help isn't that I don't want to. It's that the logistics behind it do not make any sense at all. I would be in a worse situation moving back home to take care of her than I would be up here and I'd have 10x the expenses I do now. I would probably end up causing her health to decline faster than anything else.