I underwent extreme weight loss over the last three years and I'm now down 200 pounds. I had been completely devoted to my daughter and husband, neglecting myself in the process. My husband wasn't supportive or caring during this time, and I wasn't perfect either, but I took care of the entire household and worked two jobs. While He was depressed for two years(he said) after losing his grandfather and claimed postpartum depression after our baby was born(although i was the online taking care of the baby the whole first 2 years,he wouldn't help with our child at all. I was exhausted from working 2 jobs from home, taking care of the baby, cleaning, cooking, and being constantly demeaned by him and blatantly ignored ! I often initiated sex, but he would find any excuse to refuse me and brush me off , making hurtful comments, like “see this is why i dont want to F you now “That was so painful so i just gave up.
I felt broken during those first two years. One day, my family expressed their concern for me and offered to take care of our baby because they saw how stressed I was. That was a turning point for me. I decided to take my life back. I got weight loss surgery and didn't tell my husband until a week before because I didn't want any negativity. When I did tell him, he expressed worry and fear that I might die. But He only visited me in the hospital only once for 30 minutes, citing work as the reason.I then tried to be a good wife and come home early and my family begged me not to and i was not welcomed to a clean home at all , rather more anger and i had to clean and cook and take care of my immediately . That was a big mistake.
Despite this, I kept working on my life. I enrolled in community college and am now graduating this summer. , started walking outside every day, and followed a strict diet. I cut off my social media and focused on myself for two years. During this time, our sex life was non existent still and he remained unaffectionate. I lost 100 pounds in the first year and 200 pounds by the second year. The world started responding to me differently, and I wanted to enjoy my life.
I used to plan trips, concerts, and dates, but he would often cancel last minute without any regard for me. I was always at home with our child while he at least had work and social interactions. I handled everything for our child, him, and the house. As I began to change, he started making rude comments, like suggesting I get my breasts done and saying other very mean things .These remarks made me self-conscious, but I kept pushing forward.
My partner is bigger and very handsome, tall and has a lot of women who like him, size isn’t an issue but when we met we were both bigger and in the beginning i offered to help him work out with me .We used to bond over food,but now my life isnt about that ,so i have since started living my life outside of him(going to concerts 1 time every 3 months , taking my child to festivals, going to a bar once every 3 months literally), he’s taken it personally. He even accused me of cheating, which I found laughable (I'm not). I'm over him and our constant arguments.hes so negative and mean and its annoying! He is so glass half empty.I feel the need to break free from his negativity. He makes poor life decisions, has bad credit, and is generally unkind.and now wants to have this sex and too touch on me !!! Heck no , I dont feel that way about him anymore .last month Suddenly, he started helping to me with the house , with the baby , everything , but it feels insincere.(why now all of a sudden your an amazing father and husband!?) when i was at my lowest he wouldn’t help me one bit and yell and make excuses, ignore me and put his head phones on 23 hours of the day and would just ignore me when i would call his name and i would say he can you hear me he would say yes i heard you i would respond how i didn’t know because he didn’t respond.This was some of the worst times of my life ! then we got in to a argument recently because i was planning something with my uncle and his wife to hang out and he got angry about not being included but he fakes on me often because hes sleepy or whatever reason.He even asked how long he has to keep it up, because in his words hes aquiring some good skills that he can use elsewhere.to me thats admitting he's not doing it out of genuine care.which i had a feeling , i knew the same man who used to not get me things for any holiday, but tell me his love language is gifts and (i would do just that and shower him with things out of my budget )the same man that ,when i said i wanted flowers every 2 weeks (theres stores on his way home and near our home ) instead he offer-to give me the money to get them instead of him getting them because he didnt have time , the same man who let me cary groceries in the house all of them by my myself because he was too sleepy and would huff and puff if i asked ! Now wants to be a great man !
I feel like I want to move on. When i asked him why he decided to be a good man now , he went off on me and told me this may not work because im so worried about the past but the past is last month !!! He said he didnt care if it was a day ago hes trying and i should be happy! THATS not ENOUGH! I didn’t deserve any of that ! He watched me drown and hurt and feel lonely with no regard for me in fact he stepped on me and told me at least he didnt cheat on me . I woudnt have done that to anyone let alone someone i claimed i loved . Now i dont feel i want to fix it !! I feel like He's dragging me down, and I don't see a good future with him due to his laziness and inconsistency and not really wanting better but feeling entitled to better.I used to ask for thearapy but now i dont even care . His sudden transformation into an "amazing" husband feels forced and disingenuous. He says he wants to fix things, but he's said so much that I don't trust him anymore. He also seems to feel entitled to my success, making comments that imply he helped me get here, which is confusing and appalling.
I want to move on, not to see other people, but to heal from this narcissistic abuse. I’ve endured at the hands of of this man .