My husband cheated several times, but this last one was more of an emotional affair. They shared their secrets, lives, and everything with eachother. She talked to him about how she regrets marrying her husband and she should move to our state and date my husband. She said some negative things about her husband, such as, he doesn't make her lunch or say thank you after she watched her kids all day. They go on to send spicy pictures and texts to eachother, and this has been going on for well over a year. This relationship felt different to me, like they were in love. My husband told me that they both know that they cant have eachother. However, he has played online games (like skyrim or whatever) with her kids, he knows their names and he even sent her $6,000 while I was unaware of the relationship at the time. I am currently divorcing him, but once that is done, I want to know if I should tell the husband about the things that went on between her and my husband?
Husband cheated for the last time, should I tell the other girls husband what happened?
Send screenshots/proof if you’ve got it, just to make things easier
Agreed, however if those two are still in the fog, maybe wait until your divorce is finalised. Might sound selfish, but if you blow her world up now and she decides to stay with her family after all then your husband might get vicious during the divorce.
But keep the screenshots and once those papers are signed, send them.
Yes. He deserves to know. He’s a victim too.
I would want to know, and the proof would be so appreciated.
You absolutely should. Wouldn’t you want to know.
Oh, do tell. Why should they get away with it when they practically tried to ruin your life. Serve that shit up ice cold.
Personally, I'm always in favor of telling the truth to all parties so that they can make the appropriate informed decisions. Not telling is simply supporting lying and deceitful behavior. Telling (especially with proof) is, in my opinion, better in the long run.
Absolutely tell her husband. If you have a copy of their messages, send them to him. I hope you are requesting the $6000 back that your husband sent to his AP.
Updateme!
Yes tell the husband. It's not fair to leave him in the dark. Especially the part about his kids he needs to know all.
Especially since she had her affair partner play online games with the kids ffs
Twist in the story; she tells the husband, they bond over it and end up falling in love.
Or, another twist, the husband knows, and they reguarly scan men out of money 🤣
$6000 is a big enough sum that you might be right on this one...
That, or she has a drug or gambling problem her husband doesn't know about!
Always a possibility...
Omg even better!
This is what I was thinking, how many others does she have doing the same thing to them??? Men can be weak, and think with their lower horn.....
Yeah and he ends up being an awesome person and they both treat each others amazingly.
Honestly I wouldn’t wait for the divorce to be over with. He deserves to know now that his wife has another spending time with his children. Even if it is virtually.
I think waiting could be detrimental for the husband. Since one half of the affair couple is fixing to be freed up, AP could file for divorce herself. If she were to convince him no harm, no foul, she might walk away with a more generous settlement than if he knew and could protect himself.
I just assume any person whose spouse wants a divorce out of nowhere would naturally assume they'd been having an affair and start investigating. But Reddit has shown me that a significant amount of the human population is naive, spineless or is so avoidant of being uncomfortable in any way, they'd rather stick their heads in the sand and ignore the fact that their life blowing up.
That’s what was thinking. I would put a lot of money on her planning her exit strategy and if she manages to leave looking like Snow White he will pay the price! Especially if the new man is sending his wife money surely that will make it obvious he is willing to support her and the kids if she has them with her ( I’m in the uk and know US laws are different with child support/Alimony etc)
That was the part that got me.... playing video games with her kids.
I agree with the thought behind this, but if/when OP tells the affair partner’s husband, it will definitely get back to her own soon-to-be ex via the poor, sad affair partner whose life has been blown up by mean old OP. OP’s divorce could become a lot more contentious and expensive than it already is. It’s probably a safer choice for her to reveal all the second her own divorce is squared away.
If I were OP, I would be counting the minutes until I could tell him, though.
I told my ex husbands mistresses spouse. And don’t regret it at all.
How did you tell them? And how did that make you feel?
I sent him a message over social media, and I felt fine doing it. If my spouse is a lying sack of shit Cheater I would hope someone would let me in on the secret too instead of me being unaware and looking stupid. I would absolutely do it again. Cheaters have no space in my world. It hurts a lot of break up and divorce. It hurts tremendously worse to get cheated on, be betrayed , break up and divorce
Thank you for your reply. I can feel your anger and I completely agree with you too. X
Wait let me get some popcorn and a soda!
Get the money back from her first.
And then tell the husband.
I could be wrong, but I thought that if the husband/wife that spent money on, or gave money, to an AP and you get divorced, you would get that money back from your cheating spouse in the divorce settlement. I think that's how it works, but I'm not sure.
Different countries, different laws. I have no idea. Luckily OP has a lawyer.
Tell everyone including AP husband.
Tell him and back it up with your proof.
Also, can you sue her for the marital assets he spent in her? I would also name the AP as a co-respondent in the divorce papers even if you live in a no fault location. She'll get a copy. It sends a message that she's a homewrecker, abd depending on where you live, the divorce documents become searchable public record.
THIS!!!!!
Tell the husband, he deserves to know.
You absolutely should tell her husband OP.
He needs to know that he is living with an unsafe partner. I personally cannot think of one person who, if being cheated on, wouldn’t want to know. It’s possible she’s physically cheating with others anyway and he may need to get a health test.
👀 👀 👀 You'd want to know, no? 1000% go tell him girl, bring screenshot evidence; watch you and the side chicks dude end up together over their bs 🥲
YES!!! He deserves to know what kind of person he’s married to (aka filthy cheater).
Yes, if he had found out before you did I am sure you would want to be told.
Yes
Absolutely tell the husband!
Ew they both know they can’t have each other?? Well now they can, what trash. I’m so sorry, but good on you for divorcing him!
Tell the husband, girl. He should know 100%.
Absolutely tell him. Make sure to send him screenshots if you can.
ETA: I thought I wrote this but unless you think it would negatively impact your divorce proceedings tell the husband immediately.
Does your husband know you’re in the process of preparing the documents?
tell him now! Dont wait
100 percent tell the husband . He deserves to know, just like you would want to know.
I would. He should know..out there is a man (probably a good one) who thinks his wife loves him. Tell him.
Absolutely! And they are both horrible people!
Tell him. Are you suggesting you want to wait until your divorce is done? Why?
Why wait? Tell him now, share the evidence. These as holes didn't give a second thought to hurting you, why should you be so thoughtful? Moral high ground, be the bigger/better person, blah, blah, blah... Answer me this; if it had been her husband that found out and were still in the dark, how would you feel knowing everyone hid this from you for as long as possible?
YES
Yes
Always.
Yes and updates please!!!
Yes! Absolutely yes.
My ex fiancé was cheating with a married woman and her husband told me, I’m so so grateful he reached out to me. It hurt at the time and I didn’t respond to him for months after until i was ready, but once I realised the gift he gave me I thanked him.
Tell everyone
Yes, he deserves to know. Send him the proof and that’s that. Thank god you’re divorcing this POS. Good luck.
Girl code. I’m not a cheater..but my girlfriend’s husband is. He’s tried texting me, and I had no clue how he even got my number. I wasn’t a close friend or anything with this dude. Apparently, he waited for Sarah to get into the shower, snuck in, and went through her phone for my number. I immediately texted Sarah, told her and even showed her evidence. Her friendship and I broke for months, bc she thought I created these text from a track phone. lol.. alright then. I truly believe in girl code. Well, 7 months later, they split, and I get a phone call at night of her crying begging for forgiveness, bc she finally went through his messages. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. Some girls turn their cheek bc they don’t wanna believe it! But show evidence always!!!!!!!!!!!
For what it’s worth: thank you for doing that
Send proof to the husband. Make up an anonymous email and send it all. Good luck!!
Yes, tell him and bring receipts. Also, in some states you can sue an affair partner and recoup marital monies spent on them.
Oh hell yeah. Tell tell tell.
Tell him now.
Look at it this way. What if he found out about it, and not you; would you want him to tell you? I think most people would want to know.
Tell the husband.
100%. You have an obligation as a good person not to leave him in ignorance. Also you do it first and then if you want to tell your stbx you tell him. Don’t give your husband any heads up beforehand or he will warn her and she will talk her way out of it or block you on her husbands socials.
Yes definitely tell him and send screenshots of the messages
Updateme
Definitely tell him. No doubt.
I'd tell him. Once your husband is a free man she might follow through and leave her husband. You should give him the heads up so she doesn't run off with his kids.
I think you should do whatever you want. I would want someone to let me know.
Yes.
Yes, please tell. I sat in the dark, getting gaslit wondering what the hell was going on. Wish someone had told me.
Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love or respect them. He should know so he can make his own decision
Yes!
💯
Yes. Why wouldn't you? He has a right to know.
I would tell the other husband, then leave it up to him what he does with the info.
Hell yes
Yes
Always tell the OBS, they deserve to know everything. And don’t wait, do it now, send everything you have for evidence or she’ll gaslight him. Updateme!
He deserves to know, get everything you have gathered because he may not believe you, hoping he does and both cheaters can be exposed for the lying and cheating. Why should you be the only one having to deal with all this, expose her.
YES
Yes.
Please tell him, he deserves to know and before the divorce is even finished. After I found out about my wife’s affair I learned that others knew and never told me. I felt like such a loser, still do tbh.
Are you sure the soon to be ex wasn't getting scammed?
They have never met, and he has sent $6k to the person/people involved.
That's my thought too, her husband fell for a scammer. If so, then the scammer's "husband" is part of the operation. If OP really, really wants to contact him she should use some throwaway e-mail and reply at most once. OP shouldn't give potential scammers an opening for manipulating her.
Why wait? Collect copies of all the evidence and send it along. You’ve been through a lot dealing with him and this affair. The other spouse deserves to know his wife’s thoughts. Don’t wait, do it quickly.
Just get out.
Why cause pain to another innocent man. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Since you are divorcing what business is it of yours any more. Move on.
Yes and send the receipts.
Absolutely! Not only did they try and make you out to be a fool but they also tried to make the other betrayed spouse look like a fool. Then add the playing games with the kids which crosses a whole other line completely plus the money….
Honest answer. This women took 6k from not your husband but your entire lively hood as that money was marital. Along with the affair and no one does something he didn’t want to do. Why would you stop and be nice and not tell her husband now? This isn’t about anger as much as a responsible adult and someone who was taken advantage of by another women. Wouldn’t you think he would like to know and stop being taken advantage of as well? I don’t promote divorce. But I do promote stopping manipulation. Understand that what she did was support actions that foster more than betrayal. Manipulation isn’t fair to anyone. Affairs are relations and most of the time he does love her and if you’re willing to let him go so he can be free than wouldn’t that need to be an action of responsible adults towards the truth? To let go and let live and address the manipulation and end the access to manipulation. That’s just pure adulting.
What do you have to lose? Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you if they knew? He deserves to know especially having children. Don’t let him waste his life with her. She did it once, she’ll do it again.
Please do and then when he laughs because your husband was used to get $6000 come back and tell us.
Exactly. What on earth does she need six thousand dollars for that the husband doesn't know of? Either he's in on it, or she has some major drug or gambling issues.
Wait until your divorce is over then tell him
Yep, he needs to know. It’s only fair. Usually marriages like that are being held together for kid’s sake. I guess if she has children with him? Maybe not. But still, he should know, in my opinion.
YES. Please. As a man in a committed relationship, I would absolutely 100% want to know. Please tell him.
No I would use the threat of it to get what I want in the divorce. After it's all final you do you but I would use it to make things go smoothly for my divorce. Good luck.
Please tell her husband he made a comment to you by marriage and broke it why should you suffer along?
I would tell her husband, even if I did it anonymously - as someone who has been cheated on I wanted to know.
This is how my niece got divorced too, she sent the other guy everything
Yes definitely tell the husband so she can't get any alimony in their divorce
Wouldn’t you wanna know?
Absolutely tell him.
Yes!
I would tell the husband. Not because of pettiness but because if I were him, I would want to know.
Yes!!!! For the love of God tell the other man!!!!
He sent her $6k?!?! Her husband may already know. I'm sure he's questioned where the money came from.
Yes
Tell him now
Definitely tell the husband….then update us immediately! So sorry you are going through this and I hope you find some peace in your life
Don't wait for the divorce to be over....tell the other spouse now.....
Updateme
Yes! Do it now don’t wait
Um yes fuck cheaters
Yes please tell the husband, he deserves to know.
Plz tell the husband.
Updateme!
Absolutely he has a right to know. I’m sure you would want to know if the situation were reverse.
I would.
Yes absolutely tell him. Have proof to send him as well just incase. So sorry 😞
You have to tell the husband. Don't wait until the divorce is finalized do it now.
Yesss, please tell the husband! Especially the part about what she says about him, your ex playing with HIS kids and the $6K for AP! Why not help the OBS, wouldn't you want to know that? AP doesn't get to live life without consequences.
Probably, like I should tell the wife of the guy my cheating (soon to be) ex wife is shagging in hotels every week. However, while divorce isnt final and I didn't purchase her share of the house back (will take a few months) I'm playing ball like the pussy I am because I'm too scared she'll take the house and the kids if I fight back. I hope you're not trapped like me and can just act now. Good luck.
You will be ok 👍
That doesn't make you a pussy. That makes you smart. You already know how it's going to go, so why not play it smart? That will send a very clear message that you don't fk around literally and a big FU to her. Many people rush in and make mistakes that ruin thier lives further by acting impulsively by trying to get revenge. This is smart. Go you and good luck!
Why wait to after? Tell him now.
YES !
Tell the husband. And good on you for divorcing him - you should’ve done it earlier IMO. But your ex husband is a piece of shit and so is his bimbo GF
Yes. And send along any proof you have. He deserves to know.
Any time someone I know is with someone else, slides into my dm's, I screenshot, and send it to their partner.
If I found out my partner had done the same thing, I would do the same thing.
Definetely! I feel for her husband who has no idea what a bitch he's married to. If you don't tell him, you become part of their lie!
Yes absolutely tell the other betrayed spouse.
Yes, without question.
Yes tell the husband. You and he both have been crapped on from a great height. If he has knowledge it gives him a choice to stay or go, just as you have. Time for you both stop being taken for fools.
Yes, tell now, don’t wait. He sent her $6,000? Sounds like he’s being exploited. Make sure you get your share back in the divorce.
If you went to be messy, absolutely.
I would tell the other husband
dump this loser
Yes. With proof.
Yes absolutely
Don’t tell him you should be worry about your husband no her she isn’t your problem and maybe she wants the push to leave her husband and be with yours so… idk
Yes, definitely tell the spouse of the woman that cheated with your husband!
Yes.
Yes
Yes.
I wanna know how you have 6k laying around for him to send to random people 🧐😅
My opinion, leave him alone. You handle your business and let them deal with theirs.
I would definitely tell the husband. It affects him too. What he chooses to do after that it’s up to him.
Yes
Do it
I believe you should already have told him. He deserves to know just as much as you do!
Yes tell the husband.
Nope. Your marriage “contract” (contract in terms of promises, vows, marriage certificate - however you view it) is between you and your spouse. His affair gf and her partner have nothing to do with you. Once the love and trust is gone the relationship is over and people need to move on as you are doing. Life is too short.
It’s not fun being lied to and it’s best to know the truth. It is truly sad people can’t be honest in relationship. It’s Devastating to find out that a partner you trust when you walkout in the world is someone you trust fully and you learn they have zero respect for you. Usually the kids suffer the most and people always forget the kids. So no matter how bad the situation you should always think about your kids first. Rules totally go against men on these matters which I wish was more equal. But yeah divorces are a mess and kids should be the most important once to think about as they suffer mentally
Definitely tell her husband, he deserves to know.
Well, thought the DIVORCE spoke volumes to the public. Both parties suffer a loss. Why continue to hurt INTENTIONALY since the marriage is irretrievably broken. Keep the children and everyone else out of parent's business.
If you have found out, and your husband has confessed certain things to you..... money, her kids interactions etc, is it possible that her husband already knows?? I mean. Your husband is losing you....maybe they've got a secret plan to move on together?
Yes. He deserves to know, so he can decide how to move forward.
Updateme!
For what it’s worth, and only to offer another opinion, one thing to consider if you tell one or more of these parties is the emotional load on you. This is not technically your responsibility, and you could choose not to take it on, avoiding the repercussions. Let karma take care of them all and focus on yourself and your new life. I wish you the best
I am concerned about you. Glad you finally choose to divorce him but why did you stay with him all these years? Unless he came out clean about cheating on you multiple times when you found out about the emotional affair. But you said “cheated for the last time”, so I’m assuming you knew about his cheating ? Why did you stay with a garbage like this and ruin your mental health? You deserve better. I’m glad you’re getting out. YOU SHOULD A 100% TELL THE HUSBAND
I’m in favor of telling. Would you want to know? I sure as hell would. Send the screen shots and any proof you have as well. Sorry this is happening to you.
Tell him nice. His heart is going to break.
Never die alone...
Yes wtf it’s so unfair to him if he doesn’t know. He deserves to know and make his decisions based on that.
Absolutely tell him now! Why wait for his world to also implode, when you can hand him a rope to pull himself out with, right now? You’d be a really good neighbor/ human for doing so.
Absolutely tell the husband. No one likes the hey girly/hey dude texts but it had to be done!
He absolutely needs to know. Not “deserves” but NEEDS to know. Because the mistress could now think she can just divorce and go be with your soon to be ex husband. And she could make her divorce seem like something it’s completely not, get out with child support and alimony on false reasonings….. like this dude could get seriously fucked in this position. So you shouldn’t wait, you should go ahead and reach out to him with the proof you have and let him know about the situation.
And for gods sake, if my husband had his mistress involved with our children, I would absolutely lose my shit!!!! Like this really isn’t okay at all. And I hope you see that, OP. Please tell him, asap.
Tell the husband & dip out of this marriage,
Yes tell the husband immediately and tell him that your ex has a relationship ship with his kids and tell him about the money too
100%
Yes, especially because that's some petty BS to complain about. Didn't make her lunch? Wtf?! "I'm sorry hun. You aren't fulfilling my soup and sandwich needs, so I'm going to let this other guy play video games with our children then sext him later"
Yes!
Tell. Always tell.
Yes
Yes and also advise the husband to keep proof of the cheating and if he decides to divorce he should start prepping for it quietly. It's always best to first talk with a lawyer if the end goal is divorce.
If I were her husband I would want to know. Let him know his wife is a betrayer and a skank. At least that way he can then have the choice to choose his future like you are doing now.
Dont listen to these people. Its not your business to tell him. But before Im blasted hear me out. Im not saying that you should not tell him but that you should act within reason. Where you or I may say screw you cheater and just leave, another may kill the person and another may torture the person. You just dont know. So whatever you decide be aware of who youre dealing with.
Nah. Cut your losses. Also, you have no idea how idea how he may react. And he may believe his marriage is redeemable.
I know you're hurt and angry - I've been there too, and I'm sorry - but just let this one go.
Yes, absolutely tell him
Heck yes you should tell him! She's a homewrecker!
Yes, tell the husband. Crush her marriage with the truth once you've finalised your divorce and settled your matter. I'm sorry but she doesn't deserve to carry on living a happy lie while your world changes.
Please do tell her Husband and then let us know how it goes cause maybe you shouldn’t be the only one getting divorce
I'm truly sorry you're going through this. Dealing with cheating is incredibly painful. Before deciding whether to tell the other woman's husband, take some time to prioritize your own healing and well-being. Consider the potential consequences and your motivations for wanting to disclose this information. Seek support from trusted friends or a therapist who can help you navigate this difficult situation.
You should tell the husband right now, not wait. He may have more evidence that can help you in your divorce. Maybe they took a trip and things got physical so it could be more than an emotional affair.
Also, the AP’s husband just has a right to know, to make an informed decision to stay with his wife or not, to consider getting STI tests as your husband might not be the only one she was cheating on him with, DNA tests for kids, etc… he deserves the chance to steer his own future and not be robbed of another year while your marriage goes through divorce. He deserves to start his healing now too.
Has he actually met this woman in person? Because otherwise, this sounds like an Internet scam.
More importantly, would he be happy to make her lunch every day and thank her every day for looking after her children?
Who are you protecting by keeping their secret? Your STBX and his AP? Fuck them! Tell the husband. Give him the courtesy you would want if roles were reversed.
Hell to the yeah! Tell the husband. His decision is his own but if you can get in touch with him. Send him all info.
Definitely . Because seriously if he finds out and the kids are in the crossfire that really is sad . And plus life is short . Too short to be with someone who doesn’t love you, or really even have any respect for you. She should have filed for divorce because no they will end on bad terms and coparenting will be hard. But I think at this point , telling him it’s important
You allowed yourself to be in this situation when you decided to forgive him when he cheated on you before.
Yes! Tell him.
tell the husband for sure
If I were your husband's misstress' husband, I would want to know what my wife was doing.
Please tell him ASAP!!!
How would you feel if someone kept this information from you!? 🥺
Please focus on healing this trauma and all past traumas...Especially if you have any childhood trauma..We don't know what we don't know..And traumas cause blindspots in our minds and it bleeds into every aspect of our lives,especially in romantic relationships..We tend to treat our partners,spouses,children etc..like verbal and emotional punching bags without realizing it..I recommend finding a competent therapist so you can move on in a healthy way..Because if you don't work on healing past traumas you can become very toxic,resentful and passive aggressive and will poison all future relationships..I'm speaking from decades of experience..
Tell him yesterday and send him whatever proof you have.
Yes!
Yes tell the husband!!!