I left my husband

You know he will never change for you. He has to want to change himself. If he is a narcissist you are screwed!

OP, stay where you are and start moving on with your life. Your husband is a lost cause. You shouldn't even be communicating with him until he has completed a recovery program and has at least six months of sobriety under his belt. You are in danger and he is unpredictable. There is no point in further discussions while he is still an addict. It will lead to nowhere and put you in danger to boot. You should not be going near him at all, you have to protect yourself and your child from this. Just tell him that you are not coming back, and you aren't going to entertain any discussions about reconciliation until he has met your terms (complete program + 6 months sobriety). No arguments, just a statement, and let that be the last thing you say to him. Ignore and block the rest.

In the meantime, you should get a lawyer and get a separation agreement in place if that is a thing you can do where you live. You should tell the lawyers that he is an addict, and he is not fit to parent the child at all, and ask them for advice on how to approach this. Then follow their advice. It should be pretty easy to prove he is unfit as I'm sure there are records of his use of opioids. Even if they were prescribed, I think it won't be too hard to make the case that he might have a valid prescription, but he is abusing the medications. To help yourself, you have to document every incident that happens from here on out, which should be a lot less since you shouldn't even be around him.

I also recommend you speak to his parents and let them know what you have told your husband. Tell them all the dirty details about what he has done, don't let him give them the narrative. Tell them that they should consider contact his doctors and letting them know he is abusing his medications and addicted, and of course getting him into a recovery program. Of course this might push him to buy his drugs illegally, but his doctors are being negligent, and they are also at risk, so I think it's still a good idea, but it's up to them. I'm sure they can see he has a problem, and it sounds like they will believe you. You need to tell them that if your husband shows up anywhere you are, it will be a problem and you will not hesitate to call the police and get a protective order in place if he shows up high or is threatening in any way. Tell them if they want to keep this from getting worse, they should get help for their son or at least keep him away from you. And then do exactly that. If he shows up, just tell him he hasn't met your terms, and you are not interested, and turn him away. If he doesn't leave, call the police. Or if he shows up high and acting crazy, call the police immediately. Your parents don't need to deal with this or be put in danger (you don't want to risk your situation with them!) - and you should put yourself and your child first, even if it breaks your heart.

Also recommend Alanon for you, and with his parents if they are interested. You all need to learn how to deal with addicts. Like it or not, you have children with him, and eventually he might clean up his act enough to be a father, it would be good for you to understand what you are up against.

I'm very sorry for saying this because I have no idea what your beliefs are, but if there is still an opportunity to not have this child, you might consider it. It does not look like your husband will be helping much, and this will be difficult to do on your own with one child, even more so with two. In addition, god forbid you have two children and one or both of them has special needs or health issues, that could really break you. Adoption is also an option since he isn't fit to parent even if he wanted to. I know it is a very difficult decision to make, but you don't have much time left to terminate if that is your decision. This is another terrible situation he has put you in, but you should consider what's best for you and the child you already have. If you are not able to work, don't have a career, and can't support yourself, then all of these should factor into this. You can't count on him to meet child support obligations, he probably won't have a job much longer (if he has one now). This is going to be on you (and your family if they are willing) to figure out how to carry on without him.

Please block him and never let him manipulate you to forgiving him. He’s an abuser and an addict. You are not safe with him and neither are your kids.

Read Don’t Call That Man, reach out for support from resources like Al Anon, the DV Hotline, therapists, and attorneys to help you protect yourself and your babies. You will survive this and thrive without him. Don’t let him get in your head. He will say anything, he will lie cheat and steal. He will hurt you. He cannot be trusted.

He's terrifying. I wouldn't continue that pregnancy.

I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. Definitely get support for you and your child. He sounds awful and very unlikely to change. I would be worried of him hurting you or the baby.

You know what to do and you have already made the first step. That took so much courage. You need to keep yourself and your baby safe and the way to do that is by divorcing him. Document everything that's happened, gather as much proof as you can of the violence and drinking under the influence and any evidence of abuse from texts. You may need it for custody of your children.

I wish you luck and courage and lots of support from family and friends.

This man knows what he’s doing. He is not in a blackout. He continues to do it bc he wants to. Please realize it is not the booze & pills making him this way, he is an abusive person. He is a danger to you & your child & you need to prioritize your child’s safety if you won’t prioritize your own. He will escalate this behavior. I know it is hard to be strong & not talk to him but this is the best thing you can do. Please join ALAnon, get some help, talk to a lawyer. Tell your lawyer about his addictions so a stipulation can be added to your parenting agreement that he must be drug tested before having rights to see the children. The court can also order him to rehab before they will award him any custodial rights. More than likely he won’t pursue any visitation unless it’s to try to control you.

Please, seriously consider whether or not to continue with the pregnancy. I would argue against keeping it. You have a lot on your plate. Another child is the last thing you need.

Stay with your parents. Get a restraining order against him. Do not leave your parents. Divorce him. He WILL NOT change. Ever.

He is a narcissist and an opiate addict, which is a terrible combination. The mood swings that each of these produce individually is volatile. When combined, it is atomic bomb level.

Best of luck to you, OP.

And why did you marry this guy again?

With that age gap sounds like he picked someone he could easily control and abuse.

Leave this Piece of shit!!! He won't get better only getting worse. Because he doesn't acknowledge his shit and does nothing about it. STOP WASTING YOUR TIME WITH THIS TRASH! FOCUS on yourself and your baby. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you don't come close to him alone, please think about the safety of yours and the baby. Maybe, start a divorce proceeding and never look back, from now on you only communicate via lawyers. Otherwise, shit will hit and it will be TOO LATE.

26 and 41. Enough said.

I honestly don’t think there is anything you can do now OP other than split. This is traumatic for you, your pregnancy and your little one.

Only he can make himself well and maybe - a huge price to pay I know - losing you all will be his rock bottom. He is putting drugs and alcohol in front of his family.

See a lawyer and file. Get your parents/friends to help with collecting your things. Stay with your parents ( hopefully you can).

I rarely jump to divorce whenever I read of marriages in trouble but he is not a safe partner for any of you. If he chooses to get the help he so badly needs, then great. He can be a decent parent, but that’s up to him.

Focus on you and the little once. It’s heartbreaking but sometimes we have to call it quits.

Stay strong and healthy OP

UPDATEME

Head over to r/alanon and also attend some Al-Anon meetingsfor support. They have all been through similar situations and can offer support and advice on how to cope.

Also, you’re probably already aware of, but it’s highly likely that he didn’t start abusing substances after your child was born. It’s been an ongoing situation, whether he was sober for a while or he’s been using all along.

As a child of two addicts, please for the love of all things holy DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM. He is dangerous. The next punch could be thrown at you or your child. You cannot fix him.

Your top priorities are the safety of you and your children. You all deserve better.

Opiates are terrible. He can change but not without medical help. He completes rehab or you divorce. There is no middle ground on this. Don’t let your babies grow up with an addict.

The age gap alone tells me ur a victim. He only wanted someone young he could control

Run, girl. Run.

He clearly isn't taking you serious and thinks you're going to come right back. Don't, he has already put you through too much, now you know you're pregnant and do not need this extra stress. His own mother thinks you should stay away from him. That tells you a lot. I would just plan on divorce. It's going to be hard but it will be a lot better than living an abusive life with a drug addict. It's also your responsibility to protect your children from him. That is a horrible environment for a child and you could end up getting your children taken away if you keep exposing them to him and letting them live that lifestyle. It would be really fucked up if you put your child back in that environment. So there's your answer. Do what you have to do to protect your child. Maybe he'll get a wake up call when you file for divorce and get clean, who knows. I wouldn't count on it though. If he does, great. I'd just focus on moving on and figuring out how you're going to do everything now as a single mom. Stop worrying about him. He's a grown ass man. You only need to worry about yourself and your babies. Good luck.

You are going to waste so much of your time in this toxic relationship if you go back to him. Put your kids first. You are so young you have your life ahead of you and he is old enough to know better. 41 and acting like this? Dude got issues you’ll both never be able to solve. It’s scary but sometimes you have to move on. Staying would be such a waste. Sorry.

Dear god my heart hurts for you just reading this.

Ok so first, I’m proud of you for leaving. So proud. That must’ve been so hard.

Two. Don’t go back. At all. He will never change.

Again, proud of you for leaving.

I’m so sorry. You are brave and strong for leaving. No matter what he says or what promise he makes, do.not.go.back.to.him. Period. Do not budge an inch. The next little while will be hard, but there is so much peace and happiness on the other side once you are free of him.

Addicts have to hit rock bottom before they are ready to act on change. Everyone’s rock bottom is different, but they’re often unhealthy or unsafe for those around them until they get there.

You. Know what to do and you did it. Stay away and don’t go back. He was using drugs longer than you think. He just stopped hiding it. He’s dangerous to you and your baby. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should be with them. He has a lot of work to do before he’s fit to have a family. You tell him that when and if he tries to take you to court, you will ask them to drug test him. Drugs stay in the hair follicle for a long time. He’s just bluffing. Stay safe.

He won’t stop until he is ready, you and all the babies and all the reasons in the world won’t change that. I’m telling you this as an opiate addict in treatment/recovery for ~7 years.

And I’m sorry but the hands he has put on you has no excuse, no “oh it’s the pills and alcohol” or “he only does this when he’s fucked up” there is no excuse and you are 100% right to leave.

Please start taking pictures of all of the damaged he has done or continues to do on the home, your car, and your body. Screenshot threatening texts if you have any, also try and discreetly audio recording any instances of his abusive behavior, and save the videos from your ring camera. Call the police every single time he gets crazy and get an order of protection in place. You’re going to need it in court. Please believe me when I say he WILL DENY EVERYTHING! and try and make you look like a liar. Getting a relocation granted to another state with a child is the hardest thing to get granted, unless you have proof and you do not want to be stuck isolated with him. I have been in your shoes and these people never change. Grand yours and your baby’s important documents too (social security number, passports, birth certificates) and anything valuable from the house. If you have access to money, transfer it to a different account of yours now. You need to file for divorce in a state you have had residency for at least six months. So try and live in that other ayate with your parents for six months and then file as it will be easier to get your relocation granted that way too. Get bills and mail mailed to your new address. Start looking for daycares and a job in your home state. This is going to get ugly so start prepping for your new life now. And don’t feel guilty, he brought all of this upon himself.

Do not go back. He’s going out and acting fine because he doesn’t think it’s possible that you’ve left him for real. If he actually is a master manipulator you’re going to have to stand strong for your children and stay away from him until he is sober. File for separation and site his addiction. Have the court order him to rehab and frequent drug tests in order to have supervised visits with the children. He shouldn’t try to come off opiates himself and needs to be in a safe detox facility.

This will either force him to get clean or he will choose the drugs over his children.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

get the courts involved. get an order of protection for you and your children, and get court mandated counseling and rehab for him.

my dad chose crack over me as a toddler, my mom got a restraining order after he took me on basically a bar crawl of crack dens. i didn’t meet him until i was 16 after that. he was still on drugs.

he’ll either change or he won’t, but that’s on him, not you. all you can do is keep yourself and your kids safe.

I'm glad you made a choice for your health and safety. I don't envy your situation. Best of luck friendo

You protect your child, your unborn baby, and yourself. Get out and don’t look back. If you stay you are continuing to r a me his behavior.

Dear God, keep safe. That means far away from him.

Block his number. You’re not safe with him. You’re pregnant and you have a baby. Get yourself safe. Start applying for aid programs in your area. Get a lawyer.

Babe, leave and don’t look back. It seems like you have a support system that can sustain you until you fully recover. I’m also glad his mom knows who he really is bc a lot of times when an abusers family is in denial about them, that’s just more people contributing to the madness and harassment. Either way, idk if you’d consider an abortion, but if you’re open to it, I don’t think it wise to have another baby by that man. And if you have documentation of any of his emotional/verbal abuse on that ring camera, save all the footage you can! Save the messages and everything. If he’s adamant about keeping you under his thumb, which it seems he is, he won’t make it easy for you and your evidence will be enough to shut his ass up. Good luck to you sis. Be safe and don’t let up on him! He’s not in a space to be genuine and will take any kindness you offer him to rope you back in to the mess.

26…41…known substance abuse…

Women love shitty men. I stand by it. Stop rewarding it, stop getting it

That is not love. He doesn't remember anything yet says you antagonize him when he's blacked out? Honey, he is manipulative and abusive. Keep yourself and your children safe. Get away from him as fast as you can. Don't look back or engage with him.

Here is some information you may want to pass along to him about pain relief that doesn't involve pharmaceuticals. I don't know if this will help.. but maybe

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/transcutaneous-electrical-nerve-stimulation-tens/#:~:text=Transcutaneous%20electrical%20nerve%20stimulation%20(TENS,to%20sticky%20pads%20called%20electrodes.

One thing some people are not aware of, is that if you take too much pain killer it will actually cause pain!

Some of those pills will actually cause hallucination as well. He may or may not be aware of this or how the pain feeds his anger. Unfortunately, some have to completely get off the drugs in order to look back and see how they are being affected and how their behavior affects family.

It is my belief however unpopular it may be that the pharmaceutical industry understands this, and wants to keep people popping pills because it feeds their finances. If you haven't seen the documentaries about the opioid epidemic and the pharmaceutical who was sued out of business and then resurrected.. I think you'll find it very educational and shocking.

There's a doctor who wrote a very good book I will provide a link to it below in the hopes that something within its pages may help or your ex - if only to provide perspective and understanding. The book is called in the realm of hungry ghosts. By doctor Gabor Mate

Listen to In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Maté MD on Audible. https://www.audible.com/pd/B07FK5V9KV?source_code=ASSORAP0511160007

I'm feeling very bad about your experience and the pain involved. I'm sorry. When people get on those pain relievers it's really hard especially once they get dependent. It is my hope that you will find comfort and happiness again down the road.

DO NOT RETURN. He is escalating into physical violence and that won’t end well for you or the babies. Get help from a domestic violence group. They will help you find services and supports you will need.

DIVORCE HIM. Make sure you get a restraining order. Get protection. Turn off all tracking. Do not go on social media. You need to hide your whereabouts. Since he is violent, he can make a choice to come after you. Be safe

First and for most, I am really sorry for everything you are going through. I personally know how tough it is. Keep in mind, addiction is an illness that requires lifetime treatment and commitment. I am 10 year sober off pain med. I was an absolute monster. I was dr hopping, stealing, and doing all types of messed up shit, and hurt my wife many times. She did put her foot down, and drew a line in the sand and she did eventually leave me. That was the kick that got ass in gear. Well it’s been 10 years now, I’m still sober, I also still actively work on my sobriety. It’s an every day lifelong thing for someone like me and your husband.

With that said I’m not saying that you should not bend over backwards and roll over for him and let him do whatever he wants. I’m just suggesting to draw the line in the sand. If he wants to get help that is up for him to decide. I highly highly highly highly recommend That you go for treatment as well. They have meetings Alan-on meetings. They are meant for the family and loved ones of addicts. They help people understand attics more and help people understand what will help the most and how a attic thinks. the biggest mistake I see with people is enabling people to continue with their addiction. Once again, I wish you all the luck in the world, just make sure to draw the line in the sand but support if needed.

Move on with your life. Even if he quits you will constantly be living in fear of a relapse. Remember if you burn that bridge he handed you the matches!

Al Anon can be a very valuable support group for family of addicts.

I hope you stay with your parents. This man is abusive to you and unsafe for your child.

Sounds scary af. Def not a good idea to have your kids growing up with someone around like him.

He doesn’t want to change. He doesn’t truly feel he’s lost anything

Go back to ur mother

One day at a time.

Alanon NA AA

"Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making."

I hope he gets the help he seeks. Every alcoholic, addict is searching for .. hmm an experience. I hope he can find one that is of the softer nature unfortunately you and your children are caught in the whirlwind of whom walk a precarious rode.

Just remember not your fault , your decision is yours and you have every right to feel the way you do and do what you do. I hope your journey has sunnier days 🙏

Sounds like you did exactly as you should. You and your babies are safe. Don’t return to that!

My hubby had an issue like this and it only gets worse. You have to draw a hard line and if he loves you he will get himself better. You need out just for safety, remember this other person is not him. And recovered he can be himself again. But only recovered and it’s a long road. My hubby takes Suboxone now and is an absolute success story. His doctor wanted to write an article on his recovery it’s so remarkable. But he has to do it. All you can do is support him in sobriety only and not judge too harshly who he is before the recovery.

You did right by leaving

Get to a safe place. Document EVERYTHING. Pictures, timeliness, everytime he hit you. Call the police, explain everything. Get a restraining order. STAY AWAY FROM HIM. If you stay, he will end up killing you. It sounds like he needs to be 5150'ed (temporary psych hold), obviously needs rehab, and should be in jail. This will only get worse, and he won't stop. Not until your dead. Get away. Stay away. File for divorce and get a restraining order. Continually call the police. DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM. If you do your life and your children's life are at risk Also call his doctor he gets his meds from, tell them he is abusing them, they will make him do a urine test and say he is addicted and abusing the meds he is prescribed as well as getting drugs off the street. They can help get him into care. But please stay way.

You say you don't know what to do, but you know you know what to do. For the good of your child, for yourself, and also that piece of work husband of yours. He isn't going to get better. Hasn't. Has gotten progressively worse. What if you go back and he locks you out and hurts your child, but doesn't remember. What if he hits you and he doesn't remember? He is a loose cannon and as you have said, a master manipulator. I'm sorry this is happening to you OP, but think about down the road. Your child is young now, won't remember this. But if you go back there is a good chance they will be traumatized. And you as well. Stay away from him, get full custody. Start a new life and find someone who will treat you better, or stay single and love yourself. Again, I'm sorry OP. That's really hard.

Stay far far away.

You might still love this guy, and that’s ok. But love from a distance.

Gotta protect you and the baby. No need to explain anything to anyone least if all him. Don’t pack much, just find safety and shelter. Don’t ever communicate with him again. Do it through a third party

Stay where you are. Don’t go back

Restraining order and get a divorce.

I’m so glad you’re leaving him. I’m a clinical psychologist, and if you came to me and shared this in therapy,‘I’d be mandated to report him to CPS for child endangerment. You deserve a lot better. Stay strong, stay safe, and don’t look back!

No I'm not kidding. I did say for her to remove herself and child from the situation for their safety but to remain committed. Have you ever suffered from pain and been on narcotics? They alter your state drastically. There was a commitment made as husband and wife, for better and for worse. And another thing that doesn't quite add up. She's 8 weeks pregnant. That means there was some level of consentual closeness not all that long ago. Before you jump to your conclusion, how's about he responds and shares his side. I'm sure she didn't marry him as drinking heavily. What changed. Allow him to share his side to all this because something is not adding up here

My ex husband was an alcoholic who never remembered abusing me supposedly. He would cry and apologize but would never stop drinking. It’s an excuse plain and simple. He also said I antagonized him. It’s him turning the tables and making it your fault. I suggested he go to rehab and aa meetings. Nope, that won’t help and rehab is too expensive. It never got better, only worse. Violence only escalates with these types of people. Divorce him. Get full custody on grounds of abuse. Make a police report and get a restraining order. Google the red flags of an abuser so you know what to look for in the future. Reach out to your parents and a friend. Good luck.

THIS. WILL. NEVER. CHANGE.

Stay out of state and file for divorce before he hurts your child or you even worse!

Get a lawyer and start the divorce and child custody process he's a danger to you and your children until he shows he wants a real change for himself he's a lost cause hun I'm sorry you're going through this

Keep yourself safe. He is not safe to be around and you have to focus on you and your soon to be 2 kids. I wouldn’t go back. He needs help, lots of it

You are married to my father. Unless you want this to end with a shattered eye socket and you just a shell of a human being i suggest running

Get a lawyer and start the divorce and child custody process he's a danger to you and your children until he shows he wants a real change for himself he's a lost cause hun I'm sorry you're going through this

I don’t know how long you’ve been married or what kind of man he was before this, but I am glad for you and your children that you left.

I am a recovering addict. Not proud of that, but I tell you for context. At no point during countless blackouts did I abuse my wife or break things. Never damaged her car, never laid an angry hand on her. Being fucked up is not an excuse on any level whatsoever. Decent men can get all kinds of fucked up and still not hurt or threaten people.

Stick to your guns. He is a danger to you. I’m proud of you for getting you and your kids out of there.

Omgosh. My fiancé of 2 years (together for 6 on and off), just moved 95% of his stuff into my house 2 weeks ago. Then the EXACT same thing happened. He was verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive to me. It’s a side of him I have never seen (to this extent). When I say to this extent, he’s yelled and said hurtful things a few times in the past but never to this extent. I was terrified. I was pleading and begging him to stop and he wouldn’t. The last fight was bc I was window shopping with him, his brother and sister-in-law and I asked to see a wallet that was way over priced (tag wasn’t on it, they had to tell me). I didn’t buy it. He berated me and beat me down emotionally and mentally the whole car ride home over a wallet I didn’t buy. We got home and even though his stuff is here, he hadn’t permanently moved in so I told him to go to his other house. All 3 times were bad. I’m thick skinned and all 3 events surpassed anything I could tolerate. I slept on it and cried over it and made the decision to end everything. He was planning to move in that Thursday (this was Sunday). He said the same thing, it won’t happen again. He promises. He’ll go to therapy. He loves me and misses me too but I know if I give him another chance (and I’ve given him multiple chances throughout the years) he will never do this again. I’ve heard it all before. This is so painful but I also know it’s the right thing to do. I have 2 boy’s and I never want them thinking it’s ok to treat their wife/fiancé/girlfriend this way. I found a great therapist online that does tele-health and see her on Monday. I need support getting through this and need to be reminded he’s a master manipulator that will continue to say anything to make me stay and then do it all over again. It hurts. Sending you lots of love and support from afar!

I know I will catch a load of hell for my comment… I am an alcoholic, it’s always been booze, nothing else…

Active addiction is a motherfucker. Doesn’t matter the substance or mix of, it’s agonizing. For the addict and most definitely for the family member.

I am not saying he is right, but … fuck, has he tried treatment? I went, I’ve had a couple hiccups since, but it gave me clarity of mind each time. It’ll really open one’s eyes to where they’re at.

Idk, safety is paramount, but push for treatment? You married him for a reason, and you need to think of what that was. Also, fuck the age gap, there’s almost a ten year gap for myself and my wife, we don’t truly choose who we love.

I am not saying he isn’t wrong, but coming from an addicts perspective, support will go a long way to helping him potentially get his shit together. A full court press now could send him deeper.

If you truly do not love him anymore, and you cannot commit, absolutely leave. But if this is all reactionary, take a step back and reconsider. For you, your kids and for him. He deserves grace. Addiction is not a choice, it is a disease.

Tell him you'll come home after he's healed, not before.

I’d love to ask why a woman that is 26 years old is married to a 41 year old but, I’m not gonna do that, I’m simply going to say he went with a younger woman because he knew that he could manipulate you more and that’s the only reason, you’re easily mold able to what he wants. Stay gone and file for divorce

How come he's so old yet so emotionally and mentally immature... this was a whole project not a relationship!

I am so sorry you are going through his. There is a chance he could come out of this, but it would probably leave you on edge all the time. I would never encourage someone to do anything, but you already know the answers. The tough thing is it sounds like your in-laws are nice people and they’ll lose their grandchild because he is still a child. You have family. You have friends. People are there to help you with whatever you need and you will burden no one. If they say come stay with them or they want to help with your child or help with expenses; they’re saying it because they care. Take the help and pay it forward later. You are worth it. Any of us would help. In most cases I would tell people to trust your heart, but listen to the reasoning in your head. You’ve already proven you’re a fighter.

You did the right thing. I should never stayed but I did and now I'm stuck. Even if they do change (he did) it stays with you forever. I will never be who I was before and I will never get that love back. Good luck.

This comment contains a Collectible Expression, which are not available on old Reddit.

I'm sorry. I know what that feels like- to love someone so very much, to want to believe them, and to see the sincerity when they make those promises.

Nothing hurts so much as the thought of giving up on them- especially when, with tears in their eyes, they tell you how sorry they are and how if YOU give up, they are just going to die.

That YOU are that one thing that they have that keeps them alive- and without you- they are nothing.

Just before they go and do whatever it is that they promised they'd never do again- and- when you walk in with the littles, you are the one with the bruises on your arms and the busted lip.

While your baby is watching YOU get mistreated by their father...

He is TEACHING your child how to treat YOU... and how to be treated.

(Sigh)

I loved my first husband so very much- and with that blind love- the kind that thought it would 'change' a person, 'make' them grow up- and I told myself that he had just had the worst childhood- which he did- and he was insecure- which he was.

No one understood him like i did. No one could reach him as I did. He wouldn't really hurt me. He wants what I want. Together, we'll be fine. He's just started wayyy behind because he had it so awful... but he'll catch up. He loves me. He loves our baby.

Many many years later, I do believe he loved me as best he could. I do believe he loved my boys The only way he knew How- by running away.

When I left him, i left him for my babies. I refused to let him treat them the way he treated me. I put mu foot done. If it had JUST been me... (shrug) I don't know' I'd had probs stayed. But he wasn't gonna treat my beautiful babies that way.

I was pretty sure I'd be alone forever, But... I want Qnnu

Do not go back unless you want to be featured on true crime and i say that with the upmost care. Stay safe.

You're so brave for leaving him. Good decision 👍🏻

He will never change. The power narcotics has over you when you’re addicted is intense and incredibly hard to get over. I genuinely don’t think many actually ever do get over it.

Leave him. You and your babies will be better for it!

You need to accept your own responsibility I. This to start. You enabled him. Sure you got mad and took his keys, but you never called the cops. Never reported his drunk driving. Never reported to his doctor that he was addicted and abusing the pills. You kept sleeping with him and hit pregnant again knowing it’s a bad idea to have children with an abusive addict.

Like it or not, you were enabling and supporting his behaviour by continuing to accept him instead of protecting yourself, your child, and even your husband by reporting him. How awesome would you feel if he overdosed and died? How awesome would you feel if he wrecked his car and killed himself or others? Just because he made it home doesn’t mean he didn’t run somebody off the road and hurt somebody. You need to grow up and stop being naive, you have a child and one more on the way. You have to be an adult now!

Stop tolerating and accepting any of your husband’s bad behaviour period. Demand rehab and proof of rehab. Look into support groups for yourself and him. Look into therapy for yourself and him. Get both families involved. It takes a village. Stop keeping his secrets. Alcohol is his problem just as much as the pills so his sister should not be taking him to the bar. Make sure everyone knows it.

Start official divorce. Separation is one thing but divorce takes time. He needs to know how serious this is. You might also need the divorce and custody resolved now before he gets worse.

But bottom line is stop coddling him and adult up! You have failed almost as badly as he has knowing this and doing nothing but beg him.

Hi,

Everyone here is giving u bad advice. To everyone saying he an abuser is full of shit. Pills and alcohol does change your personality and makes you say thing and do things you would never image you were capable of doing. He also probably doesn't remember much the next day as well, I know cause I used to be your husband.

But ever since i quit im not longer, mentaly, physical abusing my wife, I dont even remember the last time I rase my voice to her.

But you do need to show him you very serious about leaving him. Once he realizes this and does truly love you and the kids, He will come around or he will just go even deeper in to denial and probably overdose.

You need to give him an ultimatum Get clean or were done

Here is what i did. 1. Detox center for 2 weeks 2. Rehab for 30days 3. See a therapist once week to find the root cause of his drug abuse. 3. Support group like AA and NA. 4. Volunteering.

Its a long process but it can be done. I was lucky enough to have a strong women by my side that didn't give up on me when she had every right to leave me after all the shit i put her trought.

Abort!

Have an honest look at yourself and talk to him. Ask him and ask sincere questions. Question that will make you uncomfortable and you may not like the answer to but will help you both and your children long term. I believe his behaviour is very wrong and accountability should be present, however that doesn't mean you also shouldn't have any accountability as a wife and mother. When I looked at your profile and the content on there, you struck me as an unfaithful wife. You may have not have outwardly cheated on him but you caused many men online to think and view you sexually. Your seeking attention from men that only your husband should give you. And I think you know this. Perhaps you did or do these things because there's an air of question him towards his commitment towards you. Either way have an earnest conversation with him.

Don't waver around this point. Address it, if not on here to yourself and with your husband.