I left a perfectly good man because FDS made me believe I could do better. And you were right

FDS SUCCESS!

My Ex Boyfriend was a perfectly nice man. He had a stable job, he’d pay for a meal occasionally, he was kind. He even cooked and did some housework. I though I had won the lottery with him and he definitely was the best partner I ever had.

But he would never plan a date, that was all on me. So was all the mental load in the relationship: What are we eating, when are we meeting up, did he get a birthday present for his mum, when did he last spoke to his dad…. It was all on me. Also, marriage just wasn’t on his horizon. The 2 vacations we had been on were very cheap and I planned them entirely on my own.

I am a woman in my mid-twenties, stable career, bi-lingual, loads of hobbies and a tight-knit friend group and FDS made me believe I could do better than this.

Fast forward about a year: I am currently sitting in a very nice Hotel after having a 1h full body massage. My current boyfriend booked all this because he had to work half a day this Saturday. Honestly, I would have just slept in and probably never noticed he was gone, but we had a nice evening, stay at a nice hotel and he booked me breakfast and the spa so I don’t get bored.

He is also very clear about his intentions to propose soon. He is planning all our dates, we go on constant trips and I never pay a penny.

Even though there was nothing wrong with my last bf, I’d never go back

in FemaleDatingStrategyby thighvalueFDS Newbie

2.5K

81%

2.6y

maznyk

519

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Reminder that bare minimum isn’t worth settling for. Just because he’s not horrible or abusing you doesn’t mean you put your standards aside and accept low effort half-assery the rest of your life.

When we vet and make sure he doesn’t have red flags 🚩, that’s just the beginning step. It’s seeing if someone meets the bare minimum requirements to continue having the privilege of conversing with you. Not being as awful as the others does not automatically bump him up to HVM status.

sagicorn2791

187

FDS Newbie

2.6y

The married women that I work with constantly complain how they work all day and go home to cook and clean. I learned from their mistakes and chose a husband who makes it his goal to keep me happy and stress free.

Dstar538888

518

FDS Newbie

2.6y

I dropped the last guy I was talking to over this...never tried to plan a single date not ONCE...it was always me having to do it and he would flake often, that's why I blocked him with no warning because I tried to have a conversation with him about this and he just blew me off, so I just ghosted him

Muffcakelord

238

FDS Disciple

2.6y

Well done! The reason block delete is the only right way to deal with lvm is because they don't listen to us anyways. It's like literally talking to the trash before throwing it out

MajesticSkyPachyderm

FDS Newbie

2.6y

It's like literally talking to the trash before throwing it out

Perfect way to put because then you realise how ludicrous it is!

Dstar538888

FDS Newbie

2.5y

Thanks! It was hard to do at the time, but I feel a lot more free now!

KitsuneKatze

152

2.6y

They knew what they do. It was the right choice to block. Don't give them a chance to gaslight you.

Dstar538888

FDS Newbie

2.5y

yes, I just didn't want to deal with the inconsistency anymore and he didn't seem to care at all, so it was time for me to move on

justanothergirl4278

171

FDS Newbie

2.6y

I'm such a sucker for a love story! I want to hear more about how you met, the first date, etc etc. 😂 He sounds lovely

But honestly, your story is important because I see so many people in relationships nowadays that have a scarcity mindset. Their partners aren't 'bad' but they aren't great either, but you stay because he's not 'that bad' and we think we'll have trouble finding someone as good (or in this case, as average) as them

You should never settle for the bare minimum, or as one of my favorite quotes from a gf would say 'you don't applaud a fish for swimming'

No_Fig2938

663

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Really sweet, glad you found someone better!❤️🙂 I really love posts like these, especially since scrotes love to claim fds doesn't work and we'll all end up crazy cat ladies 🤭🤭 ( even though living with my cats is my life long dream, and I didn't want to ever try dating men before finding fds 💅)

SayNad

208

FDS STRATEGY COACH

2.6y

I've seen so many married and long term couples who at first glance, look happy - but the longer I watch them, the more I notice how alone and stressed the wives are. Even when she works and bring half the income (or being the breadwinner) yet housework and kids are all on her - coz it is the "woman's job".

Meanwhile single ass me sitting here playing with my phone and procrastinating on laundry because I am free. They can threaten "the doom of singlehood" all they want, I'll take this lifestyle over working nonstop 24/7 thanks.

EurasianEmpress

FDS Newbie

2.6y

The fact that your ex needed you to remind him to give his own mother a birthday present, to speak with his own father, to plan dates and vacations, etc means he was low effort and not “perfectly nice” at all. He simply wasn’t invested in the relationship or in you and didn’t care enough about you to put in the effort. That ex was dragging you down and he seemed like a parasite draining your energy. He was never a good man.

maracat1989

133

FDS Newbie

2.6y

I dated a “nice guy” who never once planned a date. I even wrote a list of date ideas and posted them on the fridge. Nothing happened or changed. Lesson learned.

albahe12

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Sis SAME, preFDS, I just thought I needed to CoMMuNiCaTe my needs better so I gave him 3 cheap activity ideas I wanted to do so sooo bad (sunset picnic, go see a play, take pictures in a photo booth) and he NEVER did any of those lol. His idea of the perfect date was coming over, me cooking him dinner and having s*x. how romantic /s

_laufaeson

234

FDS Newbie

2.6y

I completely understand this. When I was in the first stages of initiating a divorce I found this sub and it made me feel less like garbage and realize that I’ll be much better off.

User deleted comment

2.6y

Healingirl

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Was gonna reply the exact same comment and also interested in knowing where you met your current bf!

[deleted]

2.6y

How did you meet your current boyfriend? I’m having a hard time meeting people

EyezOnFyre

FDS Newbie

2.6y

I was going to ask this same question

Ok_Passenger_5717

At-Risk Pick Me Youth

2.6y

I wanna read more stories like this.

WestAtmosphere

187

FDS Newbie

2.6y

LOOOL the men are so mad about this post.

Like I'm sorry you can be nice and all but it doesn't mean you put effort into a relationship. It's tiring to be the only person to plan things, let alone baby a man who can't be bothered to remember his own parents bdays.

The bar truly is in HELL, men expect BEING NICE is enough. This is the BARE minimum of just being a decent person??? They really don't understand the mental load because they never take any of it on - no wonder they get so upset about these posts. If he isn't right out the gate reciprocating/trying it means it's only going to get worse with time and you can be expecting nothing in 5-10 years.

Regardless, congrats girl :D! It's so nice to feel loved and appreciated and for his effort to match or exceed yours!

[deleted]

127

2.6y

The bar truly is in HELL, men expect BEING NICE is enough.

And low performing men have an equally low definition of "nice", too. "WTF, I clean up after myself and I don't beat you. What more do you want?"

[deleted]

2.6y

Omg, I've actually gotten this " I don't beat you " as an excuse for his not paying rent . My response was my standards will never be that low .

WafflesTheDuck

FDS Newbie

2.6y

I mean, the stuff the new guy does for her is just equal to what she puts in just being an average woman . That's the crazy part.

JaeJRZ

144

2.6y

And that's how you level up. I know some may see this and read into it thinking she's horrible for leaving a pretty decent guy, but when a women doesn't realize her worth, way too often do they focus only on what they are getting and letting it overshadow what we aren't getting.. Men get complacent in relationships and do the bare minimum while most women are carrying their own..If a woman is fully taking care of herself and her responsibilities the relationship should be an escape from the stress of daily routines. I hope your new guy remains consistent throughout the relationship.

QueenLagrange

167

2.6y

Whenever I see marriage isn’t on the horizon, I always see 🚩🚩🚩. A HVM wants to get married to the woman he loves. So either he doesn’t love you, in which case you should leave, or he’s a LVM, in which case you should leave

[deleted]

2.6y

I always dump guys that don't plan anything thoughtful after 1-2 dates because they're a dime in a dozen. They're charming, handsome, successful, but I m not interested in 50/50 relationship.

Pre-FDS i'd try hard and end up in one-sided situationships when guys gave up and did 10/90 barely(especially in the city when there's so many choices an average guy can string along 5+ women with little effort)

There's always more guys wanting a shot with me, all I have to do is filter out.

Thanks FDS!

User deleted comment

2.6y

xfelugirlx

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Im so happy for u, you deserve everything. Yes when you need to plan dates almost always and pay for that is so tiring like it’s a responsability and they don’t plan shet and just gave us all the charge

Determinedblonde

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Wow 👏🏻 yeah, others will guilt trip you for leaving a “perfectly good” guy, but that’s not up to your standards. I planned dates and a cheap holiday with my ex years ago, and I got tired of doing the work too. There is nothing wrong with saying to yourself that you can do better, and FDS encourages us to listen to those feelings, instead of society which tells to take what we can get.

fireforestfairy

FDS Apprentice

2.6y

Congrats!

scorchedsouI

125

FDS Newbie

2.6y

There was something wrong with your last boyfriend, he lacked toxic masculinity, yes, but he also lacked healthy masculinity in a sexual and romantic relationship with a woman, hence why it failed. Your current boyfriend doesn't.

[deleted]

2.6y

Yes! We could use a whole thread dedicated to healthy masculinity, so many don't even know what it looks like because it is so rarely seen !

Partypuppers

FDS Apprentice

2.6y

This.

[deleted]

2.6y

OMG I am beyond happy for you!!!!

cbmurp3

FDS Newbie

2.6y

hell yeah girl! i love hearing this

Gold_Zebra_3990

FDS Newbie

2.6y

I’ve bookmarked this. One of my all time favorite posts. Thank you!!

TikiTikiTata-chalala

FDS Newbie

2.6y

👏👏👏 FDS Success!! This is where it's at! Good on you for knowing your worth and not settling!

jasminekisses4u

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Bravo sis! Keep those dusties in the trash bin while you go to greener pastures <3

jijitsu-princess

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Score!

onions_r_evil

🍰

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Awesome!

lolmemberberries

FDS Newbie

2.6y

We love to see it. I'm glad you upgraded to the relationship you want and deserve.

CountingDownTheDays5

FDS Apprentice

2.6y

OP he wasn't a good man if you took on majority of the load of the relationship. You were dating yourself and giving him the credit for your work.

[deleted]

2.6y

This is great to hear. Can I ask how did you two meet?

yoursultana

Ruthless Strategist

2.6y

I liked your post but there were PLENTY OF THINGS WRONG WITH YOUR EX. It’s not okay to label him as a good guy when he wasn’t. That man didn’t care about you much at all.

Confidence_Relative

138

FDS Newbie

2.6y

The bar is so low for men that by even doing the barest minimum we are socialised to see them as some kind of prize! Conditioned to think ‘we’ve won the Lottery’ while carrying all the load. Who told them they were the prize? We did 🤡. Thank God we are waking up and not settling anymore.

[deleted]

2.6y

Sounds like he didn’t care for himself, and that extended onto OP. Agreed, he wasn’t good, really. So he had a job, bought food every now and then, and existed. That sets him apart from literally no one except for someone who’s homeless and unemployed. Very low bar.

Aromatic-Owl8808

FDS Newbie

2.6y

amen. "he'd pay for a meal occasionally"???

warinmymind94

FDS Disciple

2.6y

Good post. A lot of us that are recovering pickmes or new to FDS often think guys like your previous boyfriend really think men like that are "so good" and "great catches" when they really are lousy, not even meeting the bare minimum men. He wasn't planning and he paid sometimes which sounded like that was his way of 50/50.

Your current boyfriend is a real example of a man that ACTUALLY is "good". He makes effort, he doesn't cheap out, his intentions are clear, he makes time for you and values you and shows it.

ifhewantedtohewould

FDS Newbie

2.6y

I’m SO happy for you!! Know your worth and never settle!! 🥂

Sewud

FDS Apprentice

2.6y

This is great! I am trying to change too from the mindset of being cool with anything to thinking it's okay if a guy treats me nicely. I find it so hard to make that change in my beliefs.

WaitWaitHeart

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Thank you for sharing this. When you get a chance at the end of this fun filled weekend, please fill us in on how you met this bf. Thankyou!

Moderator removed comment

2.6y

qwaliY

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Not to be rude but he doesn't sound that amazing from what you wrote here! Don't let rose tinted glasses make red flags look white !

[deleted]

2.6y

Sis, in a few months you'll thank him for dumping you. Believe me, I was in your situation two years ago! He's not great, you deserve a good man who adores you and considers your happiness his priority.

WestAtmosphere

FDS Newbie

2.6y

He was not perfect. If he couldn't ever be bothered to plan a date with you it means it didn't matter to him enough. Even if he hated doing certain things, it's the thought that counts a lot of the time; in this case he wasn't thinking about anything that would make you feel special. He's not making you a priority at all, is that what you would want for life?

User deleted comment

2.6y

MsWriteNow07

FDS Newbie

2.6y

Fantastic!

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2.6y

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[deleted]

2.6y

Had me in the first half, ngl

CranberryNo1448

🍰

1.8y

Thank you so much

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