My mom is really effected by my depression. I'm not bad to be around I just lock myself in my room when depressed. She talks about it all the time, she makes the my trauma all about her, how hard it is on her, how its gonna give her a heart attack. But she offers no emotional support whatsoever and makes me life 10x harder.
The blunt truth take it our leave it because it's up to you.I know what a toxic relationship and toxic situation is and this is both!!!I am a intuitive empath and I know what it's like to suddenly feel sad and have no idea why.I have a suggestion the way that I channel my emotions as in giving my emotions a outlet I learned to play a musical instrument it's not easy at first our at least it was not easy for me.You need to be careful and don't trust your mother because she is clearly gotten addicted to the attention that she gets ow worse my don't I deserve sympathy and because of that she might decide to turn the lies she says into reality from you she can't be trusted you need to stay clear of her though I doubt that she will let you!!! Another way of dealing with what you feel is to eliminate all body language because she also feeds of your depression it's becoming her meat and drink so do whatever you can to keep your distances without showing that's what you are doing.I found that bullies attack to get a certain reaction from the people they attack and once i eliminated my body language they went to someone else i hope my suggestion's help you.Rember never let your gard down because she will attack you to get her sick high off of your depressed body language.I know what it's like to have a toxic family member so believe me when I say I understand.
Oof, massive narcissist you're dealing with. She's the one that triggered your empathicness. She has taken away your power your entire life and now you're unable to harness your life power, depression is the symptom of this. She did this to you and now she blamed you for it. Horrible... Really horrible
Hmm, that’s a rough one. Ask yourself a few things: does she act this same way when you have other problems, or is it just your mental health that bothers her? Are the two of you close, and if so, have you maybe distanced yourself a bit to cope with what you are experiencing? (Don’t feel bad or blame yourself AT ALL if this is the case, you’re coping the best way you can). Are you an adult yet? (If not, she may blame herself and not understand how depression works, maybe she doesn’t understand that you have no control over this). Is everything else in life “all about her” all the time? Is she emotionally supportive to you in other ways, in other areas of your life? If you have siblings, how does she respond to their problems? Does she make other people’s issues all about her? I’m a ridiculously sensitive empath so that’s why I’m thinking of all possible angles I can here. I encourage you to learn about Narcissistic parents and their habits/cycles of abuse- I’m not at all saying that she has that problem, but empaths do unfortunately make great fuel to Narcissists…I know this because once upon a time, I uprooted my whole existence and moved halfway around the world to marry one, oops! (I’m not there anymore of course!). But I don’t want to slap that label on your mom- I just thought it could be one of many possibilities. Is it possible that she’s extremely depressed, under chronic stress or otherwise struggling with her own mental health, and might not know how to handle it other than putting it all on you instead? (TOTALLY inappropriate to project that onto you of course, but that’s fixable if she’s willing to get the help she needs/deserves). Do you see a therapist? Does she? Would you both be willing to go to counseling together to help clarify things? I feel like that may be the best thing to do, but everyone’s different, it’s just a thought.
I don’t know the answer to your question, so I’m putting questions out there for you to ask yourself and hopefully gain a bit of insight, I hope this helps a little! And I wish you the best- you will get through this!
OMG! Your mom is, and I hope you're not offended for my honesty, is a narcissist! I'm so sorry but, I know, exactly what you're going through! Both my parents are, narcissist, my dad passed away some time ago but, my mom, is a total narcissist!! Everything is about her, she tells me, the same things, you're being told, how, I ruined her life!, how, her, depression, is my fault!,she's a very, angry and bitter person, it's not, our fault, our parents had or have, unhappy lives, they chose the life they wanted to live and God said, you got what you wanted!! Be strong! Never give up! You're not alone, I promise!
I also want to say this, you're so right!! Be an empath is hard enough but, when you have someone who is constantly, beating you down emotionally, and doesn't care about you or your life, it's like, living in hell, everyday of your life! That's why, we need each other. Have a blessed day!
There could be one of two things:
She is mostly seeing it through her eyes, and how hard it is for her, because she is worrrying about you, and it making her fell not so good. She's venting. That is mostly normal people behaviour. Nothing to condemn but nothing to praise.
She doesn't know how to reach you and is hurting to much, and maybe hopes you will see her strugling, hurting and try "to be better" together with her. Or for her. Connecting through pain. A "weaker" more emotional person. They hurt from other people's pain. Just tell her you need help. From her, not some shrinks. You will cry togeather and it will be easier in the long run. Than when you are depressed, you can say you are feeling down.
I know this is a question nobody likes to hear, and will probably make you angry and thinking that I took her side, when you want at least support online BUT "Have you told her, and asked for support" Or at least explain her everything and say that sometimes you just need some alone time to sort things out.
You are probablly right and it is as you say. But damn I really want to help and not just offer temporary "encouragement"
I cannot offer any advice. I can only say some of my experience. When I am down or look down to others(like Keanu) just existing not being sad, or being sad. I tend to behave "happy" to not inconvenient others. And with them not always being on my back takes the stress of me a bit. Sometimes I can feel the ball of depression like a lump in my throat, and mentally told my self to feel happy with the "bad" emotions. Tell your self it makes you special. Now when sadness or melancholy hits, when I feel the lump, I inhale, like taking it in. It's wierd. Like my eyes open and I am not in a fog.
But if it doesn't help you and you don't feel it hit anything in you, just write this of as giberish and forget you read it. No need to reply.
I am wierd anyway. I get happy when other people around me are happy. Normally I am totally neutral. I could be alone, and not be sad or anything.
Your methods may be unorthodox but they're actually very similar to a method that I use personally to deal with my depression and I'm not recommending this for anybody because this is my own personal experience and do not work for others the way it doesn't work for me and once you find out what it is may agree with me on that.
I've dealt with depression all my life, growing up lets just say neither of my parents wanted children at least not from a caring standpoint. I'm the byproduct of an emotional vampire mother and apathetic abandoning father, i always try to make others feel happy or lessen their pain stress or sadness, in hope of nobody ever feeling anyway close to how i feel on the inside.
Over time ive found depression to feel like sinking in the cold dark depths of an ocean of sorrow, found out in some cases there is no rock bottom just needless sinking. With this mindset I've taught myself to feel a sort of joy from sadness, finding comfort in the cold and dark, I'm happiest when i feel crushing sadness, i don't like to see others in pain or depressed and with what i learned from my mother i can focus on others pain and sorrow absorbing it and feeding on it, lessening their depression while taking on no negative effects
Selfishness. Simple.
Her response is basically, “pretend you’re happier so I don’t have to be uncomfortable with your honest expression of your emotions.” She’s the A-hole.
I think you probably need to take a look at whether this is a regular occurrence in other aspects of your life. Does she say hurtful/critical things and then get angry or dismissive when you say that it was hurtful? Does she denigrate hobbies that bring you pleasure? Do you find that you are typically happier outside of her domain, and that those things are strongly discouraged? Is incapable of giving a sincere apology, or admitting fault?
Depression is an all too common response to emotional abuse. Ideally you need to unpack the answers to the questions above with a therapist.
It sounds like she’s selfish if she makes what you deal with about her.
And you also mentioned that she doesn’t offer emotional support while making your life harder.
You have this inner knowing already if she’s actually being empathetic or otherwise. Trust it.
This is r/raisedbynarcissists material.
I am so very sorry that you're going through this with your mom. She sounds like a very difficult person to get along with. Does she do this with everyone else, too? Making it all about her? Unfortunately, if she is that self-centered, you won't get sympathy or understanding from her because she's incapable of seeing beyond her own pain and mental health issues. It sounds like she needs serious mental health help, and I suggest that you seek out a therapist, too, if you haven't already. It really does help. I know because I've been there. My mom is gone, now, and I love her and I miss her. But she literally couldn't understand my depression and would constantly ask me why I was depressed. She was emotionally and physically abusive when I was growing up, although fortunately we were able to move through that after I became an adult, and we ended up having a great relationship after both she and I sought out therapy. I hope this will be the same for you, but oftentimes it doesn't. You need to take care of yourself and your mental health. If this means distancing yourself from her and stopping yourself from confiding in her and spending time with her how you used to, maybe she will realize that she's pushing you away, and hopefully will want to talk about it and be willing to get help to salvage your relationship. I'm hoping this will be the outcome. If she's a true narcissist, that will not happen, unfortunately. And to be honest, if she is a narcissist, or even just a very selfish person, she won't, and she'll move on to someone else she can terrorize.
I'm sorry that I don't really have any words of wisdom to impart, except to say that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost, and to hell with what your mom is trying to put into your head. Having depression isn't your fault, and you shouldn't feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her because it bothers her. Concentrate on getting yourself into a good headspace so you can move on from the manipulation.
Hiya, Empaths! PSA that NPD is a complex mental illness rooted primarily in self-esteem dysregulation and impossible to diagnose from a 3 sentence Reddit post. Plenty of toxic, selfish people out in the world who aren't actually narcissists - just assholes.
OP, your Mom does sound like an asshole. She is not offering you the compassion you deserve. I hope you can get some support for your mental health. <3
I understand where you’re coming from. However, you’re not selfish when needing to have your own need to recharge from someone like that who makes it all about themselves. Especially if there is no emotional support as well.