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14 hours of walking does sound quite healthy.
Just gotta make sure to eat enough
And take water
Have you read "Atomic Habits"? ........discipline is never going to feel "good" or "right".....you basically have to decide what you want your life to look like/what routine you want to have and make small changes towards that goal.
But I also agree that 16 just megasucks because of hormones and would give yourself a break! :D
Man, you're 16.
I don't even have any advice on this, because you're still literally a child.
Odds are you're in a hormonal funk. It happens around your age, and it will pass.
Getting through this is going to help you build coping skills that will help you later in life, when shit actually gets difficult.
I don't think it's fair to say that op's life isn't difficult. I'm 27 now, and my teenage years were the most difficult time of my life, maybe tied with my senior year of college. They could be going through some real shit that is causing the 14 hours of YouTube to be an escape mechanism.
But as far as finances and career, I'd agree for the most part. That stuff can wait a few more years, but still shouldn't be forgotten.
Well, then they should have alluded to the real problems in their post, not just talked about how they don't find enjoyment in things.
Based on the post, the kid is stuck in a rut, that's all.
But real word of advice is stop watching YouTube. It will never help you.
Well that's just not true at all. There is literally thousands of educational and informational videos on YouTube.
Let’s be honest most people who have a YouTube addiction aren’t using it for educational purposes
you have to actually do something with that information, just passively watching youtube will not help you
This!!
A lot of people miss this and consume hours and hours of educational content, but they don't try to implement or use the information they learnt for their own good.
Maybe a good jumping off point for a shift of mindset then, wouldn't you say?
Also I use my phone as a coping mechanism, coping from the reality I don't wanna see, I have reaised it but still nothing am changing
Honestly, how bad do you want this to change? If you want it badly enough, go to your parents and ask them to take away your phone and just give you a dumb flip phone.
I was thinking the same, I'll try thanks
Yo, I'm 16 too, and in the 11th grade, I suffer from binge-watching youtube videos and procrastination from studies although I am in a slightly better condition. Add me as friend and perhaps we can keep each other accountable ?
No problem
You’re only 16, but it’s great you’re wanting to improve your life.
-Reach out to a school counselor, maybe find a therapist. Find guidance from people who show you that they want you to do well.
-Learn to try and try again. All of those things you described above may not work immediately. Keep at them, review them every week and adjust them. I would recommend that you at least get your sleep, nutrition, and working out in order.
-start small. Lifelong habits are built with small choices, done over and over
-Learn to tune into your body and asking yourself “what do you need to feel good in my body. “And I don’t mean pleasurable things, I mean things that make you feel fulfilled or emotionally supported.
Engaging in things like YouTube and porn, is generally a way for us to meet a need. Starting to show up for yourself and your emotions is an important lifelong practice.
Lastly, I am not a psychologist, but I would recommend asking a family doctor to be screened for ADHD. At the very least, you can find resources online that teach you the skills you’re looking for.
ChatGPT is that you?
literally me , except I am 17 I am to lazy to fix myself and when I do I am either hit with an obstacle or get busy with other thing in life
You're also very young. Don't feel any obligation to have your shit together. I was 25 before I got even a rough idea of what I wanted out of life
34 here and still barely have a clue to this day. Finding comfort in the not knowing kind of rocks though.
I’ve heard 30 is when your mind calms down and you start learning life.
This is from other 3X year olds who we’re wild 2X year olds
Absolutely true.
I wasn't necessarily a wild 20 something, and I got married pretty young (23), but both my wife and only really figured out what we're doing - and developed a solid, achievable life plan - within the last 5ish years.
We're both in our mid 30's now, and finally feel like we have stability and a pretty decent grasp of how things work.
Same I don't know what to do at this point
You “get hit” with an obstacle??Remember that your life, your future is literally a series of moment to moment decisions that only YOU make for yourself. And even when you don’t make a decision, that is your decision!
Trying to turn ur life around at 16 by goal setting and criticizing urself like a fully grown adult is an unreasonable expectation. Think about what hard deadline u may have in the near future and just focus on meeting that and have a plan in place for if/when u cannot.
Think of some things to do other than watching YouTube. Make a list of 50-100 activities. Everyday, pick something off of the list to do. It’s totally fine to spend some of your day watching YouTube, just not all of it. If you are watching 14hrs/day now, then 12hrs could be considered an improvement, so try finding something else to do for 2hrs and slowly increase from that point.
Try to get a part-time job. Even a 4-5 hr shift, 2-3 days per week, can benefit you with both money and better habits.
Take a break from screens and go for a walk outside as often as you can. You could do a few 10min walks per day or take an hour-long walk. Walking supplies more oxygen to the brain, esp if you take long deep breaths through your nose, which will benefit you in numerous ways.
17F here and I could definitely say that people our age are very susceptible to social media addiction. I had to quit every social media platform (except reddit), tiktok, youtube, instagram, etc. my life has completely changed as a result. I was able to move on from the phase of fantasizing about my goals to actually executing them. It sets your dopamine baseline too high, and that’s why you don’t feel the push to pursue things like studies or hobbies, or they feel extremely harder than normal, because your brain would rather have the easier satisfaction you get from youtube.
14 hours of social media is super unhealthy, even just 5 hours is unhealthy. If you’re really addicted you can either try pushing through a cold turkey quit (deleting everything) or slowly reducing the amount of hours you spend (set a screen time timer for youtube that closes the app when you reach it).
You are probably overstimulated as well, and that can mess up your mental state and leave you feeling drained and tired, further continuing the instant gratification cycle of boredom/too tired —> instant gratification —> overstimulation —> boredom/too tired, etc.
Like any change in life, it starts with a plan. Write down the things you know you have to do. You know you have to quit youtube. And I say quit FOR NOW because if you have an addictive personality it’s much better to quit it completely. Set how many hours you plan to spend, reduce it the following week, and the next..
What I realized with this type of addiction and overstimulation is, you can try your best to set goals and practice self improvement, but if your dopamine baseline is out of wack it makes the whole process a thousand times harder than it has to be. You can’t be addicted to social media and improve your life the way you want to, that is the truth. Get rid of this obstacle and work on your addiction, and THEN you can pursue your goals. You’ll be surprised by how being intentionally bored is the key to productivity and creativity.
I'm also 17F and I also have an addiction to my phone and I want to change and I really am trying but sometimes I still give in and it's so hard for me to keep on going sometimes and I just want to know if you have any advice of what to do when you feel like stopping and giving in to old habits? Do you know of any useful ways to stop?
It's actually scary how easy it is to give in to the old habits like before I know I've been on my phone for hours and lost so much time and then that makes me feel so much worse.
Imagine a 10 year old wrote what you just wrote in your post, what would you say to them? A 10 year old seems young to you at 16 right?
Im 36 and 16 is young to me, and all ill say is youre young and lifes hard and it makes sense youre struggling, most people do, and if you think they dont struggle, it just means theyre hiding it better than you think.
You care a lot about your life and thats the first step, youre already ahead of the game by being introspective and self aware, most kids your age arent that self aware.
But what does it make of, I have been trying to change but it's hard, I feel like I am not even close to people my age, they are atleast better than me in their studies which is important, I can't seem to focus
everyone experiences the world in their own unique way, really tall people have a really easy time playing basketball, you have things about yourself that make life hard for you in your own way.
Just accepting that everything is hard and you go on your own pace, and you just keep pushing and trying is good for your mental health.
what youre doing right now is called a self fulfilling prophecy, constantly comparing yourself to others and wishing things were better and worrying, is holding you back, its causing stress chemicals in your brain that makes succeeding in life even harder. Its okay to think things are not going well, but OBSESSING over that makes things go worse.
It takes a long long long time for water to cut a hole through rocks, but it happens in nature, you cant see it with your eyes, but water can erode rock given enough of a time frame, (thats how the grand canyon was formed) so give yourself time, eat healthy, sleep properly, get proper vitamin D, dont look at blue light after 6pm, make sure you get sunlight in your eyes in the morning (to set your circadian rhythm)
Essentially at your age the most important thing is quality sleep, seriously its like 70% of what you should be focusing on, your brain creates "focus" chemicals when you sleep. Research how to sleep the best, make it a consistent schedule same time every day.
Every other 16 year old, almost every, feels the same way and has the exact same thoughts
Then I don't understand how are they still happy and died good I'm everything
I was you at 16 (still kind of am) Im 18 now. It's not that far ahead, but 16 to me seemed like a long time ago.Mostly because i havent changed my way of being that much.
SORRY, THIS TURNED INTO A VERY LONG MESSAGE!
Here's what i would do: 1) I would work on the present. Do what is needed of you NOW, don't wait for sunrise. Dishes? ASAP. School assignment? Read every info given to you by your teachers first. Morning breath? Brush your teeth. Hungry?eat. Feeling gross? Shower. Have something you gotta say to your parents/friends? Say it with your chest NOW.
2)DELAY your phone usage. If you have ease falling asleep amd just laying doing nothing at night, then you can use your phone. But not as soon as you wake up. From the moment you open your eyes, whether at midnight or 1 pm achieve number 1 first THEN use your phone. It won't be easy to break your phone addiction, at least it wasnt in my case. Unless you swap your smartphone for a flip phone, like someone suggested or/and have limited timed access to internet (not controlled by you), just delay your phone usage for AS LONG AS YOU CAN, trust me you won't miss out on ANYTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. Don't chase the algorithm. Its a never ending race you don't even want to recommend running. If you can't do something without using your phone, like cleaning without a vlog or texting a friend/classmate about an assignment, start the task first, get the ball rolling. Do the most without your phone, once you understand your task without the purpose of your phone, set a timer for five minutes, complete what you were gonna use your phone for. The timer will automatically remind you of the fact that you are probably on the internet, even passively, and its now up to you to cut it out and delay your phone usage again.
If you have trouble reminding yourself why you had to use your phone, just repeat it to yourself. It's not crazy, you're not crazy.
3)give yourself some grace, but not by encouraging current habits. You don't have to do something every hour of everyday, but when you do need a break, don't pick up "bad" habits. Even for 5 minutes. Speaking from experience, you are not missing out on anything like i said. Go on a walk, drink some water, change your clothes, lay on the floor. Anything that won't bring you back to even the taste of most habits that make you feel numb and unfufilled. The more you allow your breaks and free times to be different from your old habits, the more you'll discover the why's to the what of your (unfortunatly ) current behavior.
IMPORTANT: I have adhd and have done number 2 and 3. Without prioritizing number 1, you will probably not be able to feel satisfied with the unknown. I still have to remind myself that although i have improved from my past addictions, unless i actually do the work i have to do, ESPECIALLY the work i don't feel like doing, i always feel anxouis about my abilities. Not doing what i have to do, no matter the amount of time/effort/energy it takes will leave me feeling insecure, about myself and honestly, everything i could possibly relate to me. TLDR: you have to spend the 24 hours that you have by first, doing what you have to do to do what you have to do. THEN and then only would i recommend giving yourself grace, but within limits. To ensure you won't go back to your vice, delay the use/context of your vice.
Being lenient is your biggest step back right now, and it probably will be for a while, so my final advice is to not drown emotionally, let your surrounding be as strict as possible. It won't be fun, even appetizing, but even now, since i still struggle, i realise that in the beginning, when i needed and wanted to change, the stricter i let my surrounding be, the better i felt over time about my ability to take on work. It's like the concept of doing with what you've got. Make sure that what you keep(in environment) does not leave you space to step into old habits. This, in my experience, has brang me satisfaction WITHOUT self-harm(speaking down of myself,etc). You wont be better in a day, not even a week. But you definitly will not be worse or stagnant. Time and strictness are the keys really. They will clearly tell you what is important(number1).
You don't need luck OP, nor do you need more time to plan or think. You need to start AND THEN stay in this marathon. Sleep, food , smiles and laughter will STILL be a part of your daily routine. These are not things that you are able to lose. You will not be able to control them(if that makes sense) but you will be able to experience them, and appreciate them much more.
So be strict with the environment you walk into, because what you let yourself walk into will probably dictate the order you complete tasks in.
I know that my comment will get lost in this infinite number of replies but here goes. I too, am just like you. I am 16 (a sophomore) and last month I didn’t know where my life was going. My only friend is leaving next year for college and I will be alone. I considered ending my life multiple times last month and when I brought it up to my friends they would say the same thing. But I knew that they just said it for attention. They wanted to fit in and draw attention. My “friends” are both competing for valedictorian and they are both eager to stab someone in the back for it. I do not consider them friends but everyday when they would complain about a 99 it made me think about killing myself more. I didn’t have purpose, I didn’t have meaning, I just knew that (like you) I woke up, learn, sleep, repeat, and eventually die. To be truthful I don’t know why those thoughts went away but they did. I do not have an answer to them and I have about 16 pages of suicide notes that I wrote in case I ever decided to kill myself. The truth is, there is joy in the world and although I cannot find it and I hide my depression and sadness inside I still remain alive. Reading your post looked like I wrote it myself because everything you said is right. But life is not a game. No matter your religion we are not 100% sure what is beyond death. That is forever a mystery. But until then you must find a way to live. For me it was flying. I am in the early stages of trying to learn how to fly a plane and it brings me joy. Although I still consider killing myself sometimes don’t. Just don’t. I would’ve have killed myself 10 times already if I knew that my family would be okay afterwards. If I died I would ruin the lives of everyone I ever touched because they would be drowning in so much sorrow that they may consider joining me. I doubt you will read this. But if you do I want you to know that you and I are much more alike than you might think. I wish you only the best as both you and I try to find our way.
Best of luck brother, it's really good to see you improving, I am reading every replies so don't worry, I will try to find a way to live, an aim tha ks for helping,🫂
Man you’re just sixteen, give yourself some grace. But some great advice is academically get a tutor and ask for help, I wish I would have more at that age. And work on not being on your phone so much
Why not watch stuff to do with your studies. 14 hours everyday on YouTube is a bit extreme for anyone’s standards. Maybe see if there is any clubs to help with your studies as the only way to get better is through hard work.
Reality is you’re 16 and you’re yet to experience life being in school and at home. I only say this as your perception of things will grow in time, just like you.
This IS his life and his reality. Doesn’t anyone else remember being 16? Adults saying; “you’re still young “ or “you don’t even know what life is” means absolutely nothing. It’s not reassuring or helpful.
I don’t envy today’s youth. The internet and social media has added SOOO much more pressure to their lives and so many more people and situations to compare their own to. Depression in teens has skyrocketed for this very reason.
I just got through it with both of my kids. Not only is it inevitable for them to compare themselves physically, mentally and socially if they are on social media (both my kids were made to delete social media for a month during this), but they also start trying to label themselves and give a name/reason for, what they perceive, is wrong with them, then they want to fix it.
They are not broken! That is what they need to learn. How to feel comfortable in their own skin.
I understand your point this is his reality right now and technology is so much more advanced. I’m 25 so I grew up and around this wave of technology and social media comparisons. All these points you think make no sense to him now, also made no sense to me when I was at his age but come to my 20s when I matured and started to understand things as my perception of life widen that the advice at school was right but I needed the life experience to understand that.
A helpful response to him is to build positive habits as they will last with him, but not to be condescending, I doubt he will understand the magnitude of that advice. He needs life experience. How to reassure him that he is young and to be comfortable in his own skin at this difficult time with puberty, social and academic pressures it’s gonna be tough.
I myself learnt some bad ideologies from the internet growing up and fell down the rabbit hole of comparisons due to Instagram. It took time for me to understand and be comfortable with myself but I had to take all of these experiences to grow as a person and hope the parents/guardian can teach you to be self assured and confident. He should really be having a conversation with an adult who can mentor him like a counsellor so he can understand his thoughts better.
I understand we will have different opinions on the matter and cos you’re a parent you are probably coming from the angle of nurture, while I see it as nature, that he needs to grow and find himself. I’m happy to listen and try and understand your point of view.
You kind of made my point, that your advice was not welcome, even to yourself, at his age and that was all I was saying. My advice to him was not to “feel comfortable in his own skin”, and I do agree that building positive habits are essential and lasting, however; it’s not going to happen without step by step details “how to” and support. My advice/recommendation was to a phenomenal mentor who not only has the answers, but the programs, tools, resources and community that can get him there step by step, with endless support.
Your points aren’t very clear. You’re now saying your advice is not for him to feel comfortable in his own skin? Yet you ended your first point saying how they need to learn to feel comfortable in their skin.
Why are you insistent on being condescending and right? Your so called advice to this phenomenal mentor was no where as clear in the first place, you’ve just paraphrased what I’ve said now and continued to state my advice isn’t welcome. Even though we both agree on certain points like building positive habits (my first point was saying YouTube 14 hours a day was a bit excessive) and then further stated how he should seek a mentor. No where did you state this advice was to the mentors
I said that to you, not to him. There is nothing condescending about my comments and I have no need to be right. You are a bit too defensive. I was merely explaining that, in my opinion and experience, people need a plan not just well intended advice. They need support and accountability. No worries, I didn’t know everything at 25 either (that was condescending)
You’re merely paraphrasing what I’ve said and then saying I’m in the wrong. And I’m not supposed to be defensive at that!?
Looking through your prior downvoted comments it’s apparent that condescending and the lack of awareness are in your nature
When I was 16 and failing classes, a journalism teacher encouraged me to begin writing for her in the school newspaper. I was a lot better than I thought I’d be. She stuck by me and told me, “you could help someone who feels like you do.” The next year I led the student newspaper staff.
I ended up doing journalism in the Navy before I went to college to learn psychology. I kinda owe it to her because without her insight, I wouldn’t be where I am now.
Find something you’re good at and get better at it. Join a club or enroll in an interesting elective class. You’ll meet like-minded people and develop some aspirations. That’s a fulfilling life - being surrounded by people who like you for who you are, and doing what you like to do. But you’ll never get there if you don’t start trying new things and figuring out what you like and don’t like.
Good luck my friend.
32F with ADHD here to tell you I’m am three raccoons in a trench coat so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I do advise start small. Focus on eating regularly, bathing & hygiene regularly, and go on 30min walks phoneless at least 3 times a week. Try to keep your room clean bc a messy room fucks with your mental health & remember that you still have a lot of time to figure this out. Good luck 👍🏾
I think it's great that you've tried different things like playing football, being religious, and practicing stoicism. Trying out different activities and approaches is a good way to explore what resonates with you. It's okay if those things didn't work out as you hoped—they might not be the right fit for you, and that's totally fine. You'll find your way one day!
Could start studying psychology. Lots of good stuff there to help you figure out the following: A. Why what you’re experiencing isn’t unique. B. How others have overcome it. C. Why humans are they way they are (we think). And D, how you may, one day, help someone else in a similar situation, using the tools you’ve learned by studying psychology.
Ngl...I totally misread this "Please advise how to fix my Wife"
I'm equally interested in fixing my or lives too.
Wish thats never the case to anyone
I'm not trying to dig on you or insult you but I think you might need therapy man. I wish the best for you, good luck.
No worries thanks man
Whatever you want to change, just change. Watch youtube 14 hours a day if you want. Watch porn if you want. You need to decide what you actually want to change.
If you want to study and learn more, do so. The internet is full of free classes. Take one that interests you. Or don't. It's your life to live and you don't need to compare it to anyone's life. Do what makes you happy.
PLEASE-Go to the website “Unlimited “ with Dr Joe Dispenza or begin by watching HIS YouTube videos. He has literally changed my life. I found him on Gaia and started watching and reading anything I could find by him, then I discovered his website. There are many products, courses and events to choose from. I personally purchased and completed the Progressive and Intensive Online Course Bundle and the Dr Joe Live Monthly membership.
I can honestly say that I am a completely new person and my future is bright. Dr Joe graduated as a doctor of chiropractic,as well as, studied/practiced meditation when he was injured. During the biking stretch of a triathlon, he was cut off, I believe, by a police car in pursuit, either way he hit the car, went flying and broke his back. He was never supposed to walk again.
He focused on how people who had healed themselves did it, he went back and trained in the fields of neuroscience and neuroplasticity, quantitative electroencephalogram measurements, epigenetics and heart/brain coherence.
He did heal himself and went on to write a book, which lead to requests for him to teach others how to make measurable changes in their own lives and his workshops were born. There are amazing and inspirational stories with recorded scientific evidence from his students attending his live events several times a year.
I had always been very active and involved, I was also an adrenaline junky, and my sports and activities of choice had a very high risk for injury and as a result, last summer I had my 16th surgery. Including several upper and lower back surgeries, many knee surgeries (now they are both replaced), shoulders, wrist, you get the picture. I had gotten to the point of severe chronic pain and fatigue, which created depression to the point that I was almost catatonic.
It was painful just to wake up in the mornings, it took hours just to loosen up and be able to get going, doing anything felt like a chore and I would find myself sitting there staring into space, unable to get anything accomplished, just waiting for 5pm, a glass of wine and falling asleep. I became so angry and frustrated to think that this would be my life, I became determined to do something about it.
I began my own research and after some great beginning information, I was lead to Dr Joe within a few months. For me, meditation did not come easily, but I worked at it and now it is almost involuntary. Most importantly; I am so grateful to have discovered this information and to have stuck with it!
I am close to being pain free!!!! I walk/jog, lol. I socialize, I am back to work, I get right up in the morning early , I’m never in bed before 10pm and I am so happy. I still have a ways to go, but I’m definitely on the right path.
Good luck to you and feel free to reach out
Honey I’m not trying to be condescending but you’re literally 16, you have so much life ahead of you. Don’t beat yourself up, create a schedule, ask your parents about getting a therapist (not because you’re capital A crAzy, just because it’s good to have someone to talk to). Discipline creates habit, even though working out is hard make yourself a basic schedule: wake up, brush teeth make bed get dressed, do some healthy religious studies, go to school, tell your teachers “guys I am really not happy with how I’m performing in school, can you help me with this homework/project so I do well” make sure you’re eating well, workout after school, go out of your way to make friends take a shower and go to sleep :) you’re so young you got this, and just know it won’t last forever
Go nofap and stop watching YouTube for a little while and get use of not having a constant source of dopamine. I’m also in highschool and have felt the same way. The reason you don’t enjoy anything is becuase you always have a source of dopamine. Get use to not having that dopamine. Delete TikTok and YouTube off your phone and pick up a sport to keep you interested and in shape. It could be anything. If you pick up a sport that is commonly played in your country it also opens it up so that you can build a hobby around watching and following the sport. Learn to appreciate the small things.
This reads like a very clear shit post. On the off chance this is a bona fide post, here's what you'd need to hear IMO:
You lack discipline to an incredible extent. I've heard of the lazy teenager trope, I was once one myself, but this is mind boggling to me.
First and foremost: Get the fuck off youtube. Seriously, 14 hours a day? That's 98 hours a week, 5,110 per year. What are you thinking? Delete that app everywhere you can. That is absolutely bananas and not at all acceptable. You are ok just doing that all day while your guardians ostensibly are out there working to support you? Don't you feel any sense of obligation to make at least something of that sacrifice? Imagine if you worked even a minimum wage job with that time instead of just staring at your phone/computer? Life is so short and you're in the prime of your life, wasting it like this will haunt you forever, BUT THERE IS STILL PLENTY OF TIME TO FIX YOURSELF. You objectively have your entire life ahead of you. Make a change today and there is nothing you can't achieve in the long term. "The best time to start something is yesterday, the second best time is now".
Try adopting the "I need to get 1% better everyday" maxim. It's a small goal that is doable. Did you know it only takes about 90-100 hours of exercise to dramatically improve an average physique? That's it. It's only about 3 months of effort for the average person. With the amount of time you're wasting on YT you could be a professional bodybuilder. That's just one example. Learn the piano, take up a foreign language, take up Jai Alai, idk. How you want to improve is your prerogative but the idea is generally the same. Small, consistent improvement will lead to dramatic results over time.
Get your shit together. Don't wait. Do it today. Build a routine you're proud of. Don't accept what's easy just 'cause. Stick to it. Stop the excuses and feeling sorry for yourself. Life is hard but worth while. Shit needs to be hard otherwise your accomplishments wouldn't be gratifying. Not being able to stick to a routine is a result of lack of discipline in the vast majority of cases. That's a will power issue. Simply refuse to indulge your urges to do nothing. Remember how shitty you felt when living like this. After enough time and will power it becomes routine/habit. In no time you'll be proud of yourself which leads to further accomplishments.
Thanks man I just deleted yt, let's see how far can I go now
I would add to this: don’t wait to be motivated. Motivation comes SECONDARY. You have to push yourself to do things you don’t WANT to do but know you SHOULD do. The reward comes only after you push yourself to do those things in spite of your desire to sit on your ass instead. Then of course, seeing results from your actions, is what creates the motivation to keep going. Good luck to OP!
Bro. Lift heavy weights. Make sad voices quieter.
Your mind isn’t finished developing yet. You are very young but i can see that you’re trying to fix something that is causing you trouble.
My advice: reading physical books, honing on your computer skills or customer service skills, learning
If you hit an obstacle, reflect and logically plan the next move. Rome wasn’t built in a day so break it down small. The power of habit is compounding
Do it right now, today not tomorrow or new years, right now.
You're still a kid, you're just figuring it out. You're not going to feel even slightly normal until you're about 25, that's when your prefrontal cortex finishes developing. Here are some of the things that part of your brain is responsible for:
- Body regulation
- Attuned communication
- Emotional balance
- Response flexibility
- Empathy
- Insight
- Fear modulation
- Intuition
Try not to think about it like you are not capable of those things yet, but your ability to perform all of those things soundly and with confidence and consistency is not quite where you want it to be yet.
The great thing is that you're so young and you are hungry for more in life and are looking to better yourself. I can't tell you how many kids just sort of dig their heels into their personality and lifestyle so early on and don't allow themselves room to change. It sounds like you're on the right path. I'd find some sort of extra curricular that you can dedicate your time to after school, or volunteer somewhere like a pet shelter or something like that. Volunteering and giving your time will give you purpose.
I have the same problems you are facing, trust in yourself- we’ll do better!
Absolutely
But for now, act your age! Get outside, play , run around, go to the beach, dig in the sand, go on hikes, get outside and get some sunlight. It won't be fixed automatically or right away. In fact, it'll take longer than you think. Religion won't work, seek Jesus. Only He can change you, fix your life, redeem/restore you, give you peace, give you full life, give you joy and love, give you power, confidence and discipline. He will always be with you, He will never leave you or forsake you. Only He, By the Holy Spirit can do this for you.
Get in the Bible. Start in Matthew in the New Testament.
Read real books. Get off social media/YT/your phone. Put down the vape and porn(won't be easy, but it will be worth it, I'm still struggling in life too). Find a good church, find a good community, reconcile with your family. Love others, give grace to others, give compassion to others, be there for others, support them, let them lean on you, and they will do the same to you. Help others out, do something for another person. That's how we find fulfillment and peace, and happiness. Its Funny, we think we need to be so focused on ourselves, when in reality that only makes it worse and makes us feel worse. Life gets harder the easier you make it. Working out is hard. Never moving or working out is harder. Being disciplined in hard, always being tossed by life is harder. Being fit is hard, being out of shape is harder. Eating clean is hard, eating junk food makes life harder. Etc etc. become a warrior. Develop the mindset. It's all mindset. There's a battle in the mind. Win that, and you conquer yourself. You're young, I wouldn't be too stressed or trying to so hard/so fast to make it all happen. Take it one step at a time. One day, walk for a minute. Next day walk for 5 minutes. Next walk 10, then 15. Then 30. Work out/stretch (do body weight exercises- push-ups, squats, etc) for 3 mins, next day, 5 mins, next 8, next 10, and so on. Read a REAL book(Bible is the best) for a a couple mins. Next 5 mins. Next 10 mins. And so on.
Don't be afraid of others, or conform. Don't be afraid of how they want you to be, or how they think you should be. Don't be afraid to not be liked.
Also, things like getting good sleep, consistent sleep schedule, try to get sunlight in your eyes within an hour/30 mins of waking up; 5 mins if it's sunny, 30 mins if it's cloudy. Drink lots of water, esp right when you wake up, should be about 12 fl oz right when you wake up, to kickstart your body. Try to wake up to light instead of sound. Mental health is important, but like I said if we become to self conscious/self centered, we get down, depressed and it makes it worse. Move your body, work out/strengthen your mind, work on your spirit/soul/character with the Help of The Bible/Holy Spirit. Set yourself apart from all the degenerates, lost kids at school, that only care about popularity, status, material things, pop culture , wickedness and vileness, etc.
My advice is this. A lot of young people rush to grow up but don’t realize that when they turn 18 they are a baby adult.
If you think about it at 19 you are a 1 year old adult. 21 a 3 year old adult. Still a baby in the timeline of adulthood.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t act like an adult or be working toward goals etc it just means that expecting someone with such a small amount of experience doing adult things to have all of their shit together is unrealistic.
So all this to say, yes be working toward things but this point of your life is meant for you to relax and enjoy because after you become an adult fully you never get to be a kid again.
You’ll always be an adult after that. So learn some new hobbies you’re into. Maybe get a job so you have a little extra money for fun and enjoy the rest of your childhood.
Implementing a little structure sounds like it could be positive for you. No one ever feels like following a structure but mentally we all benefit from it.
First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. There are tons of teens, and even adults, who are stuck in the same lifestyle, but at least you acknowledge it's a problem and you want to change. That alone is something to be proud of. Like others have said, teenage years are usually a hormonal hell. Your brain is still developing. The most important thing for you right now is getting enough sleep and eating well. It's SO crucial while you're in this stage of development. I neglected sleep in my teens and it played a huge part in my mental health struggles. Sleeping and eating well will make you feel loads better and give you the energy you need to make these changes you desire.
Force yourself to be active for at least 30 minutes every day. I've had major depression for 20 years and I can tell you that exercise lifts me out of the dark fog just as much as medication, if not better. It will feel like a chore for the first week or two but soon you'll find yourself wanting to exercise because of how good it makes you feel.
I'm 33 and still watch a few hours of YouTube daily, but mostly just when I'm winding down and falling asleep, so I understand how addicting it can be. Maybe try to find a multiplayer game you enjoy, so you're at least interacting with people. If you're open to it, it's a great way to make friends. If you have friends from school, you should try to spend more time with them. If not, maybe consider a gaming friend. It's not quite as fulfilling as an irl friend but gaming and chatting with someone can provide a break from the loneliness.
And don't give yourself a hard time about porn. As long as it's nothing morally wrong/illegal etc, it's perfectly normal in healthy doses. Moderation is key, same as with YouTube.
TLDR: be easier on yourself, eat healthy, prioritize sleep, do something active for 30+ minutes, find a way to socialize. Forming good habits is challenging at first but it really does get easy. You'll be ok.
There are time management apps that will allow you to limit your viewing of specific websites to certain times. They might help you.
Any recommendations that you know of?
There's a Chrome extension called BlockSite but there might be better ones.
Embrace boredom. Seriously. Don't turn on the computer. Turn off your phone. Just get bored! Eventually you will WANT to do something. Read a book. Walk to the park. Go see a movie at a theater. Ask friends I'd the want to throw around a football. Learn to cook. Lots of things will occur to you but you have to swear off screens.
Do you ever just....play? I mean, you are a CHILD. You don't need to have it all together. You don't need to have a purpose yet. You need to hang with friends, do dumb stuff, try to pass classes. Get off the damn internet, reconnect with humans, get involved in school activities and just exist. You'll have decades to worry about aims and purposes.
Whatever you do dont start smoking pot.
You're old enough to look into getting a part-time job, maybe that might help because it'll force you off your phone and help you schedule at least part of your time. If nothing else, you will be as you are but with more money to blow on whatever stuff you like.
If you save up enough you can start traveling places too. I find that travel engages a good part of my brain because I can't hide from the world so easily when I need to interact with it to navigate.
Where I live, part time job is not a thing for teens, I gave looked into it, it's said to distract is from studies
But is it something you'd want to do given the chance? Because at risk of being a dick, you're already pretty distracted from your studies as is. Which simultaneously sucks and also means that you can do pretty much whatever you like and not make things worse.
Nah what u are saying is absolutely right but it's where I am from, jobs are not a thing for teens only for grown ass adults, I tried asking but they said no to young
Well that sucks :(
Ong
My 16 yo son is very much like you. He went to a Youth Challenge Academy. Thats a six-month residential training program. He did his second semester of his freshman year while he was there. No phones or computers. You learn how to study effectively along with many other life skills. He's gotten straight A's this semester. Here's the kicker, it didn't cost us anything. You should look it up and see if there are any near u. Just a thought. https://ngchallenge.org
Watching youtube is procrastination. Procrastination is the mechanism of coping with anxiety. Usually. So there are chances you are an anxious person in the way, that you may be not realising atm.
I mean if it wouldnt bother you, you would not create this post so i guess 14h of youtube daily is not really enjoyable to you and you ask for help here.
Think of what else you loved to did in earlier years, try to get it back. Also the big nuance here is stop judjing and beating yourself for what is going on, things are happening.
And remember that this is indeed a kind of fast dopamine trap so getting out of it wont be a super fan experience unless you find aomething productive and fun, that you gonna use as a substitution for your regular youtube activity.
Ideally see a therapist ir at least talk to some specialist online, they really have tools to help you.
Good luck!
Growing up is tough OP. Take it easy on your self.
Get off Utube.Stop doin what u know stagnates your growth/success!!U need to be more productive in life.U are to young to not hav a drive/ inspiration or motivation to do what is important to u!!Read more… It will transform your mind & u will be focused.
Go back to school and maybe consider some trade based studies if you think this works with your brain better. Get your hands busy and off your phone, and your junk lol.
Failing that, get a job, any job. But school first if you can.
Get some time outdoors, go for a walk and start working out. Even just 30 minutes a day.
Start cutting down the phone time and stop the porn. It’ll warp your perceptions of women and prevent you from finding a real woman attractive because you’ll just see her as a tool to get your rocks off. Then you’ll wonder why you can’t get a real girlfriend, because women want someone who cares about them and sees them as a person with feelings and value.
Replace the YouTube with a walk outside. Repeat daily. Trust that this helps. It does.