You need to RSVP or there will not be a chair for you

I have a wedding/reception story: So I spent a lot of time with my groom picking out save the dates, we sent them out with time & where the location would be held. There is a month and a half now until wedding time so I sent out RSVPS/official invites. It doubled and I made sure to put the RSVP side in the envelope so it would be the first thing everyone would see. There is a QR code and also a website for the guests to RSVP. This is important since the venue will have a list of who is and who is not allowed into the venue. Today I had lunch with my parents and they started just listing off all the family members that can come and want to come. I responded that is great, have them rsvp, please. My mother tried to tell me that it wasn't necessary and that they could just show up. I spent months working out the budget, the location, deciding who can have a plus one, and finding somewhere kid-friendly (groom's choice but I am happy to oblige so we can have his nephews attend) but I need to know IF kids are coming so I can order coloring goodie bags for them. The RSVP/website (the invite is on a QR and has the website written to be accessible for all) leads to answers to questions everyone is having (where is it located again, how did you both meet, what should I bring as a gift, what time is it, what is the timeline?) The RSVP answers these and also leads everyone to a virtual fund for our honeymoon and why we don't want physical gifts since we have a small place. I have a few friends that have RSVP'd but it genuinely upset me my family thought they could just come. I don't know how to send a polite but direct message if you need to RSVP or you are not coming, and there will not be food for you. Contracts and contacts need a headcount and so do I so I can make a proper seating chart especially since there is family that does not talk to one another. I just didn't think getting people to RSVP to a FREAKING wedding would be so difficult.

Update #1: Thank you to those who suggested I submit a post where the majority of the family could see it. I did this and tagged them and got 6-8 more rsvp which I am thankful for since our cap is 60 but we are expecting 30-40 to say yes. The post was point blank if you do not rsvp, you will not be let into the venue per the venue's rules. It also helps me see dietary restrictions. You have til this date- here is the link & to ask for my assistance if they need it.

Update #2: I have 5 very stubborn think they can get away with anything family members so I messaged them individually and was point blank, if your rsvp does not reflect you are coming, I am to assume it is a no, and that you will be turned away. Here is the link, you have til this date. Let me know if you need assistance with anything. 2 of the family members still messed up bc I know both are planning to attend but only 1 put their name down.

in CharlotteDobreYouTubeby Day-Dear

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10d

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cuter_than_thee

10d

I'm stuck on the automatic transfer to your honeymoon fund. Sorry, but that's super tacky.

JeanJean84

10d

A lot of people are doing this these days, and there is nothing wrong with it. Especially when most couple's have already been living together for a while and just don't need anything for their home. Rather than having people spend money on expensive China and cutlery they will never use, they will state that they would rather have people donate what they are comfortable with to their Honeymoon Fund.

Inner-Ad-8605

10d

I would always give cash as a wedding gift, for this reason,.but I know I'd not be too impressed with being given a bank acc to transfer money into. Makes the wedding seem very transactional. Would put me off to be honest

JeanJean84

10d

Oh there is now an option on most wedding websites for a Honeymoon Fund link, and it looks just like a typical registry would. The Knot, for instance, has this type of option to be added when doing a wedding website through them. And there are also third party websites, like Honeyfund or Withjoy, that offer a no fee custom webpage for the same thing. The couple can even list different things they want to do on their honeymoon, like different excursions or dinners out to specific restaurants, so people can pick what part of their honeymoon they want to donate towards. And then the couple just puts their link to their Honeymoon Fund page on their invitations in place of the registry website. It's all really professional looking. My sister did it for her wedding, and everyone loved it.

Day-Dear

10d

It shows my love story, gives them a note to write marital advice, and shows time and dresscode, then if they want to continue further shows honeymoon fund and why we do not want physical gifts. Its always going to be odd asking ppl for money but that is a big reason for throwing a party. Plus being able to have pictures and celebrating with everyone