So I’m currently experiencing some very severe self harm urges due to productivity shame, I’ve been up almost 48 hours attempting to complete work on time that I was too triggered to complete earlier and I feel so irresponsible and disgusting(I’ve done it now but I don’t feel better)

I always feel like I’m damning myself to the shit future my abusers expected of me and I’m just so exhausted. I’m living alone now and keeping up with life is just hell.

My fight mode and freeze mode are just battling it out and it’s just making the effort to not self harm agonising.

It’s hard not to feel self hatred when the triggers kill my productivity, I know I need to take responsibility for myself but I don’t know where to start without punishing myself.

Any advice on soothing self harm urges while triggered and being productive through triggered states would be very appreciated.