I want to challenge the negative notions behind behaviors and emotions like begging, desperation, bitterness, despondence, and jadedness, and laziness.

People who display these particular behaviorsand emotions are seen as less than, needy, manipulative, gross or deserving of less human dignity and basic respect.

To me, this is bullshit. It also seems based in the just world fallacy– a general belief that only good things happen to good people who deserve them, and misfortune only falls to people who ultimately did something to cause it. That bad things don't happen to good people and therefore if someone finds themselves in a position of desperation, downtrodden, isolated from support, and responds by begging for what they need, then they should not be given it as to not “reward their laziness and poor judgment”. This assumes that someone begging isn't actually doing so bad because if they were, they wouldn't seem desperate, but stoic and respectable somehow. It assumes that nearly everyone who is suffering without easy accessible support earned that misfortune, and those who are supported are so because they orchestrated the support they deserved to have before they needed it.

It assumes the world is fair and just and that there are no systems of oppression like racism, exploitative capitalism, xenophobia, patriarchy, or misogyny, or institutionalized abuses of power that could have contributed to anyone's undeserving’s misfortune without their additional contribution and therefore, guilt.

And it assumes that us regular-degular everyday people should ensure cosmic justice by refusing help, compassion, or dignity to anyone who is too desperately, in our righteous judgment, asking for what they need.

I believe the fact that society perpetuates this myth is a cause for compounding trauma and CPTSD. I see it most when people victim blame homeless, unemployed, and people in poverty (even if the person is from a poor neighborhood or country since birth). People also victim-blame abused children. They say "why didn't they report it? while at the same time not beliving children who do report abuse.

But the worst form of this is the form we do to ourselves, by blaming ourselves for our own misfortunes and by being closed to help that is offered out of shame. To me that's the most insidious. Because it's inside us. It's not our fault, but I do think it's something we can and should explore changing, if only to maintain our own internal sense of dignity and belonging to ourselves.