I am struggling with what trauma took from me and what a healthy romantic relationship would have looked like.
DAE feel like they missed out on being "in love"?
CPTSD Vent / Rant"Sometimes the worst thing about this disease is being torn between two conflicting needs." God! If I could have a brand statement for my CPTSD, this would be in top 3!
Not knowing who you really are, or what you really want, is a common symptom. I definitely relate
Currently going through this as well. It’s been a long process of realizing that a relationship is just not in the cards for me. No advice, just sorry you are also experiencing this grief. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I dunno how old you are, but I met my partner of 4 years by accident (I wasn't looking for a boyfriend and it was in a context where you'd never expect to meet the love of your life). I was 26 when we started dating.
You can meet the right person at pretty much any time, and in any place. And I don't think you run or age out of chances, necessarily.
This is a nice sentiment…but a tad naive. Hope is never lost for anyone still in their 20’s, imho. Especially for women, considering that females might have the most prosperous dating opportunities in human history right now, at least in America. It can still seem daunting, but a lot of that is perspective.
But OLD dating increases in price as you age, and even more so if you are male. In your twenties, you can approach someone of a similar age with little risk that they are already in a committed, solidified relationship. The older people get, the more likely that people have permanently paired up. I know that if I hit on a single woman around my age, she will probably have kids, and I’m not exactly fit to raise anyone else due to my cPTSD. My options are pretty limited.
I’m not saying it’s hopeless, I still get some opportunities. But they are few, and far between. Since my past 10-year marriage was more pain than pleasure, it’s easy to feel like I’ve missed the boat. I can only imagine that dating in your 40s or higher gets even more complicated, so I sympathize if they struggle.
when i´m in love i´m usually in great danger lol
I feel this. Limerence is real
I’m 64 now and I think the romantic love thing has passed me by at this point. However I have a great partner who fell in love with me and we have had a great long term relationship together. They know I don’t feel that way about them. I make a great effort to love them though. I take solace in an old song which has one line that goes like this”love is not a feeling it is an act of your will” and I do my best. I do wish I could have felt that feeling though.
Why are you putting in the effort to be with them if you don’t feel that way?
I don't know what love is and never will.
Yep. Used to think I was so lucky how some girls would throw themselves at me, make me feel amazing and totally infatuated in a matter of days. Turns out I was just being manipulated, none of it was real, and of course it came at the ultimate price.
Never been in love, at least not both-ways like it should be. I want to start dating, but at 31 I feel it's just way too fucking late to learn how to date, having never needed to.
Ouch, I feel this. A lot of women will use the attraction of men to boost their ego. Reeling us in is the ends, not the means. I’m sure men do it to women, too.
I’m 38 and feel like I’m just now learning, too. My old religion kind of took it upon itself to pair people up, so even with my awkwardness I was able to get married without any game. Now divorced after ten years, I feel completely lost. No woman in their thirties wants to date a man still figuring that shit out. Not to mention that the whole dating landscape is practically unrecognizable from the pre-COVID days.
Yeah, everyone tells me that I'm still young and haven't found the right person but it's hard for me to connect with anyone on an emotional level even in a platonic setting now. It isn't like I don't want to experience being "in love" with someone but relationships are a lot of work and the idea of life-long commitment to a single person frightens me. I've never had the right role models to show me what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Healthy relationships have always seemed like a far-off fantasy to me, I can't comprehend the idea of two people genuinely being happy together and not having some serious issues.
Same.
I've had real problems maintaining romantic relationships throughout my life. During my 20s (I'm 33 now) I had quite a lot of interest from women, but I'd always mess things up with them or they'd lose interest in me because I couldn't commit to them.
A few years ago I thought I'd finally found someone I'd spend the rest of my life with, but things didn't work out. I really loved her and tried my best, but my trauma got in the way and I ended up ruining the relationship by being distant and giving her the impression I didn't care. As much as I'd like to be in a relationship, I think I've got too much emotional trauma and baggage caused by my abusive and neglectful father, so I'm staying away from dating for the time being while I work on myself.
I don’t think I missed out but things didn’t work out as perfect or magical if you will as I thought. But then life isn’t. A fairy tale anyhow so whatever.
No sadly I ended up falling "in love" with someone. Turned into a very abusive relationship that traumatized me further and now I'm not sure I'll be "in love" again for a good long time.
Starving for love. That's why I keep ending up with toxic people. It seems that when you're starving you accept anything. But how to not be starving when I hadn't seen love my whole life. I should work on my issues because no relationship could fix them. But it seems to me that love would really help me overcome my issues. I didn't have in my life a good model of how a healthy relationship should be like. So the only way is learning by doing. But man this hurts like hell. Every breakup tears me apart into a million pieces. And that is on top of my existing pains and suffering. And it's not like I get a lot of chances in my life to be in a relationship. Opportunities are really rare. So how can I resist the urge to jump? I don't know. It's a whole mess. I keep praying for a kind soul to cross my path and to be patient enough with me. I'm really a good guy who loves from all his heart. Who gives endlessly. I just want a partner who would appreciate this. Who wouldn't hurt me.
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I've been in a long term relationship for a while with a guy I met back in high school. tbh i don't really know if i love him or even anyone. I'm not sure what that's supposed to feel like, I'll still say it though.
I will say though, while he's taught me a lot in life about healthy relationships (his family is great), I kinda wish I had never been in a relationship to begin with. too much baggage to deal with
Having suffered from limerence, I don't really understand what traditionally being in love feels like. Even though I'm married now, I can't say I really feel anyone has been in love with me. I married my best friend
Being in love, being a kid, then I masked it for another 40 years until the memories started coming back and I could no longer hold on. Then I had a first of many breakdowns. I don't feel like a person, I feel like an automaton which imitates a human but doesn't quite make it.
I'm torn, because I definitely missed out on it, and it feels like there's a terrible gaping hole where that's supposed to be. On the other hand, due to my damage I find even the idea of love absolutely terrifying, overwhelming, alien and it sends me spiralling, so I don't really want it even though I want it? Sometimes the worst thing about this disease is being torn between two conflicting needs.