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DAE recoil from physical touch as an instinctual reaction? Even if ok with it? Family/friends too? It’s tough w/ romantic relationships. During sex I’m fine with it, but outside of bedroom my first reaction is to recoil!!!
QuestionYes if people hug me and I'm not expecting it I completely recoil.For me any 'surprise' touch is unwelcome.
other way around, i absolutely love physical touch even if im caught off guard
probably makes the crippling loneliness even more painful than it already is knowing that im missing out on touch
Yes, and I've got a coworker I've had to ask multiple times to stop touching me. Bumping against me playfully, or grabbing my hands, or putting her hand on my shoulder. It's messed how few people understand 'please stop'. I asked my manager to speak with her after it continued post-asking her to stop and even my manager acted like it wasn't a big deal she was touching me.
I hadn't considered this was due to physical abuse, though. That makes sense. Can't believe it took me this long to understand that, I thought I was defective. I don't mind it if it's someone I know and trust. Or if I'm the one who initiates it first, like if I ask if I can hug someone or something.
Them continuing to touch you after you have made it clear that that is not welcome is harassment.
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It could possibly be the result of RAD Reactive Attachment Disorder. If Sexually Assaulted it could be apart of the symptomology. Prayers are with you 🙏 Cptsd Global
It’s hit or miss for me. No physical abuse as a child that I know of. At least none I consider ‘abuse’ but there were a few ‘minor’ incidents.
For me it’s mostly with my husband and in laws. With the in laws it just makes my skin crawl half the time. Probably because the pattern is that they’ll be lovey and then ask something of me. Nothing comes without a price with them even if it’s a small price.
With my husband I know it’s a trauma response due to his words and actions on the past. I mean like it’s really hard to stop that involuntary flinch when he goes in for a hug the day after he tells me everything about me is offensive and off putting. I want the touch but yet I don’t? If that makes sense. He will do things during sex like even just get close to touching my crack and I flinch then freeze. Because he’s crossed my boundary too many times and has yet to prove that he can follow that boundary for more than a month or two.
Being told ‘we aren’t there yet’ for words of love hurts. Especially when he said it close to 3 years ago and we had been married 20 years at that point. Umm when will we ever be there for those words of love? My therapist thinks it’s my subconscious finally being truly aware of the pattern and not trusting anything involving him. My drive is just gone. After screaming at me about the offensive stuff and shooing me away saying go run and hide like always, he rubbed his foot and leg against mine off and on ALL freaking night. To the point of waking me up every hour or two. I managed to stay still and pretend to be asleep still. Just thinking about it now makes my stomach roll. My skin is tingling and prickly like prickly heat. I’m having a hot flash. My heart beat just picked up. My headache just went up a notch. It’s not always just that involuntary flinch but also usually involves these after effects.
I’m very glad he’s working, I have the day off and the kids have school and college classes. I can just be me today. I can work on why exactly I’m feeling these things and sit with them. I can prepare myself for when he comes home because the pattern is that today or tomorrow he will start being ‘nice’, his word, rubbing on me etc and then when I don’t offer my body to him then it’ll get very verbally aggressive in a hurry and then the silent treatment for 1-3 weeks before he starts again.
I want to say also that MY family doesn’t bother me at all! I can hug them all day long and it feels great! I even have friends and ladies at work and in my group that hugging doesn’t bother me at all. We actually hug each member of the group as part of the closing. One of my male bosses can hug me and I don’t flinch. He’s not that much other than me but he has this side of him that’s almost grandfatherly at times and other times like an uncle. Except when he’s gotta do his job and get onto us, have meetings with us etc. Then he’s a growly bear but I still don’t think a hug from him then would be an issue for me. Him and the ladies at work are all huggers. He gives side hugs while the ladies all want full on hugs. One do the guys I work with is a back patter. He will occasionally awkwardly pat a shoulder or upper back as he gives a compliment or sympathizes with someone. I’m almost positive he is trying to get over an aversion to physical touch.
Yep! I've been with the same person for 14 years and there are still times I recoil. It's just a reaction.
If I'm paying attention and actively am doing touchy activities then it's different, but if I'm doing something else it's still pretty hit or miss!
My husband knows this and touches me anyway randomly (it's been talked about and is okay) and it's about 50% of the time I still recoil. He steps back and waits for me to relax and then tries again. If it's bad I sometimes have to initiate a little contact in order to casually communicate that I'm fine and to try again. It can be something as simple as touching my back as I'm cooking / going in for a hug / peck on the cheek, or as obvious as groping.
Hell, my dog touching my leg can do the same if I'm not anticipating it!
I know I'm in my house, I know I'm safe, I know that everyone in my house is trustworthy, I know that random touch is safe NOW. But my body doesn't seem to get that very easily.