So I have an evaluation for TMS coming up for my "depression" (actually rabid self hate, but who's counting) and I'm supposed to fill out this form beforehand. It says "In the past 2 weeks, how often have you..." and then lists off a bunch of symptoms. With each one you're supposed to put a number, ranging from 3 for "nearly every day" to 0 for "not at all". One of those questions is: "In the past 2 weeks, how often have you had thoughts of being better off dead or of hurting yourself?"
The real answer is 3, "nearly every day". Not so much for being better off dead, the thing inside me doesn't think any more that I deserve anything so nice as death, but yes absolutely for the thoughts of hurting myself. Punishing myself. Telling myself that I deserve to get raped and worse, having urges to physically self harm that I mostly manage to redirect into something non injurious but the thoughts are there.
On the one hand, I want to give the doctors the info they need so they can target the right areas of my brain for treatment. On the other hand, I'm afraid that if I tell the truth on the form they'll be more likely to forcibly hospitalize me, and feel like the safest thing to do in terms of staying out of the hospital would be to put "not at all" for any death/self-harm questions.
Any advice?