I don’t know if I’m the only one who does this, but when I’m at my lowest point I become a slut.
When I’m self harming and thinking there’s no point in life, my favourite coping mechanism is getting attention online and sending nudes for the validation. I’m not getting off or anything, I simply want to feel like I’m worth something even if I sexualise and objectify myself. Is it healthy ? Hell no Does it work ? Yes even if it seems weird.
works at first then it starts to hit you then you feel like absolute poopoo caca 😆 been there done that
Same. Been there done that… it filled the void temporarily but always left me feeling worse in the end. Took a lot of therapy and time to get to a place where I didn’t want that validation anymore. Work on healing and getting yourself happy and you’ll find other ways of coping.
Hey thanks for sharing. Sorry if this is random, but I feel the same way in that I have had depressive episodes where I only had online relationships. Even if I had the opportunity to have a partner in real life, I chose an online relationship because I have self hatred and can't see why anyone would want to look at an ugly person like me. It's like having cybersex fulfills the need for social validation. I don't have to put up with the potential of rejection in real life.
I feel you. And then you realise they don’t find you much better either.
Sweetheart I’m saying this as somebody who had the exact same coping mechanism and ended up raping herself on camera in front of hundreds of men.
It is a form of self-harm.
I know it feels like there’s nothing else of you. For me, grades were shit, home life was shit, friends were gone. I ended up getting it into my head that the only thing I was marginally good for was sex. ‘I can’t get a job or pass this test, but I have tits. Somebody will appreciate those’.
And several people took advantage of the fact that I was hurting and insecure about my own existence because they could get their rocks off with it. I was used to get back at my ex. I was used as a ‘slave’ and forced to do stuff on Omegle while the bastard watched with screen share. Over and over again for almost three years straight.
I don’t know how to help you get out of it. All I can do is tell you that it will get worse. That you will regret it. That eventually, it’s going to go so far that you feel like you have lost pieces of yourself that you will never be able to recover. Somebody will take it too far. Somebody will take advantage of you when they find out why you do this. There is always someone.
This is self-harm. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it is.
Please stop. Please don’t keep hurting yourself, please don’t keep risking somebody taking your insecurities and twisting it for their own gain. Because they will. They are out there. They will.
My heart goes out to you. I have a niece who does this too. She is BPD, though, and has taken it much further offline. Two babies and she doesn’t know who the father is of one of the babies. Her mother made her feel worthless when she was growing up, and I swear I think she’s jealous of her own daughter, and the more things that happen to her that set her back in life, the better it makes her mother feel. It is so messed up.
I’ve had my “fuckboi” era that backfired since I realized I can’t separate love & sex emotionally. (Horrible without it, pretending = dissociation & feeling of being forced to do things).
However, I’m in my deepest trauma phase. Not seeing any light or healthy or escapist coping mechanism (even weed has failed). Don’t even want to try anymore to face reality (since the betrayals in it are now too horrific for me to even want to be part of the world).
So right now… I feel like once I get a lil bit in shape (I’m underweight) and finish my art projects, I wanna F off from this place and do so by living a very risky and reckless way. “Life for sale” kinda way. Give myself to people (IRL, not online much) to use me physically, sexually, monetarily. Let them do their worst. BDSM, humiliation, whatever they wanna do to me. Do hard drugs. Just be a hedonic degenerate till it consumes me.
Not because I think I deserve that. I deserved the opposite but failed too often to find it. Might as well go out seeing the worst humanity can do. What have I got to lose?
Deep down I know I’m trying to out-match the pain/shock of current trauma and seeing this as a way to normalize it, because any self harm I can do won’t match it. Probably counter intuitive but 🤷🏻♂️
I understand feeling hopeless and the nothing makes sense so fuck it mentality. However going that extreme could end up killing you. Maybe try to cope in a way that doesn’t involve hard drugs ? Sorry if I can’t be much help
Yeah I don’t wanna cause any visible physical harm. My family is still around and unaware. They let me live my life as i please as long as I look okay (and they’re v unhelpful/lack understanding for issues I do have). So gotta keep that up. Probably gonna stick to psychedelics.
But yeah, do wanna say fuck it, and let people do their worst to me. I wanna see if anything can make me feel worse, or I really did experience the worst thing ever (as I feel so right now). And MAYBE, just maybe, I’d find pleasure in it? 🤷🏻♂️
I was clinically profiled with emotional masochistic tendencies and martyr like submissiveness to people please years ago lol. Living up to that voluntarily now.
Well I mean it's the most primary need of love, touch.
I've had a psychologist suggest to me that I was skin/touch starved and it sounds about right. I just suffer it but that's no better than what you're doing.
I don't blame you for needing it.
Preaching to the choir. Fellow slut here.
Sex addict here ✋
Just be careful of the roads it can send you down.
"Does it work? Yes" might end up having been a pretty short sighted view of things otherwise.
I hope both of us get to the point at which we get the validation we're looking for without having to engage in this stuff.
I did this toooo. I simply grew out of it over time. It helps to either have patient and non judgemental people around you, or to be patient and non judgemental with yourself. It’s just something you do to meet your needs for attention / affection / connection. But if there’s something about it that’s bothering you (maybe the self objectification) then you can just try to get those needs met in a different way. Plus, I would think there’s an element of rush and maybe personal rebellion in to it too. I know for me it was. It was like I was taking control of my body in a society that usually makes women feel controlled by their bodies. Good luck and don’t judge, just try something different now.
I feel similarly. I'm honestly debating making an onlyfans so at least it's financially beneficial to me.
don’t do it, i promise it’s not worth it
Unfortunately, I don't have many other opportunities. Trans, mentally disabled. It is a bit sad to end up a statistic.
I’m in a “poly” relationship because my wife decided she wanted to go from ethical non monogamy to poly when she started dating a woman who I don’t like (we’re queer so it’s not the fact that she’s dating a woman, js). For me, I end up not wanting to be with men, I just want to get off on them being so hung up on me online on the apps and then I ditch them. I know it sounds so, so shitty but..I’d rather do that than actually meet up. I’ve done the meet up thing a few times and it’s probably my childhood trauma that’s causing negative reactions, but I definitely feel immediate regret. Online feels safer, and I feel way more in control. Sometimes feel better doing that than I do being intimate with my spouse.
Same situation except I was always ( still am ) too paranoid to meet in person. They were disgusting pedophiles who took advantage of us.
i get it
I was just thinking about this today. I am a guy and I am ashamed of the fact that when I was 15 years old me and my friend were tag teaming women in their 20s and when I was 19 years old, I was having affairs with women twice my age, I had literally no guidance as a child or a young man.
Same but I was doing it online with older men. Now that I think about it I feel so ashamed.
This post is exactly what the last 18 months has looked like for me
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You’re normal. Sexual validation is powerful. The underlying belief is “If I receive validation/appreciation it means I’m loved.” You’re not objectifying yourself. You’re looking for connection and love. I don’t have any suggestions how to help (assuming you’re experiencing distress from what you’re doing) but be kind to yourself. This is a completely normal response to trauma.