Guys I need serious help. It’s been 2 months since trauma anniversary 1 and about a month and a week since trauma anniversary 2. They both are In the fall, I don’t know what happened but I’ve basically convinced myself I don’t exist. I’m trying to accept and be compassionate but that doesn’t work cause I say well I don’t exist so, then the thoughts of nothings real comes in. I know this is a trauma response, but I really need to reach out and talk about this because what happened was messed up and I can’t even accept it in myself. I’m scared 24/7 or dissociated, every interaction is a replay of the trauma anyone walking behind me I assume it gonna shoot me, and I feel like I’m not here. It’s been 2 months now, it’s been this bad since Halloween, has this happened to anyone else
Hi there, first off sending hugs.Second, I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. :( Trauma is scary to go through, but dissociation and reliving the trauma can be even scarier at times. But it DOES get better. I am not sure of your situation, if you have access to therapy or not, but I would definitely start there or read some articles on how to help yourself out of dissociation. The first time I dissociated it scared the crap out of me and I thought I was going to be like that forever. It is a very unpleasant feeling, but that is all it is - a feeling and it will pass. I have been through several traumas in my life and dissociation usually went with them. The tiniest things were triggering: the leaves falling, the cold, being inside of a store, etc. Learning about myself, about how my mind works through books and meditation and therapy has completely altered my interaction with dissociation and trauma. I used to think I was doomed to always replay my trauma, but that is not the case. You will be OK! This too shall pass.
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