IFS or internal family systems describes a framework that says our trauma created different distinct personalities or “parts” within us. those parts subconsciously being in conflict or at odds with eachother, with life and with our conscious attempts at achieving balance and wellbeing, is the cause of ongoing post-traumatic suffering. according to this framework, uncovering these parts, becoming conscious and understanding of their reasons for existing and their needs, and compassionately relieving them of their emotional burdens by tapping into compassionate resources within ourselves, is key to healing.

according to the IFS framework “Protectors” are the parts of us that developed in our minds to try and meet the needs of scared, vulnerable, usually younger parts of us. while “Exiles” are those vulnerable, scared, ashamed parts that the Protectors developed to somehow help or protect from further pain.

here’s a raw example from my own trauma work, observing some parts in me:

a protector, talking to a new part that suggested letting go of perfectionism and accepting ourselves: “NO STUPID FUCKING BITCH I MUST BE PERFECT YOU BITCH THATS HOW I WILL EVER GAIN ANY WORTH AT ALL YOU FUCKING RETARD WHY DONT YOU GET IT”

inner child exile i discovered underneath via asking the protector what/who she was protecting: “everyone hates me here (“here” being my home and school). this place is hell and chaos. if i am not perfect i will be hurt and killed. i need help to make sure this doesn’t happen. somebody help me!!!”

i can see how this protector developed as a survival response for that inner child that needed to feel safer in her environment by any means possible.

i’m seeing more and more that my exiles are usually young parts of me stuck in unmet survival needs of safety, care or love, while my protectors are often aggressive attempts to meet those needs even if they’re based off false assumptions (like the lies of abusers) that end up being self-destructive. some of my protectors can even sound like the voice of my parents, because they were convinced that believing my parents and internalizing their abusive messages, would actually help my life somehow, and protect weaker and smaller parts of me from being abused more, from being hated and rejected, from failing at life or dying etc.

i’m frequently employing EMDR while i explore these parts, really helps with the emotional processing. i’ll do the eye movements in bursts while i “listen inwards” to conversations with and between different parts of me. protectors revealing the intensity of their purpose, exiles revealing the realness of their vulnerability and the depth of their pain and confusion. and newly discovered compassionate parts of me coming in to reassure the exiles and give them what they needed to hear to feel safe and nurtured and okay.

it’s all making more and more sense as i do this. im feeling less and less confused and ashamed about my trauma. more compassionate towards these various parts of myself. perhaps others who are struggling can gain insight and relief via this approach too.