so my bf has left for his home country and ive been alone with my thoughts for a week. he recently got a haircut that i really don’t like and he doesn’t like much either, and every time there’s something i don’t like or a difference between us, my cptsd RUNS with it. when i saw the haircut i started getting anxious and wondering if this haircut would be the end of us. like that thought is so weird and funny 😭 imagine going up to your partner and being so serious like “babe….i think we have to break up. your new haircut. is just too ugly.” LMAO. sometimes i just have to take a step back and giggle at myself and how deranged something like that could sound to a normal well-adjusted person.
I also have a gremlin! I get the giggles sometimes after anxious spells from how silly i was. 😅
The more curiosity I have about my symptoms, the funnier I find them.
100%. I never realized how body dysmorphic I was until I started therapy. Suddenly, I can look at myself in the mirror! I'm like a bird that found itself on a small mirror and can't stop looking!
I deal with stuff like that too only in the form of self hate. For instance, if I get overcharged for something I'll think, "that's all you're good for, being a cash cow for assholes". Even if the amount was fairly negligible.
But even though I recognize intellectually that it's ridiculous, the ridiculousness of it then becomes another avenue for self hate: "how can you be so pathetically oversensitive that something this small can trigger you this much?"
It scares me because I feel like it's getting worse, even with therapy.
a lot of times things get worse before they get better. with CPTSD, steps in the right direction can feel like nothing or steps backward because of the way our brains are hardwired to fear things like change and doing something different. i actually do the same thing. those hateful intrusive thoughts are a protective mechanism. its really hard to catch in the moment i get it, but the more you catch it the less it will get out of control. im having a particularly bad anxiety day today and thats what im doing. its helping i think lol
Thank you, I needed to hear that.
Can I recommend two books? There Is Nothing Wrong With You by Cheri Huber and When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.
😭 imagine going up to your partner and being so serious like “babe….i think we have to break up. your new haircut. is just too ugly.”
LMFAO!! One of my "funny" symptoms is this feeling of wanting to write heart-felt emails to the companies I buy from because I love their stuff so much and I appreciate them a bunch and I just wanted to let them know that I -sniffles- that I really love this amazing thing that they sent me and -sobs- it's so touching!
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Yes!
I use to laugh at myself a lot, with just how quickly my mind would run to "he's cheating" or "he's tired of me he's gonna leave." It felt silly, because I knew rationally that this wasn't going to happen, but there was a gremlin inside my brain calling the shots 😅